Neighbour reporting me to the council for anti social behaviour

[Smile345]

I'm so stressed and anxious, not slept or eaten in days. We live in a semi detached property. Two children, one a toddler. My neighbour has complained numerous times over the past few weeks about noise.
My husband making a lot of noise leaving for work at 6.30 am, I assured her I would ask him to be quieter. He literally creeps around now. Another complaint, my daughter was like an 'animal' using the stairs, I have now put a baby gate up so she cannot use them. Another, we're banging/slamming doors in the early hours (I have no idea what she's talking about), we're a busy family and are in bed by 10pm! However, I've put door silencers on every single door.
She is incredibly rude when she has knocked the door, making out I'm a bad parent. She's an older lady and a widow and I feel like I've genuinely tried my best to resolve all issues.
I'm terrified of what the repercussions from the council will be as I don't know what else I can do. We both own our homes. Also, it's likely that at some point one of my children could wake during the night (nightmare/illness). Any advice greatly appreciated.

[MummytoCSJH]

Hi OP, something similar happened to me. My son has ADHD and I'm sure you can imagine is not lightfooted but to combat this like you I have put so much in place - silencers on doors, cupboards and drawers, carpets and rugs where there aren't carpets, always wearing socks or slippers etc. My neighbour complained that her child was being woken by us in the living room at 8pm on an evening which is at the opposite side of the house to his bedroom and screamed at me that I'm a terrible parent because my son was still awake at that time, accused me of all sorts. She said she would phone the council and SS, so I told her to get on with it. The council did speak to me essentially to ask if we were doing anything on purpose (and SS rang just to tell me not to worry, they already knew about my sons diagnosis and I'm managing everything very well etc) and then told me to ignore my neighbour and they would ignore anything further regarding this as from what she had said/recorded and sent to them it was normal noise from a family during reasonable hours and nothing as bad as she was making out. She ended up threatening me and the police got involved and warned her off. I haven't heard anything since, she tries to be nicey nice to me now. Whats worse is she is pregnant (this didn't happen too long ago) and was in early stages then, she's due next month - I'm sure she hadn't considered the fact that her baby is probably going to wake US up when it's here! It's horrible feeling like you're walking on eggshells in your own home. It sounds like the council won't be interested even if she does contact them though so I really wouldn't worry.

[ktp100]

You're pandering to her too much.

Carry on life as normal, start making note of dates and times of all of her unreasonable complaints/demands (make a back-log if possible) and report her for harassment.

It would also be in your interest to request the council install a noise pollution checker at her home - this will show very quickly that there is no issue and she will be shut down and further complaints ignored.

Lastly, STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT!! - There are some truly nightmarish neighbours out there, being violent, taking drugs, kids running riot etc and even they are a nightmare to have evicted!!

Walking up your stairs, closing your internal doors, leaving for work and crying children are not reasons to complain!!

Tell the mad old bat you will no longer be amending your behaviours within the house as all attempts to appease her have been met with rudeness and ungratefulness THEN IGNORE HER.

Good luck, OP.

[RosesAndHellebores]

I had a noise sensitive neighbour when I had my first 60s built flat in my 20s. She was a lady who appeared elderly, probably mid to late 50s as she still worked, never married, etc.

The following were raised with me:

She heard me come in late when I had been out and it woke her (I am quite quiet and wasn't out that much).
She could hear my plumbing when I got up (like your dh, I left for work at 6.30).
Too many people visited at weekend and they used to talk on my doorstep and disturb her because her bedroom was above my front door.

After intervention 1 I said I'd try but we did live in a block of flats and her bedroom faced the road and it might be helpful for her if she slept at the back as I was not the only person at the front (and the main doors to the block were next to my front door)

After the second intervention I just said look I'm sorry if ordinary living noise bothers you but we live in London, in a block of flats. If you want perfect silence I think you will have to move to a detached house in the country.

Never heard another peep. God she was a misery. I recall she was also refusing to use a word processor because she was a trained and accurate typist.

