To think that people who don’t have twins or multiples really don’t get it

[coralpig]

My twins are 9 weeks old and going through an extremely fussy phase. I know it’s a phase and they’ll grow out of it but it is draining- they grumble most of the day and I feel like I’m firefighting. I’m recovering from a very traumatic period of time- the last few months it seems that life has thrown everything at us and I’m so exhausted with no nearby family support. It’s physically and emotionally very difficult. A lot of my well meaning friends (who I am very lucky to have) have been telling me their tips from when their kids were small eg. ‘Put them in a sling all day’ or ‘pick them up before they get too ratty’ or ‘just embrace the cuddles’ or ‘nap when they do’ etc. I smile and thank them politely but this is nigh on impossible with two babies who both have different needs and are getting heavy. I’ll happily cuddle both of them but they can’t both be picked up easily and one always seems to get ratty when the other is down and they set each other off. It frustrates me that friends are saying they know what I’m going through when they really don’t. I know they are just trying to help but it makes me
resent having two and feel a lot of mum guilt for my babies who didn’t ask to be in this situation. Aibu?

[blendedmummy]

Totally agree. I have a 3yo and 2 month old twins. Thought I’d be fine because I’d done it all before... how wrong I was. No advice I’m afraid, but the older they get the easier it’ll be.

[blackfriars]

My DH is a twin and since having our DS last year I have said to my PIL many, many times that I don’t know how they did it. One is so hard, I cannot IMAGINE having two. I don’t even know how the day would work?! I feel like sometimes when something is tough you just want people to say ‘wow; that is really tough’ quite frequently (or I do anyway!) - maybe that’s what you feel you’re missing - a bit of acknowledgement/recognition? I feel this way about my birth - though it was physiologically straightforward I did 95% of it alone due to Covid (I was induced and midwives didn’t realise how quickly I was progressing so left me to it in a cubicle on a ward until they checked and I was 9cm - they previously thought and acted very much like I was making a huge fuss about very early labour!) Whilst I don’t feel traumatised by this or anything I do kind of want a bit of recognition (especially from DH!) re how hard it was. Sorry that’s completely off topic, but I’m just trying to explain what I mean!

I also wanted to say my DH and his twin sis are the best of friends - she was best ‘man’ at our wedding and I love her like a sister myself.

Really hope it gets easier for you soon.

[JustWatchMe]

It’s hard without a doubt and they won’t understand and I’m not sure there’s any benefit in trying to make them. It’s a long time ago for me now their 17 years old. I still feel a connection with twin parents- a shared understanding goes a long way.

[supersplodge]

Don't beat yourself up OP - everyone's experiences are different and if you're struggling, you're struggling, whether you have one, two or whatever. It depends on how your baby/ies sleep, how it/they feed, how calm they are and so many other things.

I'm sure your friends mean well, but I don't think any parent can ever give advice really because there are so many different scenarios. I have twins, but they were early and went into NICU for 3 weeks, and came out on a lovely routine of four hourly bottle feeds. They always slept well, even when teething. I had no family support and bathtime was a challenge, especially when they got mobile - but overall I think I had it easy.

If you breastfeed that must be a whole different ballgame with two! And if you get one - or both - who don't sleep well, it must be a nightmare. I think my two were easier than one that won't settle - you hear some horror stories on here.

So I think comparisons are unhelpful. Sorry you're having a hard time - hopefully they'll sleep through soon and you'll have more energy to cope - but try to enjoy the good bits, they do grow up fast!

[Stoptherideiwannagetoff]

Agreed. I'm a mother of two, involved auntie and generally good with a crowd of children. Was asked to look after my beautifully behaved 18 month old god children for three hours once. Never a flipping gain! I was a broken shell of a person when their mother got back. They are an alien entity split into multiple bodies with telepathic abilities and a penchant for mischief and vanishing in opposite directions. I won't even go into the carnage that was lunch time. Hats off to parents of multiples 🏅