Had enough of my family. I've gone on strike!

[Glastonbury2020]

Locked down with DH and 4 teenagers. Apart from me, no one:

• cooks any proper meals
• loads/ unloads the dishwasher
• puts a wash on
• wipes kitchen surfaces/ cooker top
• sweeps the floor
• cleans the bathroom
• makes lunch

I have had enough and I'm not doing it all anymore. Last night, I made myself a fish finger sandwich for dinner and ate it in my room. Ignored everyone when they wanted to know what was for dinner. This morning, I made breakfast for me and I'm now sitting in bed drinking tea. Rant over. Thank you for listening!

Yes, I went on strike a few years ago. I used to say things like ' is my time not valuable?' and rant, but actions speak louder.

Then I started to say 'oh, if only there was someone with a vagina who could do that'.

When asked 'what's for dinner?' I'd say, 'I don't know, what are you making?'

Things have improved with DH and 2 DS (early 20s).
I still don't cook. I don't enjoy it.
Toilet cleaning/ bins / filling & emptying dishwashers etc is often on my direction, and can also happen on their own volition (!) but I only do bits to help out. Not my job.
They do their own beds, and have done their own washing for years, but I now never even empty the washer or dryer if it's 'their' wash as I used to sort their clean wash. Not my job.
The recycling is probably the biggest bone of contention. If they are going to drink their weight in cans of ginger or eat their weight in ready meal snacks from plastic containers, they can rinse and put in re-cycle bin then take it out BEFORE it's overflowing. That is still invisible to them. It's their future world, you'd think they would pay more attention to that bit.

Still plagued by 3 grown adults with 'where's x, y, z?'. The answer is usually 'right in front of you', or 'I don't know'.

The house isn't manky, I do like to do a sweep round on some things, but it's not my job. I've already got one of them.

@Miramour

Oh this thread started off so promisingly with fun, supportive posts but by page two was derailed by the judgemental spoilt sports. What a shame.

Clue: if a poster created a thread saying she's having a hard time, she doesn't want to hear how much better you manage your life. That is the opposite of helpful, and it's also very boring to read.

Absolutely this^. With a while heap of "victim" blaming thrown in, for want of another expression.

LucilleTheVampireBat but the OP has decided to do something about it now, so deserves some backup IMHO.Also, it's a bit much to put the blame for this sort of shit situation, which exists in so many homes, on women. Why is it down to us to solve this? Why can't men just bloody sort out their crap behaviour?

@ravenmum

Curious now about the location of the secret sock stash :)

They're probably in a drawer somewhere, ravenmum but I make sure that I DON'T know exactly

KEEP GOING! YOU GOT THIS.

I've never paid for household chores to be done. We all live in the house we all create the housework.

DC1 is in charge of kitchen, loading and unloading the dishwasher (we're not allowed to touch the dishwasher apparently we don't do it right, suits me), She will also wipe down surfaces and hoover the floor in the evening, she sets the table for meals. DC2 clears the table.

DC3 helps put away dishes from the dishwasher she is almost four so mostly it's unbreakable stuff.

On weekends I hoover the house (except the older DC's floor), DC1 will do the kitchen cleaning cooker and oven, DC2 will clear other rooms and sort through the shelves with piles of crap that has accumulated on them and mop floors.

Everyone does their own laundry except the youngest DC, DH does ours and small DC laundry loads and unloads the machine, he puts out bins and is in charge of grocery shopping and DIY. We share the cooking.

DC2 is in charge of cat litter, we have five cats and I do pay her for that as it's above normal duties.

Both older DC take care of their own rooms, and their shared bathroom.

DH and I clean our bathroom as and when required. We both tidy the living room each evening as the younger two play in there and all their toys are in there.

My DC have been washing dishes and loading washing machines since they were in primary school about seven eight I think.

Everyone always picks up after themselves, so if someone makes themselves a snack or anything they leave the place tidy.

I've always made it clear I am not anyone's skivvy and frankly I would keel over if I had to do all the housework.

Sit down on the weekend and have a conversation with your family. If they require a rota then go down that route. And make sure everyone knows they clear up after themselves, and they do their own laundry at least.

Hang in there OP - don't cave!!

