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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH putting kisses on text

133 replies

obsoletemum · 15/01/2021 21:20

Is it weird for a married man in his late thirties to put a kiss on a text message to younger female work colleagues?

Asking for a friend...

OP posts:
Lucieintheskye · 16/01/2021 10:31

Definitely a little inappropriate. He might not realise why but I'd certainly not appreciate having an older male colleague send kisses, or any colleague for that matter.

Perhaps explain to him why a woman in particular may feel uncomfortable, he might not realise what we have to put up with.

Osirus · 16/01/2021 10:40

It wouldn’t bother me. But I wouldn’t put one on a message to a male colleague.

I would to my female colleagues if that is what they do - I’ve worked with them for 18 years and we’re friends too now.

Glutted · 16/01/2021 10:40

DH and I have just discussed this.... he said yes its weird but thats because he doesn't add an X to any messages.

If DH sent an X I'd be concerned as its out of character, if DH normally added an X to most texts I'd not read anything into it. I'd see it as having occurred out of habit.

WilsonMilson · 16/01/2021 10:59

Imho, a man putting an x on a text to a work colleague of the opposite sex is really weird. Even if it’s Happy New Year.

Newkitchen123 · 16/01/2021 14:28

Am I the only one who doesn't read their other half's messages?
OP how did you just happen to see it?
Who has told you this young woman may have a crush on him? Where has that information come from?

WeAreHalfWayThere · 16/01/2021 14:36

Depends - if he does it to all and is part of his style or is selective and only does to a couple of attractive women.

Eastie77 · 16/01/2021 14:49

Newkitchen the number of people on MN who routinely check their spouse/partner's private messages and texts astounds me.

Verite1 · 16/01/2021 14:51

Think it depends whether he does with everyone. I know some men who put them at the end of every text. And def not being lechy or inappropriate

MiddleClassMother · 16/01/2021 14:57

@Newkitchen123
I've seen a lot of DH's texts but not because I'm snooping, just sometimes it's more convenient if he's driving etc and wants me to reply to a message, I wouldn't ever snoop.

partyatthepalace · 16/01/2021 15:02

Depends on industry - I work in the media and some people put kisses on absolutely bloody everything to absolutely everyone.

So if it’s all over his texts and emails, that might be what he’s doing.

CrazyToast · 16/01/2021 15:10

My friend puts xx on everything. One day a woman turned up at her house screaming and banging on the door because she'd seen the xx on a totally innocent innocuous text to her boyfriend (a friend of my friend) and assumed my mate was coming on to her fella. She 100% was not.

whoamongstus · 16/01/2021 15:19

I put kisses to almost.everyone, including various work contacts via email (the ones I actually know!). It's just habit now.

I wouldn't be bothered about that - I would be a bit bothered that he individually texted a colleague happy new year at midnight.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 16/01/2021 15:39

I’m a lecturer and the number of students who end emails or Teams messages with kisses is huge - male and female. I just assume it’s habit, especially as a lot of them will be on their phones.

MrsSleepyHB · 16/01/2021 16:47

It wouldn't bother me, especially if it's what he usually does OR what the other person usually does. My hubby would put a kiss on the end of a text to one of our friends etc

TiredUselessHopeless · 16/01/2021 16:54

I’m not a kisser. The only person who gets kisses from me is my mother!!!

I sometimes use emojis though. I did send a make an email with some kissing emoji faces not too long ago but he had helped me out with something that I was incredibly stuck with, so I think it was appropriate and I wouldn’t have felt awkward about my husband or his wife seeing it! If he ever did it to me, however, I would totally freak out!!

Basically I think it’s totally ok in context as a thank you!

wingingit987 · 16/01/2021 16:55

I put 2 kisses on the end of everyone's text. Even my bosses sometimes 🤣😂

tinselvestsparklepants · 16/01/2021 17:30

I text x at the end of texts to a married male friend and he does to me. It is an expression of friendly affection. I also often go out for a drink with him. We've been out as a four with our spouses but mostly we go out just us two for a work gossip. We have helped each other out through some difficult times including me listening to him worry when his wife had surgery. Fancy him? Not at all. Does he flirt? No. We are friends.

Doggybiccys · 16/01/2021 18:09

I’ve got male colleagues and I specifically put a 👍 rather than a kiss at the end of texts cos I wouldn’t want it to be mis-interpreted. Funnily enough I don’t have the same issue with my gay male colleague so maybe it’s me?

Newkitchen123 · 16/01/2021 20:12

[quote MiddleClassMother]@Newkitchen123
I've seen a lot of DH's texts but not because I'm snooping, just sometimes it's more convenient if he's driving etc and wants me to reply to a message, I wouldn't ever snoop. [/quote]
Fair enough but op says he doesn't know she's seen it. Which could well happen while he is driving I suppose but that just isn't how it comes across.
I could be wrong but I suspect I'm not

Original poster
obsoletemum · 16/01/2021 21:33

Thanks for all the replys haha quite mixed responses.

Basically I just really think she fancies him from what I've seen and heard of her lol... and he defo knows it too.

Also the text on nye well he was replying to her he didn't initiate it? If he had initiated a nye text to this girl with a kiss I would be fuming as he isn't the kind of guy to text all his friends on nye... none of that.

And as i've already said he doesn't usually put kisses to people and to be honest he doesnt USUALLY put kisses to this girl but i have seen it a couple of times and like I said, he did on this nye text.

I also don't think he's having an affair just feel the kisses on the text gives the wrong impression.... just wondered if other peoples hubbies would do this without even thinking or we think theres a bit more of an intention on that one.

Oh and yeh i did look at his phone i know I'm an awful person. If it matters i don't really think he would care that I looked at it that much

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 16/01/2021 21:53

He fancies her and that’s why he added an x

LilMidge01 · 16/01/2021 21:54

I don't think its unreasonable of him to do it because he's married. It's unreasonable for an older male colleague to do it to a younger female (particualrly more so if he is more senior in the comapny than her). There is a power imbalance there and even if it is just the odd one and innocent, which it soiunds like it is, he needs to be aware that he can't do that not because it upsets his wife but because its inappropriate in a work relationship when he holds power in both age and gender over her (and maybe seniority aswell)

cherish123 · 16/01/2021 21:54

Depends on the person.

TheFluffiestCat · 16/01/2021 21:57

My married male work friend puts a kiss on texts. I'm quite sure he doesn't fancy me and adores his wife, so I assume he does it for everyone.

Mother2princess · 16/01/2021 22:00

Wouldn't be happy about it

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