To ask Nanny for weekly antigen test ?

[oliveoilandcheese]

Is it reasonable to ask nanny to take a weekly antigen test ? I'm also happy to take one. I'll buy them myself and provide them. I just feel safer that way.

@TennisBunny

I'm a Nanny, OP. Be careful of being overly precious about your baby - it's a common problem and I know many, many, many nannies who have left jobs because the Mum was overbearing, controlling and had a tendency to micromanage. Usually this was because she was anxious about the baby/child. A good Nanny is hard to find - you'll need to trust them to do their job, and banning them from leaving the house without you is not a great start.

This. I think the test is a symptom of a bigger problem.

How is not having a vaccine a disability unless there's a medical reason they can't have a vaccine ? Personally I totally disagree with asking an employee to be vaccinated. Vaccination should be up to the individual all the way. But I've read some worrying things about some companies already trying to make it a requirement. So they're saying that current employees are exempt but new ones will need to snow they're vaccinated.

@NameChange30 it's really not.

@LemonViolet

Refusing to have a vaccine is not a protected characteristic so an applicant who doesn't wish to have the vaccine would not be employed. I cannot think of any legal issue with that. Refusing a vaccine isn’t a PC, however, disability is, and a policy denying employment to unvaccinated people could be argued to unfairly discriminate against disability so that’s the potential issue.....arguable I think but until tested in court I think it’s open.

Only if someone does not have the vaccine due to a disability. This wouldn't be a standard case so I wouldn't see it as a problem as a policy as long as it can be adjusted when someone does have a disability. Just like absence management policies are adjusted.

@oliveoilandcheese

How is not having a vaccine a disability unless there's a medical reason they can't have a vaccine ? Personally I totally disagree with asking an employee to be vaccinated. Vaccination should be up to the individual all the way. But I've read some worrying things about some companies already trying to make it a requirement. So they're saying that current employees are exempt but new ones will need to snow they're vaccinated.

From a UK law point of view it makes sense for employer to force new recruits only. Legal - yes in the main. Ethical? That's a different question.

[quote oliveoilandcheese]@Blondeshavemorefun I think so but I am glad I mentioned it on here and realise it can be quite insulting to the nanny. It won't make her feel trusted. [/quote]
Very insulting @oliveoilandcheese

Waves at @Blondeshavemorefun
You gave me some fab advice about 8 years ago that gave me the confidence to become a Nanny. Thanks!

@TennisBunny waves back.

I do give some fab advise sometimes. Others I waffle 💕💕💕

Well @TennisBunny @Blondeshavemorefun

Can you give me some more tips then how I can make the nanny happy ? With my previous one I spent quite a bit of time with her during lunch etc and really enjoyed our chats. I hadn't really considered that this may be intrusive. But as I work from home and I want to be around my child sometimes, I would be around. Again, not micro managing. Just around, spending time with them and having a laugh. Can that be too much ? Sometimes if I would have the afternoon free, we would all play together. Have cups of tea and we got to know each other quite well. I guess maybe the line was blurred between employer employee. But it was never an issue. I fear that it could be a problem in the future maybe. Hopefully not.

@oliveoilandcheese

Well *@TennisBunny* *@Blondeshavemorefun*

Can you give me some more tips then how I can make the nanny happy ? With my previous one I spent quite a bit of time with her during lunch etc and really enjoyed our chats. I hadn't really considered that this may be intrusive. But as I work from home and I want to be around my child sometimes, I would be around. Again, not micro managing. Just around, spending time with them and having a laugh. Can that be too much ? Sometimes if I would have the afternoon free, we would all play together. Have cups of tea and we got to know each other quite well. I guess maybe the line was blurred between employer employee. But it was never an issue. I fear that it could be a problem in the future maybe. Hopefully not.

Hi OP. Nanny employer here. Letting go and trusting the nanny is super important as others have said. You’ve got to let her feel trusted because otherwise you’ll undermine her confidence and she might make mistakes! It’s fine to show her how you do things the first few days or even week, but after that you must let her find her groove. You wouldn’t like being micromanaged at work- neither does she. It’s important to remember that although it’s your home, it’s her workplace and her career, and you need to respect that.

As well as letting her go out alone, that means not freaking out every time the baby cries, but trusting her to sort it out or to let you know if there is a problem.

Regarding the chatting to her thing - every nanny is different but I think it’s not widely realised that many nannies are actually quite introverted. They’ve chosen a job where they can work alone and don’t necessarily want lots of chit chat. I think my current nanny would hate it if I spent an afternoon with them. Up to 20 mins is fine but longer is invasive, imho. I try and respect her space in lunch breaks etc too so that she gets a chance to recharge.

Also if you are the nanny’s friend, is that going to make it hard if one of you has a problem? It’s easy to say “oh, please make sure you do x” if you’re an employer, but harder for a friend.

The COVID test thing sounds fine as long as you all know what happens if it’s positive (how long does she isolate, does she get paid, do you/your child get tested etc.).

I've a relative working in the Middle East who has a very similar contract and there's no issues. There seems to have been a few false positives along the way but she's had even more frequent tests.
With regard to going out with your nanny, make it clear to them that will be the case and why should it be an issue. The nanny is an unknown entity at present and you need to be able to trust them. Sending a precious baby out with a stranger would be even more surprising.

