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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's only a bottle of wine...?

109 replies

homeschoollegend · 18/01/2021 11:35

A friend of mine sent me a nice bottle of wine as a Christmas gift. I put it in the fridge at Christmas, but haven't fancied drinking it yet.

My OH stayed up late last night and I've just noticed that the bottle (it's quite an unusual shape, so distinctive) is in the recycling, empty. I'm pissed off that he's opened it without asking me if he can have some and that he drank the whole bottle so I couldn't even try it. He's still asleep so I haven't talked to him yet.

YABU- it's only a bottle of wine, get over yourself, woman.

YANBU- he's a selfish arse and needs to make amends.

OP posts:
Delatron · 18/01/2021 13:13

I think YANBU and I would be annoyed.

Did he know it was a gift? Did it get mixed in with other wine and he just grabbed one?

If he’s sheepish and replaces it I would forgive him.

SmudgeButt · 18/01/2021 13:16

Been there....except it's my chocolates. DH is a chocolate guzzler. You know the sort, he might as well tip his head back and inhale the entire selection box in one go. I, on the other hand, am one of those reallllly annoying sorts that checks the "menu", considers carefully which to select, eats that one (1!) and then closes the box until the next day. I've lost count of the times he's waited for me to have first choice and then finished the lot as soon as i'm out of the room AND then he leaves the box there for me. So then I go all day thinking/anticipating what I might select that evening to discover an empty box. GRRRRRRR!!!!!

Doesn't matter if it's been a special birthday present from a friend, a prize I've won for something daft happening at work or even a "treat for me from him"! I think the last burns the most - at least he should be honest and admit he's bought himself chocolates and ask did I want to have just one?

Original poster
homeschoollegend · 18/01/2021 13:21

@SmudgeButt, that sounds soooo annoying!! I read a post on a different forum about women hiding treats in tampon boxes or boring cereal their partners wouldn't touch. Sounds like you need a padlocked treat box!

@Delatron, he knew it was a gift, and there's no other wine in the fridge, so he wouldn't have mistaken it for anything else.

OP posts:
RolandSchitt · 18/01/2021 13:22

He took your gift, YANBU to be annoyed. He should replace it. We also have a bottle of wine left from Christmas, it wasn't a gift but I wouldn't tank it on my own. It's selfish.

Falcone · 18/01/2021 13:24

At least he didn't refill the bottle with some inferior shite and wait for you to discover it, briefly think your friend had gifted you something grim and THEN realise the fucker had necked the whole lot himself

My dad does this, I always remember my mum going mad because he'd refilled all the whiskey bottles with water thinking she'd never find out, lol.

Delatron · 18/01/2021 13:27

Ah well if he knew I’d be cross. Was it the only wine in the house? Doesn’t make it much better but I’d struggle to understand why he chose to drink your gift if there were other bottles too that he could drink.

Unless he apologises and replaces I’d be furious.

AllTheChocolateNow · 18/01/2021 13:30

Does he drink a lot? Being so desperate for a drink that you polish of a whole bottle of wine that doesn’t belong to you is ringing alarm bells...

Godimabitch · 18/01/2021 13:35

You dont take other peoples things without asking, if they're not available to ask then you go without. Its basic manners. I'd be annoyed, but if he's otherwise wonderful I wouldn't make a big deal, just say you were sad to see he'd drank your wine that was a gift, he should appologise and then ask him to replace it. He'll be quite embarrassed if your friend asks if you liked it and you have to say "I didn't get to try it, DH drank it all without asking me."

cherrypie111 · 18/01/2021 13:46

[quote homeschoollegend]@rabbitheadlightsabbit, that's it! Thanks for finding it- he can get me a new bottle!

@cherrypie111, is 3 weeks a long time not to drink wine?[/quote]
If it's in the fridge I would assume it's to be drunk in a shorter time frame. Most only move wine into the fridge before drinking it.

Again it's a bottle of wine, can't see why you'd need to get worked up over it

MrsDiplo · 18/01/2021 13:47

is it just me that thinks drinking an entire bottle of wine (a variety that isnt your favourite, going by OPs red wine comment) on a sunday night after everyones gone to bed is a bit much?

Ilovenewyear · 18/01/2021 14:00

Wine, chocolates, bubble bath it doesn’t really matter what it was, it was a gift to you and you didn’t get to even try it. YANBU. I’d ask him to replace.

