Kids and schools book choice of Mister Tom

[LiJo2015]

Ill keep this short as currently baby napped with 5 month old so typing one handed!

11 yo son currently readjng mister tom for school. Came down stairs yesterday and visibly shocked and a little shaken at the part about his abusive mums treatment of his new baby sibling.

No warning about this book came from the school. I have contacted the school to explain that although i wouldnt want storylines like this not to be covered but they can be distressing and would want the assurance that its being handled empathetically.

So

AINBU - if so, why

AIBU - if so, why

I don't recall reading the book when I was a child, but I saw the TV adaptation with John Thaw a few years ago. I felt traumatised and now just seeing the cover in a bookshop gets me tearing up! I am pretty pathetic though and have a very low threshold when it comes to that kind of thing. I'm not sure how the scene in the cupboard is done in the book, but I'll never get the image from the TV drama out of my head.
My eldest DC is in year 6, and if he was given it to read I'd just keep an eye on him and make sure I gave him chances to talk to me about what he had read.

@CheetasOnFajitas

I didn’t even consider the character might think it was his fault. It’s just the image of a child in a cupboard with a dead baby, how can a child get over that memory even if he knows he was not to blame?

Try reading it.

I don't mean this tritely, reading the entire book will explain your questions.

Reading some of these posts i cant help but feel some posters think that only 'overly-sensitive' will react unnecessarily emotionally to contents within this book? That somehow 'thier' child is somehow 'tough' for not responding? Personally id be worried if a kid didnt at the very least demonstrate some degree or curiosity for topics raised within this book?

I am now going through this book with my son. Part of his English work is a chapter per day. Chapter 17 is the chapter where the dead baby is found in the arms of willie.

I have had feedback from the teacher and although he states he has pointed out the heaviness of the book im not convinced that proper emotional support can be provided via remote learning.

If my som had never come down and i hadnt pushed the fact that he looked quite blank and then he spoke to me about it - i wouldnt have known and he would have been reading these topics alone in his room. I wonder how many of his classmates are doing this?

I agree with you OP. It's not appropriate for children to read on their own. I'd go further and say it's not appropriate for children at all.

It profoundly impacted me - not in a good way - and I was a very well-adjusted, emotionally stable child.

the entire book will explain your questions.

As a child I read the whole book and it was the scenes of abuse that horrified me and stayed imprinted on my mind, for years.

I think I nearly cry everytime I teach it & we watch it but you can be sure pretty much every child in the uk will read and watch it over the ages of 11-13 & they don't end up damaged from it. It's horrific but does create empathy & is historically accurate. Tbh, you'd prob be more worried if he wasn't upset reading it

There’s demanding and horrifying elements of many books, Matilda, BFG, even things like the twits and the boy in the dress. Tracey beaker deals with children without parents, many of Jacqueline Wilson’s books deal with issues such as death, parental separation and bullying, should these books not be read without the support of a qualified teacher!! Don't you think they are slightly different to a child locked in a cupboard with a dead baby?

@allhappeningatonce

Tbh, you'd prob be more worried if he wasn't upset reading it

Completely agree with this

@ancientgran

, should these books not be read without the support of a qualified teacher!!

From by standpoint - its not aboit whther these books shpuld be read or not. I have said previously that stories act as a fantastic medium to explore difficult topics.

My concern initially was the fact that the school had not addressed the fact that kids would be reading this book at home, potentially alone. I think parents shpuld have been given heads up. Similar to parental consent given prior sex ed. Altgough im not advocating the requirement of consent, i think given the fact that the book covers very difficult and very emotive topics, as a teacher, it would have been prudent to guage the suitability of this book and to ensure each child had the necessary support.

I wonder sadly how many missed opportunities there have been? From a child that needs clarity of whats actually going on? To comfort and explanation if they do get upset? Or worse case - the scenario where potentially a kid needs actual support because the storyline contains elements of that childs real-life experience?

Personally- im happy for my son tp read this book. But im glad that we are doing it together - the fact hes not alone in his room, reading this by himself.

@phlebasconsidered

I think the thing that youre missing is the fact kids may be reading this alone. Maybe you havent 'seen' kids cry in your presence, but they covered a book with an adult present. Is it really feasible to cover a book like this via zoom/teams? I know for one my son hates using the online platform so would not speak out and he comes from a happy and balanced homelife - what about the kids that arent?

[quote LiJo2015]@ancientgran

, should these books not be read without the support of a qualified teacher!!

From by standpoint - its not aboit whther these books shpuld be read or not. I have said previously that stories act as a fantastic medium to explore difficult topics.

My concern initially was the fact that the school had not addressed the fact that kids would be reading this book at home, potentially alone. I think parents shpuld have been given heads up. Similar to parental consent given prior sex ed. Altgough im not advocating the requirement of consent, i think given the fact that the book covers very difficult and very emotive topics, as a teacher, it would have been prudent to guage the suitability of this book and to ensure each child had the necessary support.

I wonder sadly how many missed opportunities there have been? From a child that needs clarity of whats actually going on? To comfort and explanation if they do get upset? Or worse case - the scenario where potentially a kid needs actual support because the storyline contains elements of that childs real-life experience?

Personally- im happy for my son tp read this book. But im glad that we are doing it together - the fact hes not alone in his room, reading this by himself.[/quote]
I didn't say anything about not being read without the support of a qualified teacher, I was replying to someone else and I was querying the idea that the issues in the book were comparable to things like Tracey Beaker.

I didn't read it with the guidance of an adult. I read it in year 5, we didn't'study' it until year 6. I got it out of the school library, I doubt anyone was paying attention to the books I was reading!

I'd read the Diary of Anne Frank by the time I was 12, and unknown to my none book reading mum was reading quite adult & older teenage books from the church library & the school library at 11 & 12.

I definitely would recommend talking to him about the book and about the themes of a)child abuse and b) how children suffered in ww2 and that sadly there was not always happy ending for children in ww2 due to the behaviour of adults.

Your son is more than old enough to learn these things.

The thing is I'm 44, unlike children today, many of my generation & older have had grandparents who first lived through pre War poverty in the slums which killed many siblings (no Welfare state or NHS then) then through the horrors of ww2.
Some wouldn't discuss it but as they got old many shared the stories with us their grandchildren...

So I literally grew up hearing the uncensored stories of poverty & ww2 from my Nan & grandad from a very young age.
Some very sad & tragic memories but also some good memories.

For example my Nan told me how she was evacuated in 1939 then returned as a young teen during the Manchester blitz, to see her 6 year neighbour's tragic death; hearing about that little girl really upset me as a child.
And I remember doing a school project at 11 on my grandad's family tree, learning about the infant siblings who had died in the 20s of illness & malnutrition.
And about my abusive great grandfather who beat his wife especially on a Friday.

My generation were lucky in a way to learn these things first hand but now one of the only ways for children to learn about life in those days is in books such as Mister Tom.
Yes, it is upsetting.

But life generally can be upsetting, it's important for children to learn that & to learn how to cope with that knowledge.

It's a wonderful book. I don't think it is at all inappropriate. It was bloody tough in WW2.

@ancientgran fairdoes - apologies

@Tehmina23

I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment that my som is old enough to learn these things. I didnt post this because i felt it was inappropriate content for his age but that reading material like this without guidance would be unnecessarily traumatic.

@NeverDropYourMoonCup exactly! It's really like a more modern Silas Marner - Mr Tom saves Will and Will saves him. Children really respond to the characters growing in it.

I work in a deprived area with a high level of vulnerable children. They respond to it precisely because it addresses reality.

By the time I was 11 i'd read the Plague Dogs. That's properly horrifying! And Z for Zachariah, Brother in the Land, The Pigman and Forever! They don't even have happy endings.Nuclear death, apocalypse, violence to elders, abandonment, animal experimentation and teen sex. I find pre-teens and teens want real writing. They don't want safe stories. Even older, "safe" stories involve kids taking risks or being in danger. Lucy pisses off through the wardrobe and her brother betrays her. Mary Lennox sees her whole family die of cholera and is moved to a house where no-one wants her. The Little Princess ends up working as a servant and living in a garrett. Charlotte sometimes timeslips into a hideous past. Alice is threatened with violence. Jane Eyre is treated abysmally, so is David Copperfield. My own daughter loves a misery book - she is currently reading a hideous tale of sibling murder (she's 14). Reading something and thinking about it, feeling it and responding is the whole point. It would be more worrying if we didn't.

Those people who were horrified by what is one small point in a whole narrative that leads to a happy ending are responding personally and unusually. Very few people are traumatised by what amounts to ten paragraphs in a wholly positive book unless there are underlying issues.

I grew up in an exceptionally abusive household and I take positives from it. Growing up I read books with abuse in and it made me feel less alone, more supported. Hopeful, sometimes, or familiar. If I had only ever read nice books with nice things in, i'd have felt a complete disassociation.

@Tehmina23

Just read your second post below. Again - i am not advocating for one second that books like this shoidlnt be discussed. Stories like this act as a famtastic medium for exploring topics like this. But... unlike you being told stories like this first hand, with someone there to explain and for you to ask questions with someone you felt safe with... this important factor is missing in this instancr. It is this crucial support syatem which is severly reduced and may actually be nom existent when reading a book like this.

After reflection i believe the school shphld have prewarned parents/carers to ensure a support system was in place when kids were reading this book.

@whattodo2019

Again... sigh. I havent once aaid the book was inappropriate. Just that parents/carere should have been given heads up.

This book would have been covered in class, with others. Now, potentially this book is being read alone. In this imstance, i domt tgink the teacher is equipped to provide kids with the necessary support.

I am just glad my son came to me and we are now exploring this book together.

@phlebasconsidered

Big sigh - again, have you actually read the thread?

Im mot saying tgis book in inappropraite! Read below.

@phlebasconsidered

In addition, again - the kids you say responded well to the book did ao because they were being guided.

Lockdowm has presented a unique situation. Emotive subjects are now being taught at home and as such parents are filling in the gaps.

I see it no different to an appropraite clinical handover between shifts. By giving parents heads up of a book like this could minimise any potential confusion/upset. It really is as simple as that.

@phlebasconsidered

'Those people who were horrified by what is one small point in a whole narrative that leads to a happy ending are responding personally and unusually. '

Responding in this way isnt unusual. Its conpletely understandable.

Im going to try not to correct anyone AGAIN if they suggest i was suggesting that the book was inappropriate.