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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In asking neighbours not to build an extension during lockdown

162 replies

HelpIcantfindaname · 22/01/2021 17:33

Saw my neighbour on my drive with a workman today. I asked what they were doing. They are planning to extend the front of their house out by about 5'.

They have done constant DIY since moving in a couple of years ago. Most of last spring/summers was in the garden. The noise was annoying, when we were all stuck at home.

My DS(32) has ASD & is noise sensitive. He had ear defenders last year but could not cope with the constant noise from next door. DS is ill with stomach & heart issues, which he thinks are caused by stress.

The trouble with asking the neighbour is that lockdown or tiers could go on a long time, plus I think they are taking advantage of being at home to get work done.

DS is hoping to get a flat but this could be months away. I have DD12 at home too, who will have to live with the constant meltdowns her brother will be having, from the noise next door.

AIBU to ask them to wait?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 22/01/2021 17:55

Yabu. God knows how long this shit is going to drag on. There's no way I'd delay in their shoes.

NobodyPuttsBabyinCorner · 22/01/2021 17:55

So to confirm...

They were outside chatting to a workman and you took it upon yourself to go out and ask what they were doing.......

They won't be listening to you anytime soon imo

FatherTedsBankAccount · 22/01/2021 18:01

[quote Yokey]@FatherTedsBankAccount

This country is full of self-important people who think their WANTS are more important than the actual needs and rights (peace, mental health, etc) of those around them

If you look at it that way, nobody would ever build anything.[/quote]
But these are exceptional times. In non-pandemic times, people who really can't stand the noise - and some people really can't - could go out during the day, stay with relatives etc. In a lockdown they simply cannot escape it.

You will all be glad I am not PM, because I would have banned all non-essential (so excluding, e.g. repairing roofs) domestic building work during lockdowns.

clpsmum · 22/01/2021 18:04

I think Yabu tbh. Their house their money they do what suits them not what suits a neighbour

NovemberR · 22/01/2021 18:07

Massively, I'm afraid.

I can sympathise with how difficult it must be for DS (and yourselves) but if I was extending my house and had the plans in place and the workmen ready to start I would find it really peculiar to have a neighbour come and ask me if I could wait a few months or so until I started.

I can't honestly imagine anyone saying, Of course. No problem.

Winterwoollies · 22/01/2021 18:10

Why should they put their lives and plans on hold to suit you, exactly?

Sh05 · 22/01/2021 18:14

@FatherTedsBankAccount
I'm sorry I don't agree.
According to your post many builders, plasterers and other self employed people would also be effected. What about their well being and mental health if they were to lose all income and potential jobs?
I don't think OP is being unreasonable to ask but the neighbors would also not be unreasonable to continue.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 22/01/2021 18:16

@Winterwoollies

Why should they put their lives and plans on hold to suit you, exactly?
because in the real world some people have basic manners?

One of my neighbours had all noisy building work stopped during my kids nap time when I lived in a flat and they were redoing the one below... without me even asking. The same way they never heard my baby at night because I didn't leave a crying baby above their bedroom.

Basic decency makes life so much easier for everybody. This lockdown is a bit lighter than the last one, but when people have nowhere to escape, yes being inconsiderate only comes from selfish twats. It's sad, but they exist.

AgeLikeWine · 22/01/2021 18:16

YABU, I’m afraid, although your concerns are understandable.

Assuming these people are just neighbours, and not close friends, the reality is that your son’s medical condition is really not their problem and you can’t expect them to put their plans on hold because of it.

Namechange600 · 22/01/2021 18:22

I feel for you OP. During the first lockdown a developer neighbour was building (unlawfully, as it turned out) next door and our house shook, there was lots of dust and noise. It was hideous trying to look after young kids and homeschool through that.
I’m not sure you can expect them to stop but you have my upmost sympathy.
Hopefully they will be nice and considerate during the build. (Ours damaged our house so not so much!!!)

greenlynx · 22/01/2021 18:22

I completely understand your point of view. We’ve just got planning permission for some building work that could go ahead on February. I and DH decided to wait a bit. Yes, we need more space but noise will make home schooling for DD and work from home for DH absolutely impossible.
However you can choose for you but you can’t control what’s your neighbours are doing. Have they got planing permission already? If not it might require some time, ours took twice longer then usual. And you will be able to raise your concerns about noise during the process.

MyOwnPrivatePaddlingPool · 22/01/2021 18:27

I'm really surprised by these responses. Schools and workplaces are closed, as is everything else. Children are trying to study at home, adults are trying to work from home. I think it would be incredibly selfish of anyone to do noisy building work in a residential area right now given the impact it would have on others.

An extention is not urgent and could wait a few months. Hopefully it will take a while to get started OP if planning persmission is required.