BeigeFoodLover · 18/01/2021 14:05

I think that sucks.

Whether it's in the fridge/on the side, it's still a gift for you. Nothing wrong with sharing when you have opened it, and said you're willing to share, but it's a gift for you. We share our drinks/chocolates/gifts but DH knows that if he takes the first mouthful I'll be really cross.

Original poster
homeschoollegend · 18/01/2021 14:09

Thanks all. He has been drinking more since being furloughed, and sleeps late most days as he usually works late shifts.

There's no other wine in the house, so maybe it's more of a problem than I first thought- if he NEEDS to drink so badly that he will drink my present, because it's there and nothing else is available.

I've kept other bottles of rose in the fridge for months before now, just waiting ready and chilled in case I fancy a glass. He hasn't touched them before.

OP posts:
shitinmyhandsandclap · 18/01/2021 14:11

Again it's a bottle of wine, can't see why you'd need to get worked up over it

I don't agree with this, it was a gift, he knew it was a gift, he waited until she'd gone to bed and then guzzled it all. That's totally selfish.

My now ex used to do this, he'd scoff his way through chocolate bar after chocolate bar, I had to hide anything I wanted so he wouldn't trough that too. I should have to hide food, he was a greedy, selfish fucker and one of the reasons he's now an ex

shitinmyhandsandclap · 18/01/2021 14:12

*shouldn't

Wanderlust20 · 18/01/2021 14:12

If was just a normal bottle of plonk you'd picked up during the weekly shop, I'd say get over it. But since it was a Xmas gift and sounds like it was a good bottle, I'd be pissed!

cherrypie111 · 18/01/2021 14:14

@shitinmyhandsandclap

Again it's a bottle of wine, can't see why you'd need to get worked up over it

I don't agree with this, it was a gift, he knew it was a gift, he waited until she'd gone to bed and then guzzled it all. That's totally selfish.

My now ex used to do this, he'd scoff his way through chocolate bar after chocolate bar, I had to hide anything I wanted so he wouldn't trough that too. I should have to hide food, he was a greedy, selfish fucker and one of the reasons he's now an ex

If it was a one of a kind bottle then yeah. But it's a bottle of bloody wine. It's easily replaced
AndcalloffChristmas · 18/01/2021 14:14

The bottom line is that he has to replace it like for like. Immediately not at some undefined point in the future.

If he does this quickly and without argument then probably all fine. If he kicks up a fuss then he’s a selfish git who doesn’t think anything can be “yours” or “not his”.

AndcalloffChristmas · 18/01/2021 14:16

But also going by your updates, it does look a bit like his alcohol consumption is a bit worrying and in more the dependant than the “enjoying a glass” category.

EmbarrassingMama · 18/01/2021 14:18

I got the rage just reading this.

Jesus Christ...

It's just a bottle of wine. It was in the fridge. Ask him to replace it if it means so much to you. Do you have separate shelves for the food you buy, too?!

mummabubs · 18/01/2021 14:19

For me there's two points as others have said- firstly drinking something that he knew was a gift for you, my DH wouldn't do that and likewise I wouldn't consume something that was a gift to him. The second part is a) drinking a whole bottle of wine in one evening and b) drinking it completely alone. Neither is healthy.

Crunchymum · 18/01/2021 14:20

What did he say when he (eventually) got up?

SlippersForFlippers · 18/01/2021 14:22

Hope he's ordered you a replacement.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 18/01/2021 14:25

@MimiDaisy11

I agree that it's rude but perhaps it was the only thing to drink and he really fancied a drink and plans to replace it today? That wouldn't bother me that much if he apologies and replaces it. Like others have said if this is a pattern or a one off then that matters.
Who on earth fancies a drink so much that they drink an entire bottle of someone else's present? Surely you think "I quite fancy a drink" realise there is nothing to drink, then just think "oh well never mind" and don't have a drink?
Womencanlift · 18/01/2021 14:27

YANBU it’s your gift. If you want to keep it in the fridge until next Christmas then that’s your choice. It’s yours not his and shows a disrespect for your belongings (and also a worry about him having to drink it alone)

Waiting for the ‘there are no such gifts in our house anything that comes into the house is family wine/chocolates/whatever’ comments

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