To lie to my family about job offers? Not sure which one to take!

[bonnie1981]

Sorry if this is long but I am not sure what job to take and I think I might have to lie to my family who want me to go with the highest paid / status job.

Bit of background: I took an exit package last year after years of bullying and disability discrimination from my previous employer. My mental health really suffered (diagnosed with PTSD) and I had to go through a tribunal process with help from my amazing union (got the exit package instead). So that exit package was in December and I've been job hunting since. I've been quite taken aback by how many interviews and offers I now have. I thought I was unemployable! Because of what happened to me before, I'd much prefer to be home based to minimise stress and better manage my disabilities. The salary I was on before was £36,000.
The offers I have to choose from are as follows:

1. a temporary contract at a university in a professional services role. It is 6 months. It is not home based but as it is 6 months, it's unlikely I would be in an office much or even at all, due to the current climate. It is 30 mins from home to commute. It is a unionised environment, disability confident employer, seem really nice people.The reviews on Glassdoor are mostly positive. Its a russell group university. I have always been interested in working in a university environment and this could be a foot in the door. However, it is temporary, it seems a rather easy job and I could be bored, and although I have experience in this work it is not what my degree was in. I got this offer first and I have accepted it. It is £29,000 with a 3 month notice period.

1. This is a permanent home working role doing what I am qualified in, it is what I have experience in but it is also linked to a personal passion of mine. I view this as my dream job. However, they have taken someone else on and have told me that if they get more funding in the summer, they will take me on then. This would be just before the contract above finishes, but what if they don't get the funding? This job is a disability confident leader. The reviews on glassdoor are all positive although as they are a very small employer there aren't many reviews! This is £32,000 salary.

1. This is a national disability charity. Disability Confident committed (not leader) and it not unionised. It is permanent home based (but not home working - so some travel may still be involved and this travel would be throughout the UK). It sounds like it would be the most stressful of the three options. The reviews on Glassdoor are mainly negative - talking about bad management, impossible targets and bullying. However this is mainly from the customer facing staff and I would not be customer facing. This job is £36-41k salary range. I interview for this job on Wednesday and that is the final stage interview against one other candidate.

My family want me to take the highest paying role. I am inclined to take the first two roles. if I get offered the last role, wibu to lie to them and say I didn't get it? WIBU not to take the last role?

I know folk might say its my life etc but I'm scared of making the wrong choice as I have had such a shitty few years. I just want the minimal stress and to be happy but at the same time I'm not stupid and I worry about going backwards in my career.

For a charity role, make sure that you are looking at the appropriate reviews on Glassdoor and you're not seeing shop staff comments mixed with head office comments. The experience between the two is likely to be very different.

However - as to your question - the only current option you have is job 1 which you like the sound of and should take. Job 2 doesn't exist / hasn't been offered / is not an option.

Stop sharing so much information with your parents. It's only something to do with them because you have chosen to involve them to a really quite surprising degree (unless of couse they are eg responsible for getting you there daily / childcare / have some other major skin in the game)

Honestly OP with the best will in the world... your company bullied you ... your Dad is overstepping and pressuring you...

Take the job you’ll most enjoy. One life!

Build up your assertiveness and avoid being being bullied again - in any scenario.

Also - health really is wealth. Saying that as someone with long COVID...

It sounds like the second job would be ideal. Personally, I would take the first job and then, if the second job have the money to hire you, start with them once your first job finishes, or hand in your notice and tell your new employer you'll start the second job at the end of your notice period.

Although you say the bad reviews about job 3 are mainly from people doing jobs you would not be doing, how those staff are trained and supported (or not) speaks volumes about the wider organisation. If they're unhappy with management, it's highly likely other staff (even those not customer facing) are unhappy too. I would run from that one like the plague! The money isn't worth the added stress and aggravation.

Good luck!

They help with my childcare yes, or they did pre covid, as childcare costs are/were so high. They also live in the same street as me so I see them regularly (less so cause of Covid obviously)

Job 1 have been in touch regarding onboarding, getting my required adjustments in place and they seem nice so far.

ok. SO if the hours involved mean that your requirements for their help with childcare will change, then it's reasonable for you to discuss the offers with them. Otherwise, whether they live on the same street or in Timbuktu, it's unnecessary for you to share this level of detail with your parents. Don't share the information and they won't be able to wade into your personal decision making process.

I think if you interviewed for job 2 and someone else got it unfortunately that means you were not the preferred candidate even if they had wanted two of you. Theres no guarantee of further funding with job 2 and even if it did come through i’m not sure if they’d be able to offer it straight out anyway, they may have to readvertise it and go through the interview process again.

If job 1 sounds nice take it for now, it’s a step in the right direction and as a short contract gives you plenty of room to manoeuvre in 6 months. Maybe this second job will work out then!

In the meantime, clearly there’s some issues going on with how involved your parents are in your life and decision making. Maybe it’s time to look into how you can be more independent of them?

Oh and i meant to add - while you are gaining independence then yea maybe a lie is the best way to go, cancel the interview for the third job if you really don’t want it and tell them you were not successful. But you really need to start working on how to live YOUR life, not the life your father decides is best.

Your dad will not be doing the job you will. You will be working every day and need to do what is best for you. My great job turned sour and I moved to one that was 10k less years ago and happiest than I've ever been. Quickly moved up and got back that cut. Only you can make decision and should do so for yourself.

You have 1 offer

Job 2 has zero guarantees

Job 3 sounds like a ball ache in a company where half of respondents to a survey have them a very low review.

The money you are talking about is not significant enough to cause this level of angst, especially when you actually have ONE offer. There is only one job on the table right now. You’ve taken it. Just crack on with the on boarding etc.

You've nothing to lose in asking Job 3 about the reviews. Either they set your mind at rest and you take the job, they don't and you turn it down, or they're so insulted they refuse to offer you the job in which case you don't need to lie to anyone anyway.

I'd still probably take the firm offer of job 1 though.

Take the 1st two roles 100%

You have been through an ordeal and charities are an nightmare at the best of times.

Take Glassdoor with a pinch of salt. They do do some checks to see it is a valid review, but in my experience people with a grudge can and ado get round that. On the other side of it lots of company's get "happy" employees to leave reviews.

I'm not saying it is useless btw but an employer could get unlucky.

If the 2nd employer really wants you, they may be prepared to wait for your other contract to finish.
As others have said, job 3 doesn't seem the best option for you, other than slightly more money but not worth it if it is hugely stressful.

"Surely if you've already accepted the first one, the second doesn't actually exist & you haven't been offered the 3rd the decision has already been made 🤔"

This in spades. You have been offered (and accepted) one so far. Unless 3 offers you the role, the choice is made.