Neighbour reporting me to the council for anti social behaviour

[Smile345]

I'm so stressed and anxious, not slept or eaten in days. We live in a semi detached property. Two children, one a toddler. My neighbour has complained numerous times over the past few weeks about noise.
My husband making a lot of noise leaving for work at 6.30 am, I assured her I would ask him to be quieter. He literally creeps around now. Another complaint, my daughter was like an 'animal' using the stairs, I have now put a baby gate up so she cannot use them. Another, we're banging/slamming doors in the early hours (I have no idea what she's talking about), we're a busy family and are in bed by 10pm! However, I've put door silencers on every single door.
She is incredibly rude when she has knocked the door, making out I'm a bad parent. She's an older lady and a widow and I feel like I've genuinely tried my best to resolve all issues.
I'm terrified of what the repercussions from the council will be as I don't know what else I can do. We both own our homes. Also, it's likely that at some point one of my children could wake during the night (nightmare/illness). Any advice greatly appreciated.

[ScottishStottie]

You need to firmly tell het you have made all adjustments that you are willing to make, so she needs to stop contacting with you about this. Tell her you welcome third party advice and look forward to hearing from the council.

I had similar when i was manager of a pub, with a complaining neighbour above. Pub had been there 100 years, he had been there 30. Made all managers lives hell. One day he phoned me to conplain and i lost it. Stayed professional and friendly but told him on no uncertain terms that no more adjustments would be made, and that given we could not agree, then it made sense that he needed to follow through with his threat and report to council. Never ever heard anything after that, either from him or the council, and from what i hear, neither have any managers since me!

People like that like the threat of reporting as a means to scare you, but the reality is that the report instigates an investigation, not a witch hunt. It doesnt automatically end with asbos and neviction notices...

[GreenlandTheMovie]

Oh and I used to have two awful neighbours like this when I bought my first flat in my late twenties. Both were in their fifties, alone and not very friendly. They complained about everything, always trivial - the noise of my hoover, the delivery of new flat-packed kitchen units for my new kitchen, the smell of new paint, and then a mysterious set of leaks which both of them claimed must be coming from my middle floor flat.

At first I was sympathetic, but the upstairs neighbour sent me a letter one day accusing me of all sorts of strange things, including the memorable lines that "you now live in a private block of flats in the west end. Please behave accordingly" and "You think you can come and go as you please". The downstairs neighbour used to leave all her shoes outside her door in the communal hallway, it did look messy and so following another complaint about me using my hoover, I marched down and knocked on the door and basically shouted at her for 10 minutes, telling her why she was an awful neighbour.

The following week, there was an odd incident involving the upstairs flat - the upstairs neighbour had moved out of the flat 6 months earlier and rented it out as an AirB&B. I took some stuff out to my bin in the garden about 9.30pm and received a complaint about this the next day - goodness knows what that was all about but it was rented to a single male and I wasn't happy being spied upon.

The next day the tenant went out, leaving the bath running and flooded the entire block of flats. My new kitchen was ruined, the downstairs neighbour's flat was ruined, there was a massive insurance claim and the downstairs neighbour actually had to move out til it was fixed. Worse still, the upstairs neighbour couldn't be contacted for a week as she refused to answer her phone and we had to write to her (!) so the water stayed on until this random man eventually decided to return just before the council environmental health department were about to break in. Even then, he refused to turn off the water and was really awkward to deal with.

Never heard a single complaint from either of them again!

Anyway, the point is, people are rarely without fault themselves. Find a potential thing that your neighbour does wrong, and next time she complains, go on and on about this thing.

[bobbojobbo]

You do know the same rules regarding ASB apply, whether you own your home, or not, don't you? Not that the OP is breaking any rules, but I just thought this was an odd response to her

You know thats not true though, right? If OP was in council housing or social housing, there would be quite a lot of difference.

[crowsfeet57]

The next day the tenant went out, leaving the bath running and flooded the entire block of flats. My new kitchen was ruined, the downstairs neighbour's flat was ruined, there was a massive insurance claim and the downstairs neighbour actually had to move out til it was fixed. Worse still, the upstairs neighbour couldn't be contacted for a week as she refused to answer her phone and we had to write to her (!) so the water stayed on until this random man eventually decided to return just before the council environmental health department were about to break in. Even then, he refused to turn off the water and was really awkward to deal with

I work in housing and this is more common than you would think. The fire brigade can force entry to turn off a leak.

