To give a drug addict the money??

[SpicyEnchiladas]

When I finished the grocery shopping this morning, a young lady followed me to my car and asked politely for a pound to get some milk. She said that she lost £100 yesterday and she has nothing in her wallet. Stereotypically, she ticks every box of a drug addict: damaged skin, teeth, smell, shaking hands ...etc.

I gave her a fiver and told her that I hope it can help her. She thanked me and walked away. Not to the supermarket though! I carried on packing up everything in the car boot, then received a long call so I was a bit late to leave the car park. When I turned my car outside I saw her standing next to a young man and they were both smoking and laughing.

My husband said that if it happened next time I shouldn’t give them the money as I’m helping them with their habit. He suggested to go to the supermarket and get her some food instead. I don’t agree with him, I feel it’s humiliating for them and quite patronising. AIBU?

Your money. Your choice.

God no. Go and buy her the milk next time if you want to help. I'd never ever give cash to a beggar.

A relative of mine works closely with the homeless and I understand all the reasons why we aren't supposed to give any money. I still do sometimes though. I find it really difficult to know what's right from an ethical perspective.

A young woman once asked me for money. She told me she was trying to flee an abusive partner, but I could tell from looking at her that she was on drugs, and had good reason to suspect she sold her body. I genuinely had nothing to give her - I'm very low on cash myself - but it was about 2 years ago I've thought of her often since. I know me giving her a fiver wouldn't have changed her life for the better, and I couldn't afford to have anyway. I really hope she is at a better place in her life now.

I'd definitely have bought her the food, not given money. I'd worry about her safety from the hit I paid for - you never know which is going to cause horrible side effects or an accident.

It's not humiliating to buy her what she asked for, milk.

This is widespread as I understand.

There's a young woman who frequents the car parks of supermarkets that require a pound coin to release the trolley.
It's interesting to note how many people she approaches and how many pound coins she gets.
It's really sad to see.

Would you give a suicidal person the means to kill themselves? Or reassure somebody with a serious eating disorder that their behaviour was fine and to carry on? If not, why would you give drugs to a drug addict?

Obviously, it doesn’t feel that way because you gave money and not drugs - but that’s what the money will be spent on. Addiction is a health issue, and you wouldn’t support somebody with any other health issue by providing the tools or enabling the very behaviour which was hurting or killing them, would you?

It was very kind of you.
But she was either a scanner or an addict who had no intention of buying milk.
Saying that,I can never walk past an apparently homeless person without buying food and water.I got to know the regulars volunteering through winter at the food stop,so I know where you're coming from,it's hard to say no.
It's sad the scammers are making people even more wary of helping the genuinely homeless.
You thought you were doing a good thing,your intention was good and that's what's important.

For me personally, I only ever give what I’m happy to lose. If someone came up to me and asked for money then it’s up to them how they spend it and I wouldn’t offer to buy what they were asking for as I agree it’s a bit patronising. There’s been times I’ve said no because I don’t have the change/cant afford to.
Although as a general rule if I’m out and about I’d buy meal deals for the homeless, I always ask what combo they like and no one has ever turned me down or asked for the money instead. But I do think that’s different as I’m approaching them rather than the other way round.

In my area street homeless don't need to beg for food. The homeless shelter provides three substantial meals a day for free plus unlimited donated fruits, snacks and drinks. Street homeless ( as well as those ordinary homeless and sofa surfing) are entitled to all this too as well as access to washing machines, storage facilities, clothing etc etc.
Someone who asks for a pound for milk is asking for money towards their drug of choice. She doesn't need you to go and get her food from the supermarket as your husband suggests. She needs money to score. So either give her money to score or say No.
I sort of get the impression you know all this already though

I buy them a bag of food and soft drinks on occasion. That has always been appreciated

It's your money though it's up to you!

the money will go straight to the dealers/county lines/cuckooers/knife crime lot in exchange for a hit. Please don't do this.

same for anyone having their 'victimless' saddo smokes or other illegal drugs. This is what you support.

Once you give some one money it’s not your business what they do with it.
You may get a load of abuse if you offer food instead- I would just say “don’t have any cash sorry” and keep moving

It was a kind thing to do OP, and I've done it before. I know they'll spend the money on drugs, but it must be awful to be so desperate that you'll face the humiliation of asking strangers for cash. I'm glad not to be in that position myself.

You’re not going to fix a habit by refusing a fiver. Either give or don’t it’s your choice but if you choose to give then what it’s spent on is none of your business.

I don’t mean you/your p OP but anyone I’ve met that says they don’t give don’t tend to be the type of people that donate anywhere, and their refusal to part with a few pounds tends not to come from a place of care like they claim.

It depends. Do you think people should have personal responsibility for the choices they make?

Then if you can spare the money, give the cash. There’s the risk they’ll use it for drugs. But that’s their choice.

If you’re of a “nanny” mindset who thinks they know best, then buy them food - which, no doubt, you chose for them.

Personally I wouldn’t give money or food. I’d give it to charities instead.

I always say to myself that I never give a homeless person money, I do buy them food and a hot drink though, if they are genuine then they are really grateful.

Oh and the heroin addicts I knew in the past would have a good giggle at the numerous 'meal deals' they were given by people. The Marks and Spencers ones were often eaten and sometimes sold on for a few pence. Sainsburys and Tescos were thrown in the bin.
Street homeless usually appreciate a bit of tobacco or a hot chocolate from MacDonalds. If someone is begging in my city they primarily want money for their drug of choice though.
It's totally up to an individual if they choose to assist with this

Would you give a suicidal person the means to kill themselves? Or reassure somebody with a serious eating disorder that their behaviour was fine and to carry on? If not, why would you give drugs to a drug addict?

What a horrible thing to say. Giving money to someone you suspect to take drugs and what they go on to do with it is absolutely NOT your fault in any way.

You probably cheered up her day. Do-gooders are not going to cure addiction. If she's homeless, it's probably her only 'pleasure' in life. I always give cash.

@WhenTwoBecomeThree

I always say to myself that I never give a homeless person money, I do buy them food and a hot drink though, if they are genuine then they are really grateful.

You can be genuinely gagging for a cigarette, or a drink or your drug of choice.

We get people like that around here knocking on doors "Boyfriend has thrown me out of his car, I need train fare to get home to X place". They will actually bang on your front door until you answer. Hubs fell for one and unknowingly gave her a couple of notes that he hadn't realised had been withdrawn. Anyway a couple of weeks later she was then approaching people walking along our road, so me being me marched up to the guy she was hassling and told him she was a scammer. She then had the cheek to retort that we had scammed her by giving her outdated currency. FFS really?

I do buy food for people who ask for money for food

I just tell people I have no cash on me, sorry. It seems the easiest most angst free way of dealing with it.

How would you like it if your employer paid you in food vouchers, gas and elec vouchers and accommodation vouchers? You wouldn't, would you? I mean, how could you buy your fine wine then? Maybe the food vouchers your employer pays are not valid for chocolate? Wouldn't that be a great idea!

I love how the pious put conditions on what they give. Why give something that a homeless person doesn't need or want. Give them the dignity to choose how they spend your donation. Just because you're homeless, it doesn't mean you're no longer entitled to freedom of choice. Or it shouldn't.

I wouldn't offer her a fiver, she asked for £1 which is ok, but would have maybe given her something from my shopping, maybe the milk if I had bought some.