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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In asking neighbours not to build an extension during lockdown

162 replies

HelpIcantfindaname · 22/01/2021 17:33

Saw my neighbour on my drive with a workman today. I asked what they were doing. They are planning to extend the front of their house out by about 5'.

They have done constant DIY since moving in a couple of years ago. Most of last spring/summers was in the garden. The noise was annoying, when we were all stuck at home.

My DS(32) has ASD & is noise sensitive. He had ear defenders last year but could not cope with the constant noise from next door. DS is ill with stomach & heart issues, which he thinks are caused by stress.

The trouble with asking the neighbour is that lockdown or tiers could go on a long time, plus I think they are taking advantage of being at home to get work done.

DS is hoping to get a flat but this could be months away. I have DD12 at home too, who will have to live with the constant meltdowns her brother will be having, from the noise next door.

AIBU to ask them to wait?

OP posts:
Nunoftheother · 22/01/2021 18:57

For people who are really struggling at the moment (with stress, home-schooling, loneliness, etc.) noisy building work could push them over the edge.

I seem to be in the minority, but I think it takes a special sort of selfishness to inflict relentless building noise on people during a lockdown.

Notimeforaname · 22/01/2021 18:57

I think its unreasonable to ask someone not to do what they wish work their own belongings.

This isnt exactly helpful but I was watching this last night.
Huge whopping extension on front ,blocking out a lot of neighbours light,terrible really but the way they edit these shows is hilarious. Grin
I instantly think of mumsnet when I see the curtain twitchers and complainers.

Notimeforaname · 22/01/2021 18:57

With their own belongings*

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 22/01/2021 18:59

I bought a house just before Christmas that has needed some electrical work doing to it. I am currently not living in it so went round to my new neighbours on either side (terrace) and apologised in advance for the noise. Explained what work I was having done and reassured them it would be done as quickly as possible.

The one side has been round to complain, she is trying to home school 3 primary school aged children (this was around 1pm mid week). I do genuinely sympathise with her, its a nightmare being stuck in with drilling but it HAS to be done otherwise I cannot move in. When will lockdown be lifted? Who knows is the answer, so i think YABU but your angst is perfectly understandable.

Jaxhog · 22/01/2021 19:01

You would be unreasonable. Your family circumstances should not inconvenience your neighbours.

Wow. So it's ok for the neighbour to inconvenience the op? I'd hate to be your neighbour!

I would ask nicely but expect a no. But you never know.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 22/01/2021 19:08

They don't "NEED to be done" though, do they? In a pandemic, extending one's house is in no way necessary.

Maybe it is necessary? Maybe their family is growing? Maybe they're trying to run a business from home that needs space for an office/studio/workshop? Someone I know is building an extension to allow for disabled access and facilities for a member of the household who has a degenerative condition which means they will be a wheelchair user by the end of the year. Life goes on, yes even in a pandemic.

I'm sorry this will cause difficulties for your family but you can't expect your neighbours to put their lives on hold for your convenience.

FudgeSundae · 22/01/2021 19:11

You could mention your son’s circumstances and see if there’s a solution. But remember they may have personal circumstances too - with our extension I was pregnant and we were racing to complete it before the baby was born (and it contained her room and involved a major remodelling of our bedroom so pretty essential!).

vickibee · 22/01/2021 19:13

Our next door neighbour is doing a loft conversion, recently putting in a stellar joist and today a staircase, so noisy when you are trying to WFH, I had a zoom meet with head office this afternoon and they commented on the noise, I had requested a short thirty min break but they forgot. They hav3 also broken our ridge tile decorative toppers when installing their attic windows. This has been going on for weeks as they are trying to get it done before the baby is born in two weeks.

Sittingonabench · 22/01/2021 19:15

To be honest I was in the YABU camp until you explained the extent to which it distresses your son. If my neighbour came and explained they have no issue with the work being done and they felt I was completely entitled to do the extension but that their son had a history of serious self harm relating to noise distress which could not be mitigated with sound cancelling headphones etc and would I mind postponing until after lockdown when he could be taken to families, then if it was in my power I would delay. That’s dependent on not having entered into an agreement already (they would probably get quotes first) and quotations are normally good for a period of time before acceptance. Of course it may be that this goes on until the summer and they are hoping to have it done by a certain date in which case it may be more difficult.

waltzingparrot · 22/01/2021 19:17

You could ask them when their builders think they'll be able to start. It might not be for a few months. At least it should be warmer and you'll be able to get out to exercise longer.

Butchyrestingface · 22/01/2021 19:22

plus I think they are taking advantage of being at home to get work done.

Of course they are. What's wrong with that? Best time to do it. I've recently bought a flat that needs total upgrading and I know I'll be doing major renovs once finances permit.

I think you're BU, sorry. But I do sympathise with your situation. It must be very stressful.

BettyAndVeronica · 22/01/2021 19:23

YANBU to ask.

There is no escape from the noise, you can't get away from it and of course this would be a concern for you (and would be for them if the other way around).

It's inconsiderate of them and they will probably ignore you. But absolutely fair to ask.

BettyAndVeronica · 22/01/2021 19:27

We have put all building work on hold. We bought the house recently and plenty to do.