[coldwarenigma]

We had this, I prempted the situation, contacted the council myself and said the neighbours were complaining. They contacted the neighbours and arranged to go round. The construction of the house(1950s council prefab) was to blame for noise transferrance. The council offered to sound proof, and told the neighbours how much they would be charged for their side. No further complaint.

[Viviennemary]

You sound a considerate neighbour. She sounds batty. Just say you're being as quiet as You can. No point in getting annoyed. Nothing will come of her daft complaints.

[Heyahun]

Yeah she’s harassing you at this stage! You're just living normal life! Like others said tell her to stop knocking on your door or you will report her for constant harassment

The council will do nothing

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"She is incredibly rude when she has knocked the door, making out I'm a bad parent. She's an older lady and a widow and I feel like I've genuinely tried my best to resolve all issues."

Does she wear hearing aids? The reason I ask is, a couple of years ago MIL got these fitted, and commented that they really amplified all the background noise, it took her a while to adjust them so that they didn't. Could this be the problem with your neighbour, her aids are amplifying your normal noises of daily living? Of course, hearing aids will not affect her manners so they don't excuse her rudeness!

Should she knock on the door again, I'd ask if she uses them and suggests she gets them checked/adjusted. Throw it back onto her, that the fault is hers, because it really does not sound as if you are making anything other than normal noise.

Also, you've now taken reasonable steps (more than reasonable, really) so - stop. No more creeping around, no more listening to her complaints, no more kowtowing to her fancies. This is your home, live in it as you please. Tell her to go to the council rather than come knocking your door - remove any possibility that this is just how she gets her jollies. Then she can get the official judgement that you are not being noisy. That'll put her gas at the peep!

[Meowmeow202027]

Just a thought..... We had very similar problems with an elderly widow in our old house. She would often complain about noise etc. She said our baby cried every night. It came to a head when one morning she knocked on my door saying our baby was too loud etc. It was only me in the house at the time. She was hearing things that wasn't real:(

[mummyofthreemunchkins]

I honestly wouldn't worry at all, the council wont respond to accusations that are just normal household noises.
We went through years of reporting our nightmare neighbours to the council, loud music until the early hours, shouting, fights and they didn't do anything then!
I would happily welcome the kind of noises you are explaining after putting up with that!
If it continues can you possibly go down the harassment route, you should not feel like you can't do anything in your own home!

[Couchbettato]

If you've got an Alexa, I'd just say "Alexa, play fart noises" at 5am.

I'm petty.

Don't do this.

[sneakysnoopysniper]

What your neighbour is complaining about are lifestyle differences and she is going to have to live with them.

I had an older person live in a flat underneath mine in a nice quiet block with lots of rules. No children, no noise after 11pm, etc. She complained to the managing committee that I was "banging about" in my flat, opening cupboard doors, running water etc. She said I was often up til past midnight and she could not settle until she "knew I was in bed."

The committee chair said (as I think your council will say) "well Im sorry but these are lifestyle differences. She is not breaking her lease so there is nothing we can do unless you can settle this informally between you."

My neighbour often woke me up running her hoover or washer when I was on a late shift. So I tried to negotiate an arrangement whereby she put off these jobs til after 9am I would make efforts to be extra quiet after 11 pm. I was not going to bed earlier for her sake, But I would get out anything I needed in the kitchen, fill the kettle etc so I did not need to make excess "noise".

At first she was stubborn and said "I like to get these jobs done early. "However she quickly learned that every time she woke me am vacuuming her flat she was "punished" that night by my banging about in the kitchen until 1 am.

When she was quiet in the morning, I was quiet at night, and vice versa.

My advice would be to stop creeping about and changing your lifestyle for her unless you are having parties every night.

[Jacketpotato84]

Print off some information for sound proofing and post it through the door

[Shizzlestix]

Omg, do you live on the other side of my neighbour? Apparently, we steal her gas and electric (we’re on card meters) and block her phone signal. We’ve been accused of banging on the radiators and she told us we should be killed and go home (to where?!) We had the council round, mediation offered-she refused. She was removed from her house at one point by people wearing lanyards, I have no idea why. I heard from the previous person who lived there that she accused her of climbing the 6 ft fence to steal her koi, which are huge. God knows how the batty neighbour thought she was getting them in her sink sized pond!

