To give a drug addict the money??

[SpicyEnchiladas]

When I finished the grocery shopping this morning, a young lady followed me to my car and asked politely for a pound to get some milk. She said that she lost £100 yesterday and she has nothing in her wallet. Stereotypically, she ticks every box of a drug addict: damaged skin, teeth, smell, shaking hands ...etc.

I gave her a fiver and told her that I hope it can help her. She thanked me and walked away. Not to the supermarket though! I carried on packing up everything in the car boot, then received a long call so I was a bit late to leave the car park. When I turned my car outside I saw her standing next to a young man and they were both smoking and laughing.

My husband said that if it happened next time I shouldn’t give them the money as I’m helping them with their habit. He suggested to go to the supermarket and get her some food instead. I don’t agree with him, I feel it’s humiliating for them and quite patronising. AIBU?

I doubt she needed food. I don't pay for people's drugs.

I think making comments like that without knowing somebody's personal background, or what they do for a living, or in their spare time, is pretty childish.

She wasn't suicidal. She was homeless. Strawman argument on your part. FWIW - I lived on the streets for a time, so DO actually know what I'm talking about.

But if it pleases you to think that I believe all drug addicts should go and suck a few dicks, and that by extension anyone who says no when asked for money also believes that; then I’m not going to argue with you.

If it pleases you to ignore the reality of what people have to do to feed a habit when homeless, then I ain't going argue with you!

@AnnaSW1

I doubt she needed food. I don't pay for people's drugs.

Probably doesn't need a roof over her head either. The dirty scumbag beggar.

@Lovemusic33

It’s very likely that she handed the money straight over to the man she was with, he was probably using her to get cash (people are more likely to give it to a woman). I’m not one to judge anyone or their reasons for being in the prostitution they are in but I think it’s never a good idea to give someone cash, I probably would have given her the milk out of my shopping (if you had milk) rather than give £5, it’s very unlikely she wanted milk.

She wasn't a prostitute or she'd have approached a man offering sex - not the OP begging for £1. She was a homeless WOMAN. A person. A real life actual human being, with thoughts, needs, hopes, dreams, a past, a future.

My friend at work who is a Christian says that she gives money if asked as she would rather give them some money even if it goes to drugs than leave someone so desperate for money regardless of what for that they mug someone or have to commit other crimes to get it and it really made me think .

Have you ever wondered how homeless women handle periods? I mean - how do they pay for sanitary towels? I'll tell you. They beg for money.
Or going to the toilet? McDonalds or a park with public toilets. Or getting water? A park with a drink font.

How do they sleep? Get drunk or high.

When you're homeless, the very LAST thing on your mind is - "you know what, I think I might take up knitting and get off this cursed drink!"

Some of you live in cloud cuckoo land.

I always offer food and drink. I’ll happily spend a fiver on food and drinks but not money as it’s not helping them.

@Thirtyrock39

My friend at work who is a Christian says that she gives money if asked as she would rather give them some money even if it goes to drugs than leave someone so desperate for money regardless of what for that they mug someone or have to commit other crimes to get it and it really made me think .

What has her being Christian got to do with the price of a litre of milk?

Although, in my experience, thinking of it, Christians did try to convert you by inveigling you to their church with the promise of a biscuit lol.

Perhaps surprisingly, the most generous givers to me when I was a beggar were young black men. Christian? Muslim? Haven't a clue. They just gave 50p or once £20. My was that a day!!! I didn't have to beg for two days after that donation!!

it’s not helping them.

You buying 2 kilos of chocolate a month probably isn't helping you either, but I don't dictate what you do with your life.

I give money to homeless women, including ones who are obviously addicts. In my mind then if they're addicted they're going to find any means of getting the money and for many that means using their bodies putting themselves at even further risk. If me giving them money means they don't need to have sex with some pig for it then I'd far rather that.

I agree with this. If I have some cash I will usually give some to a woman. I will buy a hot drink for a homeless man (I ask them what they would like). I would never give to a man who physically approached me, though.

There’s no right answer really. But I do believe that if I give someone something, it’s up to them what they do with it.

Can I ask what any of you would do if you suddenly found yourself homeless, with absolutely no access to help or money?

Would you beg?

What would your priority be? Food? Water? Alcohol? Cigarettes? Chocolate? Warmth?

I do, I know I shouldn't for all the reasons listed. They're going to get the money no matter how it comes for their fix I'd rather people threw them a few quid now and then to discourage them from mugging someone or breaking into their home.

