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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had enough of my family. I've gone on strike!

399 replies

Glastonbury2020 · 22/01/2021 09:27

Locked down with DH and 4 teenagers. Apart from me, no one:

  • cooks any proper meals
  • loads/ unloads the dishwasher
  • puts a wash on
  • wipes kitchen surfaces/ cooker top
  • sweeps the floor
  • cleans the bathroom
  • makes lunch
I have had enough and I'm not doing it all anymore. Last night, I made myself a fish finger sandwich for dinner and ate it in my room. Ignored everyone when they wanted to know what was for dinner. This morning, I made breakfast for me and I'm now sitting in bed drinking tea. Rant over. Thank you for listening!
OP posts:
SisyphusDad · 22/01/2021 10:59

Currently the score is 3% YABU on 184 votes. By my reckoning that make roughly one DS and four teenagers.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 22/01/2021 11:00

Good for you OP! Currently feeling the same way with a baby and a 7 year old (who to be fair to her does help if asked). Baby is on nuclear level nap refusal and it's like nobody else sees mess/crumbs/ things not in their proper places etc?!

SisyphusDad · 22/01/2021 11:00

...one DH ...

BarbaraofSeville · 22/01/2021 11:00

In a house with 6 people, all aged 13 or above, there's no reason (SENs excepted of course) why you can't operate on a 'everyone cooks one dinner a week' basis and then maybe takeaway or easy supermarket equivalent on the remaining day.

Plus everyone takes responsibility for another task like vacuuming or bathroom cleaning. Do you work OP? Unless you're a SAHM or very part time, the load should be spread fairly evenly amongst you and your DH and all your DC should pitch in. It's part of teaching them how to be an adult and not a burden on their future parners/housemates.

Honeybobbin · 22/01/2021 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuchessofHastings1 · 22/01/2021 11:01

You go girl!!

Sounds your at your last tether. No way on this earth would I be doing all this with 5 other able bodied people in the house!

I assume you have told them time and time again about this and they have ignored...well desperate times.
DO NOTHING, though you'll hate the mess, DO NOTHING.

Teddy1970 · 22/01/2021 11:03

Good for you, keep it up! You're not the unpaid skivvy..

ApolloandDaphne · 22/01/2021 11:05

Good on you. Stay strong!

megletthesecond · 22/01/2021 11:08

Same.
I've spent a fortune on nice ready meals this week as I couldn't bare to tidy the kitchen again.
DC's weren't willing to eat if I didn't feed them and I couldn't handle the whinging late in the evening. (Lone parent WFH and no bubble or support so I have zero tolerance at this stage).

joeyroo · 22/01/2021 11:09

Rota here
Each teen does two dinners and I do Sundays. I often sous chef for them to get some chat.
On their non cooking days they are either on folding dry washing duty (I do all the washing) or general helping such as emptying the dishwasher. Every weekend we have a cleaning power hour where everyone has a job - hoovering, bathrooms, kitchen etc then it's all done. No jobs on Sundays.
Definitely no pay for household jobs, it's all part of living as a family.

WhereamI88 · 22/01/2021 11:11

Be strong! Teens are by nature pretty oblivious, I didn't appreciate just how much my parents did until I moved out and I needed regular telling offs to get doing stuff through my teens. Your DH has no excuse.

Schoolhouse123 · 22/01/2021 11:11

Good for you. Keep going.
My 3 are 11-16 they have to help out as I'm a single parent with disabilities.
We have routines which helps - these include whoever doesn't make the meal cleans up after.
Saturday everyone helps clean downstairs, Sunday everyone cleans upstairs.
Whoever is around when food shopping is delivered helps (no excuses).
Strip and remake own beds.
The children will do laundry with my help on specific days (if they don't they don't get any clean clothes). I do the ironing but they are expected to put all laundry away.
I think rotas, routines and consistency has been what's helped. I've also found that they make less mess /tidy up after themselves because they know they'll have to do it anyway.

Brainwave89 · 22/01/2021 11:13

Well done OP and keep it up. My DH is not too bad, but I would reflect that my kids never lift a finger. Never cook, never load a dishwasher, never clean, never tidy, never wash clothes. With hindsight we should have been much stronger when they were younger. In later teens early twenties I am concerned as to what happens when they form quite serious relationships. Their new partners might just not put up with this level of crap.

Rosebel · 22/01/2021 11:13

Hope it works out for you. Monday I cleaned the whole house except the bathroom and said to my husband and teenagers one of them needed to clean it.
Still hasn't been done 😡😡
Don't give in, sounds like they need to realise how much you do.

