To have hated my wedding day

[Bananramapants]

It was five years ago but I hated it. I hate being the centre of attention but had a fair number of guests to keep husband happy. I felt fat and was probably suffering pnd too. I cringe when I think of how shit I looked and when I think of the speeches and how I sweated and looked awful because I hate people staring at me, so 80 approx people staring was the worst thing in the world. I shouldn’t be thinking about it because I’m low today but I feel so sad about it.

In fact, one day I'd like to go abroad and have a blessing to celebrate a milestone anniversary. Have the smaller day I really wanted and choose a dress I feel a million dollars in. Then put pictures all over the house! I feel that's the only way I'll get over what feels like a bit of a trauma.

Didn't really like mine either, 20 years ago and still have regrets - now have a new dp and know exactly what I want if we actually marry (need to do the legal part of divorce first, just haven't bothered!)

Loved the day itself because it was a reg office and a small gathering as I hate attention too but I was a size 8, looked fantastic, really enjoyed the day. The only thing I would change would be the husband as mine turned out to be a right dick.

Wouldnt do it again though even if and when Chris Dornan proposes...

I didn't want to go!

I went. I got a baby out of it and some horrific experiences I don't want to go back to.

I really didnt like my wedding. We had v little money and aspects of it were locely. Fairly informal lovely people etc. But my dress was awful and I wish I could have had a wedding dress. Also I would have liked pretty flowers and some proper photoos.

I have often said I want my girls to have more than I did. But as we're low income I cant make that happen.

Hated mine too. I looked awful and it's was just all a bit crap. I really wanted to go abroad and get married on a brach however when we said this to my MIL she cried so we changed our minds. Wish I had stuck to my guns now.

I didn’t enjoy my wedding either. I had to invite people I didn’t want to. I felt far too hot in my dress. I had to go and find DH and ask him to buy me a drink as I had no way of paying.
If I were to do it again it would be people I wanted to invite only, and I’d wear a pair of white jeans.

Mine was ok. Loads people I didn't know as we lived abroad and came back to dh home town to get married (he has huge family). It was all a bit rushed and bit sad I didn't put more thought into it as we just wanted to be married. The day was a blur. I do remember that I had to ask dh ti buy me a drink at the reception as no one offered (he had 20 pints lined up in the bar).

I've been married twice and hated both days.

1: My mother completely took over and made the day all about her. She left me, my new husband stranded in the local park we went to for photos as she'd commandeered the wedding car to take guests to the reception. She also spent the whole day fighting with my father. She wasn't invited to my second wedding.

2: Stupidly I got married when we should have split up. Now ex H hadn't wanted to get married in the first place and only did it to 'shut me up' about it. Our reception hotel was about 100 yards down the road from the registry office, opposite side. We were stood outside talking to the guests as they came out, I looked up to see him walking off with his friends towards the hotel. I waited for 10 minutes, expecting him to come back and get me. He didn't. I ended up walking into my wedding reception on my own. Ex H didn't like the way his mother had arranged the tables, and spent a good hour obviously sulking, to the point where guests were giving him the serious side eye. Never felt so embarrassed since. I knew straight away I'd made a massive mistake, and I was right, he was shit husband.

OP don't beat yourself up. Part of the problem now is so much emphasis is put on that one 'perfect 'day.
By nature I too hate being the centre of attention and a bit of a worrier.I'm glad I got married 30 plus years ago.No FB or Instagram.etc.endless wedding shows.
Still had 80 guests and a build up with organisation but really far less of the pressure brides put themselves and their families through now.I chose a dress from the first shop we went to.Was far more interested in getting a nice lunch with my mum.In hindsight I would have chosen differently.The florist delivered the wrong colour flowers for me,didn't match the bridesmaids. I've often wondered who got my bouquet ? And whilst havng photos guests headed over to the pub opposite the church to see how the FA cup final was going.That wouldnt fit tidays exacting standards !Now I think I would have a totally different ,smaller wedding.Still glad we had no evening do and went straight on honeymoon.
But despite up and downs I married the right man for me.That's what counts.

