To lie to my family about job offers? Not sure which one to take!

[bonnie1981]

Sorry if this is long but I am not sure what job to take and I think I might have to lie to my family who want me to go with the highest paid / status job.

Bit of background: I took an exit package last year after years of bullying and disability discrimination from my previous employer. My mental health really suffered (diagnosed with PTSD) and I had to go through a tribunal process with help from my amazing union (got the exit package instead). So that exit package was in December and I've been job hunting since. I've been quite taken aback by how many interviews and offers I now have. I thought I was unemployable! Because of what happened to me before, I'd much prefer to be home based to minimise stress and better manage my disabilities. The salary I was on before was £36,000.
The offers I have to choose from are as follows:

1. a temporary contract at a university in a professional services role. It is 6 months. It is not home based but as it is 6 months, it's unlikely I would be in an office much or even at all, due to the current climate. It is 30 mins from home to commute. It is a unionised environment, disability confident employer, seem really nice people.The reviews on Glassdoor are mostly positive. Its a russell group university. I have always been interested in working in a university environment and this could be a foot in the door. However, it is temporary, it seems a rather easy job and I could be bored, and although I have experience in this work it is not what my degree was in. I got this offer first and I have accepted it. It is £29,000 with a 3 month notice period.

1. This is a permanent home working role doing what I am qualified in, it is what I have experience in but it is also linked to a personal passion of mine. I view this as my dream job. However, they have taken someone else on and have told me that if they get more funding in the summer, they will take me on then. This would be just before the contract above finishes, but what if they don't get the funding? This job is a disability confident leader. The reviews on glassdoor are all positive although as they are a very small employer there aren't many reviews! This is £32,000 salary.

1. This is a national disability charity. Disability Confident committed (not leader) and it not unionised. It is permanent home based (but not home working - so some travel may still be involved and this travel would be throughout the UK). It sounds like it would be the most stressful of the three options. The reviews on Glassdoor are mainly negative - talking about bad management, impossible targets and bullying. However this is mainly from the customer facing staff and I would not be customer facing. This job is £36-41k salary range. I interview for this job on Wednesday and that is the final stage interview against one other candidate.

My family want me to take the highest paying role. I am inclined to take the first two roles. if I get offered the last role, wibu to lie to them and say I didn't get it? WIBU not to take the last role?

I know folk might say its my life etc but I'm scared of making the wrong choice as I have had such a shitty few years. I just want the minimal stress and to be happy but at the same time I'm not stupid and I worry about going backwards in my career.

You're not a child who has to do what your family say. Just do what you want.

Surely if you've already accepted the first one, the second doesn't actually exist & you haven't been offered the 3rd the decision has already been made 🤔

The difference in take home pay between the first & third wouldn't be enough for me personally to go through so much extra stress.

Who are your 'family' in this scenario? If it's is your DH/DP then yes they can have an opinion because it impacts on the family financially but ultimately it is your choice, anyone else tell them to mind their own business

Where you the poster who's family and husband where pressuring to demand more from an exit package / go to court etc. If so you really need to tell your family to back off. Its your life choose the role you will be happiest in. Unless you are really struggling financially and can't survive on the lower salary

My BIL recently had a similar situation: one possible contract with dream job in six months or one good job now. He took the job now and told the other company that if they still wanted him, he would have a think when they offered it officially. They didn't offer it, and have since closed part of thay department. In this climate it seems silly to wait for a job that may not materialise.

I think you're right that the last job sounds the most stressful and least like what you're looking for. I'd take the first two - even if the second doesn't materialise, it buys you some more time to find something more suitable than job 3 (which only seems to have its salary going for it) and will give you some experience in a field you want to explore. The temp contract might also be extended.

You're not being at all unreasonable in wanting what you want and if lying to your family about job 3 makes your life easier, I'd do that. They don't have to live your life, you do.

Agree with pp who is your family?

Can you not take some time out with your redundancy payment - why the rush to find a job?

