Neighbour reporting me to the council for anti social behaviour

[Smile345]

I'm so stressed and anxious, not slept or eaten in days. We live in a semi detached property. Two children, one a toddler. My neighbour has complained numerous times over the past few weeks about noise.
My husband making a lot of noise leaving for work at 6.30 am, I assured her I would ask him to be quieter. He literally creeps around now. Another complaint, my daughter was like an 'animal' using the stairs, I have now put a baby gate up so she cannot use them. Another, we're banging/slamming doors in the early hours (I have no idea what she's talking about), we're a busy family and are in bed by 10pm! However, I've put door silencers on every single door.
She is incredibly rude when she has knocked the door, making out I'm a bad parent. She's an older lady and a widow and I feel like I've genuinely tried my best to resolve all issues.
I'm terrified of what the repercussions from the council will be as I don't know what else I can do. We both own our homes. Also, it's likely that at some point one of my children could wake during the night (nightmare/illness). Any advice greatly appreciated.

Er - can you all stop with the ageism, please? Unpleasant or anti-social neighbours come in all ages. 'Being elderly' is not a catch all for that.

I reported my neighbour during first lockdown for noise, if she has reported you, you will just get a letter. Nothing to worry about. I reported my neighbour as she was having garden raves with all her friends 3 days a week until 3am and my kids who's bedroom is on the adjoining wall facing our gardens couldn't sleep with the thumping loud music and flashing disco lights. We did put up with it for awhile and my child ending up having to sleep in the livingroom at the front of the house a few times where it was less noisy.

@RosesAndHellebores "God she was a misery. I recall she was also refusing to use a word processor because she was a trained and accurate typist"

That was quite random but really made me laugh!

@HoppingPavlova
For goodness sake, with what you have written, stop pussyfooting and creeping around and tell her to fuck off.

That. And write her a letter explaining the measures you’ve taken and tell her you won’t be discussing it with her anyone. Keep the tone sympathetic, saying it’s stressful times for everyone and recommend she does as the council advise. Don’t enable her.

Tell her to go fuck herself, no matter what you do it won't be good enough so you may as well live normally and have her complain as opposed to living like Anne Frank and still having her complain

I've got some sympathy. My mum lived next to an old couple who died (different times) Each was as deaf as a post and had the tv up morning to night but was livable with.

When the house was sold a young family moved in, ripped up all the carpets, laid laminate, took down the curtains. Everything seemed to echo and reerberate. With stampeding, screaming kids, loud music, bawling adults, yeah, just living their lives.... the noise levels seemed to go through the roof.

If you rent advise your landlord that you are being harassed by the neighbour.

Advise the neighbour that you are not making noise that would constitute a statutory nuisance as it is normal living noise and that you have made as many reasonable adjustments as possible so they are free to contact environmental health.

Don't worry OP.
Had the same issue with my old neighbour. She was literally complaining about EVERYTHING and after I heard she reported me to the council, I knocked on her door and told her that if she would keep accusing me falsely, I might as well start doing these things and if she made my life difficult, I'd make very sure that hers was going to be too. Not my finest moment but I was furious that someone was trying to make me creep around in my own appartment. I heard from another neighbour that she heard never any noise coming from my place and nightmare neighbour had complained about previous owners as well. After our nice little chat, nightmare neighbour never complained again, not to me and not to the council.
These bullies see you as a doormat if you apologize and creep around, they won't respect or appreciate you for it but see you as a doormat and find something new to complain about. In your case I would complain to the council that she is harassing you and send her a letter that from now on, if she has any complaints, she can send them to the council directly as you no longer allow her to set foot on your property to harass you and your family even further. If she shows up at your door again, tell her once to leave and then call the police. Good luck OP.

Your first mistake was letting her think so can dictate to you how much noise you make,
Because you complied to her requests she interpreted that as an addition you were in the wrong and she began to expect silence.

I've been in your situation.

The council will do nothing as dat to day family noise is completely normal.
If she expects silence she needs to move to a detached house without neighbours.

The first thing you need to do is stop creeping around trying to be quiet,
It's miserable and makes any actual noise seem 10x worse.
Just live your lives and be quiet during the night, 10-7.

I found having a blanket statement to repeat to my complaining neighbour very helpful.
I would just say,
I'm sorry you are disturbed but we aren't making noise above everyday living noises, similar to you.
I can't make my house silent, I wouldn't ask you to do the similar because that would be ridiculous.

Council won’t do anything, they need proof which she can’t provide. If you were having a raving party (non COVID times) then they would come round and ask you to quieten down and they would stay until they were satisfied hat you were complying.

Just go about your daily business and when ever you see her suck up to her in a jokey way..

Sorry re-read you own, really do not worry, the council environmental health would write to you and ask neighbour to keep a. Diary. I would keep a diary yourself which would show that you are in bed when they are regularly declaring noise. They may install recording equipment in the neighbours, so if you are just creating normal living noise the environmental health people will tell the neighbours that and take it no further.