Yokey · 22/01/2021 18:29

@HelpIcantfindaname
Hardly a massive inconvenience to move your crying baby to another room.

Having building work on one's home is often extremely stressful, expensive, fraught with setbacks and delays, causes chaos and mess etc. People don't undertake it lightly and it has to fit in with their other plans (it being such an inconvenience). There's probably other things they can't do until the work is finished. They'll be looking forward to having it done, may even need the space. Requesting they change their plans is far too big an ask.

And it certainly isn't selfish of the neighbours to carry out home improvements. What a perspective! It would be selfish to expect them not to carry on for your sake. Why should your priorities trump theirs on their own property?

radiateforme · 22/01/2021 18:30

I think YABU. My mate is a builder and is struggling at the moment because of cancellations. They may have had it planned for months and will likely need to pay the builders a percentage if they cancel. Imagine what would happen to people's livelihoods if the whole population cancelled their building work...

Lucieintheskye · 22/01/2021 18:31

You could always ask, or check if they plan on doing it immediately or later in the year. Yabvu to expect them to delay it for you though. They may think about being considerate of the noise disruption for all your neighbours, but it's not fair for them to delay a massive bit of work just for one person, especially as it's not like you have a definite plan for your DS. If you had asked them to wait 2 weeks until your son had moved out, they'd surely say yes.

BeaSmithers · 22/01/2021 18:32

YABVVU. I know where I'd tell you to sling it if you asked me to wait.

Original poster
HelpIcantfindaname · 22/01/2021 18:34

@NobodyPuttsBabyinCorner

So to confirm...

They were outside chatting to a workman and you took it upon yourself to go out and ask what they were doing.......

They won't be listening to you anytime soon imo

No. I went out to get in my car. They were standing on MY driveway below my car, measuring their garage wall. I asked what they were having done. Neighbour said 'oh I was going to knock' I am fully entitled to be on my own drive to access my own car & ask people on MY drive why there are there (without my permission)
OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 22/01/2021 18:36

I understand your concern, but yabu. Ask them to delay for how long? Until your son moves out? That's not on.

Retys · 22/01/2021 18:38

Yabu but I understand why you're worried as I have asd and v sound sensitive too but I think it's unreasonable to ask someone to put off building work.

unbotheredbutbewildered · 22/01/2021 18:38

OP it must be difficult for you. But you also should think about the workmen - loads of people are cancelling jobs very last minute citing 'covid' (as previous posters said).

Also, sometimes workmen do need to occasionally walk onto other peoples property to do work...it's not like they stole your car and took it on a joyride!

I think you'll need to suck this one up!

Redburnett · 22/01/2021 18:39

As building work is permitted there is little you can do. Your DS may well find the noises in a block of flats just as bad.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 22/01/2021 18:45

There’s nothing stopping you asking, however they will probably proceed regardless

Original poster
HelpIcantfindaname · 22/01/2021 18:45

Thanks for all the replies. I thought it was unreasonable, hence asking. If it was just me here I'd lump it As I know I will have to anyway..
Last spring my son actually lived with my parents 2 gardens away. The noise from my neighbours caused him so much distress he began self harming again. [Redacted by MNHQ: describes self-harm method] The doctors would only release him to my care so he moved back home. Obviously, the neighbours don't know this. And if they need to extend, then that's not going to stop them. (They have a 3 bed house & no kids yet but that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to more space.)
I just absolutely dread what this will do to Ds.

I googled planning permission, & rules were relaxed last year because of the pandemic so they don't need planning permission.

If I could afford to live in the country I'd be there. Although right now I care for my elderly parents who live round the corner, & I work full time, so this house is in a good place right now.

I will probably knock & ask when work is due to start. But I won't ask them to delay.

OP posts:
chocolatepowder · 22/01/2021 18:52

Totally unreasonable I'm afraid. My neighbours are a year into their extension so I know how annoying it can be. Sorry about your son, that sounds very stressful.

Original poster
HelpIcantfindaname · 22/01/2021 18:52

@unbotheredbutbewildered

OP it must be difficult for you. But you also should think about the workmen - loads of people are cancelling jobs very last minute citing 'covid' (as previous posters said).

Also, sometimes workmen do need to occasionally walk onto other peoples property to do work...it's not like they stole your car and took it on a joyride!

I think you'll need to suck this one up!

Usually when workmen need to be on my property they ask if it's OK. And I only specified that cos someone said I was cheeky to go & ask what they were doing. I didn't go out & accost them to ask, I was on my way out. And I asked in a chatty way. Would you not enquire what 2 men were doing on your driveway? Its polite to let neighbours know of impending building work, & also polite to ask if you need access to their property.
OP posts: