To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

I understand the sentiment but as a pp said anyone can feel anxious. There is obviously a huge distinction between feeling anxious and having a diagnosis, which is usually an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders are an umbrella group and there are many of them, e.g. Social anxiety disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, etc.

Therefore no one has “anxiety” as a clinical diagnosis. You’re free to dislike it if you please, but it isn’t incorrect.

We've evolved to be anxious, ancestors who weren't anxious died out!

People use it as a get out of jail free card to renege on their responsibilities. What they don't realise is that the people who pick up the pieces are also anxious and stressed but understand that not everyone can bail out of everything.

Anxiety can be had even if it is not diagnosed. It is used as a medical term, but does not solely belong to the medical lexicon. OP is trying to claim the phrase 'I have anxiety' purely for the diagnosed, when actually, everybody sometimes has anxiety, and has every right to express it however they want. It's not up to those who are diagnose to rewrite the dictionary for everybody else.

Your 'gastroesophageal reflux disease' analogy fails @PolarnOPirate, because saying that was not a commonly used part of speech before the diagnosable condition was named.

I completely agree.
What happened to calling it clinical anxiety and clinical depression?
I think that distinguishes it to feeling anxious about a job interview.
Saying that, I do know a few people who really do suffer from anxiety (intrusive thoughts, panic attacks etc) which does really negatively affect their day to day lives. But they wont do anything about it. So maybe all those people we think are being glib do have anxiety, they're just not tackling it?

@Scarlettpixie

Anxiety is a normal emotion which most people have at some point. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying you have anxiety. It is the correct term for when you are feeling worried, tense or afraid.

Anxiety becomes a mental health problem when it affects your ability to live your life as you want - whether diagnosed or not.

Both uses of the word are correct.

This. Also anxiety can be diagnosed with a simple questionnaire, it isn't a bit like autism like has been mentioned.

Or maybe, as in my post above, they tried to tackle it and didn't receive the help they needed.

In my case because I was seen to be a capable mother to my new baby it wasn't accepted that I was cripplingly anxious.
If you already are feeling mentally unwell it's hard to advocate for yourself.

everybody sometimes has anxiety, and has every right to express it however they want. It's not up to those who are diagnose to rewrite the dictionary for everybody else.

I think everyone feels anxious sometimes, so saying you've got anxiety is used as a free pass on certain activities.

Currently a thread running about having a mild panic attack wearing a mask. To me it's clear that the OP feels anxious about it, as a lot of us do. But of course posters are saying it's absolutely justified not to wear one, it could lead to a full blown panic attack blah blah. However in my opinion being anxious can be dealt with, having full blown clinical anxiety needs medical intervention.

I get your sentiment but please remember that some people who post or say “I have anxiety “ may also be clinically diagnosed. But they don’t go into details about the fact it’s diagnosed. Dd has ptsd and anxiety after being raped. Her friends don’t know about the rape. I’m not sure they know about the official diagnosis.

I think you’d be surprised at the amount of people with diagnosed anxiety. As a midwife I’d say about 30-40% of the women who book are on medication for anxiety.

What happened to calling it clinical anxiety and clinical depression

Yes, exactly. Diagnosed people need to be taking responsibility and stating that they're diagnosed, rather than everybody else having to adjust words because of their diagnosis.

Anxiety does not belong only to those with clinical anxiety.

I agree ! My Dd suffers with it and she’s had counselling sessions for it twice she never mentions she has anxiety you would never be able to tell she confident and outgoing and she speaks her mind !
But when she does struggle she tends to hold it in she’s finally more open to myself about it now x

I think our environment makes most of us more anxious. Even with diagnosed anxiety there’s a scale of mild to moderate to severe. How do you know all these people are self diagnosing? Someone can be diagnosed with mild form and be self managing with diet/exercise/mindfulness. They still have a medical condition, it’s just that it’s not as severe as someone else’s.

I also hate it.

I would go further and say there seems to be a lot of self diagnosis for a whole range of mental and physical issues by mumneters.

a hard time separating "I feel anxious" with "I have anxiety"

But there isn't any need to! Anxiety is just a state of feeling anxious. It's not a "special" word that belongs solely to people suffering from an actual anxiety disorder (which I'm not minimising; I know that must be crippling). Anxiety covers a huge spectrum from agitating temporarily about whether the bus will be late, to the suffering of a full blown clinically diagnosed anxiety disorder.

If you Google the definition of anxiety, this is the first result: "A feeling of worry, nervousness or unease about something with an uncertain outcome".

It's become one of those words that people misunderstand (see also "ignorant") because they think it means something different to its actual meaning.

If people having "everday" worries were going around saying "I have a clinical anxiety disorder" then yes, that would be incorrect and annoying. But that doesn't seem to be what is happening.

Having anxiety about a situation, such as confronting someone, is normal. Not many people like confrontation. It is not the same as having one of the Anxiety Disorders. There are several, I've studied it and I also have Anxious Personality Disorder and PTSD.
Having anxiety about a situation is not poor mental health, it's common, having an anxiety disorder is poor mental health. Anxious and anxiety being used to describe how someone is feeling are two different things.

Yanbu its used an excuse lately. You don't want to do anything - 'I have anxiety'. Same as mh issues. Seems like every people has that now.

Completely agree. My DS has an anxiety disorder which at times has been completely debilitating. After the Westminster bridge attack several years ago he had a mental health crisis (I guess what used to be referred to as a ‘nervous breakdown’) and it took best part of a year for him to get well enough to function normally. People I know with self diagnosed ‘anxiety’ think they can identify with that when really they have no bloody idea how bad it is.

100% agree with you x

People keep saying self-diagnosed as though it is a dirty word. You know you don't suddenly become anxious only when you are told you are by a doctor? In fact, diagnoses are formed primarily on how you feel and how much it affects your life.

If you mean people who intentionally deceive by claiming they have a mental health condition that they do not have, then that is unjust. But self diagnosis is often a helpful tool for those who cannot access proper support.

Stress and anxiety are massively over used . People get confused about the difference of being stressed and anxious to being pissed off.

We have one at work who won't do anything they don't want to goes off self cert with stress . Get there own way and bingo 5 day later they are cured.

Proper stress and anxiety is horrific a genuine MH illness you are not complelty over it in 5 days because you got your own way .

I agree with you OP.

In my work with students, we see lots saying they ‘have anxiety’. When this is discussed in more depth, many of them are actually anxious about exams or other assessments - perfectly normal. But they still feel they should have extra time or other arrangements.

(Of course some do have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and that’s a different situation).

@tttigress

I also hate it.

I would go further and say there seems to be a lot of self diagnosis for a whole range of mental and physical issues by mumneters.

Saying you have anxiety about something isn't a 'self diagnosis'. It's an expression of how you feel.

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

Are you serious? You are surprised that everyone seems to suddenly have anxiety at the moment? Can you think of anything that might be causing that?

But that’s the point. Of course lots of us are worried/anxious at the moment.

But that doesn’t mean everyone has a mental health condition called anxiety. It means you’re having an appropriate reaction to your circumstances.

It’s like saying people are depressed after a bereavement. Some people will be but the majority will be experiencing grief. It doesn’t need medicalising.

In general I think there’s a lot of wet lettuces on Mumsnet who use anxiety as a catch all for why they won’t knock on a neighbours door, why they won’t answer the phone, why they might ponder phoning the police because an unknown male walked past their house.

But think about why that might be, what that must feel like. Knocking on neighbour's door, for instance - an everyday thing for some, but for others this might involve several hours of working out what to say, rehearsing different conversations in their head, changing their clothes even. And then afterwards, replaying the interaction endlessly in their mind, waking up at 3am feeling afraid that your neighbour might begin a hate campaign against you. If you stumbled on your words, cringing for weeks afterwards because your neighbour will think you are stupid. Imagining that your neighbour is laughing at you with other neighbours behind your back. Not feeling able to leave the house for a week in case you see your neighbour, because you know the neighbour will remember the conversation and when you analysed it minutely afterwards, you didn't quite manage to sound like a normal person, so now your neighbour will despise you.

Anxiety is real, whether diagnosed or not.

I understand some people may confuse feeling normally anxious about something, like a job interview, with 'having anxiety'.

Ironically people who really have anxiety cope relatively well with things like job interviews, because they are used to that mindset - a simple conversation with a neighbour is akin to a job interview in your mind, so when you have an actual job interview, the nerves, rehearsing answers etc. are just your normal way of going about your life.

And, yes, I have GP and Consultant diagnosed anxiety.

@AnyTimeSoon

Yanbu its used an excuse lately. You don't want to do anything - 'I have anxiety'. Same as mh issues. Seems like every people has that now.

I agree.

Iv got little sympathy for anyone saying ‘I have anxiety’ now.

Stress and anxiety are massively over used
This 100%. Anxiety is made to be seen as a bad thing all the time. It isn't. It's a normal reaction to experience anxiety when faced with frightening situations and in .most times trigger a need for tackling it with care rather than avoidance.

Nothi g wrong with saying that one's experiences anxiety, the issue is that the responses almost ways seems to be that avoidance is justified when it rarely is.

What also gets me is that saying one has anxiety is not enough and to elicit even more empathy, it has become 'severe anxiety' almost systematically. Few people experience clinical severe anxiety thankfully and those who do usually end up in hospital and/or very heavily medicated.

Anxiety has been terribly normalised and associated to 'I don't want to do domething' but calling anxiety makes it easier to justify therefore not doing so.

It's the worse attitude we teach our kids and the gap between resilient and confident kids and those who retreat at the slightest unknown or uncomfortable situation is becoming very significant.