Had enough of my family. I've gone on strike!

[Glastonbury2020]

Locked down with DH and 4 teenagers. Apart from me, no one:

• cooks any proper meals
• loads/ unloads the dishwasher
• puts a wash on
• wipes kitchen surfaces/ cooker top
• sweeps the floor
• cleans the bathroom
• makes lunch

I have had enough and I'm not doing it all anymore. Last night, I made myself a fish finger sandwich for dinner and ate it in my room. Ignored everyone when they wanted to know what was for dinner. This morning, I made breakfast for me and I'm now sitting in bed drinking tea. Rant over. Thank you for listening!

@Suleika

You have been a saint. So, when you are ready to talk to them remember that proposition beats argument. So propose some basic rules, eg everyone does their own breakfast and lunch. Then You have a piece of paper in the kitchen on which everyone writes shopping requests. Then you list basic jobs eg cooking evening meal, emptying bins, shopping, dishwasher emptying, laundry etc and you draw up a weekly rota. Good luck. A rota is the best thing I did in the first lock down

So propose some basic rules...

Then You have a piece of paper...

Then you list basic jobs etc...

you draw up a weekly rota...

Erm... no I don't think so.

Why should it be the OP's sole responsibility to organise another adult and four teenagers into co-operating together in the running of a household?

I went on strike when my dd (21) called me lazy because I asked her to hoover upstairs. I became too lazy to shop for her, do her laundry, take her rubbish out, wash her dishes etc. She cracked after five days and hasn't called me lazy since!

Hope it works for you.

A friend of mine did this (pre lockdown). Two weeks her husband and two teenagers ate takeaway and lived in filth.

She stayed strong, I admire her.

Eventually they cleaned the house and cooked a meal etc.

They actually achieved a much better balance of family life after that. Worked a treat.

You are being entirely reasonable, and should certainly push this even farther.

By the time my boys (2 of them) were around 14, they could cook 3-4 choices for all three meals (mains and sides), do their own laundry, knew how to properly clean (especially bathroom and kitchen), mend a seam, fix a hem, replace a button, iron, and balance a check book. And did those things on a scheduled rota, insofar as cooking, laundry/ironing and cleaning went.

There is no reason for a woman who has four able-bodied family members to shoulder everything in the house themselves. Your teenagers will, at some point (although not now) thank you for teaching them to do for themselves.

I highly recommend adding a good book to your bedside table...one that you've been wanting to read, but haven't had time to with looking after the ravening horde.

You are my hero OP. I have a bone idle teenage DD14 and I utterly totally want you to have a happy ending that involves lots of sitting down and chilling, hot baths and being cooked for. Stay strong and eat those biscuits. That cat is not going to stroke itself!

I might have mentioned this before, but pre kids , DH and I used to work opposite shifts , so that while he was working an early turn , I would work a late shift. I would leave the kitchen clean and tidy , go to work for the afternoon, and then come home to find that he would have made dinner, coffee etc all night , and left his pots and pans and dirty dishes on the draining board, which of course I would then deal with the next morning .

After the third time in a week, I thought “Fuck this” . And piled every last clean pot, pan, cup, bowl, plate, , knife, fork , roasting tray, you name it, into the boot of my car. And took it to work. When I got back home, the kitchen was immaculate. Neither of us spoke of the missing kitchenalia, and I’ve never had to do it again !

Across the pond in America - I am rooting for you! You are Winston Churchill fighting the war against unappreciated domestic drudgery. Fight on!!!

I haven’t emptied or filled a dishwasher in years! My teens do it on rota. They also strip/remake their beds, make sure washing gets to the kitchen, hoover stairs, hallway, landing and their rooms, put the bins out, wash the car and do garden weeding. Everyone does their own breakfast and lunch - all capable of frying or scrambling eggs, heating a tin of soup, making a sandwich or toastie, making a packet of noodles, toast, cereal. They will get the message - keep strong!

Well done, I have done this before. Crumbled when daughter age 10 put a wash on for one single pair of jeans. Consoled myself that at least she knew how to use the washing machine. Stick it out and it will work

Change the password on the WiFi and tell them they ain’t getting it until they help with the chores.

I honestly think you've done the right thing. My DH and Teenage DS were like this and I started telling them if they expect something to be done to do it themselves. Soon had the problem solved! Keep it up! :)

Take the time you now have to at least cook with the kids. Plan a meal with them, shop prepare and cook. They enjoy eating it so much more. Can extend to cooking birthday cakes, sweets. Even growing food in garden to eat. Believe me- they will live it

That’s terrible

@Dopeyduck

A friend of mine did this (pre lockdown). Two weeks her husband and two teenagers ate takeaway and lived in filth.

She stayed strong, I admire her.

Eventually they cleaned the house and cooked a meal etc.

They actually achieved a much better balance of family life after that. Worked a treat.

Two weeks of takeaways? Her husband should be embarrassed that he can't even cook a simple meal.

And the cost and calories of that many takeaways

Every single glass is left at the side of the sink for the magic washing up fairy.

Tell them that they're playing Hide 'n' Seek. They're seeking the washing up fairy. When they've found her, to come and let you know where she was hiding.

Retreat to bed with a lot of chocolate. And wait...

Update! We had our takeaway curry then I left the table. The dishwasher is on and the empty chocolate biscuit packet has gone! 😅
The floor still hasn't been swept- 2 chips from last nights dinner still lying there.
I'll let you know how tomorrow's roast pork lunch goes...
The washing machine has not been on since Thurs. I usually do a wash every day... not my problem anymore unless it's my stuff..
I don't care. I'm sozzled on half a bottle of wine watching Glastonbury re-runs! 😆😆

Do you think they're starting to get the message?

Great update
👏 👏 👏

I can't believe the biscuit wrapper has disappeared, thought that might lurk for another week or so

Loving this thread, well done op.

^Update! We had our takeaway curry then I left the table. The dishwasher is on and the empty chocolate biscuit packet has gone! 😅
The floor still hasn't been swept- 2 chips from last nights dinner still lying there.
I'll let you know how tomorrow's roast pork lunch goes^

Do you think they're going to cook the pork?

That's the worry when an organised pro active person starts to behave like the rest of the lazy household. No-one picks up from them and it all gets expensive and wasteful.

Managing food so it's available and not wasted takes mental effort in addition to the physical effort of doing the cooking, so if they default to takeaways and don't bother to use up food that is in the fridge, it costs far more than it has to do. Likewise if they don't think about doing a proper weekly shop and default to picking things up one at a time at the local convenience store.

Hopefully today you can ask in a loud voice

What’s for dinner tonight?

Before going out for a king walk

Good for you OP - DO NOT CAVE!
I have 2 DD’s in their early 20’s who still live at home who thought it was tantamount to abuse that I made them do their own laundry & charge them rent ( nominal amount as both students) - apparently all of their friends don’t pay a penny for staying at home!!!!
I feel they need to learn the value of money, hence the rent & they are still left with plenty which they lavish on themselves. Neither lift a finger in the house & still ask me every day “what’s for tea”.
All of their lives I’ve made them do chores & tidy their toys/things away, but, now they think they don’t have to. I am more than likely to blame now as I can’t stand the arguments it causes when it’s suggested they do some cleaning or they make tea some evenings etc
What has happened to this generation, feel they are too precious to do anything barr care for themselves. All of DD’s friends are students, live at home & can’t possibly get a part time job as they have college/university to attend to. At their age, I was qualified in my profession, had a full time job, mortgage & lived with my now husband.
Love them dearly, but, cannot wait for the day they move out.
So OP, stick to your guns.

I like your style OP. Keep going! 😎