To have hated my wedding day

[Bananramapants]

It was five years ago but I hated it. I hate being the centre of attention but had a fair number of guests to keep husband happy. I felt fat and was probably suffering pnd too. I cringe when I think of how shit I looked and when I think of the speeches and how I sweated and looked awful because I hate people staring at me, so 80 approx people staring was the worst thing in the world. I shouldn’t be thinking about it because I’m low today but I feel so sad about it.

The one thing that makes me not regret my wedding day is that my lovely mum got to see her only child have a big traditional wedding, and lots of our neighbours came and stood outside the church .
She loved it, so I’m glad I did it.

I feel the same about my wedding day. I didn't want much but I had to compromise on everything to please everyone else and didn't get anything I wanted. I had a 4 month old baby, I looked tired and fat, my dress didn't fit properly, the weather was terrible, the photographer messed up, food was awful...I could go on, I went home and cried afterwards.
But we've been married 9 years and I still love him. That's what counts. I try not to think about the disaster of the wedding day and focus on everything that comes after.
We'll maybe renew our vows one day and I can do it my way

I feel your pain.

There were uninvited guests at my wedding... they came along with a friend from school. I hadn't this woman for years, but she got in touch and basically invited herself. She and her posse got very drunk and stole some wine bottles to take home.

I hated my dress. It was my mum's wedding dress and it was probably pretty on a young, 1960s bride. I was 32. My dad talked me into wearing it, because he didn't want to fork out on a new one. I did NOT feel pretty, I just felt like a lump.

The whole day was just so long and tiring.

I did my own hair and make up and my hair just looked lank.

My Grannie had a carer and I said the carer was welcome to have a glass of wine whilst doing her duties. The carer got roaring drunk. There is a video of her staggering about when she was supposed to be looking after grannie.

Someone's baby screamed all through the service and it's parents had a loud argument about who should take it out.

To cap it all, there is video footage of my aunt snogging her own nephew.

People thought I was lying when I said I’d get married in a trouser suit as I hated the fuss of wedding shops and a big dress wasn’t me. Plus I hated being gawked at or being the centre of attention. They should’ve believed me and I’m glad I stuck to my guns. I’m sorry you experienced that OP. Small quiet weddings are just as valid as big traditional ones and nobody should be pressured into a wedding they don’t want. The marriage can still be good though but I understand how you feel bitter about it still.

I would say I'm fairly extroverted normally, but I found my wedding day completely overwhelming and ended up hiding in the disabled loo to get away from the constant attention! I'm a planner by nature and felt so obsessed by making sure everything ran to schedule and everyone was where they should be at the right time that I couldn't just relax. In hindsight I'd have preferred a tiny relaxed wedding and not to tell anyone outside of our guests until afterwards!

But as others have said, it's about the marriage not the wedding, so I try not to dwell on it too much.

A few months before my wedding an older friend said 'I hope your wedding day is wonderful, but don't set it up about being the 'best day of your life' - what does that imply about the rest of your life, that you can never hope for another fantastic day again?'.

She was right, and it really helped take the pressure off. I largely enjoyed my wedding, but not everything went perfectly, and my ideal day wouldn't involve trying to keep 100 people happy. DH and I spent our honeymoon saying 'we're not organising a wedding anymore' in relief.

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your wedding, OP, but I think the pressure to have the 'perfect day' pretty much sets us up for disappointment.

I think a common theme here is having other people’s expectations and opinions imposed. I always tell anyone getting married to ignore everyone’s opinions and have what you as a couple really want.

For example I didn’t want a veil and we didn’t want to do a first dance. So guess what. We didn’t. Yes people tried to say you can’t do that. But we could because it was our day and IMO a lot of the comments were based on jealousy from people who bowed to peer pressure.

We had a very small wedding. I wish we had just gone abroad and found some randoms in swimwear to witness.

We both wanted it small so didn't invite family we don't see often. In laws still invited several people they thought they should. Even dh didn't know them.

DHs grandad didn't like our plans. He phoned around venues and even provisionally booked one, even though ours was booked and paid.

He made us late for the ceremony because he insisted that they wouldn't have the right glasses. So we had to meet him there to let him in to put down these crates of glasses he bought at the last minute. The glasses never got used and he spent the rest of the day telling everyone how it nearly didn't happen and that he saved the day. We were nearly late because his car blocked ours in and then he lost his keys.

He has good form for it. Dhs brother got married on a boat/yacht in Cyprus. It was beautiful, the ceremony was on the top deck in the marina, we got off for photos, then sailed out to see for dinner and dancing. He had had enough after eating so told the boat people we had to return to the Dock as soon as. SIL was confused when her reception ended early.

Some of these stories are really sad

My wedding was fine, but the marriage didn't last 2 years. What makes me sad about it now is that I would marry DP in a heartbeat but I desperately don't want a repeat of the same day or any part of it. I'd happily go to the registry office then a nice restaurant with a dozen guests but that doesn't feel fair on him who's never been married before

I have been married twice. I absolutely hated my first wedding (and husband). The wedding was all planned by in laws and I had no say in anything. I was very young and one point cried to my dm and told her I wanted to go home. I look back on that day with horror and did so even before we got divorced after 2 years. My second wedding was perfect, it was tiny with just our children and closest friends, lunch and fizz at local bistro and then left everyone else and went to a hotel with my new husband. It truly was the best day of my life and I have no regrets.

