To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

@Sinful8

I've noticed a lot of people seem to think life should only be positive emotions.

They think they should be happy all the time. If they're scared or unhappy they're anxious and depressed by thier own diagnosis.

I agree. As a society, many of us lead privileged lives. We struggle to live with uncertainty i think.

I'm not sure it should only be used in a medical context but agree it is overused and therefore the risk is that it is not taken seriously.

I do not think I have been diagnosed with anxiety. Difficult to remember as I lived abroad for a while so I may have been told. In my 20’s for example, I was too anxious to call up utility companies. It took me days to make the call or I’d ask then DP, now dh to call. I got some very good counselling from a psychologist in my 30’s (abroad) and really good therapy in my 40’s in the U.K. It’s largely resolved. But I’ve been procrastinating for 2 weeks about asking for more HRT because I don’t want to have to talk to the Gp or go in. I haven’t been taking the right dose and specifically got a higher dose so it would last longer so I’ve not been seen for it for over a year.... I’m getting very anxious just thinking about it. And I’ve had 3 major surgeries in approx 2 years. But I only get medical help when I really really have to.

Do you begrudge me saying to myself I have anxiety or to others I have anxiety over that? I cannot take medication btw as I am very sensitive to medication and the only stuff I can tolerate now upsets my stomach.

They are used over and over on this site in an effort to make everything black and white, to blame and dismiss.

I think terms such as narcissistic, anxious are words used to put things over easily - these are used to avoid writing and essay on all the reasons why the poster feels they have, or someone else has, certain traits.

I suffered from anxiety - after a lifetime of being a fine upstanding member of society, decisive, capable I realised that I was often anxious and didn't realise it.
When I was young, being a weakling was despised, looked down on. Discussing emotions was not done.
I realised that the reason I couldn't fit in easily at work was due mostly to social anxiety, the reason I couldn't learn things at work was due to suppressed anxiety and the resulting insomnia.
My DF was an alcoholic, when a GP recently described it as self-medicating I realised that he probably was anxious too all his life.
And I also now think that the people you come across who 'can't hold down a job' are 'skivers' are most likely neither but suffering from some sort of anxiety too. Being labelled as lazy and not working, if you think about it, is not really a situation most people would deliberately choose, it's not a rewarding way to live your life.

So rather than too many people claiming they have anxiety I think there are many more than we realise who have it.
Unfortunately the 'quiet' jobs that would suit an anxious person like dealing with paperwork, filing, typing, have largely gone.
But educating people on how to help themselves is the best way. Exercise, meditation, medication if it helps.

Anxiety is an emotion or can be a symptom.

Fine to use in either context.

I have diagnosed PTSD and read recently a celebrity saying ‘I think I have a bit of PTSD’ about her marriage break up and it made me really angry. I think it’s hard to hear words being used casually when they are fraught with meaning for you personally.

Another one who agrees with you, OP. I was diagnosed with anxiety, panic attacks and depression after various traumatic events happened to me in close succession. I've battled through 2 courses of CBT, medication, self help books and am currently awaiting a referral to Psychology.

I cannot function some days because I'm too anxious to move, frightened of my own body, panic attacks causing me to faint, scared to go out of my house...so on and so on. I get so frustrated at how casually the word anxiety is thrown around these days, almost to excuse someone's behaviour it seems. I wonder if they'd like all my very real symptoms to go with it? Because I'm fed up of living like this and would happily pass it on, if I could....

YANBU and people who self diagnose and decide it's a good reason to not do something they don't want to do are disrespectful to real anxiety sufferers.

My sister suffers from diagnosed anxiety & depression, it's totally debilitating, not "I don't like that".

Probably not your intention, but it sounds a bit like you're trying to gatekeep anxiety by implying that the only way to have it "properly" is to be medicated, see a therapist and force yourself to overcome it. That's not everyone's circumstances.

Also, I feel like there’s no ‘hard’ evidence anyone has anxiety really, as the symptoms can be so subjective.

I think part of the problem is GPs' tendency to take a bunch of symptoms that don't point obviously to any clear medical diagnosis and dismiss them as "anxiety"

a couple of years ago I was struggling with very heavy periods, fatigue, palpitations. It turned out to be anaemia combined with a massive uterine polyp but it took two years of regular visits and ultimately me breaking down in tears in the surgery before anything was investigated. I was repeatedly told that I was just anxious

I don't think that saying you have anxiety about something belittles anybody. The word was used before diagnosable anxiety was even recongnised, and doesn't belong to people with a diagnosis.

What are people without a diagnosis supposed to say when they feel anxiety about something? Why should they have to change it from 'I have anxiety about this'? Maybe people with a diagnosis should be clearer in saying they have a diagnosis?

