To think this rude comment was unwarranted? (Supermarket rage!)

[CrossFitAddict]

Just popped to the supermarket for a few bits and on exiting the checkouts I come out behind an elderly lady with another woman walking with her side by side (probably her daughter). It’s about 50ft to the exit and the elderly lady is walking extremely slowly holding onto a trolley (no problem with her at all), the other woman with her is walking at the same pace and blocking the walkway (she was rather large) so there’s a queue of us behind them.

As the area widened I walked quickly around them, a good distance from the elderly lady, and sped up to the entrance hearing the other woman shout loudly ‘some people can’t wait for other people can they’. I turned as I heard her (as did everyone else) and wanted to say that she should have moved to the side and walked single file behind the older lady if she had any manners but didn’t bother and just shook my head.

AIBU to think that if you’re walking with a slow moving person, you should move to the side rather than hold up everyone else and then take umbrage if someone overtakes you .

Sorry somewhatbored. That wasn't meant for you at all. Phone finger fail compounded by autofill.

The last point should be:

I also think it wouldn't be considered rude in cultures other than the UK either. I think it's reasonable to point that out when so many posters are saying that it's 'polite' to remain behind someone who is slow. It's an odd, made-up rule with no basis for it.

No worries, @donquixotedelamancha. I agree with you - there's nothing polite about remaining behind someone who is slower, as long as it's not a queue and you don't shove them out of the way when you overtake.

there's nothing polite about remaining behind someone who is slower, as long as it's not a queue and you don't shove them out of the way when you overtake.

Indeed, I think sex stereotypes are often very overstated on MN but this idea that you must guess what minor thing might irrationally offend others and avoid doing it just in case (or you aren't kind) is definitely real.

Only would have been unreasonable if you had been huffing or tutting behind them while you were unable to overtake, OP... otherwise no.

Ah yes, the judging fat people post.

If this were reversed, and two women who went shopping had walked two abreast, blocking the thoroughfare, and a man passed them without causing ANY ISSUE, and was instead shouted at....would the man be the villain here??
No, he's a man going about his day and is not expected to behave in such a preemptively unobtrusive way. He can just live, freely.

Women seem to have to plan their every step so that nothing they do causes another human a seconds inconvenience.

It is the way it's done. Most do it in a really discreet way, we barely notice. But every once in a while you come across an OP, who do it the second there is space

And? I still don't see how it harms you whether they hurry past you as soon s there is a space or five seconds later.

Does it occur to you that perhaps that elderly lady has had people rushing past them before and also knocked her over, you don't know, I dont know either but it could be one possible reason why the other person helping was walking along the side

All totally irrelevant given that OP left a space so the issue of knocking anyone over didn't arise.

Lol walking behind someone people being slow, then rushing past them which odes give an air of you were in my wat but instead of being polite and asking if I could by im just gonna be passive aggressive about it

Why would she ask if she could go by if there was space for her to walk by quite normally?

@donquixotedelamancha

do we have to shoehorn sexist stereotypes that just aren't anything to do with the OP on shame or form into every single thread?

Stereotypes exist for a reason. If you are not aware that there are cultural differences in the way males and females behave in the UK then I'm amazed. It's not sexist to point that out, it's sexist to think it's OK.

If you find it boring I'm surprised you @SomewhatBoredI think it's reasonable to point that out when so many posters are saying that it's 'polite' to remain behind someone who is slow. It's an odd, made-up rule with no basis for it.

I'm fully aware , but on this thread you are making it up. I dont think your sex has any bearing on whether you should wait no

It's polite to wait behind someone. You have no idea whether I get that ideal from my father (which in fact I do, he's far more patient than my mother ). You are making up things that aren't there. Op is asking whether she was rude. Nothing to do with being a woman.

@Hoiking

If this were reversed, and two women who went shopping had walked two abreast, blocking the thoroughfare, and a man passed them without causing ANY ISSUE, and was instead shouted at....would the man be the villain here?? No, he's a man going about his day and is not expected to behave in such a preemptively unobtrusive way. He can just live, freely.

Women seem to have to plan their every step so that nothing they do causes another human a seconds inconvenience.

Again, you're making this up.

She was rude for not walking in single file.
You were rude for pointedly rushing past her.
She was rude for making an unnecessary comment.
You were rude for shaking your head.

It went well, didn't it? - I am rude for making a sarky comment.

