To have hated my wedding day

[Bananramapants]

It was five years ago but I hated it. I hate being the centre of attention but had a fair number of guests to keep husband happy. I felt fat and was probably suffering pnd too. I cringe when I think of how shit I looked and when I think of the speeches and how I sweated and looked awful because I hate people staring at me, so 80 approx people staring was the worst thing in the world. I shouldn’t be thinking about it because I’m low today but I feel so sad about it.

I also second the pp that says any wedding day is unlikely to be the day of your dreams, the pressure, the sheer weight of expectation etc. There is no such thing as perfection, just varying levels of things going well/not so well.

I didn't like mine either, I'd had a failed ivf and was still bleeding. I didn't like my dress, I didn't like my hair or makeup. I didn't want to entertain people. I didn't actually want the wedding I was more than happy with a registry office and meal but my family insisted. I wasn't in a good head space and I hate the attention.

Op i didn't enjoy my wedding either. My parents paid but they were spectacularly mean about everything. They are wealthy. Very wealthy. Every little thing was all about saving money. We wanted to contribute but they refused. There were endless arguments about not inviting too many people, cheap as possible table decorations, what the meal would be (hot buffet as cheaper), even the actual time to the wedding to make it cheaper. At one point they declared that we shouldn't be sending out invitations too early and three weeks notice was enough (they wouldn't let me send out save the date cards and this was pre social media really). We had such a horrendous row about that they threw me out of the house but also

With hindsight we should have said thanks but no thanks and gone away, just the two of us.

That was 15 years ago and we're still happily married. We've said that one day we'll renew our vows exactly how we want and have the day we would have preferred.

The wedding you describe is the reason we eloped! I'm so sorry you felt you had to have a wedding that made others happy, makes me so sad that many people are pressurised into the "big day".

I didn’t hate ours, but can’t say I enjoyed it. Loved the church ceremony, but afterwards I spent the day fretting and worrying about things going to plan and ensuring that guests were happy which meant I couldn’t relax. Spent my wedding night on the loo with the runs.
About 9months before we’d seen a lovely village hall in the country that would have been perfect. Rung up to see if it was free on the date, but it was booked, so continued on with the hotel. Really wished I’d changed dates and gone with a more low key wedding at the village hall - esp’ as the hotel tried legal action afterwards claiming guests had drunk their own alcohol (even pinning blame on my tea total dad). Settled on paying half the charge as didn’t have the energy to take it to court. It really tarnished the day for us afterwards.
All my guests say they loved the day, so I guess that (& a happy marriage) is all that matters.

I hated my wedding day. I had a miscarriage 2 days before, only a small number of people knew so most probably thought I was miserable cow. I felt awful, I should have cancelled really but lots of people had travelled from abroad and everything was ready. I was in bed on my own in the hotel by 10pm ( I made dh go back to the wedding the didn't just leave me!) I hated the photos, the meal everything but I know it was only one day and the most important thing is im happily married now but you're not the only one who didn't have the dream day we expected unfortunately

I have read before that people will think one or other partner must have had an affair if vows are being renewed - I don’t agree at all! It’s a lovely thing to do. I know a few couples that have done it on their Silver Wedding.

@LazyDaisy10

I hated my wedding day. I had a miscarriage 2 days before, only a small number of people knew so most probably thought I was miserable cow. I felt awful, I should have cancelled really but lots of people had travelled from abroad and everything was ready. I was in bed on my own in the hotel by 10pm ( I made dh go back to the wedding the didn't just leave me!) I hated the photos, the meal everything but I know it was only one day and the most important thing is im happily married now but you're not the only one who didn't have the dream day we expected unfortunately

Me too. I had a miscarriage during the wedding evening at the reception, completely overnight.

@EternalOptimist7

I have read before that people will think one or other partner must have had an affair if vows are being renewed - I don’t agree at all! It’s a lovely thing to do. I know a few couples that have done it on their Silver Wedding.

You're in the minority though. I mean, people can do whatever they want, but they should be aware that the majority of those who know about the vow renewal will assume there's been at least one incident of infidelity.

Wedding vows aren't meant to expire and need renewing. Unless they've been broken

I'm sorry for everyone's pain but it was been enormously cathartic reading this thread as I too didn't enjoy my own wedding day. As others have said, it was a combination of trying to please 2 sets of families (rather than what I wanted), being deeply uncomfortable in my appearance that day, and making rash decisions about the guest list which I wouldn't do today (some people I met for the first and last time that day!). Am very happily married though so I cannot be too miserable. And I must say I have never gone to someone else's wedding and had a bad time, ever. So deep down I'm hopeful that my guests had a good time even if I didn't!

I neither liked nor hated mine at the time - I just never remembered it very clearly, even quite a short time afterwards. But I do wish I had had a less "weddingy" wedding - I married young and went along with a lot of other people's suggestions, when nowadays I would probably have preferred something very small, informal and personal to our tastes.

I am sorry you felt like that. When I got married I deliberately did it overseas and with no guests.

Having a big white wedding where you are the centre of attention is my idea of hell tbh. I can’t think of anything worse.

[quote SomersetHamlyn]@EternalOptimist7

I have read before that people will think one or other partner must have had an affair if vows are being renewed - I don’t agree at all! It’s a lovely thing to do. I know a few couples that have done it on their Silver Wedding.

You're in the minority though. I mean, people can do whatever they want, but they should be aware that the majority of those who know about the vow renewal will assume there's been at least one incident of infidelity.

Wedding vows aren't meant to expire and need renewing. Unless they've been broken[/quote]
Until I was on MN, I had never heard the infidelity idea. I think it's not the norm?

Most people I know who have vow renewals are devout Christians who're doing it on a silver/gold anniversary. It's usually not a big party but a religious ceremony. Peculiar to associate with infidelity, surely?