To lie to my family about job offers? Not sure which one to take!

[bonnie1981]

Sorry if this is long but I am not sure what job to take and I think I might have to lie to my family who want me to go with the highest paid / status job.

Bit of background: I took an exit package last year after years of bullying and disability discrimination from my previous employer. My mental health really suffered (diagnosed with PTSD) and I had to go through a tribunal process with help from my amazing union (got the exit package instead). So that exit package was in December and I've been job hunting since. I've been quite taken aback by how many interviews and offers I now have. I thought I was unemployable! Because of what happened to me before, I'd much prefer to be home based to minimise stress and better manage my disabilities. The salary I was on before was £36,000.
The offers I have to choose from are as follows:

1. a temporary contract at a university in a professional services role. It is 6 months. It is not home based but as it is 6 months, it's unlikely I would be in an office much or even at all, due to the current climate. It is 30 mins from home to commute. It is a unionised environment, disability confident employer, seem really nice people.The reviews on Glassdoor are mostly positive. Its a russell group university. I have always been interested in working in a university environment and this could be a foot in the door. However, it is temporary, it seems a rather easy job and I could be bored, and although I have experience in this work it is not what my degree was in. I got this offer first and I have accepted it. It is £29,000 with a 3 month notice period.

1. This is a permanent home working role doing what I am qualified in, it is what I have experience in but it is also linked to a personal passion of mine. I view this as my dream job. However, they have taken someone else on and have told me that if they get more funding in the summer, they will take me on then. This would be just before the contract above finishes, but what if they don't get the funding? This job is a disability confident leader. The reviews on glassdoor are all positive although as they are a very small employer there aren't many reviews! This is £32,000 salary.

1. This is a national disability charity. Disability Confident committed (not leader) and it not unionised. It is permanent home based (but not home working - so some travel may still be involved and this travel would be throughout the UK). It sounds like it would be the most stressful of the three options. The reviews on Glassdoor are mainly negative - talking about bad management, impossible targets and bullying. However this is mainly from the customer facing staff and I would not be customer facing. This job is £36-41k salary range. I interview for this job on Wednesday and that is the final stage interview against one other candidate.

My family want me to take the highest paying role. I am inclined to take the first two roles. if I get offered the last role, wibu to lie to them and say I didn't get it? WIBU not to take the last role?

I know folk might say its my life etc but I'm scared of making the wrong choice as I have had such a shitty few years. I just want the minimal stress and to be happy but at the same time I'm not stupid and I worry about going backwards in my career.

Take job 3 and apply for/keep pursuing job 2.

You don’t need your dad’s permission!

You don’t need his approval!

I don’t think I’ve ever justified why I’ve chosen or turned down a job to my parents. I tell them what I’ve decided.

Are they massively involved in your life? If you took the job your dad didn’t approve of, what’s the worst that could happen? Would he be angry? Stop speaking to you? Or would it be a non-event? There’s a lot to unpack here about why you feel the need to justify your decision to your dad and get him onside. You’re an adult. What’s stopping you from making up your own mind and making you feel like you need to placate your dad?

How much of an option is option 2 really? You said they’d taken someone else on but would hire you if they got more funding - does that mean you interviewed for this job and someone else was hired instead? Or does it mean you enquired about a role but one was not available at the time / had already been filled?

If you don’t want to do a job, then don’t. It's not about what your family want. Personal fulfilment and happiness is more important than money.

Either tell them you don’t want the job, or if you think that will cause problems then just say you didn't get it.

And yes, why are you having such detailed discussions with your mum and dad about job prospects? How old are you? If your username is an indication nearly 40?

Job 2 doesn't exist, so ignore that one. If it does materialise in 6 months you can consider it then.

Interview in weds for job 3, and mention the poor glass door reviews and see what their response is. An interview is as much for you to suss out the company as the other way round. If you don't get a satisfactory response, then take job 1.

If you do get a satisfactory response, then think about whether a short term contract would stress you out (it would me) and the realistic options for working in the uni sector, which seems to increasingly rely on short term contracts for roles.

I can't imagine discussing this with anyone other than my husband, beyond "I've got a new job".

Bit if I were you I'd take opt1, keep in communication with opt2. 4months into opt1, start job hunting again.

