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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By asking if you always kiss on a first date?

84 replies

lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 08:31

I was talking to friends the other day and they were surprised that I mostly kiss on the first date as a rule.my reasoning is I think you need to have a kiss to see if there is any chemistry. if they are a crap kisser I wont want to see them again. If date goes bad I dont bother but otherwise I will go for it if they dont.
So Sorry to ask a personal question but
before covid obvs did anyone else ever snog on the first date?

OP posts:
DoodleLovin · 23/01/2021 08:32

Agreed. I kiss on first dates too. Don’t see the point in dragging it out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gunpowder · 23/01/2021 08:34

I haven’t dated for years but definitely I did if I fancied them! God first kisses (and the whole lead up to them) are the thing I miss most about being single.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/01/2021 08:36

If I want to, of course. Mind, I'm over 40 so do things if I want to, and not if I don't; I'm not really in the 'still playing games' age bracket.

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 08:49

Should clarify I do mean a proper snog not just a peck on the lips

OP posts:
StormBaby · 23/01/2021 08:51

Always. If there’s no chemistry there is no point. The one time I ignored this rule was a blind date a friend set me up on, I didn’t really fancy him, felt nothing when I kissed him, yet felt bad so saw him again. Was my worst relationship to date and ended up being a two year long pity-fuck!

saffire · 23/01/2021 08:53

When I met my partner, at the end of the date he went to kiss me on the cheek, I misjudged it and kissed him on the lips. It turned in to a proper snog. Best kiss of my life.

Wannabegreenfingers · 23/01/2021 08:54

I've managed 3 first dates in the last year. Not kissed anyone of them. I knew there was no chemistry so didn't bother.

Sillyduckseverywhere · 23/01/2021 08:56

I kiss on first dates unless it's a definite no.
My reasoning being that one of the most passionate relationships I ever had was with a guy I didn't actually fancy until I kissed him. He now goes down in history as one of my great loves Grin

mnahmnah · 23/01/2021 08:58

If there was chemistry and I fancied them, yes. If not, no. I don’t understand why anyone would not if the date went well

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/01/2021 09:01

I don’t really know. My first boyfriend, I was 15 (he was 16) so it took ages to kiss as we were both nervous. We were together 2.5 years. Second ‘partner’ was more of a fuck buddy and I knew him a long time before we got to kissing, etc. Third partner was also not a relationship and we went from friends to sleeping together. Only once mind you because it was awful! Our friendship never recovered.

Fourth partner was another that I knew and was friends with before. I invited him over for the evening (we both knew it was a date) and we ended up kissing, etc. Wink I married him. It’s hard to say what my go to would be if I were to date someone properly without knowing them well first.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 23/01/2021 09:03

Can you not tell whether or not you have chemistry without kissing? For me it's pretty obvious from the start.

NameChange84 · 23/01/2021 09:06

No. I hate the assumption that there will be a kiss at the end of the first date. I don’t want to swap saliva with every guy I meet. I’d actually feel a lot calmer and more relaxed on a first date if I knew there wasn’t going to be this pressure at the end. My only exception is if it’s someone I already knew before deciding to date, as I’d have probably liked them for quite a while.

movingonup20 · 23/01/2021 09:10

It depends, was a chaste kiss in the car park with dp, we were both quite reserved that day having been in long marriages but knew this was something and didn't want to mess up, second date properly kissed, and third ...

blackheartsgirl · 23/01/2021 09:11

Yes if I fancy them.

My first date with a dp started with a peck on the lips and ended with the same. No snog though as I took him by surprise and scared the shit out of him as he couldn't believe anyone fancied him.

Couldn't kiss anyone I didn't fancy though. Ewww

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 23/01/2021 09:11

I wouldn't be on a first date if there was no chemistry, so probably, unless he did something that really put me off. I don't think I have ever been on a first date with a total stranger, so when I accept to go on one, there's areason!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/01/2021 09:19

@Gunpowder

I haven’t dated for years but definitely I did if I fancied them! God first kisses (and the whole lead up to them) are the thing I miss most about being single.
The whole lead up to a first kiss was filled with anxiety for me. I am much calmer now that I know what to expect and that it will be well received when I kiss DH.
Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 09:41

Glad I'm not alone in thinking this way
Erm well the real question is I'm not the only one who would use a bit of tongue if the kiss went well enough right?

OP posts:
Palavah · 23/01/2021 09:43

Rarely kiss on a first date, because you can't unkiss someone. And I'd rather go on the second without the pressure but i went on a LOT of first dates and not nearly so many second ones so maybe I should have gone for it?

Moorhens · 23/01/2021 09:45

Depends on the vibe!
I kissed some on the first date, but others not.

It took 3 whole dates to kiss my current partner and we've been together years now (so it definately wasnt out of a lack of interest!)

I just hate all the awkwardness of will we kiss or or won't we? The awkward hanging around and inching closer Envy

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 09:45

@saffire aww that's so romantic❤

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 23/01/2021 09:52

40 something female here. Not always, but l do if think there is going to be a second. Sometimes, l do a lot more on a first date. There are not set times, it’s all about passion, chemistry and confidence.

My sister laid someone within hours of meeting him and they have been married for years.

thepeopleversuswork · 23/01/2021 10:00

I would if I fancy them, yes. Why wouldn't you?

Life's too short for game playing.

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 10:07

@moorhens you get it Smile
I skip the awkwardness and just do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 10:10

Anyone else have a full on snog on date 1?
I dont always kiss like that but if we want to keep going we willWink

OP posts:
Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 23/01/2021 10:12

@lovecraftcounty

Anyone else have a full on snog on date 1? I dont always kiss like that but if we want to keep going we willWink
I have done a lot more than full snog on dates 1 in the past Grin

Absolutely no regret! I don't think I would be happily married now if I hadn't had a bit of fun before settling down.