Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... for "second-screen" to drive me crazy?

102 replies

Wroxie · 16/01/2021 20:49

My young adult daughter is living here again until Covid peters out (no problems here, she works, contributes, cooks, and cleans!) but one thing is annoying me.

We're not a tv-on-all-the-time family, but we will purposely sit down to watch a film or an episode of a good series together and within seven seconds, daughter is on her phone - even if the film or show was her idea. I say 'Oh, we can watch this later', and she says 'no it's fine I'm watching it' but she's absolutely not- something dramatic or funny happens and I glance at her to see if she's noticed and she hasn't. It's like I'm watching by myself, and all the fun of enjoying the show together just isn't there. I then huff a bit and pause it, then she says 'fine' and puts her phone down for about ten minutes before picking it up again. The show is ruined because feel like a bit of a tit if I continue watching, especially if it's something that makes me actually laugh or tear up or whatever - because she's not having the same experience.

Daughter says 'everyone' does a 'second screen' when the telly is on, she can't imagine sitting through a movie at home without her phone in her hand. I think she's being rude and we've gotten snippy about it a few times. If you have teenagers or young adults how does this go in your house?

OP posts:
FutureDuchessofHastings · 17/01/2021 12:39

The thing is, people said the same about television years ago. Mindlessly stuck in front of the 'idiot box', spoiling family time, taking away from reading or playing board games or going for a family walk. How is this really any different? You want her to be glued to the TV screen at the same time as you while she'd rather read/interact with others on her phone.

Hardbackwriter · 17/01/2021 12:40

I think it's a shame that these days we have no concentration span, and no ability to focus fully on just one thing. We no longer have the capability to immerse ourselves in one activity; our brain needs stimulation from multiple artificial sources (screens) now to feel occupied and entertained. I think it's a shame and like @Bluegrass think we have lost the art of experiencing and savouring the moment (one of the key tenets of mindfulness)

I know what you mean and agree to some extent but there is something so ironic about the fact that people are now worried that we're not paying enough attention to all the good, proper, stimulating entertainment on our televisions, when there was once so much moral panic about them turning our youth into fixated zombies, and diverting them from proper edifying sources of entertainment, like novels. Which themselves were once the subject of a moral panic, because they were diverting our youth...

Blackberrybunnet · 17/01/2021 12:41

Haven't you ever watched tv while knitting? what's the difference?

Frodont · 17/01/2021 12:43

That example isn't really the same because it wasn't about watching tv while playing a board game. Its the doing two things at the same time - I couldn't concentrate fully on the film, and I'm not particularly unusual, so I'm assuming other people can't either. They'd be pretty evolved if they could immerse themselves in a film and take in all the dialogue while simultaneously giggling about something on tik tok or typing on mumsnet. If you don't care about immersing yourself then crack on!

Frodont · 17/01/2021 12:44

@Blackberrybunnet

Haven't you ever watched tv while knitting? what's the difference?
You aren't thinking about a different conversation while knitting?
Ch3rish · 17/01/2021 12:48

@Frodont

I like the fact I get absorbed in a film and truth be told I feel sorry for people who can't do that. There's so much utter trivial shit on the Internet, I can't imagine wanting to scroll through that rather than concentrating on a movie. My dds only do it if they aren't enjoying the film, if its one tht they love they don't second screen.
Strange thing to feel sorry for other people about, you seem to changing tack though. Do you accept that people are different and others can quite happyily enjoy a film while interneting? Not everyone is the same as you

No one here is saying you should both watch and scroll but you seem determined that other posters should be like you and give undivided attention to the TV

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 17/01/2021 12:50

As long as she isn't chatting on the phone and disrupting it for everyone else, I don't see the problem.
In a way, you're making your own "second screen" by being obsessed about your daughters reaction to the film.
I'm in my 50s and rarely concentrate on TV without playing around on my laptop an/or phone at the same time.

Frodont · 17/01/2021 12:50

No one here is saying you should both watch and scroll but you seem determined that other posters should be like you and give undivided attention to the TV

I've already said my dds do it if its something they aren't really interested in it.

Of course people should do what they like! Likewise I'm entitled to think they must have the attention span of a gnat Smile

Frodont · 17/01/2021 12:53

People do it in the cinema too. Its annoying if they are in front of you because the bright screen is distracting. If they want to spend their money to sit on their phones in a cinema then that's up to them!

BeaSmithers · 17/01/2021 12:59

Seriously? Choose your arguments. You sound a little controlling tbh

Littleposh · 17/01/2021 13:04

I have a tiny attention span so always doing something else when TV is on (read, study, games, jigsaw, screen). I just can't sit and watch tv as it bores me but I do like to enjoy watching stuff with the kids

Frodont · 17/01/2021 13:07

"Controlling"..
AGAIN

Surprised you haven't had "abusive" yet OP.

