My Partner Wastes Money

[NCformoney]

We are on benefits, receiving disability ESA and both receiving PIP, and carers. Everything is 50/50 and into a joint account.

We are comfortable and could afford to put aside some money each month, but every week/fortnight/month we are paid my partner will see fit to jump onto Amazon, Ebay and order things we don't need, or overspend on supermarket websites.

I'm fed up of it, I've tried having conversations about it but it just turns into an argument as they don't see the harm.

I've set up a separate bank account, to which they have no access. I'm really considering squirrelling away some funds into this account every time we're paid.

Any advice? I know I'm like BU to even consider this but I'm at my wits end.

I'm the man in the relationship, not that it should make any difference whatsoever.

FWIW, I'll be ignoring any benefits bashing in the thread.

What kind of extra things does she buy?

Do any of you run banking software through your bank accounts to break everything down?

Does she spend the care part of her payments on care?

I think you need your own account and don't understand why you don't have your own account already. Surely you had one before you got married?

It sounds like she's quits controlling.

Do you have children?

You just need to work out how much joint bills are & split between you (I would say she should pay more if she gets more - or pays towards car)

Have account just for that. Transfer the amount out that's in your name. It's for your use. Into your own account.

We got together young, joint account very soon after on the (bad) advice of my parents.

Children are adults and moved out.

She is financially controlling, yes.

I expect when I divert my care and PIP, she will blanket her greater amount PIP, refusing any contribution to car even though she directly contributes.

@NCformoney

She won't agree to separate accounts, nor to a spend/save amount. It's all up-for-grabs as far as she's concerned.

What do you mean she won't agree to it?

If you have your benefits paid into a different account what do you think she can do about that?

Why does she have to agree?

You definitely need to open up your own account

Otherwise it will become a competition of who can get the cash out first.

Your payments then go straight into your bank account.

@user1471462428

Could you give examples of the things she buys? My friends husband accuses her of wasting money but more often than not it’s actually things that are needed for the house or the kids.

This. I think it would help. Is she replacing jeans with holes in them or buying Prada handbags.

You sound very much like my ex.
Many women on here spend in supermarkets and men always want to spend less.
I spend £100 per week on groceries which is low by MN standards. I bet you want it at £30pw.
I can just hear you now complaining about yogurts and strawberries.
She's best off without you.

I also hate the way you speak about 'your' car. Are you in a relationship or not!

She's buying kitchen appliances that never get used, masses of clothes and jewellery that never get worn, food that never gets eaten and useless shit, piles of it.

I only say 'my' car, as in it's from my PIP allowance not my partners.

@Paanda

Be careful you don’t save too much as it could impact your entitlement to some benefits

Good point. A woman near here was a great saver, despite claiming housing benefit. She ended up losing the housing benefit and her savings because she went over the limit. It felt profoundly unfair to me.

Surely splitting the income will only work if you are currently receiving equal amounts? If you are getting 70% of the monthly income and she's bringing in 30% for example splitting isn't going to work.

Can you stop the funding of car this way at an appropriate time, so both get equal payments?

Then have a joint account for all costs - including a car, rent, bills etc, and equal amounts in own accounts for spending?

How much is she spending every month on non essential items?

I think this is really abusive and incredibly selfish of her.

I would want to go back to splitting everything - can't the ESA go into a separate account for basic food and then each of you pay for any treats yourselves? It sounds a miserable way to live, tbh.

@NCformoney

Do any of you run banking software through your bank accounts to break everything down?

No, but I do use an Excel spreadsheet to keep running totals and work out what needs to go in each month.

What does she think she's getting from all the spending? Is it something she actually enjoys or has it just become a habit? What I'm wondering is whether you could ask her to just try it your way for a few months and save up towards something a bit bigger that you both actually want.

Why not have a saving goal you can both agree on?

I do not know what the saving limit is so please check.

If you decide to save £2000 for a holiday once it is covid safe, instead of buying an item of clothing she can instead know the money she is saving is going towards something you can both look forward to.

@Crystal90567

You sound very much like my ex. Many women on here spend in supermarkets and men always want to spend less. I spend £100 per week on groceries which is low by MN standards. I bet you want it at £30pw. I can just hear you now complaining about yogurts and strawberries. She's best off without you.

Ridiculous post based on nothing. Is it because he’s a man so must be in the wrong?

Define "food that never gets eaten". There's a difference between "half the meat she buys goes in the bin" and "she gets the big bag of satsumas and sometimes they go mouldy before finished".

Define wasting food, is it meat or just random odds and sods? You have every right to stop access to your PIP after all this is for your care needs, not useless shit on eBay that doesn't even benefit you.

This is the problem when a spender and a saver share finances

Best case is the saver saves for a rainy day, the spender spends, the rainy day comes and the savings go on that. Spender had had cake and eaten it

Worst case is spender spends all joint funds, saver gets frustrated they can’t save. Rainy day comes and there’s no money.