I'd understand if you had a big dog that you never walk and leave out for hours at a time barking very loudly on the garden (hint hint if my neighbours are reading this...)
But your noise is standard, everyday family noise. I wouldnt worry. The council by duty will have had to follow up the complaint but they will know you're not in the wrong.

I really wouldn't worry. Councils don't see domestic noise i.e. kids stamping or banging doors, as an issue. They only get involved for really loud sustained noise - like large speakers. And even then you need a lot of evidence, such as recordings etc. to get them to do anything.
As you have evidence that you have done everything you can to reduce normal domestic noise, even if they did come round I really don't think they'd have any interest in taking any action. They're very busy, and its a full lockdown - it's difficult enough to get them to deal with real problems.
If she continues to report you & you really are not making any unreasonable noise you can report her to the council as an anti-social neighbour - as continuous malicious reporting to authorities is considered anti-social behaviour. I would start keeping a diary of every time she bothers you, in case you ever want to pursue a complaint against her.
But otherwise I would stay polite, keep living your lives as normal and stop giving her any energy. Often these things calm down by themselves once the person realises they're not getting a rise out of you.

Let the council deal with it and take it from there - if you are then take the recommend advice, if not ignore the old bag. Old people are easily irritable, don't bend over backwards for her.

You own your home. So no landlord to worry about. You OWN it. Act like it!

Your hubby is getting up super early to go to work. Does she think he WANTS to get up that early???
Someone hardworking like that should not have to sneak around. He should be able to get up and put music on before beginning his working day if he likes!

I have neighbour who drives a big diesel hiab. He parks it outside my house at 1 am and drives off in it at 6am, mon-fri. Yes it bothers me, but I will not complain or ask him to park elsewhere, because I am so respectful of how hardworking he is. He must not get more than 4 hours sleep a night mon-fri, he is not doing it for fun, he must be hardworking! So I let him get on with it!

Your lovely kids are just being kids... in their own home no less, which you maintain for them to enjoy living in.
You sound like a lovely family making the best contribution to our country. Stop pandering to the batty waste of space neighbour. Your kids and husband are far more important, not just to you, but to everyone.

A massive thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to respond. I'm literally sat here crying tears of relief. Some really fantastic advice too. I may sleep tonight

She sounds like a fuckin big bully who likes to play the victim.
From what I've read the noise is just from day to life.
If you were playing loud booming music at 3am She'd have a point
Stop pussy footing around her.

If you think about what realistically could the council do even if they agree she has grounds for complaint. They can't evicte you if you own your own home.

Show the council all the steps you have taken to reduce noise. She sounds like a bully and is harassing you. Evidence whenever you have had interactions with her. I wouldn't answer the door to her now.

We had an absolute arse of a neighbour once. He complained about the DC on the stairs and I went into his house to listen. You could hear it, but it was very quiet. He wrote us notes, and played loud music when he went out to 'teach us'.

A lawyer friend told me that normal domestic noise in daytime (feet on stairs, children, the washing machine) cannot be a 'nuisance' and he hadn't a leg to stand on.

Thank God he moved. I can 100% sympathise with the stress you are going through as he caused us a huge amount of angst - even sending a child upstairs to fetch her school cardigan became a statement of intent that we weren't going to let him rule our lives.

Horrible, horrible man. He made all the other neighbours' lives miserable as well, so we weren't the only who celebrated the day he moved.

I can't see the council even investigating this ridiculous complaint ATM, they've bigger fish to fry 👍

Ask her specifically what noise your husband is making to disturb her. It sounds like he’s being thoughtful and quiet, so either she’s making up shit or he’s inadvertently doing something that’s disturbing her without realising.

So you can then tell her she’s wrong and your husband doesn’t put the TV on in the morning or whatever she’s saying, or you can try to rectify any issue if that’s possible or reasonable.

"You own your own home. So no Landlord to worry about. You own it. Act like it"

This 1000%

You need to stop letting her control your lives. Live as normal, just keep reminding yourself and her that you're not doing anything wrong. The council wont believe her without evidence and she has no evidence because gore not doing anything.

I really wouldn't worry about her reporting you to the council they will tell her it's normal household noise. I have a nightmare neighbour, he plays loud music late at night I did the noise app submissions and had a response saying they weren't taking any action as it wasn't that excessive. My whole house is shaking and I can hear word for word and note for note every song he plays 🙄 add in the shouting and being sick from drinking too much it's a delight! this is in the early hours of the morning mind so if they won't do anything with that they won't for normal household daytime noise!

Oh for goodness sake OP, stand up for yourself and tell her to get lost! Theres no reason to be so timid here. I think she knows she can bully you so you really need to nip it in the bud.