LaurieFairyCake · 17/01/2021 13:07

Second screening is dreadful for your attention span. Really really, the worst.

Dh and I try really hard not to do it while watching a film/series together - or we don't get the full experience/nuance of it.

BillMasheen · 17/01/2021 13:10

...there is something so ironic about the fact that people are now worried that we're not paying enough attention to all the good, proper, stimulating entertainment on our televisions, when there was once so much moral panic about them turning our youth into fixated zombies, and diverting them from proper edifying sources of entertainment, like novels. Which themselves were once the subject of a moral panic, because they were diverting our youth

This. I am in my 50s and am am avid second screener. My dad who would have been in in his 80s was known for reading a book, listening to the radio on on earphone and watching a Film. It isn’t a new thing.

Enjoy the things you enjoy. You don’t need someone else sat there with rapt attention to validate your choices.

Constantfacepalm · 17/01/2021 13:18

I do it but try not to. I realise how little I pay attention if on phone, even if I'm hearing all the words. I remember with say, bakeoff, that I didnt get even remotely invested in an episode and could have easily turned it off before the end, if I was on my phone vs watching 100%. Much more enjoyable viewing experience without phone (which, face it, is most likely scrolling through facebook and total crap. Otherwise, how could you watch and be on phone?) It's that addictive nature of not knowing when you'll get a psychological "hit" when refreshing and scrolling through nonsense. So for that reason, I hate it. And I get very frustrated with husband when he can't go 5 mins without picking up phone, even if we sit down to watch something we enjoy together

BarbedBloom · 17/01/2021 13:21

I have always done more than one thing at once. If i am reading or when I was studying I would have the radio on. I would be on my phone watching TV or similar. I just struggle to focus on one thing at a time and always have.

emilyfrost · 17/01/2021 13:23

@Frodont

"Controlling".. AGAIN

Surprised you haven't had "abusive" yet OP.

You need to calm down, dear. You’re taking this very personally 😂

Huffing and puffing and pausing the tv because another adult isn’t watching exactly as you want them to is controlling.

Frodont · 17/01/2021 13:39

This. I am in my 50s and am am avid second screener. My dad who would have been in in his 80s was known for reading a book, listening to the radio on on earphone and watching a Film. It isn’t a new thing

Doesn't make it healthy.

Ithinkhedidit · 17/01/2021 13:40

We always did this when I was growing up. Watch telly plus read a book/flip through a magazine / knit or sew / do a crossword puzzle. We always would chat too. I find it weird to sit completely focussed and silent on the telly (how dh watches). Now my parents scroll through their phones or look on their ipad or kindle. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Plussizejumpsuit · 17/01/2021 13:42

You sound really hard work and a bit controlling.

Especially the huffing bit. Ffs you're an adult.

Sparklfairy · 17/01/2021 14:17

It's physically impossible to read one thing and listen to another and follow both. Playing a game/knitting/etc is different, but "words clash" as I call it is impossible. People who say they can kind of zone in and out of both constantly but if you took a 60sec clip and played it and asked them what happened after reading something at the same time, they won't be able to.

It IS rude, but I hate "just" watching TV. It's too passive for me. I don't watch very often for this reason.

Suzi888 · 17/01/2021 14:55

YANBU it’s incredibly rude, hurls mobile across room.
Guilty of it myself though Blush

DuchenneParent · 17/01/2021 15:19

I agree it is rude to be on your phone if you are meant to be spending time specifically with someone, such as having a special night in, or visiting someone. I also agree that it's probably having a negative impact on our concentration spans!

But it sounds like she is an adult just trying to quietly relax in her own living room in the evening, and you keep tutting and huffing at her. I think you need to back off a bit. Maybe she wants to hang out with you but doesn't always feel 100% gripped by the TV you have on.

eachtigertires · 17/01/2021 16:16

The only time I do this is if I am at risk of falling asleep. Movies especially seen to have that effect on me so I read on my phone at the same time whilst glancing between the two just to try and stay awake.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 17/01/2021 21:41

I usually start out wanting to watch something but then find myself reaching for the phone. There aren't many programmes that really captivate me.
In fact, my benchmark of a great movie or show is whether it makes me put my phone down to watch and it's actually quite sad how rarely that happens.
(A few months ago, I put a "new" show on and within 5min I had put my phone down to watch. I asked DH to watch the 1st episode and he did exactly the same, so we knew we were on to a winner).

Swipe left for the next trending thread