Does it occur to you that perhaps that elderly lady has had people rushing past them before and also knocked her over, you don't know, I dont know either but it could be one possible reason why the other person helping was walking along the side

I dont get this argument. I was victim to an armed robbery several years ago and I get very nervous at people being behind me as a result. That doesnt give me the right to shout at people who are behind me and be rude to them. They cannot possibly know what Ive been through and I dont expect them to. They arent mind readers.

Pre covid there were Zombies in the supermarkets, mouth breathers and assorted slugs. Now there are more.

@cyclingmad

YaBU

The elderly lady clearly needed help with her shopping, one day that will be you in that position so just imagine what it will be like when you are.

Does it occur to you that perhaps that elderly lady has had people rushing past them before and also knocked her over, you don't know, I dont know either but it could be one possible reason why the other person helping was walking along the side.

Remember that rude guy pushing to get down the tube escalator and it was a blind guy with a member of staff standing next to him to prevent people rushing past.

When I have been in a rush and I have had someone walking slowly like that I usually open my mouth and say excuse me im in a hurry so I don't kiss my train can I squeeze past and many are happy to let me by.

Quite.

This is the most sensible response yet over the hand wringing about oh it's because you're a WOMAN.

No. People should just be considerate of other people.

@Wheresmykimchi , OP didn't push anyone. Why is a woman passing at a distance but not begging forgiveness being compared to a man pushing a blind man down some steps!?

over the hand wringing about oh it's because you're a WOMAN. No. People should just be considerate of other people.

You have substantially misunderstood. The point being made is that there is no basis in reality for this to be considered rude.

This is illustrated by the fact that many other cultural groups would not understand what on earth the woman was complaining about (and indeed I suspect most women find this bonkers).

UK men are a useful point of comparison because they are culturally very similar but still this discussion wouldn't exist. One might equally point out that Italian women wouldn't have a scooby-do what's wrong with walking around people.

@donquixotedelamancha

over the hand wringing about oh it's because you're a WOMAN. No. People should just be considerate of other people.

You have substantially misunderstood. The point being made is that there is no basis in reality for this to be considered rude.

This is illustrated by the fact that many other cultural groups would not understand what on earth the woman was complaining about (and indeed I suspect most women find this bonkers).

UK men are a useful point of comparison because they are culturally very similar but still this discussion wouldn't exist. One might equally point out that Italian women wouldn't have a scooby-do what's wrong with walking around people.

I haven't.

I made several valid reasons why the woman might have made the comment...it's not necessarily about being rude. It's sometimes about fear, or reassuring granny who is now panicking because she feels like a burden. I've been there.

I would agree with you on the cultural front. My German auntie and good friend regularly horrified me with their cheery barging into situations while I shuffled after.

However , what does annoy me is the faux confusion when we ask for not every single thread to descend into misogyny that isn't there.

[quote Hoiking]@Wheresmykimchi , OP didn't push anyone. Why is a woman passing at a distance but not begging forgiveness being compared to a man pushing a blind man down some steps!?[/quote]
Read the post again. I didn't say that,and neither did cycling.

Cycling, Wheresmy...there was a touch of humour to my post which seems to have escaped you so you have decided to have a go and sneer at me instead...LOVELY...the Op defined the woman as large ....I called her fat...I am fat...we call a spade a spade here....we don't do the I am so genteel and pc all the while being stabby, stabby....

@Bearnecessity

Cycling, Wheresmy...there was a touch of humour to my post which seems to have escaped you so you have decided to have a go and sneer at me instead...LOVELY...the Op defined the woman as large ....I called her fat...I am fat...we call a spade a spade here....we don't do the I am so genteel and pc all the while being stabby, stabby....

I wasn't sneering , I just think calling people fat and gobby isn't on

Unless they are fat and gobby. Like me

😁

YANBU. I think some people like the control of things being done at their own pace, even if it’s super slow. Stuff everyone else. Now isn’t the time to congest supermarkets, surely everyone wants to get in and then get out?
But yeah they shouldn’t have both been in there anyway and then this never would have happened

@DownstairsMixUp

Does everyone on mumsnet not work or something? Yanbu op, I often have to pop in a rush between visits or whatever so no, then few mins each time you wait soon adds up. Supermarkets are always full of slow people, if you are in a rush you need to dodge

No, we all sit here all day.