My Partner Wastes Money

[NCformoney]

We are on benefits, receiving disability ESA and both receiving PIP, and carers. Everything is 50/50 and into a joint account.

We are comfortable and could afford to put aside some money each month, but every week/fortnight/month we are paid my partner will see fit to jump onto Amazon, Ebay and order things we don't need, or overspend on supermarket websites.

I'm fed up of it, I've tried having conversations about it but it just turns into an argument as they don't see the harm.

I've set up a separate bank account, to which they have no access. I'm really considering squirrelling away some funds into this account every time we're paid.

Any advice? I know I'm like BU to even consider this but I'm at my wits end.

I'm the man in the relationship, not that it should make any difference whatsoever.

FWIW, I'll be ignoring any benefits bashing in the thread.

OP - that sounds tough.
I think what I would do, would be to talk to her, and see if she would agree to saving up a certain amount as a rainy day fund, then after that was established, she can spend again. If you can break her habit of spending, it might help.

Or,
in stead of throwing the food away, suggest taking it to a food bank before it goes off?? Or if it has gone off a bit, give it to someone who has dogs to feed? This might make her see that she is buying too much food. She's paying to feed other people/peoples dogs.

I was brought up to save then buy, but DH is a buy then find-a-way-to-pay-for-it type. Drives me mad. Good luck!

Have things changed?
you say your children have grown and left home so assume you have been together some years...

Has it changed but previously there were more disposable income?

Has she always been a spender.

Could you come up with a budget.

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@FOTTFSOFTFOASM this man is disabled. You nasty piece of work.

I would definitely be wanting separate bank accounts. I've never shared a bank account with a partner and it's been fine.[/quote]
So am I (disabled).

But thanks for the character assassination.

@NCformoney

Car funding is directly taken from my PIP and cannot be changed. She simply overbuys food, veg/fruit that goes mouldy for example, too many loaves of bread, ready meals,

I think the spendings become a habit to be honest, short term activated pleasure neurones.

She has both physical/mental health conditions and is on medication that under monthly review.

Sorry if I'm being a little vague, I don't want outing is all.

To the poster bashing my benefits - you can have my benefits, and my excruciating daily pain and being bed-ridden, in a wheelchair and I'll have your lifestyle in return, and my partners' being b,I do and her conditions in exchange. Deal? Thought not...

Are you addressing me?

If so, please be reassured that I'm disabled too. My lifestyle is pretty shit, but it was better when I could earn a living. Now I'm disabled and unable to run my business as well.

So I'm worse off than you are.

Deal? Thought not...

[quote WhereverIGoddamnLike]@FOTTFSOFTFOASM

So what did you suggest we do with disabled people who cannot work? Just give them enough money for bread and water and stick them all in one room flats? Or should we start gassing them, like the Nazis wanted? Or, if they're sensible with money and able to be comfortable, should we start taking the extra back?

We are civilised. We do not abandon the disabled. We dont leave them out to die. We make sure they have money to live on, and that living should not be a pittance. It should not be miserable.

You are able to work. A lot of people are physically not able to do it, and I'm not a nazi so I'm quite happy to support those people in a comfortable way. Our governmnet falls woefully short.[/quote]
MN at its very, very worst.

You assume things about me, without knowing that I'm disabled. However, I'm able to work despite my disability (because I have been able to WFH in the past, in order to accommodate my disability), and am proud to have been able to do so. I haven't been able to do it since March because lockdown screwed my sector (entertainment).

Please don't assume that everyone is able-bodied just because they don't mention being disabled.

@FOTTFSOFTFOASM

You came onto a thread were a disabled man was asking for advice because he should be in a decent financial position but his wife is spending all their money. Instead of engaging with any of that, you just moaned about the possibility of him being able to save some money.... and you through in the "I've never claimed a bean" line because you think that someone who needs government assistance should not be in a position to have some savings when you cant, but this isnt some workshy chance, it's someone who has no other option, yet you're angry at him for having some money.
Disabled people who cannot work should not be treated like that just because you're having a difficult time.

*threw

@BillMasen

This is the problem when a spender and a saver share finances

Best case is the saver saves for a rainy day, the spender spends, the rainy day comes and the savings go on that. Spender had had cake and eaten it

Worst case is spender spends all joint funds, saver gets frustrated they can’t save. Rainy day comes and there’s no money.

This in spades!