Murinae · 22/01/2021 11:19

Four adults living together here, two of us work fulltime (DH and I) and one works part time (27 hours). We have had a rota for a long time. Now we don't need one as everyone is so used to doing things that it gets done automatically. The (adult) kids empty the dishwasher everyday and wash up after dinner. Everyone get's their own breakfast and lunch though DH and I usually have ours together if we are working from home. I do the online shop but ask for ideas. I do most of the cooking but they cook when I'm out at work about three times a week. The kids do their bathroom and rooms and I do ours and everyone hoovers when they feel like it. One of the adult daughters who doesn't work does all the washing for everyone. The bins also get done by the kids. The gardening gets done by DH with some help from the kids. It works for us most of the time though sometimes I have to moan to get them to do things. I refused to do everything a long time ago though I think it's easier when you work fulltime to say no I'm not doing it all as DH definitely had to be pushed to do his share when I stopped working part time.

BillMasheen · 22/01/2021 11:19

My mate did Similar.

Threw an epic strop, and retired to bed with a bottle of champagne and a crisp sandwich.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 22/01/2021 11:20

Good for you op.
Mine are only 10 and 6 so there's a limit to how much I can expect as yet. I do feel I need my own sound board with things like "Pick that up!" or "Get on with your work" on it as I find myself repeating things A Lot.
My 10 year old has to empty and fill the dishwasher. He has started to understand that lunch won't make an appearance unless the kitchen is clear of dirty stuff.
I also have the Amazon family on my phone to cut off tablet time and Microsoft family safety to cut off his access to Minecraft, Roblox and Steam. He he he. It's amazing how he'll suddenly get all well behaved when he knows his computer privileges are hanging in the balance.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 22/01/2021 11:21

Please keep it up for a month and report back on the changes you notice.

IndieRo · 22/01/2021 11:25

Well done, I'm feeling the same most days. I took to the bed yesterday and only surfaced to make my own food.

Hampotsandonions · 22/01/2021 11:26

With hindsight we should have been much stronger when they were younger

If it's any consolation Brainwave89 I was stronger when they were younger and it didn't make any difference. Teens are on another planet half the time.

Things got better after I went on strike because the house sunk to such a low state they all realised how much I had been doing. It was hard letting it get like that though. And they had to learn how to do it all again. Lockdown has made it worse now for various reasons related to us all being at home but at least now they do all pitch in and have huge cleaning sessions which is better than nothing, even though I prefer the continual (!was stressful) regular maintenance approach.

megletthesecond · 22/01/2021 11:32

yy Hamp. Same, mine were much better about working as a team when they were younger. These days they won't even cook or tidy.

Timeontimeoff · 22/01/2021 11:38

@carrotcake124

Totally support you going on strike but also would not of let it go so far.

My teenager 13 does his own breakfast and lunch. As does my DH.

I sometimes do the dishwasher but I also ensure I ask my teen to do it.

My teen does his own laundry and bedding and cleans his bathroom. Yes he needs to be nagged a bit but he's used to it.

DH and I both work full time so we share out housework and he probably does more than me because I work longer hours

This - why did it get so far?

I have 3 young people. 14, 11 and 8 and they all have to keep their own rooms tidy, put dirty washing in basket and clean away otherwise no screen time.
All get allocated a job - polishing/washing up cleaning the table dependant on age/skill etc - 2 have SEN.

Have higher expectations and all work together and stick to it. If you enable children to do nothing then they do nothing and then turn into adults that are unable to 'do' eg cook/clean/tidy/organise. Your partner should be leading the way with you.

Good luck.

RaspberryCoulis · 22/01/2021 11:41

Oh OP I hear you, I really do.

Two of us working from home here, DH full time, me part time and studying part time too. Three able bodied teenagers who think they're living in the Ritz.

Gatehouse77 · 22/01/2021 11:45

At the beginning of last March’s lockdown we put in the following ’rules’. (Kids aged 17, 19 and 20 at the time.)

  1. Everyone cooks a minimum of once a week. Menu planning on Sunday night.
  1. Divvied out the cleaning. Kids responsible for own bedrooms (not an entirely new rule) and bathrooms/stairs and landing.
  1. Family walk once a week. (Picked out in turns from a jar.)
  2. Family film night. (Picked out in turns from a jar.)
  3. Family board game night. (Winner picks next game.)

It’s helped our collective mental health, created times for conversation (and tweaking the rules) and no one feels taken for granted.

We also had baking competitions and sometimes do meals where we each cook a component part. So far we’ve done Chinese, Indian, tapas and Asian mix.

It’s done us good to ensure we’ve come together as family whilst respecting individual needs too.

Hampotsandonions · 22/01/2021 11:45

I have 3 young people. 14, 11 and 8 and they all have to keep their own rooms tidy, put dirty washing in basket and clean away otherwise no screen time.

Mine were happy to help at this age too Timeontimeoff we had a rota and they all stuck to it. Maybe it will be different in your house (I genuinely hope so) and by the sound of it your DH is more supportive of the system - I think it is key that both parents are on board - but I didn't find teens to be particularly compliant after age of fifteen or so, but according to my friends, some of them do apparently get more helpful again in their early twenties.