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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... for "second-screen" to drive me crazy?

102 replies

Wroxie · 16/01/2021 20:49

My young adult daughter is living here again until Covid peters out (no problems here, she works, contributes, cooks, and cleans!) but one thing is annoying me.

We're not a tv-on-all-the-time family, but we will purposely sit down to watch a film or an episode of a good series together and within seven seconds, daughter is on her phone - even if the film or show was her idea. I say 'Oh, we can watch this later', and she says 'no it's fine I'm watching it' but she's absolutely not- something dramatic or funny happens and I glance at her to see if she's noticed and she hasn't. It's like I'm watching by myself, and all the fun of enjoying the show together just isn't there. I then huff a bit and pause it, then she says 'fine' and puts her phone down for about ten minutes before picking it up again. The show is ruined because feel like a bit of a tit if I continue watching, especially if it's something that makes me actually laugh or tear up or whatever - because she's not having the same experience.

Daughter says 'everyone' does a 'second screen' when the telly is on, she can't imagine sitting through a movie at home without her phone in her hand. I think she's being rude and we've gotten snippy about it a few times. If you have teenagers or young adults how does this go in your house?

OP posts:
DonLewis · 16/01/2021 20:52

This drives my dh mad when teenage son does it. I'm not bothered. He's playing chess as well as watching.

But, top tip, he can't do if there's subtitles! And there's a lot of episodes of Narcos Wink

NoWordForFluffy · 16/01/2021 20:52

Pick your battles. This one isn't worth you huffing and puffing over!

44PumpLane · 16/01/2021 20:55

I do two screens and it annoys my husband but genuinely he can be watching something I'm not interested in, I'll be on my phone, something funny will happen on his show and I'll laugh AND HE WILL REWIND HIS SHOW because he didn't bloody catch whatever it was that made me laugh and I wasn't even watching the fucking thing!!!

So, in summary, maybe she's shit at the 2 screen thing but I am ace at it Grin

Royalbloo · 16/01/2021 20:56

Just watch it on your own!

Thistles24 · 16/01/2021 20:56

She’s right, everyone below a certain age does do it! However, it drives me daft too. One friend especially is constantly on her phone and I find it very irritating and rude. I’ll be in the middle of a story and she’s tapping away on her screen, then says “sorry, this is so rude- I’m awful” but just keeps doing it! I could understand replying to an important message, but not a 45 min whatsapp conversation. Rant over, thanksGrin

namechangenumber204 · 16/01/2021 20:57

Some people can multi task... I am doing exactly that at the moment - watching The Wheel and typing this...

Gooseygoosey12345 · 16/01/2021 21:00

I'm guilty of it. I'm on Mumsnet while watching Grand Tour, but I'm taking it all in. I don't have a problem with it. I do have a problem when someone is so engrossed in their phone they can't acknowledge your presence, but that's a different point

YouBoughtMeAWall · 16/01/2021 21:02

The only time I insist on no phones is during our weekly family movie night. It’s really lovely to enjoy a movie together with everyone engaged. The rest of the time we don’t really watch TV together but if we do I don’t insist on phones away.

FadedRed · 16/01/2021 21:02

Some people can do this. In the time before iPad/phone ‘screens’ I could watch TV (and know what was happening) whilst simultaneously reading a book and knitting/crocheting.

CoffeeWithCheese · 16/01/2021 21:03

I can't "just" watch TV - it bores me shitless and I need to be doing something else at the same time - either crafting, drawing or playing a game on my phone or whatever else.

DH takes it a step further and will have one airpod in watching something on his computer screen, while having a single earphone in the other ear playing a playstation game. Wish I'd given the ruddy spare airpods to DD1 instead!

GracieLouFreebushh · 16/01/2021 21:07

As long as she's not asking you to rewind it just try not to control what she does. You both relax and watch things differently and I think that's ok.

Oysterbabe · 16/01/2021 21:07

DH and I both do this. Pretty normal IME.

Somuddled · 16/01/2021 22:39

We call it double screening, occasionally we try to stop but mostly we can't. It's not that I don't want to watch what is on, isn't just that I also want to read Mumsnet or browse Pinterest. I would force myself not to if I knew the other person wasn't okay with it though.

AndcalloffChristmas · 16/01/2021 22:48

I do it quite a lot but have made a conscious effort to stop because Dd (12) has started doing it too, which would leave ds (6) as the only one actually watching! I don’t think it’s reallt right to do it while watching with kids I guess anyway.

I’ll do it when watching in my own, definitely.

ElizaLaLa · 16/01/2021 22:49

The show is ruined because feel like a bit of a tit if I continue watching, especially if it's something that makes me actually laugh or tear up or whatever - because she's not having the same experience

Get over yourself, ffs.

Lockdownshmockdown · 16/01/2021 22:58

I'm not completely convinced it's any different from when my grandpa would listen to the radio and read the paper at the same time. If I'm reading I can't abide listening to something else. My partner can listen to podcasts and type at the same time. Boggles my mind. I need peace and quiet or, at the very least, just some quiet, chilled out music (recommend Chilled Cow on YouTube)

I'll quite happily do the two screen thing if I'm watching something I've seen a million times and I'm just zoning out- a favourite tv show for example. I'll just happily scroll and have one ear and one eye on the telly. But if we're sitting down to watch a film together the phone goes away and on silent.

Aurelia1313 · 16/01/2021 22:58

It's weird now but second screening is just a thing, I'm not even that into tech but here I am on my laptop watching Dr Who on the tv. Everyone I know in my age bracket does it, but my parents don't get it even though I've seen them start doing it to!

Macncheeseballs · 16/01/2021 23:01

I agree op, if its something good, its great to be watching it together for the shared experience

OwlinaTree · 16/01/2021 23:03

I find it hard to just sit and watch the telly, I'll be playing games on the phone or doing puzzles or something. I can't Mumsnet while watching telly though, it had to be a non reading thing (can cope with knitting pattern reading!)

Bluegrass · 16/01/2021 23:11

I do this a fair bit but I worry it is changing the way our brains work, and not in a good way.

So much gets lost if you’re just half watching and only looking at the main screen for the big payoff jokes or the dramatic moments. You lose the chance to think, to anticipate.

It’s the absolute opposite of mindfulness, it’s the meal you finished without ever tasting it, the amazing live performance you only experienced by recording it on your phone.

Rosebel · 16/01/2021 23:11

We all do this in my house. I try really hard not to do it at my parents house though as I know it drives my mum mad.
However me, husband and two teenage daughters are all guilty of this. I can watch a program and be on my phone at the same time.
I don't think it's worth falling out over.

Ameliablue · 16/01/2021 23:36

Even before screens I always did something else while watching tv

RoomOfRequirement · 16/01/2021 23:43

I'm doing this right now! I don't remember the last show or movie I watched without my phone but I hate watching without. I can pay attention to both though.

MrsMiaWallis · 16/01/2021 23:46

I just watch things by myself.

dinosforall · 16/01/2021 23:48

DH and I do this and we are 38