@Emeraldshamrock

I do, I know I shouldn't for all the reasons listed. They're going to get the money no matter how it comes for their fix I'd rather people threw them a few quid now and then to discourage them from mugging someone or breaking into their home.

Not many homeless I know are burglars! Never met one, never heard of one convicted.

I would always advise not giving money but giving help instead, or giving money to charity.

If you know the money you're giving someone is going to fund a drug habit then you're knowingly funding all the human trafficking, slavery, and suffering that goes along with it.

I would buy food but not give money. I know some people don’t care how the money is spent, but I can’t personally handle contributing to an addiction because of the emotional damage from growing up as the child of an addict.

YANBU. But also YANBU if you chose food or drink instead or not to give anything.

Once you choose to give money to someone, it's up to them how they then use it.

Meh. It doesn't bother me how they spend it, personally. If I was in that situation, I'd probably do drugs too.

Refusing to give them a quid isn't going to magically rid them of their drug habit.

@Tallybeebloom

I give money to homeless women, including ones who are obviously addicts. In my mind then if they're addicted they're going to find any means of getting the money and for many that means using their bodies putting themselves at even further risk. If me giving them money means they don't need to have sex with some pig for it then I'd far rather that.

Yeah that's sort of how I feel as well.

I totally understand the logic about not enabling an addiction.

But the reality is if someone needs to buy heroin or crack they are going to stop at nothing to do it: if you don't fund it something or someone else will, whether that is the next person they beg from or someone who they sleep with.

Buying them a sandwich just kicks the can down the line, assuages your guilt a bit etc but won't change anything in the dynamics which led to them becoming a drug addict. An egg mayonnaise sandwich is never going to prompt someone into having an epiphany about their drug use.

Also and maybe this is awful but if I was living on the streets smoking heroin might be the only thing I had to look forward to.

I have given to money to people who are sleeping out on the streets and a bit extra if they have dogs. I just can't bear the thought of them having to live like that.

I'm not at all naive and I know there is a lot of support for the homeless but it's just such a grim way to live that I don't begrudge giving a fiver here and there.

Not many homeless I know are burglars! Never met one, never heard of one convicted
I was thinking on the lines of a crack addict with burglaries. Though I watched a UK cop show specifically on homeless it was sad a few homeless people did break in but to take food.
here are so many people in doorways for all different reasons, an early morning walk is eye opening seeing them pack away their bedding. If a few euro buys them a coffee or a few sleeping pills I hope it makes life more bearable for them.

shes hardly gonna get much drugs with a fiver is she - i wouldnt be going out of my way to go back in to get her bloody milk either - the effort like

but yeah whatever if i give someone like that money id expect its not for food or milk

but if I was living on the streets smoking heroin might be the only thing I had to look forward to.
This. This is the reality for a lot of homeless people. The sheer pain of every day life, the cold, the hunger etc.. it's all drown out with a hit. It's a vicious cycle of course but more relatable than most of us realise. How many of us have a glass of wine at the end of the day to relax and take the edge off...

@Desmondo2016

God no. Go and buy her the milk next time if you want to help. I'd never ever give cash to a beggar.

I hate this attitude, once you give the money away you give up all right to what it is spent on. Give them the money, it’s their choice what it goes in.

Genuinely, imagine you're living in a doorway, have been for a year or so maybe. You have possibly (or rather, probably from the people I have spoken with and known personally) been raped, certainly been assaulted. Have been chased and scared and left worried for your life. Are sleeping surrounded by vermin, maybe in a piss stinking underpass for warmth, with a load of people you know, but don't necessarily like to make you feel a tiny bit safer.

You have no idea when or if this situation will ever change. You are an addict, so you are genuinely ill without the drugs.

What do you do? Beg for a bag of smack to get you through to the next day, to give you 20 minutes of blissful nothing, or even just take the vomiting and diarrhoea away (don't forget you have no loo!)? Right there and then, it is more use to you than anything else you could get with what someone would reasonably give you.

I don't judge homeless addicts for their addictions. I judge the people who think they should just give up and look down on them for not doing so.

I wouldn't give a drug-addict money unless I felt that I had to, to avoid a dangerous confrontation.

You do better to donate to a trusted charity, imo, and I don't care if someone thinks it's not "kind" to not want to give hard-earned money to someone who'll just drink, smoke, or inject it.