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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In asking neighbours not to build an extension during lockdown

162 replies

HelpIcantfindaname · 22/01/2021 17:33

Saw my neighbour on my drive with a workman today. I asked what they were doing. They are planning to extend the front of their house out by about 5'.

They have done constant DIY since moving in a couple of years ago. Most of last spring/summers was in the garden. The noise was annoying, when we were all stuck at home.

My DS(32) has ASD & is noise sensitive. He had ear defenders last year but could not cope with the constant noise from next door. DS is ill with stomach & heart issues, which he thinks are caused by stress.

The trouble with asking the neighbour is that lockdown or tiers could go on a long time, plus I think they are taking advantage of being at home to get work done.

DS is hoping to get a flat but this could be months away. I have DD12 at home too, who will have to live with the constant meltdowns her brother will be having, from the noise next door.

AIBU to ask them to wait?

OP posts:
dairydairy · 23/01/2021 08:01

Yabu.

I wouldn't not build an extension because of the living situation of an adult living next door, their mental health is equally important.

MoiraNotRuby · 23/01/2021 08:06

I do feel for you but think ywbu to ask them to delay indefinitely. My neighbours are having building work done soon, its going to be inconvenient but they are a lovely family, I like living next to them, and I want them to have a house large enough to be happy in.

TirisfalPumpkin · 23/01/2021 08:46

Sympathies OP. I am autistic and distressed by noise. However that doesn’t put constraints on what my neighbours are allowed to do with their property. Your feelings are understandable but YABU here.

Macncheeseballs · 23/01/2021 08:49

It's not something I would do in the middle of lockdown, it's a bit inconsiderate of them

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2021 08:49

Sorry op, I agree with the majority. I feel for you and your home situation. But don’t think this means your neighbours can’t do their extension at this period.

I think you need to look to move, your home set up does not suit yout family.

AliceinBunniland · 23/01/2021 08:54

I think you would be unreasonable to expect them to delay the work for you.

Hearing noise from others' building work and DIY is normal unless you live somewhere isolated and remote.

An extension is a big, expensive and messy job and so they will do it when it when they can.

If your DC is particularly sensitive then you need to accommodate that in any way that you can but not expecting someone to delay something like an extension.

Lurkingforawhile · 23/01/2021 09:06

I'm pretty sure the OP would know if they had planning permission already given neighbors have to be notified and they'll be a yellow sign outside the house. I agree with a PP who said that you would have the builders around before putting your application in so the most likely scenario is that they'll be applying soon, and so there's a built in delay to the process.

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2021 09:12

Agree, if this is preplanning it is likely several months away before the work starts.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 23/01/2021 09:12

I feel your pain and by all means ask them but I’d guess that they won’t change their plans. I think that endless, loud diy projects are selfish in the current circumstances as there’s nowhere to escape to for anyone.

dinglethedragon · 23/01/2021 09:20

@HelpIcantfindaname

Thanks for all the replies. I thought it was unreasonable, hence asking. If it was just me here I'd lump it As I know I will have to anyway.. Last spring my son actually lived with my parents 2 gardens away. The noise from my neighbours caused him so much distress he began self harming again. In July he tried to cut the carotid artery in his neck. The doctors would only release him to my care so he moved back home. Obviously, the neighbours don't know this. And if they need to extend, then that's not going to stop them. (They have a 3 bed house & no kids yet but that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to more space.) I just absolutely dread what this will do to Ds.

I googled planning permission, & rules were relaxed last year because of the pandemic so they don't need planning permission.

If I could afford to live in the country I'd be there. Although right now I care for my elderly parents who live round the corner, & I work full time, so this house is in a good place right now.

I will probably knock & ask when work is due to start. But I won't ask them to delay.

The relaxed rules DO NOT apply to front extensions according to this guide - check with your local planning dept @HelpIcantfindaname designfor-me.com/project-types/extensions/how-big-can-i-build-an-extension-without-planning-permission/
AlwaysLatte · 23/01/2021 09:25

You can always ask - but the lockdown might be the reason they need the extra space - needing confidentiality and another room?
My stepson is having his London maisonette totally gutted - building into the loft and other walls moved. He did ask the neighbours if they preferred him to start before or after February and they mostly said before.

ChaosMoon · 23/01/2021 09:36

The problem with delaying is that a lot of building work is dependant on the builders. If you miss your slot that's it.

We first approached or builders in late 2019 and he was only able to start in November 2020. If we asked to delay, we'd have gone to the back of the queue again. We kept our neighbours up to date all the way along but on the one side, they've now had a baby. So, we agreed that he won't work after 6pm (would normally work until 8/9pm) and won't work weekends (he normally works a day week). It means it's going to take about a month longer than it would have, which is costly for us as we can't live there, but we don't want to be dicks about it. The builder has also introduced himself to both neighbours and had downed tools a couple of times to accommodate meetings etc.

