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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By asking if you always kiss on a first date?

84 replies

lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 08:31

I was talking to friends the other day and they were surprised that I mostly kiss on the first date as a rule.my reasoning is I think you need to have a kiss to see if there is any chemistry. if they are a crap kisser I wont want to see them again. If date goes bad I dont bother but otherwise I will go for it if they dont.
So Sorry to ask a personal question but
before covid obvs did anyone else ever snog on the first date?

OP posts:
Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 11:33

@BeingATwatItsABingThing
Phew haha
thanks
🤣🤣

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 23/01/2021 11:35

There would have to be a lot of attraction for me to kiss someone on the first date. Sadly there has never been that kind of attraction with any men I have met through old. Mostly I have found myself making a quick getaway at the end of the date to avoid exactly this kind of thing.

LouJ85 · 23/01/2021 11:35

@StarlightLady

I’ve been snogged lower down the body on the first date!!!

Erm.... this. GrinBlush

SmileyClare · 23/01/2021 11:36

My rule is always to end the date with a kiss if they don't

I suppose it is a bit strange to always stick to that rule? Do you lunge at the end if they don't make a move? Grin I guess you're using that kiss as a sort of test to see if you would be sexually compatible. If that works for you then no need to worry

My partner was never an amazing kisser but he is great in bed so there's that to consider when you're doing your "test kiss"!

SmileyClare · 23/01/2021 11:38

Also that first kiss can sometimes be awkward- due to nerves or whatever so if you really like someone and are attracted to them I wouldn't write them off if that first date kiss isn't perfect.

AnyTimeSoon · 23/01/2021 11:41

Its been a long time since I have dated but I would never kiss until I felt that this person was worthy of it🤷‍♀️. If I didn't feel we kind of clicked in our conversation and time spent on the date, then no he wasn't going to get a kiss.

Rewis · 23/01/2021 11:49

If I feel like it, then yes. I have no rules on what's ok in what date. If I'm not feeling the person then I'm not gonna go for a kiss. If I'm feeling it then why not.

Tehmina23 · 23/01/2021 11:49

I used to when I was younger as first dates tended to involve more alcohol & less inhibitons.
Also I usually already fancied my dates as I'd met them before either at work, at a club or similar.

But with online dating it's difficult- there's rarely a spark!! Plus I don't drink alcohol now for medical reasons so no relaxed drunken snogs for me anymore.

The last guy I snogged who I met online (in sodding 2019) actually asked me on messenger if he could kiss me on the second date because he'd been too shy to do it on the first date.
He put me off dating as he got too full on & obsessive- it was scary.

Now it's 2021 and I feel like I will never get near a man again sigh...

WunWun · 23/01/2021 11:51

I would happily do it but not if I didn't fancy them.

OldGreyBoots · 23/01/2021 12:08

DP and I shook hands on the first date...we did hug at the end though! Grin
It took til date 3 before we kissed, and date 4 before we kissed well Blush
Both just very shy people with very little dating experience!

HexWitch · 23/01/2021 12:09

@lovecraftcounty haha so I was about 2 months separated from my exh, not interested in dating or anything but was trying to get out occasionally just to cheer myself up really! Friend who I really only knew via my exh invited a few of us to a comedy night in a pub in the city so I went along.

As the evening progressed most of the rest left and it was just me and this guy and at some point towards the end of the night I thought crikey, I really fancy this bloke! And I dunno it was like he read my mind because he just leaned in and gave me the most passionate, sensual toe curling kiss I've ever known, seriously like a rom com moment.

Anyway that kiss lead to other toe curling things for about 6 months but not to an actual relationship. Which was fine because we'd both just separated from spouses and neither looking for a new partner, but it was clearly what we both needed at the time and we we're definitely good for each other not just sexually but as confidantes too. 8 years on he's remarried and very happy and we're still mates.

I do occasionally wish we'd become more back then because he's a seriously lovely guy, but yeah that 6 months goes down in history as the best ever Grin

catfeets · 23/01/2021 12:28

Very rare I kiss on a first date but those I have kissed have turned out to be the arseholes who have wasted my time in relationships.

I usually wait at least 3 dates. After my date with my DP he texted to say he wished he'd had the guts to kiss me - I think he was a bit surprised that I replied that if he'd tried, he might not have got a second date. He waited a few more dates before trying Grin

I'm not really a fan of kissing anyway though, why would you want to swap germs with a stranger?

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 12:30

Thank you for sharing@HexWitch
I'm very jealous now
Surely nobody else here has a story to top that?

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HexWitch · 23/01/2021 12:40

@lovecraftcounty it's one of those times I'll look back on with a wistful expression when I'm sat in my rocking chair. And all my grandchildren will think I'm remembering my wedding day but I'll actually be thinking about that one kiss - and the stuff after it GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 12:57

@SmileyClare
Ok so to clarify If I think I want to see them again at the end then I give them a test kiss just a smooch and I dont pull away so they can kiss back and if really like it so far I will add some tongue
And then we see what happens😆
If I dont have a good time I will just leave it with no kiss.
As for the bedroom part if they cant kiss well then I have lost some interest as they wont be good in the erm downstairs area but regular sex is different you're right

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Livpool · 23/01/2021 13:48

When I dated l, if I fancied them then yes. If the kiss was awful it would be best to know early!

DH and I proper snogged on our first date - it was lovely

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 14:35

@Livpool

When I dated l, if I fancied them then yes. If the kiss was awful it would be best to know early!

DH and I proper snogged on our first date - it was lovely

You summed it up better than me! Thanks👍
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Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 16:52

@LouJ85 unfortunately I've never been that lucky
if you're saying what I think you're saying
Envy

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Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 17:15

Thank you for your responses everyone! now I know my rule isn't a bit weird

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Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 17:53

Been thinking even after lockdown lifts dont think anyones dates would be as keen as they were before for a quick snog.
may be a while before people act like they did in 2019!😪

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NameChange84 · 23/01/2021 17:59

@lovecraftcounty

Been thinking even after lockdown lifts dont think anyones dates would be as keen as they were before for a quick snog. may be a while before people act like they did in 2019!😪
Lol I’m excited! No anxiety over it about how to dodge unwanted songs for me!
VienneseWhirligig · 23/01/2021 18:00

First date with DH I had the lurgy so didn't kiss him, didn't want to pass on the germs. Second date, said to my friend, if he doesn't kiss me I'm going home, and the sneaky cow told him. The rest was history.

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 18:13

@NameChange84
Fair enough if it grosses you out.

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Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 18:25

If I am single after lockdown I MIGHT rethink my rule. I dont even like standing too close to anyone anymore.the thought of all that saliva and of tongues touching !🤢🤮🤮

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Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 18:55

@catfeets
You think just like my friends!Smile
They said they usually wait about 2 or 3 dates before having a snog.

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