Well done! You have to STOP doing it for them otherwise they will never have the motivation. If they wait long enough it will get done for them. However, saying this you also need to have the conversation about allocating jobs for everyone. Sit down, have a family meeting about who does what and how often it should be done. If the job isn't done that's their problem to figure it out DONT HELP THEM! Say your partner cooks Monday and Tuesday, then one child Wednesday and the next Thursday etc etc. That's not a lot of work for each individual and they can't manage it that's tough! Don't do it. They will soon get sick of living in filth and dying of hunger LOL.

Sit down on the weekend and have a conversation with your family. If they require a rota then go down that route. And make sure everyone knows they clear up after themselves, and they do their own laundry at least

I don't agree with this as it is putting the onus on OP to sort the situation out. I think she should keep up her strike and let her DH take charge of resolving the issue..

Well done. It’s good to signal that it’s not just your responsibility and stand back a bit.
I’m having to do it now because I’m feeling rough. I’m WFH with 2 teens and DH goes out to work. So every day is a round of work meetings and tasks interspersed with housework, shopping, cooking, cleaning up etc. It reached crisis earlier this week with DS2 not even taking his yoghurt pots to the kitchen, just letting them accumulate in his room, and too many other annoying lazy habits to list. I went in to meltdown which gives them an excuse to dismiss my gripes.
Today I’ve just said calmly I can’t shop and won’t be cooking and stayed in my room.

Well done you. Don't relent. It's a valuable life lesson for all of them.

They definitely need to help more.

My dc (8) loves dusting and watering the plants. He's also found a new love for washing up - no dishwasher sadly. He hates loading the washing machine (only his and his brother's clothes) but usually does it without drama.

Housework doesn't come as easily to Dc1 (11) but he helps with dinner (grating cheese, plating up, laying the table and clearing up after), but rarely moans because he knows he has to do it. I don't pay for chores, nobody pays me for doing housework!

My two (15 & 12) have set chores and we ensure they get done by switching off the WiFi ...DH has an app that can turn off individual devices.😈. It’s still a battle sometimes when DD flicks a cloth around the bathroom and declares it “clean.”

Stay strong, OP, they need to know you mean business.

Good for you, lazy people need a dose of some shock action being taken,despite them being your family members.Keep it up until you see some changes being made.

RoosterTheRoost

“The silent treatment” is psychological abuse. Can you not talk to your family like an adult about how you feel instead of the passive aggressive tantrum?

Oh please! Enough with the amateur psychology nonsense! I am sick to death of talking. It makes no difference.
Anyway, just had a lovely lunch for one in my room. Found a tub of fresh soup in the fridge and heated it. Also took the last 2 chocolate digestives and left the empty packet on the side, alongside the empty soup carton and the dirty saucepan!
Me, immature? Never!

I'm cheering you on 🏆

I'd like to vote but can't do so until you give some indication of the prior conversations with family: @Glastonbury2020 have you always done everything around the house without asking for help/participation? Or have you asked for them to pitch in and they ignore you?

@Glastonbury2020
"I am sick to death of talking. It makes no difference."

I hear you. Take your peaceful time out, ignore the ungrateful feckers

Well done. Good for you!

@whaa

Oh well done! Have felt like doing this many times, never quite done it! Have just refused to was ds clothes because they are all over the floor near, to in, the wash basket, and now he has no clean pants. Hoping he’ll actually pick them up ( never mind actually put the damn stuff in the machine) he’s 13. Should he be doing his own washing? Hoping some wise people come on with more tips!

Even if he doesn't specifically do his own washing, it's not unreasonable to expect him to put his dirties in the basket, put the odd load on or hang a load up, and so on.

I can't see how to vote!

I don't go out to work so don't mind doing the majority of stuff, but even so I only wash what is in the wash box, iron the minimum & let them put their own stuff away.

Often someone will be wanting a break around lunch time (main meal)so will help a bit with prep.

Evening meal is everyone gets their own.

Husband has always cooked at the weekends (after doing a shop) to give me a break from it!

I really fancy a weekend alone in my bedroom with food, wine and boxsets. It would be like a lockdown minibreak...

I applaud your style! (*And your psychological warfare 😆)

Also took the last 2 chocolate digestives and left the empty packet on the side, alongside the empty soup carton and the dirty saucepan!

Your pettiness pleases me

It will never last. I guess you'll take a day off, everyone will 'help' a bit more for a couple of days and then everything will go back to normal until you strop off again.

You really need to make meaningful changes. But enjoy your day!