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Original poster

Would you tell her your still sleeping together?

49 replies

Justneedadvice636465 · 19/01/2021 04:09

My friend has an ex who she recently split with but they said they would work on their relationship they have two children together. They have been sleeping together still but she has now found out he is 'seeing' someone else and she wants to tell the ow he's been lying to them both. I have said maybe don't act on impulse but she is adamant she is going to tell her. Is she wrong? Would you want to know?

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 19/01/2021 04:22

I’d be too busy dumping him to worry about the OW, she’s focusing on the wrong thing!

Loner1 · 19/01/2021 04:22

My ex cheated on me then left for another woman, carried on sleeping with me though.

I told her and it didn't go down well, she made out I was lying and just a crazy ex, said awful things about me online. She did message me when he left her after a month apologizing though. If I had a do over, I'd still tell her. I'd definitely like to know myself.

BlueThistles · 19/01/2021 04:23

Yip.. I agree.. OW won't believe her and will accuse her of jealousy 🌺

Offskki · 19/01/2021 04:26

I don’t think the other woman is an OW.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 19/01/2021 04:43

I'd totally finish with him, then tell her that he wasn't, but he is now, single IF she still wants the cheating, lying prick.

FortunesFave · 19/01/2021 05:12

I would not bother. I'd ask her to think carefully about why she wants to tell the OW. Is it because she hopes she'll dump the man and then she can keep him for herself?
Why would she want him?

If she doesn't want him then leave him to his mess. Walk away with dignity.

whatsthepointinwasps · 19/01/2021 05:34

When you say they wanted to work on the relationship does that mean they hoped to get back together?
Can’t see that happening now if that’s the case.
Best to distance, remaining civil conversation and giving the kids as much as a united supportive base as they can given the circumstances.
As for the OW your friend should put her energy into sorting out her own head and being nurturing to her children and let OW deal with her mess herself

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/01/2021 05:45

He really does want his cake and to eat it. He doesn’t sound truly committed to working on the relationship, does he? It would be best for your friend to tell him to swing his hook and find her dignity rather than get involved in the relationship with his girlfriend... and from her POV, she is this. Ergo from her POV she would see him sleeping with his wife as cheating. Very messy.

yvanka · 19/01/2021 05:47

As there are kids involved I wouldn't. Better to not sour relations with him if possible.

Original poster
Justneedadvice636465 · 19/01/2021 05:47

On one hand I see where she is coming from and understand her anger and hurt but on the other hand it won't achieve anything and makes things very messy. She's a mess at the moment and I just don't know what I can do for her. She would take him back I think if he said so.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justneedadvice636465 · 19/01/2021 06:41

It's too late she already messaged her 🙈

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 19/01/2021 06:55

She’s a fool for taking him back, and she’s a fool for sleeping with him when he’s banging someone else.
I hope she’s booked in for an STI check.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/01/2021 06:58

Remind her that, in this cse She is the OW!

They split. He has a new girlfriend. Your mate is his safety blanket!

She's going to regret that text, in more ways than one. Mostly in the repercussions when dealing with their kids!

speakout · 19/01/2021 06:58

OP I would stay out of it.

CherryRoulade · 19/01/2021 07:00

If they are still sleeping together, then he’s not an ex. Therein lies the root of all problems.

AlternativePerspective · 19/01/2021 07:02

Your friend is the OW though. She and the ex had split. That doesn’t make what he’s doing right but the woman he’s seeing isn’t an OW.

BubblyBarbara · 19/01/2021 07:03

How is he an ex if they're sleeping together and working on their relationship? That is not what "split" means.

SarahAndQuack · 19/01/2021 07:26

I definitely think stay out of it, but one thing I would say is that I've seen an awful lot of people differ in their definition of what's happening at the end of a relationship.

Could be she has told herself 'we're working on the relationship' and this means 'we may get back together' and he's told himself 'we've split for definite, but we'll try to be civil for the kids'.

Or could be he's just a dick and she'd be better off without.

Not the other woman's fault, though.

Frownette · 19/01/2021 07:26

Has she stopped sleeping with him since she found out? How did she find out? There is not a chance on earth I would want someone who was sleeping with someone else, children or not.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/01/2021 07:29

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers

I’d be too busy dumping him to worry about the OW, she’s focusing on the wrong thing!
Same here.

She should let them get on with it and move on.

Original poster
Justneedadvice636465 · 19/01/2021 07:31

They were definitely working on the relationship I saw the messages he sent saying that he still wanted to be with her and they should use that time during 'the split' to work on themselves for the relationship.

She already regrets the message but it's done now and I dare say it will blow up. I will try and support her but I definitely won't be getting involved at all.

She found out yesterday about the ow and they last slept together on Sunday. Its definitely a mess but she was truly under the impression that they were working on their relationship so she is just broken about it

OP posts:
rwalker · 19/01/2021 07:31

It won't end well but they aren't together he can shag who he wants

Original poster
Justneedadvice636465 · 19/01/2021 07:32

She just showed me the message she sent it wasn't rude or blaming the ow she just said she thought it was best she knew as she didn't know what he had been telling her.

OP posts:
Frownette · 19/01/2021 07:34

How long has he been with the OW? Well, he certainly sounds like a specimen.

Must be a huge shock to your friend.

PeggyHill · 19/01/2021 07:38

I don't think it matters much whether she's messaged the OW or not. For the record, I probably would have messaged the OW too. So I wouldn't say what's she done is wrong.

What does matter is that she stays the hell away from this arsehole of a man. I hope she cuts all contact with him.