I'd take the first, hope that the second gets funding and will wait a few weeks for you, and not even contemplate the third, based on the fact you are undergoing therapy for PTSD from your last job and this organisation has bad reviews.

I’d go for option 2 or 3 myself.

Good luck with whatever you choose (and well done for 3 job offers at once - just like bloody buses!)

I wouldn’t take 3 due to all the bad reviews....is it a significant number of reviews? A couple could be put down to people with an axe to grind.

Take the 1st. It’s likely to become permanent or at least be moved to a different permanent role within the uni if they like you. See what happens by summer for the 2nd. You might by then either hate or love the uni job which would make your decision easier about whether to jump to job 2 if it becomes available.

Why does it matter about your families thoughts? Your an adult - none of their business?

There is no way I would take the third in your situation. Take the first, if you have had 3 job offers in a time when people are loosing jobs, there is a good chance you will find something else in 6 months even if the second job doesn't happen.

Several years back I left a job with a nice exit package after being treated appallingly (my lawyer said the financial package showed they knew they'd been utter shits and desperately didn't want me to go down the tribunal route because they'd probably lose).

The next job I took was a really easy job based in my local community, part time, half the salary I'd been on. My DH questioned whether I'd get bored but was totally supportive of me needing a job like that while I repaired from the damage my previous employer had done.

It was perfect... gave me the headspace and confidence I needed to heal, but then when I got bored (yes, he'd been right!), it allowed plenty of freedom for job hunting and interviews.

I hope your family could see this for themselves but if you feel you need to lie to them, then do, and go for the job you'll be happier in. People often underestimate the damage that a crap work environment can do to you, and it takes time to repair.

You’ve already made your decision. It’s so clear from the post you’ve written.

Who is the family that is pressuring you? Your partner or parents?

Steer your own boat.

The first one will give you a good idea if working for a university is what you want longer term.
And if the second one comes up, you could try and negotiate the start date to fall in line with the end of the contract.
And honestly in 6months, things should be looking different and you can reassess what you want to do longer term.

Well done on getting three strong leads in such a short time.

Agree with the others. Take 1 for now, 2 later (if possible) and sack off 3. And tell your family you’ll make your own decision.

As someone who previously spent two years in a job I hated (sleepless nights, no work life balance, getting upset and stressed every Sunday without fail, anxiety including trips to a&e), you spend too much time at work to not be somewhere you feel comfortable and enjoy. It's really not worth it if you're stressed and worried. Go with the one that is most likely to make you happy, you're the one that needs to live with the decision.

Job 1. I wouldn’t even bother interviewing for job 3.

Right now you only have one offer, which seems a good fit for you anyway. #2 is worth keeping on the back-burner but not forgoing anything for in the short term. #3 could go either way. If you still have 1 more interview to go, ask some searching questions - why is the role available, what staff turnover is like, what characteristics would define their ideal employee, how would they describe it as a place to work etc... see if they throw up any red flags. Different depts can have very different cultures, particularly in large workplaces. You don't have to rule it out just yet - and you can afford to ask some 'difficult' questions given you're not relying on the offer. You never know, they might pleasantly suprise you.

If they offer and you decide not to take it, you can just say "oh that role didn't work out" to your family.

If your family members want more money they can try to get a better-paid job themselves.

Take job one as that's the one you've been offered! Hopefully job two will be offered later in the year.

I would advise you take glassdoor reviews with a pinch of salt. Most are written by people who were unhappy at the company, and often the positive ones are often due to management offering an incentive to staff to write one.

One has been offered & accepted

Two is a maybe in the future

Three is NOT a good idea for anyone,let alone after what you've been through!

Tell your family, if the lived you, they wouldn't be pushing you to take the worst option for you. Don't lie, just get them told how selfish & horrible they're being

Yeah if you need a bit of time to heal from what sounds like awful bullying then accept 1.

As somebody who experienced workplace bullying, then I feel quite safe saying your attitude isn't going to help you. You have one offer on the table, you are happy with it. Take it.

Don't turn this into a drama and don't wait on anybody else's permission.