I would take number 1 for now. If you do get number 2 then you can accept and give a months notice. Which may be towards the end of your term anyway. There is no guarantee you'll get number 2 anyway. You may find that you enjoy working for a university. Out of all the jobs I've had, I've enjoyed college and university work the most, rather than charities and small businesses.

Take 1
Hope for 2
Don’t give 3 any more time or headspace

Be honest with your parents but keep it brief. You don’t need to justify yourself to them and they should respect your feelings.

I have absolutely no idea why you would send the information or reviews about either job to your parents!

It is not their business and as pp said, you don't need their permission. You don't need to persuade them of your arguments.

Your DH thank goodness sounds sensible and he thinks job1 is a good idea. Who cares if it is boring, it's only for a short time. Then you can look again.

I would take one, if you’re not suffering interview wise I would take a six month job offer to get you back into a positive working environment without making any permanent decisions.

Also I would not take a permanent home based job especially if you suffer with your MH.

You’ve been told on several of your other threads that it’s really none of your parents business and to stop providing them with all this information.

My parents haven’t a clue what my salary is, not that I’m hiding it from them, but if they started interfering to the level you’re allowing your parents to I’d just shut down any talk of it at all.

I also don’t understand why you are involving your parents. You’re an adult, act like one. It’s between you and your DH as only you (hopefully) know your financial situation. And agree this is all a hypothetical as you only have job 1 on the table at this point.

I would accept 1 and hope that something else grows from it. Hope that 2 materialises and that the timings are right. If you do decide to interview for 3 perhaps treat it as though you are interviewing them as potential employers rather than the other way round

I'd take option 1 and stop sharing information with my parents.

OP - Take Job 1
Job 2 - take once Job 1 ends if you are offered a place later.
Job 3 - sack it off

And who cares what your dad thinks? It is your life! He can take job 3 if he wants.

Good luck!

I interviewed for job 2. they emailed to say they wanted to take us both on and they hope to be successful for more funding in may and take me on then. I know they might not get the funding though.

Can I really question job 3 on their glassdoor reviews? that would be an instant 'not getting the job' wouldn't it (if I didn't have something lined up).

An interview works bith ways. Yes ask job 3 about their reviews. I'd be tempted to interview for job 3 so you can make up your own mind. As it stands I'd accept j1 and then move onto j2 if/ when they get the funding. J3 sounds like the least favourable, but the interview may change that.

The difference in salary between 1 and 3 is significant. For me it would depend on what impact the lower salary would have. If life ticks along OK anyway with the lower salary then go for it even if you can't have an extra couple of holidays a year. If, however, the lower salary means you can't afford the mortgage and will have to sell your home then I'd consider the higher salary one more. But it sounds like you do not really need the money or agree with your dad's thoughts on status and money - in which case I'd ignore them as it's your life not his.

Why would asking about the Glassdoor reviews be an instant 'not getting the job'?

All it says is that you've googled the company. It would be weird if you hadn't. They must be aware, so asking is fine.

Why do you care what your parents think about YOUR job? Is your father a bully? I don’t understand why you are even discussing it with them, unless you live in the same house. It’s your life and your choice where you work.

In answer to your choice - take job 1 and if job 2 is offered In the future, you can think about it then. Don’t bother with job 3 while you are still recovering from PTSD.

I would accept job 1 & not get your hopes up for funding for job 2.

you do not have job 3 yet! you are getting way ahead of yourself

and i've no idea why you are sending them to your parents and asking their advice when you know they are judgmental! stop doing that and live your own life and chose your own career path! It's nothing to do with your dad

Don't bother questioning no3. Just don't go there. It's stressful and you don't need that.

Take job 1 and if job 2 comes up, talk with both about options for finishing early using AL / delaying start.

You're cheeky employable so start looking again at 4 months so if the other job doesn't materialise you have something else to go on to

In your position, I would take job number one for 6 months and then keep everything crossed for job number two - they sound very positive about the funding, but if it doesn't come off then look again rather than waiting.

I wouldn't take job number three, I think you need to start building up your confidence in the workplace after you've been through so much in your previous job - and job three sounds a bit sketchy, but I'd take the interview anyway, you can always turn it down if offered but having as many options at your disposal can only be a good thing!

Ignore your dad, he evidently doesn't have your best interests at heart if he's pushing for you to go back into the lions den so you can brag about your high salary! and no, don't lie to him, tell him you've made a measured decision based on all the factors available to you and tell him he can keep his opinion to himself. have some faith that you know what's best for you