[Ostryga]

They don’t even install noise monitoring devices anymore - you download an app and record the ‘unsociable’ noise on your phone and send directly to the council.

Her phone will barely pick anything up so I wouldn’t worry.

If she tries to speak to you again, direct her back to the council every time. They’ll soon cotton on she’s being a pain for the sake of it.

[Rightmess2]

If you have had a letter from the Council, call the number on the letter, quote the reference, explain that you are making a more than reasonable effort not to disturb your neighbour and that the continued complaints from her are causing you and your family considerable distress. Ask to have it recorded as a malicious complaint. In times of stress people get obsessed with perceived nuisance and lose sight of what is reasonable. If your neighbour has not got much to occupy her she can easily get carried away. Try to nip it in the bud by contacting the Council now.

[London1977]

Ignore her, the council won't contact you, or do anything about it. She is clearly mad. Next time she knocks, say in a very loud voice...deep breath...and....FUCK OFF..

[ScrumptiousBears]

I wouldn't worry OP. I was reported by my neighbour years ago when I lived in a flat. I lived by myself and worked away Monday to Friday. He reported me for using my washing machine and tumble dryer on weekend. Both were in the kitchen but not against the party wall. His bedroom was the other side of my kitchen. The council came round and measured the sound and asked me to only use my machines in daylight if at all possible. He then started to complain about my boiler firing up. I never heard from the council about that one.

[Xenia]

Try to minimise contact with her. If she is a "nutter" (are we allowed to use that word these days?) then the less contact with her the better as it only fans the flames.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Don't worry about it but do write down anything she says to you

1. What she said
2. What you did to keep her happy
3. The date she used the council as a threat
4. Anything else she says/does

Then live your life as normal and don't accommodate her any further. Tell her to sod off next time she comes round. Remind her that you can hear her too... often!

[candide47]

I had a neighbour downstairs from me in my first flat. She would complain about my normal living noise. Like if I had my TV on at a normal volume she insisted she couldn't hear people on the other end if she was using the phone. I humoured her for a bit then said if it was an issue I was happy for the council to investigate it and although from now on I would be mindful that she was sensitive to noise, I did not want to hear any more complaints unless it was official. Before I moved in the flat had been empty for 7 years and I think she was used to absolute peace and quiet, she couldn't tolerate me walking up the stairs (which I'd put wool carpet with underlay on!).

I suspect the council gave her short shrift. A couple of years later she moved out and it was a joy to have her gone.

[WeAreShiningStars]

Tell her you're going to complain to the council about her constant harassment over your normal family noise and life.

follow through

[PeggyHill]

Stop pandering to it. She's being ridiculous.

Next time she knocks on to complain, say something like "oh right, ok, see you love" and then shut the door in her face and continue life exactly as it was.

She's free to make as many pointless complaints to the council as she likes. They know how to deal with time wasting busy body neighbours because, sadly, it happens all the time.

[peak2021]

@CuriousaboutSamphire sensible advice.

[NorthDowns]

I’m also a housing officer and what you describe is very normal family living noises, quiet ones at that. Do not be worried about that at all! You sound extremely considerate. Live your life & ignore her. If she does persuade the council to monitor the noise you can be sure they will find nothing to action.

[surelynotnever]

She probably lives a very quiet life and the sound proofing is terrible, so she hears everything and finds it intrusive.

We lived in a flat and our neighbours complained to us, we did all we could to reduce noise, but they kept complaining. They got so aggressive I reported them for harassment and the council worker who investigated told them to get ear plugs and that he would require their landlord to take action against them if they bothered us again.

There are no winners here. Poor soundproofing and clashing life circumstances are the issue.

[GoldGreen]

We live in a semi. Older neighbour. Bangs on the walls when kids go up stairs. When I have to go to work at 4 am. It’s nerve anything else (tv, shouting, parties etc (cause we don’t have those) just that we are too noisy on the stairs. Comes round and complains.