Only things done are what's been vital (fixing ceiling leek, collapsed ceiling and some electrical work where there were faults). 4 noisy days in total, I wound not subject our neighbours to much more than that.

ouchmyfeet · 22/01/2021 19:30

Unfortunately YABU but I sympathise. My neighbours have had builders here almost every day for 2 solid years and I'm so over the noise and disruption. Lots of people unfortunately are incredibly selfish.

partyatthepalace · 22/01/2021 19:31

@HelpIcantfindaname

Saw my neighbour on my drive with a workman today. I asked what they were doing. They are planning to extend the front of their house out by about 5'.

They have done constant DIY since moving in a couple of years ago. Most of last spring/summers was in the garden. The noise was annoying, when we were all stuck at home.

My DS(32) has ASD & is noise sensitive. He had ear defenders last year but could not cope with the constant noise from next door. DS is ill with stomach & heart issues, which he thinks are caused by stress.

The trouble with asking the neighbour is that lockdown or tiers could go on a long time, plus I think they are taking advantage of being at home to get work done.

DS is hoping to get a flat but this could be months away. I have DD12 at home too, who will have to live with the constant meltdowns her brother will be having, from the noise next door.

AIBU to ask them to wait?

You can certainly ask. That’s totally fair enough.
BritWifeinUSA · 22/01/2021 19:38

From the issues you describe, there would never be a good time for it to be done. Your son will always have his sensory issues. Maybe the work is urgent to build a space to care for the needs of a disabled member of their family? You can’t expect them to shelve their needs because of yours.

Babymamaroon · 22/01/2021 19:44

Well as awful as it is, I'd probably do mine at the same time if I were planning works. Get it done for a peaceful summer.

HikeForward · 22/01/2021 19:44

It’s their home, maybe they need a bigger space for an office or study?

I think YABU, you can’t expect them to delay their plans until your DS finds his own place. Building noise is irritating, we all have to find ways to deal with it. Ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones, long walks.

Lockdown is hard for everyone. It’s their choice if they want to get stuck into DIY or renovating. Maybe it’s the only time they have to do it, and have been saving a long time for this.

BackforGood · 22/01/2021 19:44

Whereas I sympathise with your circumstances, Y really ABVU to think that other people should not go ahead with work on their house because of them. It isn't like you can say "Could you leave it 4 weeks" or anything that would give them a time scale. There isn't really ever going to be a 'good' time to get the work done.

Plus, I'm not sure why people are talking about constant noise. Building an extension doesn't produce constant noise by any stretch of the imagination.

Nokiding · 22/01/2021 19:50

I think it's unreasonable to start building work when people are working from home. It surprises me that more people are not considerate. Oh well.

wejammin · 22/01/2021 19:53

I can see both sides of this. I have a son with ASD who is noise sensitive. I am also due to have building work done on our house, a loft extension and dormer. We originally booked it in February last year to start in June. We've postponed it since then but if we postpone again, the cost will increase by a considerable amount as the contract will expire and the cost of materials has increased. I feel really bad for our neighbours but we really need the space and who knows how long this lockdown will last?

fireme · 22/01/2021 19:59

Well my neighbours are doing just that, from 8-4 Monday to Saturday it's constant drilling and banging it's driving me bonkers. There is no escape. They didn't even warn me either which I'm a bit miffed about, I'm 37 weeks pregnant so I'm just praying it's not too bad when baby is here 😩.
I think a bit of diy is ok, but doing all this in lockdown is not ideal :/

riddles26 · 22/01/2021 20:12

No harm in asking. I'm surprised they didn't approach and tell you earlier if I'm honest. The first thing we did was inform the neighbours when we intended to extend (before submitting plans in our case) so it didn't come as a shock to them.

In terms of suspending building work in general, I can completely see the argument to hold off because everyone was home in the first lockdown but some will have delayed their work at that point and now finally getting going. Noone knows when this will finally be over so stopping at this stage may not be possible for them as they may well be desperate for the space or paying a mortgage plus renting elsewhere.

BringPizza · 22/01/2021 20:16

Crumbs OP, I really feel for you. I'm surprised they don't need planning though, I thought changes to the front elevation usually did. YANBU to ask them to wait until lockdown is done so your DS can stay somewhere else, YWBU to ask them to wait until he maybe sometime in the future gets a flat, or to give them the details of what he did to his neck to guilt them into it. Bear in mind (this has already been said) the builder's quote may be time-limited and they may have to crack on.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 22/01/2021 20:17

Living next door to building works since September with no end in sight I wholeheartedly agree - it's fucking shit.

Trying to homeschool kids, and take work meetings with pneumatic drills and excavating equipment, plus delivery of steels, skips, the fucking radio blasting out on the scaffolding and the builders singing badly to it. It's absolutely awful. I know things have to go on but having zero thought to your neighbours who are literally stuck in the house with nowhere to escape to, shows how self absorbed some people really are. My secondary school DD has really struggled with her lessons this week due to the pneumatic drills going on for days.

Yes I fully understand things can't necessarily grind to a halt but some bloody empathy wouldn't go amiss. So a lot of your responses are really terrible. Said by people not stuck in this situation.