Ultimately, we’ve ignored and she stopped since she was removed, but omg, what does she expect in a terrace property?

Be brave, OP, tell her to stop coming round and that she is free to involve the council and that equally, you will lodge a complaint about her harassing you over normal daily noise. She’s being ridiculous. Please don’t stress over her stupidity and I echo pp LIVE YOUR LIFE!

[Whammyyammy]

Stop worrying, you've done nothing wrong and her complaining will amount to nothing. She is the one with the problem, nit you.
I'd meet her rudeness with no sympathy, sarcasm and just ignore anything she said.

[SnoozyLou]

If it were a pet making the noise I would worry. The path of least resistance when someone complains about a dog barking is for the council to send the owner threatening letters telling them they'll fine them thousands of pounds unless they get rid of the he dog.

Happily, that does not apply with children. At all. She has to expect a reasonable level of noise.

I would stop speaking to her. I wouldn't want to argue with her, since if you start up with neighbour disputes, it may affect future sales potential, if you one day choose to move. I can't say I could bring myself to exchange pleasantries with someone who did that to me either though.

Please don't lose sleep over it.

[user1471538283]

I am sensitive to noise but it doesn't sound like you are being noisy. We've lived next door to families in a terrace and didn't hear them.

[AliceMcK]

Let her report you, they will see it’s not you if and when they investigate.

[popsydoodle4444]

Having champion complainers in the adjoining semi to us I can sympathise.They are in their early (Her) to mid (Him) eighties and complained about EVERYTHING we've done since the day we moved in 16 years ago and when I say since the day we moved in I mean that literally;she came around and moaned at my husband that he and his friend were too noisy moving the furniture in.

They've complained to us directly and to the landlord (we share the same one) on multiple occasions but nothing has ever come of it.

My husband,I and now teenagers call them the stalkers as they watch and listen in to everything we do;if we're in the garden or out the front they watch us;they actually stand in the window watching us.

They watch guests,workmen and delivery drivers coming and going;some guests and workmen have even commented on the fact they watch them.

And woe betide anyone that parks on the public road in front of their front garden fence;the women next door goes bananas and will have a go at them.Parking isn't an issue,the neighbours have an enormous driveway,a garage and rarely get the car out (we hear it start up when they get it out because the man next door likes to rev the engine).

We've long come to the conclusion that their just bored and lonely.They both have children/grandchildren but are estranged from them;him because he had an affair with the joyless nightmare that his second wife and left the first wife for her and her because her kids don't get on with her although I can see why.

Your neighbour sounds lonely and bored and you and your family have become an unhealthy fixation for her.

[thecatsabsentcojones]

We have had similar in the past. Had an incredibly strange neighbour who couldn’t stand the noise of a hoover even.

He complained to the council who installed noise monitoring equipment. Funnily enough for the vast percentage of the time it heard absolutely nothing except for his kids! But when it did pick up anything it was minor. The council concluded that we had a right to making normal levels of noise and he was being unreasonable.

We were child free at the time, so it totally backfired on him - we were fine with noise from his children and said so, but he felt that he had to be totally silent within his household from then on. Tough choice with small children. We moved, couldn’t cope with living next to someone so tightly wound, and found it very amusing that an equally young family were moving in so he got a dose of his own medicine!

I know how stressful and horrible it is, you really have my sympathy, but your neighbour won’t have any result from the council. It has to be very sustained, loud levels of abnormal noise to count.

[SnoozyLou]

We've long come to the conclusion that their just bored and lonely.They both have children/grandchildren but are estranged from them

Shocking!

You do get people who turn this kind of thing into a grim hobby. They just get obsessed.

I still wouldn't worry about this if I was OP. Not one bit.

[ThreeFeetTall]

'She has stated this, I haven't heard anything yet.'
Well in that case she might not have even reported it, or she has and the council are taking no action.

I think you could keep a diary of events as pp have suggested but to be honest I would worry that this might lead you to focus on it too much. I'd just be friendly when you see her and then try to not think about it.

[8obbingabout]

Hi OP please don't worry. What you describe is certainly not antisocial behaviour.

These are normal house hold living noises. Sounds like she is picking up on everything now as its lockdown and she and you are at home 100% of the time. Is she of sound mind? I only ask as it does seem like she is acting a bit irrationally if things are as you say they are.

Certainly I would not go making any more changes in the way you love your life.

The fact is there is nothing the council will or can do because this is not antisocial behaviour.