@Streamside thanks for making me feel a bit better about being apprehensive at first with a new person. I do appreciate this thread but feel like I've been given quite a hard time with basically no understanding and been made to feel like I'm a paranoid, controlling micromanager.

@daisypond

Nanny? Your DC’s grandmother? Your grandmother? Your childminder?

Nanny as in childcare I would imagine.

@FudgeSundae I do let go and trust the nanny to be honest. My last nanny I let her do whatever she wanted and never interfered except leaving the house with baby. I'm not a controlling mother and I would never even come in when the baby cried etc. In fact I though the nanny was too careful and too worried and I told her to relax several time because I really did trust her to look after my child. She then relaxed and just did her thing. At the beginning she asked me how I wanted everything done- even asking if she can pick the baby up and move her to a different spot. I told her please do as you like honestly I'm very relaxed. I never bothered her at all. I'm really not precious about it, as I've said several times, I'm the most relaxed mum I know by far. Except with strangers taking my baby out when I don't know them and the covid thing. When it comes to snack and feeding / changing / spending time with baby/ baby watching occasional TV. So so so so so many things, if I compare myself to other mums I am so so so easy going. Same with the nanny. I can see why people would assume I'm not like this from what I've said about the testing and taking baby out. But that is literally it. As I keep saying, I have my reasons.

I think it's a bit unrealistic to expect people to fully understand when you're not willing to explain what those reasons are.

Perhaps it's cultural, perhaps you're shielding, there could be all sorts of reasons that I can't think of, but for most parents in the UK it would be very strange not to let your nanny take your baby for a walk or to the park or whatever.

I attended a funeral (in a strange drive by way) last week where it was the 3rd family member since Christmas to die with covid-19. Despite it being a very rural area, the socially distanced people to the right of me had both had covid and some of their relatives still had covid. The situation is rife and yanbu.

@NameChange30 but it's also not fair when I've said several times that it literally is just about the stranger taking my baby out and the covid thing. And that I'm relaxed about other things. To keep having to repeat it and still keep getting bashed for the taking the baby out thing when I'm seeing it from a different point of view and definitely will let the nanny do it and I'm really taking it on board. But still getting consistently bashed just seems not fair and typical Mumsnet. I would understand if I was over here just in my view point and being super stubborn. But I'm not. I've said several times that I appreciate the feedback and take it on board and even have asked for advice. I also have stated several times that I am not intending to micromanage the nanny but still people keep coming at me and bashing me. Oh well.

@Streamside I'm really sorry to hear that. It's very sad. This is why I also am apprehensive about letting someone take my child out without me as I feel anxious as there are lots of people that walk really close. So it's not just about the stranger thing but also about people waking close. I put the rain over on and wear a mask when I go for a walk. I don't feel comfortable without the rain over on the pram as it's literally at the right height if someone were to cough on the baby by accident while walking past. I'm not willing to take that risk so that also plays into being worried about the nanny taking her out without me. I'm sure the nanny will be happy to put the rain cover on though. So that will be fine.

"But still getting consistently bashed just seems not fair and typical Mumsnet"

You're right in that it's not fair, but unfortunately it is very much typical mumsnet or at least typical AIBU. People are particularly harsh in this section and often don't bother reading all the OP's posts properly.

@NameChange30 yeah it's true. It's ok I understand how it comes across. Everyone is different. But I've taken it on board and it's all I can do.

I think the tests are fine. However, I wouldn't be surprised if you will struggle to keep a nanny when you don't trust them. Of course spend a week getting to know them, but not to allow them to walk the baby round the block is mad. Either you trust them with your child or you don't.

@Drivemecrazy12 well I didn't struggle to keep one before so I'm sure I'll be fine and please read my posts before judging thanks

I am judging on the fact that many nannies would struggle with that situation. Also, many will struggle with you working from home (although its par the course at the moment) and lots wouldn't want you to spend all afternoon with them. Nannying is quite an independent role where you need to be trusted in order to do it.

@Drivemecrazy12 I think I have the right to spend the afternoon with my child occasionally if I do please in my own home. Again, the nanny can leave if they hate my presence that much. This is so one sided. Like I'm some kind of dragon and making the nanny's life a misery by spending the occasional afternoon with them. And god forbid, daring to go and make a cup of tea. I'll definitely watch out for these things but I also want to feel comfortable in my own home. I think it depends how well you get on with the nanny too and what kind of personality she has. I'll keep it in mind though. I did ask for opinions on how to make her life easier.

Do you think you should perhaps get don't help for post natal anxiety. The level of with you have both about a 'stranger' (ie a nanny that you have chosen: and know), taking your baby out for a walk, and worry about even walking down the road without a rain cover on is concerning.

If your baby gets Covid, she's unlikely to even get symptoms, and it she got it the risk of death is negligible for her unless she's got a serious health condition already.

I'm also confused. You are about to come back from mat leave (so haven't already), yet you've already gone through one nanny, who you finished with after your circumstances changed. Why did you have a nanny when you were still on maternity leave? It's all very odd. How old is your child?