I hated mine too. Lots of things were really disappointing. Couldn't have the church I really wanted, my parents and in laws both kicked off about the arrangements even though I was bending over backwards to keep everyone happy, I lost lots of weight and even though I had the dress altered it didn't fit and gaped awfully, I couldn't afford to have my hair and make up done professionally, it poured with rain all day and at the reception two of my friends came up to me moaning that they were bored, then my husband left his overnight bag at the venue when the taxi arrived to take us to the hotel and he ended up blaming me for it, we had an argument and I cried. Worst of all i looked awful in the official photos. It bothered me for a long time particularly as lots of my friends, cousins, sister etc got married in the next few years and their days seemed perfect and they looked so happy and beautiful.

It stang a lot less once I'd had a baby which distracted me. I'm over it now, 20 years later. Still happily married and lots of the people who had the "perfect" day are now divorced!

I put yabu because, were you not in control of your own wedding day? For almost all the reasons you mentioned in your post, I had a tiny, informal wedding at a local hotel with my favourite people, it was a wonderful day.

I'm sorry others feel like this, but I'm actually finding it quite reassuring to see that it's not just me. I cringe when I think of the speeches and the photos any everything. DH gets cross that I don't want photos up in the house. It was a colossal waste of money, too. You're not alone OP.

These stories are why I'm not married , my idea is kids and DP, lunchtime quick registers office thing, lunch somewhere after.

I don't want the circus or attention....but registers fallout would be huge so 🤷‍♀️

My dd had a large wedding planned for last summer and was a bit worried about too many guests.
Then it obviously got cancelled and she rebooked for December and was delighted at the thought of 30 guests.
Unfortunately this got changed to 15 people and no reception.
However she and her dh had an amazing day as everyone pulled out all the stops to give them the best wedding within the rules.
It was memorable in every way.

I hate being the centre of attention and my first wedding reflected this. There were five of us there including the registrar and two witnesses we didn't know. The weather was dreich and it set the tone for marriage. It didn't last long. I look back on it with sadness.

My second wedding was the complete opposite. The hottest week of the year. 33 on the day. Packed church and a big garden party type reception that lasted until the wee hours. Free bar and no strict guest list. Loved it.

I had evening only guests. Why??? Why didn’t I just bloody invite them. I didn’t really enjoy the day, it’s a blur and I utterly CRINGE at some stuff. I dwell on it too but I know I only do so when I’m anxious and I try to remind myself - it’s a day, not a life. Also no one else gives a shit.

I didn't massively enjoy mine, I also had an event when I wish I had done it privately.

Weirdly other people still mention they really enjoyed it and I'm but then rearrange my face

I was invited to a bit of a quirky wedding. I heard afterwards that the bride hadnt liked her day. Not her fault really, but because it was quirky, something technical went wrong which was rather crucial to the evening reception for her.
Most people dont know that she didnt like her day. Sad for her.

Why dont you spend some time over lock down thinking of what you would have really wanted your wedding day to have been like if there had just been you and DH there. Then when lock down is over see if you can make it happen. A 'blessing'or vow renew with just you two. Get somebody to take a photo and replace your original wedding photos in the house with the new one. Do it just the way you wanted.

Oh, OP, I am so sorry to hear this. There is so much pressure from family and society to get married a certain way. There is nothing I can say to take your feelings away.

One thing I have learned as I have gotten older, and that is to say no to things that would make me uncomfortable doing them. It takes practice, but OP, you know now what makes you comfortable and happy, and although your wedding day was not what you wanted, you can make future occasions how you want them to be. Whether it is a birthday, or whatever. Don't be afraid to speak up.

I hope you feel better today.

I would have felt exactly the same which is why I got married with no wedding. Sorry you still feel so awful about it

I didn't enjoy mine either. Our baby was 3 months old at the time and fussed all day at being pulled out of his routine , I wore the dress I'd planned on before becoming pregnant and when I look at the photos I know that it just didn't suit my new figure.

Basically I spent all day worrying about our baby and feeling uncomfortable in an ill fitting dress.

I would rather have gone to the registry office with my husband and two witnesses and worn a more casual outfit. This makes me feel bad because my husband was really happy with how the day went.

I reason that I'm happy in our marriage so I shouldn't let one day bother me so much.

So sorry that so many others felt similarly. I feel relieved though and I think now I’ve heard others stories, I may find it easier to put it behind me. I thought I was weird to not enjoy it!

It's in the past though,why are you dwelling on it?
If you can get to the bottom of that you might realise it's a waste of time constantly looking back,doing this,how can you move forward?
Could you renew your vows ,just the two of you?so you have happier memories?