To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

I've alos noticed people talk about their mental health as if it was another person... like 'I've got to look after my 'mental elf' or 'it has really affected my mental elf'

I thought the same thing about bi polar about 10 years ago. Suddenly everyone had it...

I've noticed a lot of people seem to think life should only be positive emotions.

They think they should be happy all the time. If they're scared or unhappy they're anxious and depressed by thier own diagnosis.

Although you never see it with BPD.

I guess borderline personality disorder doesn't sound sympathetic enough

@Lalliella

YANBU and it’s funny because I was thinking to myself the other day how so many more people on MN say they have anxiety compared to people I know IRL. You’ve nailed it OP, it’s because the people I know are sometimes anxious or nervous but do not suffer from anxiety disorder, and the same for many people on MN too.

I think on the Internet you also have to put it in context.

That or this site is truley amazing and everyone just so happens to have exactly the right anecdote or secret but super high up source to back up whatever shite they're peddaling.

@SnoozyBoozy

I actually agree with you. I think far too many people use 'i have anxiety' to express what are normal feelings of anxiousness (eg before a job interview, social situations etc). I know people with actual anxiety and it's a completely different thing and it can be really debilitating. My DH suffers with it and is on anti depressants which help him rationalise situations better (although it did take him years to see the doctor) and does mindfulness to help too.

The casual self-diagnosis of some is definitely detrimental to those who genuinely suffer and I think of in the same way as those who say they're a 'bit OCD'

I too agree with the OP, it seems to be a part of what I think of as the escalation of language. No-one is every simply a bit fed-up, or pissed off, they are anxious etc. and hence need to see a counsellor or need therapy when in reality what they probably need is a duvet day or a good nights sleep or even a couple of glasses of wine. There seems to be an idealistic expectation of life, what used to be seen in the cheery, sunny, rosey cheeked, checked-apron cornflakes adverts, the reality being rain, dullness, arguing children etc etc. but people sort of expected it. If we were all to realise that life isn't perfect, things go wrong, someone says something hurtful and learn to shrug our shoulders and say Sod it we'd all be a lot better. Coping skills seem to have taken a nose-dive in the last twenty years.

@Chloemol

I agree with you. Judging by posters on here 99% of the country suffer from anxiety.

That’s just not the case, they maybe anxious about a specific situation, but they are using anxiety as a reason not to do something when in fact it’s a simple case that they dont want to do it, rather than they can’t do it

And that 1% not suffering from anxiety probably need therapy because of their lack of self-awareness! When I had had a seriously bad experience I was told that I would need to see a counsellor, when I said No that was taken as a sign that I needed to see a counsellor. Are we all now living in a Catch 22 world?

but you also don't need to be in treatment or on meds.
part of the condition is feeling or being unable to get help.feeling so unable or unworthy to seek help.so scared.
and thats putting aside the stigma,shit ass lack of help oand understanding of the condition still.
and you can be managing it and sometimes not and it can pull families arpt and also help them be warriors together.and stick out the horrific times and not make one or other move out,leave or get treatment.

I have diagnosed anxiety. I am medicated on anti depressants which help with anxiety and OCD ( also diagnosed) and take a high dosage of beta blockers daily.

Sometimes i get really severe due to other circumstances, stress etc and other times it’s bad for absolutely no known reason. It can be debilitating and I definitely feel like my quality of life has been impacted.

I was also diagnosed last year at the age of 42 with ADHD and believe that anxiety Ian classed as a co-morbity.

My 17yr old ds has Aspergers and anxiety ( both diagnosed ) and is medicated. He says that anxiety is rife amongst his age group, especially with covid and it’s affect on them.

I don’t doubt that many people are struggling with anxiety but hate the way it can be spoken of so casually by some. It’s a horrible condition and has caused my ds so much distress. His has robbed him of so many things and affects every area of his life.