@Diddumz - sorry probably no consolation but your post gave me a laugh. Much needed today.

My wedding was everything I wanted it to be...country house hotel, vintage cars, huge church in the centre of town, 6 bridesmaids, a fortune spent on flowers...except it wasn't.

The expectations were huge.I was so nervous thinking about walking down the aisle, the thought of everyone looking at me, I was up at 4.30am, vomiting. Couldn't even keep water down, spent early morning sitting outside on the back door step. I felt dreadful all day, couldn't eat my meal, don't think I relaxed until the evening.

Guests look back on it as an amazing day...not the husband tho...he's long gone, leaving me for someone else...😂

I think when you're shy or introverted it's a given that your wedding day will be difficult. It's a hard balance between that and offending a load of people by not inviting them.

I'd just accept it as a fact that you didn't enjoy your wedding day, but your marriage is more important. If it was a blip in an otherwise happy relationship, no worries. If it set the tone for the rest of your marriage going forward, then you've got a problem that you need to fix.

I’m having counselling about other things but one thing I mentioned was dwelling on past events and being sad or embarrassed.

Councillor has said I need to get to a point where I don’t always thing about the negative, accept the situation and if it’s embarrassing learn to laugh at it. So that emotions are positive.

Sounds like a similar situation, was there any positive highlights from the day? Having all your family and friends there?

I always feel sorry for the groom that has to make an extended speech or.the best man who has to actually try and be funny, which is even harder than doing s formal business presentation.

My partner has a BM speech coming up and he's really anxious about it as the bride is a bigshot lawyer and will have loads of very senior and wealthy execs there.

Completely understand how you feel. I got married 3 and a half years ago, and my wedding day just wasn't what I wanted at all. I was an idiot and let my mil take over, as I didn't want to rock the boat and I never told dh how I felt so he didn't realise until after. When I look back at pictures, it just makes me feel meh. However I'm very happy with my husband, and it's just one day out of all our years together.
I figure one day we can renew our vows, and I can plan the day I really want should I still feel the same in a few years.

I didn’t get a slice of my own wedding cake, sad as everyone said it tasted delicious, I still think about it as it cost hundreds.

If you really would like to renew your vows and have a little ceremony that feels more meaningful, just slip away and do it. If anyone finds out and thinks you've had an affair - stuff 'em.

I did enjoy the day itself but really, it was not what I or DH wanted. It was entirely to please my parents. I love them dearly and knew they had this expectation of a big wedding and didn’t want to disappoint them.
I’m really an introvert and would have much preferred something small and intimate.

I loved ours but then we did just get random witnesses and it was just the two of us! With a weekend away. Definitely the way to go!

My wedding day was 35 years ago and I didn't really enjoy it. Nothing bad happened, but I would do almost everything differently if I could do it again.

Ours was a very cheap wedding, but also quite traditional. Like you, op I hate being the centre of attention and a quick marriage ceremony and a meal in a restaurant would have been bliss. Instead we had a tiered cake, a vintage Rolls, speeches (the best man's was excruciating), a receiving line and a buffet lunch.

I breathed a sigh of relief when it was all over and it felt like something I had to get through to be married. We are still married today, so it couldn't have been too bad a start.

Mentally I put it in the box marked "things that make you cringe" (I have loads of those) and hardly ever think about it. Could you do that op? I know weddings are built up so much to be this amazing day, but it's just one day in a hopefully long life and irrelevant to your happiness.

I hated mine too. I've since realised I'm autistic, but at the time I just thought I was shy and anxious, but was really keen to live up to everyone's expectations. I really hated being the centre of attention and a lot of the things we had were really just to keep other people happy. I wish we'd just got married in secret or with just close family and no fancy clothes. It really wasn't me at all and I doubt dh would have minded either way.

It's quite comforting to read this thread and see that I'm not the only one. Just wish I'd realised this at the time.

I'm so sorry you went through that, OP, especially as you weren't happy in yourself. If it's any consolation, no one would've been thinking of you as anything but a beautiful bride. I'm just sorry you didn't feel like that.

I was very nearly in your situation, we originally had 200 guests invited and neither DH or I enjoy being the centre of attention, we don't like parties and we don't like dancing in front of people!

Thankfully last minute a lot of things fell through- the venue we had booked even went into administration and our caterer dropped us for a bigger party. We took it as a sign and told everyone the wedding was off and snuck off for a tiny ceremony with 4 people each and had a cup of tea in a local cafe before going on our honeymoon.

I can't imagine how upset I'd be if I'd gone through with the big wedding, it's my worst nightmare.

Could you and your DH do something for an anniversary where you have a small celebration- something more to your taste? Treat it as a do-over for the day? It doesn't have to be anything big, maybe a barbeque with close family and friends (obviously when it's safe) where you can celebrate your marriage, rather than the wedding?

Yeah so did I. The speeches felt like nothing to do with me, I hated the venue, looked fat because I'd just had a baby, still wearing my tena lady and had to go and express the milk in the sink when we got back to our wedding suite. Not the way I pictured it, but it was just a day. Doesn't really bother me.

Yeah didn't love my wedding day, nearly 13 years ago, I was tense and on edge the whole time and MIL (type 2 personality disorder) was being a twat.

I should have done something quiet and thrown a party instead (which was what it was meant to be like!). Ah well.

(I've also since realised I'm ASD and can't cope with being centre of attention, same with baby shower, I can't cope with people making it about me at all).