To have hated my wedding day

[Bananramapants]

It was five years ago but I hated it. I hate being the centre of attention but had a fair number of guests to keep husband happy. I felt fat and was probably suffering pnd too. I cringe when I think of how shit I looked and when I think of the speeches and how I sweated and looked awful because I hate people staring at me, so 80 approx people staring was the worst thing in the world. I shouldn’t be thinking about it because I’m low today but I feel so sad about it.

I'm an introvert and only wanted a tiny do. Although the day was a success, my mother insisted all the aunts and uncles to come, as well her best friend, and anyone else she wanted. We used disposable cameras for photos, and I didn't hire a photographer (see: introvert) so Mum got my Dad, a hobby photographer, to get us to stand in rows like photos circa 1970. I wanted people to capture moments, not have us all lined up like the Royal Family. If I had my day again I'd just invite my lifelong friend and my then fiancé's best friend, much more our style.

I didn’t much enjoy mine either. It was ok. Far from the best day of my life.
I just worried about everyone else all day and hated eyes on me.

Maybe easier said than done but really no point dwelling over one day.

Presumably you had a wedding day because you wanted to be married. Concentrate on the marriage and not the party for it

I loved mine, but only because we eloped! I also loathe being the centre of attention and the thought of having dozens of people staring at me is my idea of hell. Been married 26 years, so so glad I got married how I did.

I truly feel for you and I don't doubt for a second I'd feel like you in the same setting. However, it's done, and you never have to watch the videos or look at the photos if you don't want to. You have your husband and that's what matters

Posters saying that they are not married because they don't want to have that sort of wedding, well you really don't have to.
We just went to register office, husband to be brought along a couple of chaps from his work as witnesses, went to local cafe afterwards, it was lovely.
Went home and told parents, Dad laughed (they knew husband well). Later they gave us money that would have been spent on a proper wedding.
I would have hated being the centre of attention and have never regretted it.

Hated ours too. It was almost seven years ago so I don't think about it too much any more thankfully. My parents paid for most of it, and it feels like such a tremendous waste of money. I had lost quite a bit of weight and was so proud, but my overbearing DM talked me into buying a dress that didn't suit me and having my hair in an ugly up-do, so I looked horrible anyway. I can't stand looking at the photos and sold the dress as soon as I could. The florist stuck three huge gerberas right in the middle of my bouquet, even though my only was no gerberas. I spent most of the reception hiding in the toilets alone so I didn't have to see anybody. I don't think I saw my DH at all once we left the church.

Mine was 20 years ago, my dad made this awful speech. He just couldn't say anything nice. My mum hated the whole thing, she never, ever says anything positive about it. Our friends had a great time. My sil attempted to replicate it!

I have mixed feelings, but to be honest it's faded.

As a guest at weddings, I love being invited, so positive going to a happy event. My memories are superficially nice - if you pushed me, pretty quickly after the wedding, I might dredge up something about being stuck on a dull table or the music being very loud. In my head the bridal party always looked lovely and I'm grateful for them inviting me. Always understanding about any chaotic moments, it's a complicated day, I expect them as a guest but I don't dwell on them or remember them even a year later !

Mine was fairly small scale years ago, but as an introvert I still struggled. I was pushed into a dress I didn’t feel was really me by my sister and just generally wanted the day to be over.

People on here are very anti destination weddings, but this was a big part of our decision making, I didn't want 150 guests who I felt obligated to invite and had barely met, lots is pomp and circumstance so I didn't enjoy my day, we ended up with 24 which was more than I expected but was thrilled because I loved every one of them and the week with the wedding a few days in was the most time is been able to spend just relaxing and having fun with friends and family, they all went home and we started for another two weeks and explored the country a bit. We had a beautiful day, very relaxed and then because I'm not an introvert, a big but very casual party when we got back for the masses, but no speeches, receiving lines or formality, just street food, live music, and lots of fun and I had a lovely tan and was feeling very relaxed after 3 weeks away.
Ultimately though OP you have a good marriage and that's the most important part and realistically very few people will probably even remember your wedding and if they do, not in any detail. Our weddings are important to us not all the guests.
I went to a very fancy wedding a few years ago, everything was 'perfect' bride looked like a model, every aspect had been considered, it clearly cost a bomb, they divorced after two years.

You're so not alone here. Almost four years ago for me and I still feel sad too. I'm also a massive introvert. I didn't feel very comfortable around my in-laws and there were so many people I'd never met before and have never met since! My sil was in the midst of a nervous breakdown and had been behaving erratically for weeks. I spent the day watching her like a hawk in case she said or did something weird or inappropriate. She's much better now but I still struggle with resentment towards her though it really wasn't her fault. I feel like I played it safe with my dress because I wasn't happy with my body.