Well, YABU in how you expect people with a genuine anxiety disorder (in my case generalised anxiety disorder it was diagnosed with, then subsequently I was diagnosed with PTSD) to receive treatment just like you did, for two reasons

1. The treatment that was suitable for you, isn't suitable for all suffers.
2. Not everybody, has access to, despite their very best efforts, the same level of medical care as you do.

And I think the above two assumptions are extremely pompous and narrow minded. All you know about anxiety disorder, is YOUR experience of it.

To touch on the first point. My trauma and cause of PTSD comes from a medication source. I will not elaborate, as this is very private and there's really no need. However, I can assure you it was hideously traumatic, and you would understand as a result why I cannot take medication. I avoid just about every medication at all costs, because it is panic attack inducing, and the suffering for hours, days and weeks is not worth it. That is not to say I haven't tried. Mix in a manifestion into health anxiety, and you can well see how some people cannot have the same treatment as you.

You are very fortunate you received 2 years of counselling. I was referred to, on hindsight, an inadequate CBT therapist, who extended my therapy to the maximum allowed on the NHS at the time of 20 weeks. At the end of this 20 weeks, she exclaimed 'Oh! (insert traumatic experience here) was at X time? Oh you have PTSD. Go back to your GP' (which I did) and that was the end of my CBT with no follow up. I accessed counselling, which yes helped bring to light some topics, but ended swiftly when I was referred for a group therapy session, which the counsellor thought would help me with social anxiety. Social anxiety was of course, not the crux of my issues, and ignoring the real issues.

I have tried to access, and had no support since. I have been left to get on with it. So I have.

It is also worth bearing in mind OP, some people are far more poorly than you have been with your anxiety disorder. I am not saying that to undermine the hardship you have faced with your illness, but it's a simple fact that some are more severely poorly than others - that's how general illness, and especially mental illness goes. Some people are so poorly, they do not realise they are mentally unwell, especially at first, and do not have the support network in place to ensure they are supported. This makes a huge difference. Medical care also varies from area to area. Having lived in both Scotland and England, the mental health care, whilst still not being ideal in England, far surpasses my experiences of it in Scotland.

So on that front, you are being very unreasonable and only really focusing on your own experience. On the further point to your post, I would agree and say YANBU. So many people say they have anxiety these days. And it's true. They do. Every human being experiences anxiety at some point or another, and it can be quite difficult to deal with if you suffer from it more so than others. But I agree this does not a mental health illness make and does play down the seriousness of such illnesses.

Looking back, I really should have been admitted with how bad I was. I had subconscious triggers causing several panic attacks a day. It actually altered how I breathe, which still hasn't been corrected. However, I managed to get through, just. I faced a lot of things that I wanted to avoid, simply because I had no choice.

It's worth remembering though, that avoidance is the very nature of the beast that is anxiety disorder. It's actually a clinical symptom. So if people are exhibiting this to a degree that would, along with other diagnostic criteria, render them mentally unwell - then they are just that, mentally unwell. I still very much avoid things, to this day. Because I still have anxiety disorder and a magic pill or counselling sesh isn't wittering that away for me. However I am a drastically different person today, than I was 10 years ago - you wouldn't recognise me now. I'm very proud of that. But I'm still a sufferer, and still battle on, and still have symptoms of this disease which means at times, some things I can't face head on.

To summarise, I don't think you are being unreasonable that some self diagnose, and use it as an excuse. However, I do think you are being very unreasonable for using your one experience of this disease to judge anybody with their experience, or indeed coping with it, by your standards. It's a mentall illness - some are mild, some are mid level, some are severe, and some are extreme.

@Chloemol

I agree with you. Judging by posters on here 99% of the country suffer from anxiety.

That’s just not the case, they maybe anxious about a specific situation, but they are using anxiety as a reason not to do something when in fact it’s a simple case that they dont want to do it, rather than they can’t do it

Is it possible, that mental illnesses in general, are being diagnosed more, than they were even 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago, as awareness has been raised?

Is it also possible, that people with this illness are far more likely to feel able to post that they have it, on a relatively anonomyous board? Especially one that is seen as somewhat progressive?

I certainly find it much easier to say so, than to anybody in person. Mumsnet in general is more understanding and emotionally intelligent about such issues, than average joe who hasn't much of a clue. I speak from personal experience on that one.

Problem is, it's at times, a very severe illness that is still stigmatised. And well, you can see why from posts like this (and you are not the only one to post such!) and from attitudes from a fellow sufferer herself. Nuts.

I have severe anxiety now due to PTSD, never had it before that.

I agree that you shouldn't use "I have anxiety" as a general get-out for things that make you uncomfortable.

But anxiety is a feeling - it's a spectrum from feeling anxious to having an actual anxiety disorder - so in general it's correct to say you have anxiety about something without necessarily having the medical condition. It's not like saying "I'm so OCD" etc.

And I actually really like the fact that people are more open about it now. People never used to talk about it and it was really taboo. Now people are able to talk about having anxiety, feeling down, etc and I much prefer that to pretending everything is fine and feeling like it's only me.

OP I could not agree more, it drives me up the wall. I’m a GP and I can’t stand it. Ditto “mental health” and people saying they are depressed when they are not clinically depressed, or saying they have bipolar disorder or OCD when they don’t. It’s genuinely confusing to me as a doctor when someone has just decided they have bipolar disorder for example, and I’m trying to understand why they aren’t on any medication and don’t seem to have ever seen a psychiatrist etc. and eventually realise oh ok you’ve just decided this yourself then, right it’s not an actual diagnosis you just want me to put that in your housing letter 🙄

A PP said nobody claims to have borderline personality disorder (now called emotionally unstable personality disorder) and you’re right, it’s not a “popular” mental health problem although genuinely quite debilitating. Schizophrenia is the same.

On the positive side I do think we are talking and therefore hearing more about negative emotions and mental ill health as a society in general which is a good thing so I’m sure this is part of it. And I agree there is a lot of true undiagnosed unlabelled poor mental health out there.

On the negative side, someone said what does it take from a genuine sufferer? Umm resources, sympathy, empathy, understanding of what it means to actually have this diagnosis and how it might affect you at work or among friends etc. I have bipolar 1 disorder myself and so it does particularly grate on me when people claim to have bipolar disorder or depression when they don’t. They go round telling everyone that’s their diagnosis and so people they know then think ok so bipolar doesn’t actually cause any real difficulties in life for example when it absolutely does. But how are people supposed to understand that when every second person claims to have bipolar disorder (on the bright side of that, it has become a less stigmatising label than it now was which is good for me).

I also agree some people seem to think anxiety is a reason not to face certain situations which provoke anxiety when really that’s the worst thing you can do is give in to it. Like “I have anxiety about talking to strangers so I can’t do jury duty etc”. I really appreciate that it’s not easy to face up to anxieties at all but just avoiding the things which provoke anxiety leads to worse anxiety later on. It’s not psychologically healthy and it stores up problems for the future.

I agree with your point that feeling anxious shouldn't stop one doing things. Since my DW died 6 months ago I feel incredibly anxious about every little action and all manner of facets of every day life. I'm having bereavement counselling. I do not let the anxiety stop me doing things. I have learnt that 'feel the fear and do it anyway' is the best way by far.

I have anxiety for which I a take mirtazipine. It got bad in the first lockdown but before that I was able to manage without medication simply by cutting out alcohol.
I am frustrated by friends who post memes about suffering from invisible illnesses (anxiety and depression) but still hit the jagerbombs and 6 pints of beer. Alcohol is known to mess up your brain chemistry so anyone who has anxiety and drinks booze should really stop. Otherwise you are in a vicious circle. Drinking to get rid of anxiety which is usually caused by alcohol in the first place.

Mental health in general is overused.

And the reality is that it isn’t raising awareness at all but is lowering people’s intolerance to it. My thought when someone says “I have anxiety” is “yeah, don’t we all.” It’s not and shouldn’t be a get-out for life.

