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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By asking if you always kiss on a first date?

84 replies

lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 08:31

I was talking to friends the other day and they were surprised that I mostly kiss on the first date as a rule.my reasoning is I think you need to have a kiss to see if there is any chemistry. if they are a crap kisser I wont want to see them again. If date goes bad I dont bother but otherwise I will go for it if they dont.
So Sorry to ask a personal question but
before covid obvs did anyone else ever snog on the first date?

OP posts:
SimonJT · 23/01/2021 10:13

No, not for me.

I think I kissed my partner on date three.

Emeraldshamrock · 23/01/2021 10:14

It has been a while but no unless there was chemistry for me to want a kiss.

x2boys · 23/01/2021 10:21

I think the dating culture has changed since I was single ,I have been with my Dh for 16 years ,the men I went on dates with I usually met in pubs and clubs etc so had usually kissed them before arranging a date ,I guess it's different with meeting someone online?

StarlightLady · 23/01/2021 10:29

I’ve been snogged lower down the body on the first date!!!

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 10:31

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer
Wow You go girl!🙌
You get it lifes too short!
I have had 1 date that ended early as we were madly snogging across the table Wink

OP posts:
GreenlandTheMovie · 23/01/2021 10:34

Not usually, no. Depends if its a charity date too. A charity date was built on the theory of one of my very beautiful friends at uni, who got asked out on a lot of dates, who insisted that if a man had the courage to ask you out on a date, you should day yes even if you didn't fancy him, to one date only. A charity date does not involve kissing. Then you simply replied that you were "busy" to future dates.

In retrospect, it might have been because she liked being taken out for dinner, as she had to go on a very strict diet in third year to remedy the situation!

HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake · 23/01/2021 10:36

I rarely do on the first date, although I don't have any set rule.

My reasoning is that you have it the wrong way round: I don't have to kiss someone to see if there's chemistry, I have to see if there's chemistry before I kiss them.

Oysterbabe · 23/01/2021 10:36

Not usually. More like 3rd.
Tbf half the time it's because they look like trolls.

ProudAuntie76 · 23/01/2021 10:40

@HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake

I rarely do on the first date, although I don't have any set rule.

My reasoning is that you have it the wrong way round: I don't have to kiss someone to see if there's chemistry, I have to see if there's chemistry before I kiss them.

Yes - this!

Now with online dating and people having to go on several dates a month or even a week I can’t think of anything worse than playing tonsil tennis with a load of randoms.

Casual sex never held any appeal for me.

I always needed a real connection before kissing or sex. All this kissing on the first date and sex on the third date just would never have been my style. And I was worth the wait, as was DH Wink.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/01/2021 10:42

I have had 1 date that ended early as we were madly snogging across the table

If this was a public place, I’m guessing the other diners were grateful your date ended early.

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 10:45

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

I have had 1 date that ended early as we were madly snogging across the table

If this was a public place, I’m guessing the other diners were grateful your date ended early.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing it was a quiet pub I'm not a total slag I swear lol!
OP posts:
HexWitch · 23/01/2021 10:47

If there's obvious chemistry there then yes definitely a kiss is going to happen. The best kiss I ever had was an unexpected one from someone I'd actually only gone out with as a mate. Oof.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 23/01/2021 10:50

Thinking about it, I can think of a few full snogs BEFORE our first date
😂

More with men I worked with or shared hobby with, I never really got into one night stand with random (but attractive) men, but who cares, you only live once.

I wasn't married then!

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 10:51

@HexWitch ooh please tell us more!

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 23/01/2021 10:52

I don't think you need to kiss to know if there's chemistry. If I didn't want to kiss them or shag them then there wouldn't be a second date would there? What would be the point?

Do you friends mean you should hold back from kissing on a first date so you don't look "easy" or something? That's very odd and old fashioned I think!

Godimabitch · 23/01/2021 10:59

I've been with DH since I was 18, he was my seccond first date. I kissed them both on the first date. I wouldn't kiss someone I didn't fancy, but I also wouldn't date someone I didn't fancy.

Bubbles1st · 23/01/2021 11:03

Yup I used to if I liked them and wanted to think about seeing them again.

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 11:04

@GreenlandTheMovie
charity dates is interesting i had never heard of it before.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 11:05

C'mon @HexWitch dont tease us with a romantic story like that! what happened exactly?

OP posts:
MrDarcysMa · 23/01/2021 11:07

yes but only if I fancied them. same goes for sex.

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 11:17

@SmileyClare
Ok so my rule is to always plan to end a first date with a kiss if they dont.unless it was an awful date.
And that I will happily make it a french kiss too.
They were surprised that it's my rule and the french kiss part they aren't from the 1800s haha!

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/01/2021 11:18

Never said slag! I wouldn’t think you were a slag. I just really hate PDA. 😂

Changemaname1 · 23/01/2021 11:20

@StarlightLady hahaha same girl same Grin

Indecisive12 · 23/01/2021 11:21

@x2boys Same! I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date with someone I haven’t snogged beforehand. Dating has definitely changed but I’ve been with DH 15 years

Original poster
lovecraftcounty · 23/01/2021 11:25

@HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake
You do you! I can understand that 👍
For me the 1st date is enough to see if we click
The kiss helps make sure I wont waste time with a bad kisser (who's probably bad elsewhere right?)
Plus I'm always up for a quick snogWink

OP posts: