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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to stop my 17 year old getting a motorbike?

96 replies

RemarkableLemur · 15/01/2021 00:00

My 17 year old DS wants to get a 125cc motorbike. I really don't want him to, I think they're way too dangerous, particularly for his age group. Two of his close friends both have one.

He turns 18 in the first half of this year. He says he'll ask for more hours at work so he can save for one. He's very stubborn and determined.

WIBU to resort to quite mean tactics to stop him getting a bike? The only ideas I've had are too mean for me to genuinely consider, but here they are:

  • Make him pay rent when he turns 18 so he can't afford the bike
  • Take back my offer of financial help to go to uni unless he agrees not to buy a bike
  • Arrange for some thugs to steal his new bike

Obviously this is tongue in cheek. Anyone got any better ideas?!

I've said I'll pay the difference in price between the cost of a bike and a car as a car would be safer, but he's obsessed with the idea of a bike.

OP posts:
AKissAndASmile · 15/01/2021 00:05

Haha, bless you, OP....those are some ingenuous ideas!Grin

No YWNBU to stop him from getting one. They are so dangerous. I've seen so many accidents involving motorbikes. I have rarely seen car accidents, and there are so many more cars on the roads than motorbikes. I saw an episode of 24,hrs in A+E recently where a 19 year old motorcyclist ended up under a car, with his legs up over his head, so he was basically folded in half under the car....ooof!

Gingaaarghpussy · 15/01/2021 00:07

He will have to have lessons before he can legally ride a motorbike.

AKissAndASmile · 15/01/2021 00:08

I also had a patient on megadoses of painkillers due to several motorcycle accidents. He still rides a motorcycle. In fact whenever he had an appointment he was in full motorcycle gear Confused

HirplesWithHaggis · 15/01/2021 00:08

If he wants a bike, he'll get one. The question is, will it be mechanically sound (and so more expensive) or a dodgy shed for a couple of hundred? (A brand new Chinese 125 can be had for a couple of thousand, not so much to save up)

Emphasise that he needs CBT before riding, and that he needs decent helmet/jacket/boots and gloves before CBT. Show you care for his safety. But don't try to ban an adult from doing what they can do legally.

AKissAndASmile · 15/01/2021 00:10

He will have to have lessons before he can legally ride a motorbike
I don't think it's too difficult for 125cc. My 16 year old's best friend has just passed Confused

HirplesWithHaggis · 15/01/2021 00:15

You could, of course, buy him a car and driving lessons and insurance (if you can afford all that, car doesn't have to be new) and hope that puts him off saving for a bike etc.

Original poster
RemarkableLemur · 15/01/2021 00:19

He says that it'll take him too long to learn to drive a car and pass a test, and I assume driving lessons are paused for now.

He's going away in March 2020 as part of a gap year, so wants transport he can use ASAP. I can see how it seems that learning to drive would take too long.

OP posts:
Justlovedogs · 15/01/2021 00:29

OP - if his mates have bikes, he'll likely want one whatever you suggest. I am a biker (had my licence 20 years +) so probably have a different view, but bikes aren't dangerous unless the person riding it doesn't respect the road, the idiotic nature of some (most) car drivers and the consequences of what can happen if things go wrong. I'd be inclined to make sure your son gets a reliable machine, knows how to maintain it and has good quality safety gear (helmet, gloves and boots as a minimum) - and wears it every time he rides. Get quality training (he'll need CBT as a minimum to get out on the road on L plates) and don't offer him lifts when it's freezing cold or wet. That's the one thing that might reliably put him off, given a bit of time. It's why I have both bike and car! Grin

caringcarer · 15/01/2021 00:39

You can make him aware of all of the dangers and risks associated with having a motorcycle. Show him accident statistics and death rates etc. However when he is 18 you know you have to let him make his own choices be they good or bad. When my 17 year old wanted one I said no not until you are 18 then drop fed the accident stats to him and helped his older brother to buy a car. On his 18th birthday I offered him all driving lessons he needed to pass test, provisional license, on screen test fee and to help him buy a car. He asked about s bike but I toll him now you are 18 I can't stop you buying one but don't expect my help either for bike cost, safety clothing or insurance costs. If you get one you do it alone and will have to have bike lessons and test before you can drive on road. He saved up and eventually got one just before 18 1/2 and I was very disappointed he used a small inheritance he got access to on 18th birthday. He drove it around for about 5 months then the winter came and he did not enjoy the cold or driving conditions on icy road. He did not drive it much in winter and his brother drove him around quite a bit. On his 19th birthday he came and asked me if he sold his bike and safety clothing would I still help him buy a car? I hugged him and told him I was proud of him. He had his driving lessons and passed very quickly and was in a car within 4 months. Never looked back.

covidaintacrime · 15/01/2021 00:40

If he's not going to be a total idiot when riding the bike, then I think it's OK. Is he usually a reasonable / safe person? (as far as a 17 year old boy can be!)

If you're willing to pay the difference for a car, then I think you'd be safer investing that money into proper equipment (leathers, helmet, good bike etc) because I think you know in your heart he's probably going to do it anyway. It's better you keep him as protected as you can, and get him some good quality lessons / advice. Smile

IdblowJonSnow · 15/01/2021 00:59

I hate motorbikes. So dangerous for that age group I agree.

Encourage a car but not sure what else you can do.

Not sure he'll be going very far in March? Where is he hoping to go? (Nosey)

Nat6999 · 15/01/2021 01:34

My brother always wanted a motorbike, he learned to drive a car & passed his test just after he was 17, my parents helped him to buy his first car. He left home not long after he graduated to live with his girlfriend & within a year had bought his first bike, he took his test, passed & bought a bigger bike, on dress down Fridays he used his bike to travel the 50 miles to work, he regularly changed his bike for bigger ones until he split from his girlfriend. My mum who had always moaned about him having a bike helped him to buy a much bigger, more powerful bike to help him get over splitting from his girlfriend, my dad had never said anything as he had motorbikes when he was young. When he met the girl who he married she persuaded him to sell his beloved bike to help pay for the house they bought, he has never had a bike since. No matter how much you don't like him having a bike, you can't stop him much longer, you would be better ensuring he learns to ride properly, has all the safety gear, understands that riding is a privilege, not a right & learns to respect the road.

wombat1a · 15/01/2021 03:23

I would never give mine up, they are just such more fun than cars, no you can't stop him, best thing you can do is insist on proper protective clothing and helmet and training.

Neron · 15/01/2021 08:21

Nothing wrong with bikes, and wanting a 125 so he can get around now is a smart decision. It is a day CBT rather than months and months of lessons.
I am a biker, I get your fear, but if you try to stop him will it only make him want it more? Support him in wearing all the gear, all the time. He'll learn too, riding in winter is not fun.
If you're in the UK, all driving and motorbike lessons etc are closed for now anyway.

Godimabitch · 15/01/2021 08:28

YABU he's nearly 18, and going to uni, at what point are you going to let him make his own decisions and what makes you think by that point he'll be capable when you've controlled him up till then? You risk creating the dreaded man-child that so many women here complain about as well as their overbearing MILs that use money to manipulate their sons. Sorry :/

He's right, it's easier and quicker and cheaper to get a bike to get around, and 125cc is tiny, I've rode bikes with 125cc since I was about 12.

hopingfrbetter · 15/01/2021 09:53

Hi,
My son is 21 and has autism, complex MH issues and lives in supported accommodation. He rides a 125 motorbike.

It scares the life out of me, especially when the weather is bad, but passing his small bike test and being more independent has improved his self esteem enormously.

He now wants to do his big bike test and I am really worried that he will advance to a 500 cc machine. I am encouraging him to use his riding experience to learn to drive a car.

Bikes are dangerous, however, whilst we can guide and advise, our sons and daughters will make their own decisions.

Your son seems like a sensible young man, and once he learns to drive, the road experience will be really useful.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 15/01/2021 09:56

My brother and his friend were on a motorbike. The friend was driving. He was an experienced biker. They went round a blind bend on a country road and hit a van. My brother was flicked off the back into a ditch and broke his arm very badly. His friend died on the road in front of him. He had a ten year old son. No way ever will my sons be getting motorbikes.

spidermomma · 15/01/2021 10:00

Op if he is stubborn and his mind is set then thats final, I'd just support him and make sure he is been extra safe and careful and you can do extra safety courses once passed.
Both my ds have them and as much as I hate it. They all sit in the back in summer cleaning them and things and it's lovely, they go riding together too
I hated it but their safe about it and they take extra care. If it's cold out they won't ride because theirs chance of ice and black ice. They know al of this but their also well was doing driving lessons x

heLacksnotluster · 15/01/2021 10:01

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Pippapotomus · 15/01/2021 10:01

YANU. DH got a moped when he was 16. It was completely written off after someone pulled out on him after not seeing him. He went straight over the bonnet and still has trouble with the ankle he injured 15yrs later.

FourTeaFallOut · 15/01/2021 10:09

Yanbu, op.

BumbleBiscuit · 15/01/2021 10:11

Nothing you can do once he hits 18. If it’s what he wants he’ll find a way.

ExclamationPerfume · 15/01/2021 10:13

I hate motorbikes. We have sadly lost friends on motorbikes. My Dad's life was ruined in a motorbike accident. You have no protection against a car or lorry.

Babdoc · 15/01/2021 10:14

heLacksnotluster, you beat me to it! In my hospital, bikers were called organ donors too.
The thing is, OP, it doesn’t matter how careful your son is or how many lessons he has.
If a driver doesn’t see the narrow bike when they’re looking out mainly for cars, they can pull out of a side road in front of him. In the resulting accident, your son has zero protection - no crumple zones, side bars, seat belt, airbag - nothing between him and hitting the road at anything up to 70mph.
I rode pillion on motorbikes as a teenager. I am lucky to be alive after the front tyre blew out on the outside lane of a motorway into London. We slewed through two lanes of traffic and missed an artic by two inches before crashing at the roadside.
Encourage your DS to save for a car instead. He will have kudos from being the first of his mates to get one, which will offset any loss of teen street cred for not having a bike.

contrmary · 15/01/2021 10:20

It's better for a 17/18 year old to have a motorbike than a car, when they crash they are less likely to injure or kill a third party, and they can't carry three passengers egging them on.

Could you offer to buy him a shitty little scooter instead? Generally they are slower than motorbikes.

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