My point is that delaying is probably not an option but maybe other accommodations are. So have a think about what else might help and then go and talk to them.

ChaosMoon · 23/01/2021 09:36

And good luck

HunterHearstHelmsley · 23/01/2021 09:40

Our extension work is finally starting next week. We've been waiting since September because the builder was so busy. If our neighbours asked us to delay then it would have to be a no.

Lockdown has brought home just how much we need the extra space and I wouldn't be willing to wait an undetermined amount of time to get started.

AliceinBunniland · 23/01/2021 09:44

They have a 3 bed house & no kids yet but that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to more space.

Any even say this if you are not implying that they don't need to extend.

You don't know what their circumstances are. They could require space to work (DH and I use a bedroom each as an office to WFH) or planning a family or simply want more space because they can afford it.

I'm sorry for the issues you are facing. It sounds very difficult. I agree with PPs that you could speak with the neighbours so you're prepared for the noise but suggesting they shouldn't have an extension because they don't need one is a bit unfair to them and frankly not for you to say.

I hope you find a solution.

Washimal · 23/01/2021 09:56

People saying it's selfish to do renovations 'in Lockdown' are being completely unrealistic. We've been in and out of lockdown for almost a year now and we have no idea when the current restrictions will end! Although we now have a vaccine no-one actually knows whether the proposed roll out will go smoothly, there are bound to be delays and setbacks along the way. There may well be more national and local lockdowns to come so should everyone be expected to delay all building work indefinitely?

Lockdown aside, OP's DS is always going to have sensory issues so there is never going to be a good time for this extension to happen. Yes, there are vague plans for him to get his own flat at some point but it could be months or even a year before that happens...how long exactly would OP's neighbours need to put their lives on hold in order to avoid being labelled "selfish", "arseholes" with "no empathy" according to some on this thread?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 23/01/2021 09:56

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Our extension work is finally starting next week. We've been waiting since September because the builder was so busy. If our neighbours asked us to delay then it would have to be a no.

Lockdown has brought home just how much we need the extra space and I wouldn't be willing to wait an undetermined amount of time to get started.

I will say that in the first lockdown, the parents were furloughed and seemed to have a party in the garden every day. I had to keep all the windows shut so that may be colouring my view...

The other side has a go at us if her visitors block her drive.

user1471538283 · 23/01/2021 09:58

Living next to building work is absolutely miserable. We had it the whole of one summer and a really loud radio. I appreciate that work has to be done and we had it in one of our houses but I was at pains to have the neighbours on side so work did not start early, finish late and wasnt on weekends or during a lockdown. You can ask but I doubt they will be interested

Pawpatrollers2021 · 23/01/2021 10:02

If you’ve not been contacted by the council I suspect things are in the early stages. If they don’t need planning they’ll still need building regs and I think if you’d be able to see it you’ll be consulted - someone might come along and correct me but I think that’s the case.

They’re mad if they are, having work done is awful and like a previous poster had said I wouldn’t even be considering it with nowhere to escape to. Do they WFH?

Bluethrough · 23/01/2021 10:03

Building an extension is about as essential as a foreign holiday right now.
Builders, delivery drivers, building suppliers, all risk extra infection, at a time we are all supposed to be staying at home and the NHS is over run etc.

Its just BS, i can do whatever home improvements i like but i can't stand in a garden and talk to my elderly mum..... no wonder people don't stick to these stupid rules.

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2021 10:05

Op is your son normally out during the day in non lock down times?

Becayse if he’s not, in reality lock down maybe a better time to do this, as you are all with him to support him when the noise gets to him

Also would it be possible for him to spend his days with your parents and come home at night, or would that be too difficult?

Twinmammma · 23/01/2021 10:10

I feel for you OP. Our ndns have just been granted planning for a huge side/rear extension that will apparently take a year. I wfh full time and my pre-school kids are at home with a nanny. Unfortunately nothing you/ we can do.

torquewench · 23/01/2021 10:11

My neighbors started their loft conversion last week. Presumably they didnt bother looking at the weather forecast before their builder threw (yes, threw, off the roof) all the roof tiles into a skip and replaced them with plastic sheeting. Theres now a plywood shed up there. No sign of the builders today though. Must be baltic in the rest of that house.

Minky37 · 23/01/2021 10:16

Saw my neighbour on my drive with a workman today. I asked what they were doing.

I would have told you to mind your own business

transformandriseup · 23/01/2021 10:22

I do feel bad for the OP. I'm feeling guilty but our house needs fully repointing and rendering all the way round and will take place for 6 weeks including the Easter holidays. It will be very noisy and we would put it it off if we could but we have massive damp problems.

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