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

Are you serious? You are surprised that everyone seems to suddenly have anxiety at the moment? Can you think of anything that might be causing that?

So you think that everyone has clinical anxiety at the moment? Or is it perhaps a case of many people are feeling anxious about the situation? You can see the difference between the two, surely?

So you think that everyone has clinical anxiety at the moment? Or is it perhaps a case of many people are feeling anxious about the situation? You can see the difference between the two,

Excellently explained.

Stripes it's the case with any anxiety where there's avoidance, which has been a big focus of many of the posts on this thread. Avoiding things due to anxiety reinforces the anxiety they cause. With GAD you're not necessarily going to get the single focal thing where feelings of anxiety are removed once you decide to avoid it, like with social anxiety disorder, because other things constantly pop up because human brains are tosspots. But avoidance can still gradually restrict your world. There's far more to it than that, obviously, both the disorder and the treatment, but I was responding specifically to the avoidance aspect Iceskatingfan was talking about — for some reason, the "reply" button didn't quote the post for me

(I've had generalised anxiety disorder and severe social anxiety disorder.)

My teenage students generally have a hard time separating "I feel anxious" with "I have anxiety".

Anxiety becomes a thing that you are lumbered with, through no fault of your own, that means no one should ask you to do anything that might trigger it. A lot of my students almost nurture this condition and will insist that they can't take exams, or stay in a lesson that is difficult, or attend college if they've fallen out with a friend.

They see this anxiety as something they have and cannot control, rather than a normal human emotion that everyone experiences and that they can learn to manage.

Anxiety becomes a thing that you are lumbered with, through no fault of your own, that means no one should ask you to do anything that might trigger it.

Do you believe anxiety is someone's fault?

@WorraLiberty

Also, people seem to be confusing the word 'confrontation' with 'communication' a lot.

Part of me wonders if 'anxiety' and 'confrontation' are being misused because people have got more and more used to communicating via text/email/social media.

It's as though real life communication is becoming a much bigger deal for some people.

That’s so true

Those being critical of people saying they have anxiety but don’t appear to show signs what is it you are looking for

Did you not believe Caroline Flack? On the outside she appeared confident, very sociable, successful but judging by this thread many would have dismissed her but she did speak of her anxiety battles and since her tragic death her friends have spoken about it

Many people learn to mask their often very fragile MH. Some struggle to get help, some are in denial (a huge issue) and many battle with accepting support either through therapy and/or medication so they are stuck, for many they are so used to the feelings to let them go in some way no matter how difficult it makes their life change is more frightening

This has been getting my goat for a while too OP. Feeling anxious about, say, oh, the pandemic - perfectly reasonable and normal and not something to be concerned about. In fact it’s good to feel a range of emotions.

Actually having an anxiety disorder is not healthy and requires treatment. It’s now not on to say ‘I’m a bit OCD’, hopefully people wouldn’t dream of saying ‘I’m a bit autistic’ etc. People who do that should count themselves lucky they’ve never actually experienced such a problem.

I actually think everyone harping on about how they have anxiety stopped me from seeking help for way longer than I should have. I kept telling my husband ‘but everyone feels anxious, why can’t I just deal with it myself?’ etc. Turns out I actually have a real anxiety problem and require meds and therapy.

I had debilitating post-natal anxiety.
I spoke to 2 professionals- a midwife and a GP. Neither took me seriously and it destroyed me.
It took a lot to say it considering how low I was and when I was not offered help that was it. I went into a downward spiral that took me years to recover from and I probably never will fully recover.
I eventually got some counselling when a family member stepped in.
So, I say I have anxiety. It's never been diagnosed by a doctor but that doesn't make it any less real.
So I say I have anxiety. It

I agree. Entirely.

They see this anxiety as something they have and cannot control, rather than a normal human emotion that everyone experiences and that they can learn to manage

We can't control our feelings. Otherwise everybody would feel happy all the time, wouldn't they.

Emotions don't get managed. Responses do. Saying that you have anxiety about something is perfectly valid if you have anxiety about it. In fact, it's the healthy thing to do in most circumstances.

Totally agree plus people claiming mental health issues as an excuse.

Totally agree plus people claiming mental health issues as an excuse.

When it comes to behaving like an asshole, it's not an excuse. When it comes to making adjustments to one's life to avoid unnecessary mental / emotional difficulty, it is very much justified. I imagine you don't agree with the second part of that statement though.

Saying that you have anxiety about something is perfectly valid if you have anxiety about it. In fact, it's the healthy thing to do in most circumstances

I think the point is, you should say ‘I feel anxious about that’ rather than ‘I have anxiety’. You wouldn’t say ‘ooh Im having gastroesophageal reflux disease’ if it’s actually just a bit of indigestion.