Similarly no-one can ever do anything “I have to see my family three hours down the road because of my mental health.”* or if someone (I hasten to add mostly a woman) commits a heinous crime such as murdering her children then “She must have had a mental illness.”

Given the amount of the population who seem to have mental illness it should now just be considered a way of life rather than a reality because if one has it then so does everyone else.

And I agree with the poster who said that not having mental health problems is considered unacceptable.

Like her I went through a really traumatic experience in 2019. And was told that I must need therapy to come to terms with it. That I am obviously suffering from post traumatic stress... erm no, I wasn’t. And when one friend said that he didn’t imagine I’d have had therapy not in an insensitive way but because he knows me, he was told that he obviously knew nothing.

And people almost feel the need to have mental health issues now or they won’t fit in. Teenagers especially have an expectation of mental health issues, some do, but it is something which is thrust at them constantly to the extent that if they don’t say they’re suffering with their mental health then they almost don’t fit in.

Teenagers especially have an expectation of mental health issues, some do, but it is something which is thrust at them constantly to the extent that if they don’t say they’re suffering with their mental health then they almost don’t fit in.

All due respect, this is utter nong. I'm a teenager, there is no pressure to have mental health problems - a good chunk of teenagers have them, sure, but if you don't you're not treated differently. It's just an explanation for some behaviour e.g. "Jimmy can't always show up to school as he's too depressed" or "Zoe has social anxiety so doesn't start up conversations". But there's no ridicule of people who don't have MH issues, that would be ridiculous.

Iceskatingfan agreed — with anxiety disorders, life becomes a "use it or lose it" game. If it's at all possible to push through the anxiety and do the scary thing, then you should. Otherwise that thing adds itself to the list of things that are too difficult, and your world gets smaller and smaller as more and more things join that list.

Agreed. I think it's also made me less tolerant of everyone with anxiety conditions because it just seems that everyone says it.

I just think 'yeah right'

Agreed. I think it's also made me less tolerant of everyone with anxiety conditions because it just seems that everyone says it.

I just think 'yeah right'

A reasonable and not at all prejudiced response.

I agree.
Of course we all get anxious/worried about stuff but the number of people on here who use it in the intro if their threads!!!

There were 4 people in my office off sick with self diagnosed anxiety a few years ago. One even managed to have a weeks holiday in Turkey at the same time. I can just imagine if I had phoned into work 30 years ago saying ‘won’t be in this week, I’m feeling a bit anxious’........

It's not just anxiety though, there are so many buzzwords now used to the effect of a trump card.

Abuse, toxic, narcissistic, no contact, red flag, mental health, anxiety, spectrum are the few I can think of off the top of my head.

Count them for yourselves. They are used over and over on this site in an effort to make everything black and white, to blame and dismiss.

Victimhood and blame seem to be de rigueur.

This thread is rather sad, there's an awful lot of dismissiveness and general sneering about other people's problems.

If this is the reality I'm not surprised people don't open up about mental health very easily.

It is amazing how bullying and judgemental people still are about other people's difficulties.

‘ agreed — with anxiety disorders, life becomes a "use it or lose it" game. If it's at all possible to push through the anxiety and do the scary thing, then you should. Otherwise that thing adds itself to the list of things that are too difficult, and your world gets smaller and smaller as more and more things join that list.’

This might be a description of social anxiety, but not of generalised anxiety disorder. There isn’t some big scary thing that is the focus. It’s constant anxiety. I could stand up and address the country right now, but I struggle to get a glass of water, brush my hair or turn the tv on.

I am glad the OP finds anxiety treatable. I live in hope.

🙄 YABU.

Anxiety is an emotion. The fact that some people need medication and or therapy to live a happier life doesn't take away the fact that everyone feels it.

This post screams entitlement. A diagnosis doesn't make anxiety any more or less real. Some docs are good at diagnosing and treating it, others aren't.

Anyone's entitled to state how they feel; diagnosis or not.