I use to feel terrible. Had children and myself creep down stairs. Randomly met someone who use to live in house (when it was rented) she asked about the “nightmare” neighbour who complained when their baby cried. He then had a go at my Mum when she was babysitting about me going to work at 5 am. Next time he complained I told him to get off my property I would call the police.

I just ignore him now. Tell him if he has an issue he contacts the council. He is not allowed on my property. We are making normal family noises. By 8 pm our house is almost silent. He knows the council will tell him he’s being ridiculous.

It is easy to say, but you just need to ignore.

[ChaToilLeam]

If you are just making normal household noise then tell her she is welcome to involve the council if she wants, you’ll be glad of the chance to demonstrate that you are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Stand up for yourself, you are in the right. She’s either deluded or malicious. Unless you live in a detached property in substantial grounds, you’re going to experience some neighbour noise. (I actually find it a bit reassuring to hear my neighbours going about their daily business, perhaps that is weird.)

[BooBahBoo]

OP shouldn't need to do anything. If she hates normal noise so much, she should pack up and buy a detached house where she can live happily, not bothering anyone with her pathetic nonsense.

She's clearly got far too much free time on her hands. I'd stop sneaking around/being quiet and carry on like a normal family. Put in a restraining order against her if she keeps coming to your door.

[partyatthepalace]

@TheProvincialLady

Next time she comes to complain say “We have made all the reasonable adjustments we can to be good neighbours, and won’t be changing anything else. If you feel you need to make a formal complaint to the noise pollution department at the council then that is your right but DO NOT knock on my door again because it’s starting to feel like harassment, which I am sure you don’t intend.”

This

And also note all communications so far, and note any in future.

As other PPs have said, you don't have anything to fear from the council and there is no need to creep about. Noise legislation is to deal with people making unreasonable noise (building work at 6am on Sunday, parties at 2am) - not people living their lives.

Noise carries, and if you live in flats or terraces etc you will almost certainly hear your neighbours.

Don't engage with this woman anymore. This is not just to protect you but her - it sounds like she is tuned into noise, perhaps because she's struggling in lockdown, and over pandering to her will make this worse. If there's anything sensible you can do, eg put down a rug with backing in a playroom where the kids might stomp about then nice to to that, but beyond that, just keep a notebook and otherwise get on with your life. Don't let her have any power over you or give any impression to her that she does.

[Jaxhog]

Try not to worry. If she really has complained, then the council will investigate. If you are noisier than you realize, they will offer suggestions for improving things. If not, as seems likely, they will just commiserate with you about having a difficult neighbour!

Alternatively, try killing her with kindness. It may mean biting your tongue, but it's worth it for better relations. We tried that and it worked a treat. Take her a box of chocs and ask her if there is anything you can help her with.

[MissMarpleDarling]

YABU pandering to her. Let her report you who cares. You carry on don't be quiet just for her.

[HoppingPavlova]

For goodness sake, with what you have written, stop pussyfooting and creeping around and tell her to fuck off.

[PinkPandaBear]

Daytime noise is understandable as long as your DC aren’t screaming non-stop all day. Nighttime/early morning noise (say 10pm-7am) would be unreasonable, but your DH walking around the house getting ready for work isn’t unreasonable noise!

If the council come round, then I would put forward your side of the story. This will show them that your neighbour is unreasonable.

[Lovemusic33]

The council won’t do anything, it’s obvious the neighbours are just being over sensitive and it’s normal day to day noise that families make.

We have neighbours that have really noisy kids, they kick them out the front to play all day, they also have parties during the summer and people coming and going with drugs (have heard them openly talking about drugs in the street during the early hours), loads of people have complained but not much has been done so over much doubt anything will be done about a child running up the stairs and a few doors banging.

[TheLetterZ]

Agree with everyone else, just continue to make reasonable use of your house and don’t creep around.

However, before you go down the ‘harassment’ route, could she be very isolated and lonely? Ask if she needs any shopping, make some friendly overtures etc... If you have already done all that they explain to her that you can’t and won’t stop making noise, you have made reasonable adjustments and any further complaint will be considered harresment.