To Refuse To Marry?

[boggyd]

My partner and I have been in an international relationship for 4 years, and have lived together for the past 8 months. Up until recently, our relationship had been one of strong, independent equals. My partner was living in the UK on a work visa. Both my partner and I had high-income jobs, with their earnings slightly more than mine.
6 months ago, my partner said they wanted to leave their job in order to focus on artistic pursuits, something that they were unwilling to be flexible on, but that I wanted to support them with. This would mean that they would lose their visa. We looked at our options, and it seemed like it would only be possible to secure a visa through marriage, something I was reticent about but willing to consider.
Having learnt more about the financial implications of marriage in the UK, I am beginning to have serious doubts. I have significantly higher assets (5 to 1, seven figures) than my partner, and it seems like these will be difficult to fully protect even if we attempt an English prenup.
My partner is unwilling to have children, so that is not a factor. This means the only legal benefit to marriage would be to secure a visa, whilst I would need to be willing to comingle our assets and be the only income earner. If I do not agree to this marriage my partner will have to leave the country.
Our relationship is a good one, and I fear that I'm approaching this marriage in too cold a way, but at the same time I feel like I have to be realistic about what it would actually mean. Would I be unreasonable to refuse? I feel like my partner has left me with no good options.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

@JaimieLeeCurtains

I think the OP is male.

Me too
Wait when they say so how yhe opinions will turn...

[BlueSuffragette]

I wouldn't marry in these circumstances.

[VettiyaIruken]

That's true, yes, normally when great care is taken to hide sexes, it's a bloke

[Aquamarine1029]

I think the OP is male.

Doesn't matter as far as I'm concerned. The op should not marry their partner under these circumstances.

[Indecisive12]

You say your partner is unwilling to have children. Do you want children?

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

Don’t marry your partner. You don’t really want to and there is no “upside” for you.

[PicsInRed]

Why should a wealthy man marry a woman where there are no children to limit her future financial prospects?

If male, the advice stands. He'd be absolutely insane to marry her.

[VettiyaIruken]

@Aquamarine1029

I think the OP is male.

Doesn't matter as far as I'm concerned. The op should not marry their partner under these circumstances.

Absolutely agree. A pisstaker is a pisstaker, regardless their genitals!

[LuaDipa]

I wouldn’t marry in these circumstances. The sex of the op is irrelevant.

[Crankley]

I'm all for people following their artistic interests but not to the point where their expectation is for their partner to be responsible for providing for everything financially. I don't care if it's a man or woman, they should work and be artistic in their spare time. I wouldn't marry this person. If they want to remain in the country they can do so by applying for the appropriate visa.

I think you would be wise not to marry.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

No way would I get married under these circumstances.

[LouLou198]

If he wants to keep his visa, he needs to keep his job!

[ComtesseDeSpair]

I can’t understand why anyone with no joint children to protect or who didn’t want to receive or give to their partner all the financial protections of marriage would want to get married. We’ve spent recent decades creating this charade of marriage being about forever love and romance but it isn’t - it’s a legal and financial contract and always has been. If you don’t want your partner to have access to your money and assets, don’t get married.

By all means, buy them nice jewellery, tell them they’re the best thing that ever happened to you, hell, even organise a big celebration where you stand in front of all of your friends and family and declare that this person is the person you love the most. Just don’t confuse all that with a legal status.

[LouLou198]

Same would apply if the the OP was male.

[Eddielzzard]

Unless you're happy to financially support this person for the rest of their life, and you have the same life goals ie. no kids, then absolutely no bloody way.

[EmpressSuiko]

I have to agree with others, I wouldn’t do it, you would be marrying for all the wrong reasons and if it turns sour you then have to split everything with him.
Also does he not relapse how difficult it is to sell art? It isn’t easy to find the right market, you have to really stand out from all the rest, it wouldn’t be easy for him and who knows if he could even make it a successful business. It’s a huge risk and not one I’d be willing to finance.

[EmpressSuiko]

Realise not relapse*

[ThinkingIsAllowed]

I absolutely would not get married in this situation. You'll end up funding their lifestyle while married, and then potentially upon divorce too given you have all the assets.

[YoniAndGuy]

No way!

The first red flag here is thre making an unilateral decision which would massively impact on the future of a partner too, but be totally unwilling to discuss it.

I wouldn't marry someone who thought that way regardless of the other issues.

But given your income disparity it's a HELL NO.

Sounds like you could end up being a meal ticket, even if the feelings are genuine... and that's breeding resentment already.

Sounds like this person needs a big lesson in learning that if you want it all, yes you do have to be flexible.

[Thenose]

There's not a chance that I'd marry under these circumstances.

[Merryoldgoat]

@Aquamarine1029

I think the OP is male.

Doesn't matter as far as I'm concerned. The op should not marry their partner under these circumstances.

I agree. I think they’re male but stand by my post.

[AcrossthePond55]

You'd be a fool to do this after only living together such a short time.

I don't care that you've been in the relationship 4 years long distance. You learn who someone is when you're actually together day after day.

Personally I think this person had a plan all along and played a long game to get to their goal.

[Sharww]

@Noconceptofnormal

Interesting that many pp assume a female posting about a man. I'm guessing if is the reverse, a man trying to canvas mainly female opinions. Or could be same sex relationship of course.

Regardless, if sounds like you would be a fool to marry your partner.

But I'm confused as to why a prenup wouldn't be watertight? If assets acquired before marriage and no children involved?

As pp says your partner will just have to wait until they have citizenship through other means before they give up their career.

I don’t think it’s that interesting, it’s more than MN is aimed at used primarily by mothers so (consciously or otherwise) people read posts in a female voice. I agree with PP though, it reads as a deliberate attempt to mislead people by choosing to omit gender from the storytelling.

[trevthecat]

What does your partner have in terms of savings to support themselves whilst setting up as an artist or whatever the goal is? What are they expecting from you? Financial support? Just to carry on as you are? Do you want children? Without the financial implications, would you want to marry?

[MrsBrunch]

You would be foolish to marry under the circumstances you describe.