But tbh I just don't think about it. We have a wonderful marriage now. Two beautiful DC's and we are annoyingly happy. It was just a day and the photos look lovely. You'd never have known I was on edge all day

My postman was telling me that they were having to have a small wedding for his daughter, due to lockdown. His family hated the idea as traditionally they always had really big ones with lots of extended family.
Afterwards, he said it had been absolutely lovely, he'd been relaxed and able to chat to everyone. His daughter very happy with how it went too.
He said he had saved a lot of money and might change the family tradition.

Just thought of another cringe moment - during one of the speeches, someone shouted out that I was pregnant! I wasn't and have no idea why they thought it was funny.

We had the small wedding we wanted, and it was lovely. The marriage didn't last, but I don't regret the day itself. I can't understand why people let others dictate how their wedding should be - it's your wedding, you should choose how it is.

I hated mine too. I also struggle with being the centre of attention. I loved the service but the rest of it was exhausting..Also we made decisions that were wrong about the guest list that still make me feel awful and guilty

Oh yeah, I get the guilt about a couple of people I didn’t even think to invite too

My wedding wasn't great either. But I'm still married 43 years later!

Never forget - a wedding is just a day. Marriage is for life.

I have similar feelings towards mine; I cringe whenever I think about. Although I liked the idea of marriage I've never been a "wedding person" so I would've preferred a small registry office wedding with immediate family only. However my husband wanted a big wedding and stupidly I agreed under the condition I wasn't lumbered with the planning. I spent the day being a mixture of bored out of my skull and embrassed. Even though the pictures they took were good in terms of lighting and photo quality the photographer who my mum hired didn't take the photos we'd requested so there isn't even one half decent one of my husband and I together from our wedding.

@WellThankyouAJPTaylor

This is one reason I've never been interested in getting married, honestly. Just nothing about the idea of a wedding appeals to me in the slightest.

It’s perfectly possible to get married without a ‘wedding’, though. We just took two friends to the local register office. I wore jeans and an old pea coat. Then the four of us went for lunch.

OP there is not an obligation to love or have happy memories of your wedding day. The main thing is to have a happy and long-lasting marriage afterwards.

Saddened that last weekend it preyed on your mind.

Mine was shit too. But it was 15 years ago now so I don’t think about it often. The marriage is far more important than the wedding.

I hated mine. I had wanted to get married in Sri Lanka with only our parents there but got pregnant and decided something low key at home would be better. We had an odd mix of guests as it was so last minute, I had to manage breastfeeding in my wedding dress, we had a massive thunderstorm on leaving the church which ruined the photos and a bird even pooed on me whilst I was in the open top wedding car. Everyone who attended though said they loved it.

I understand OP. I ran off to Gretna Green because I would have struggled with a traditional do. I love a party but a full blown wedding was my idea of a bad time.

There was just me, DH, two witnesses and our toddler DD. It was lovely. There were some annoyed people afterwards who thought they'd been cheated out of a wedding, but I was happier doing it my way.

I didn't get the wedding I wanted because my parents were so overbearing. They made me do that receiving line and have an MC which was ridiculous!

But we have been so happily married it doesn't matter. We have been together for almost 19 years (married for 14.5yrs) and I think of us meeting as our anniversary because that was when our relationship started and I found the love of my life.

I have forgotten our wedding anniversary for the last two years which should tell you how unimportant it is to me!!

I understand OP. We had a small wedding as I hate being the centre of attention. Unfortunately this just caused no end of problems. My usually relaxed and reasonable DM insisted on me inviting all my aunts and uncles although we only really wanted immediate family and a couple of friends. Then that caused offence because we didn't invite cousins, even though we just didn't have the room. Then my DPs were worried about my plan for catering, despite the fact that it was a really good idea and there was plenty of food. It was all ok in the end but I hated being the centre of attention, regretted not having a proper photographer or even just a plan for photos and wasn't actually a big fan of my very plain dress. Also, I got really really drunk!!! But everyone seemed to enjoy it and I'm just glad I got it over with really!

I got married overseas, and was supposed to have a big party with family and friends in the summer of the same year, but I found out I was pregnant and was too sick to go ahead, so we cancelled. I always felt a bit cheated if I am honest.
That was nearly twenty years ago.
Five years ago I had the summer party I always wanted, complete with the English flowers I would have chosen, a beautiful dress in a rose garden. I can honestly say it took away that feeling away. I fee like it has corrected something that nagged away at me. It was a lovely summers day, we had live music and the bonus? No actual wedding to worry about, so we all partied all evening. I highly recommend if you can, plan to something that help you feel better.

It is never too late, my mother felt cheated with a registry office, so when their 40th wedding anniversary came around she got dressed up in a beautiful dress and renewed her vows in the church of her dreams!