To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

I do think people mix up “I have anxiety” with I’m anxious and I’m really down with “I have depression”

I developed PTSD after a traumatic birth and already had anxiety and depressive episodes from childhood abuse and neglect. These things are totally different to being anxious, upset or down. They are all consuming.

There is a lack of understanding of what mental health means. The whole mask thing has really shown this. People unable to wear masks because of PTSD and some jerk trots out “well I don’t find it comfortable either but it’s better than dying. Totally failing to realise wearing a mask triggers the ptsd suffer to be physically and mentally in a place where restricted breathing meant they were dying and that is their reality when wearing a mask.

I reallly feel that unless you have experienced mental health issues either yourself or someone very close people have no idea and probably don’t appreciate the difference.

How do you know they aren't diagnosed?

I have anxiety. Yes, diagnosed. But i struggle to see how anyone suffering from anxiety could NOT know they had it, even if not yet diagnosed, and with the absolute joke that is mental health care and support in the UK, I can understand why some people may not have bothered visiting the doctor with it - because even if they do, adequate support is rarely given.

Totally agree I’ve had severe mental health issues as has my brother (he’s been sectioned at one point about 20 years ago) never have we once felt the need to slide to it on Facebook we just can’t it’s very private when it’s very real

@Pawpatrollers2021

Totally agree I’ve had severe mental health issues as has my brother (he’s been sectioned at one point about 20 years ago) never have we once felt the need to slide to it on Facebook we just can’t it’s very private when it’s very real

Surely you have the ability to see not everyone is the same as you?

I think a lot of people do suffer anxiety, but it’s only considered an anxiety disorder if it significantly affects your life or stops normal functioning. But YANBU because ‘anger issues’ would not be an acceptable excuse for assaulting anyone you get into an argument with - you’d be expected to seek professional help.

In my experience it’s just society evolving to improve. The stigma attached to mental health and the current inadequate treatment what personally makes anxious thoughts worse is covering them up surely its more liberating and humane to express discomfort to show a full range of emotion instead of the mask of social etiquettes it’s actually where it can stem from glazing over a situation of extreme discomfort. Having confronted to de sensitize or without empathy to yourself. How about putting the emotion of empathy and kindness out there as the dominant emotion instead of judgement :-) I think thats a massive improvement have kindness a default. Heaven knows judgement has been the default setting previous . Even if ‘snowflake’ language is used and theorised I am happy for that generation to not have to put up with another kind of nonsense as in judgement and confrontation. You don’t know what’s beneath the tip of anyone’s iceberg! I think balancing hormones has a massive role to play. Diet enriched with magnesium as we don’t eat near enough unprocessed greens. Not overloaded ourselves with pressure to fit such false expectations. Self medicating emotions instead of dealing with them and the list goes on. I hope we can take care of ourselves and each other . We really need to educate to be kind and balanced as life has it’s complications. So if your feeling anxious or have a condition I just wish you all a massive hug I really do.

I don’t know if I agree actually. Surely you can suffer from mild anxiety all the way up to severe anxiety. I get nervous about normal things but I would never describe myself as having anxiety. My DD however I do describe as suffering from anxiety. It isn’t completely debilitating and she isn’t on medication but sometimes she can’t sleep because she gets negative intrusive thoughts and she worries a great deal about things she doesn’t need to be worrying about. She also needs to constantly hold and fiddle with something and she sometimes gets quite distressed about issues that don’t merit such an extreme reaction. Certain situations worry her more than others. It doesn’t hamper her life to the degree that others on here are describing but it is bad enough to give it some kind of label and to have sought counselling for her. I am not sure either that it is right for so many people on this thread to be diminishing people’s issues, just because they are different to their own.

Personally I think the UK approach to handling anxiety doesnt help at all. It's insane the amount of posters (and also people I know in real life) who are put on medication. I know all about debilitating panic attacks and how terrifying they are. But the solution isnt long term medication that stretches months and months.

I think it's sad the number of people you read saying "I have been taking X for X long and it's completely life changing. I feel so much better and like a completely different person".

Well... Yeah. You're altering the chemical balance of your brain. It's like doing a few lines of coke and saying "you know what - I absolutely love these people and parties generally".

I think medication should be used at points of acute crisis, but unless you have a severe psychiatric disorder, they shouldn't be a long term fix.

To me it's not right that so many people in the UK are walking around with a chemical crutch like this. It creates psychological dependency, but it also perpetuates a feeling of being a victim to their anxiety, because the root cause is never tackled or (where possible) eliminated. And because people dont learn to cope, because they have the option of taking their pills.

My doctor took me off my medication and I was terrified but through a few months of intense therapy and practice it was uncomfortable but I finally started to learn how to be without the fear of panic which would trigger waves of panic attacks. And it felt good to realise that I was in control of my mind.

Forgot to add: obviously on the UK medication is used because

1. Its cheaper than sending someone to therapy
2. It gets the patient off the doctor's back quickly
3. Its a quick fix

None of those are good reasons for making it the first step in treatment IMO

To be fair, I managed to solve my anxiety by using beta blockers (non prescribed) until I was comfortable enough in my environment. This was usually for speaking in departmental meetings with around 50 people watching me, or if I had to present to the partners and knew I’d be challenged.

I waited until I was comfortable speaking and then tried going cold turkey for a few much smaller meetings. Eventually I had no issues with public speaking and had a few tricks for when I did momentarily falter.

I was surprised to learn thst my dds peer group (12yo) understand the concept of 'self diagnosis' and use it in a judgy way. So for dd says to me 'Amy fell out with Abi because she said she is only self-diagnosing ' Me: whaaaat? Her: about her anxiety.

I genuinely don't know if I think it's good that they are so much more literate now or bad that a 12yo would even have any concept of what this is!

In terms of the OP I don't feel that a diagnosis gives me any ownership of the term. It's an extremely common condition and you don't have to have a diagnosed disorder to suffer. Many reasons why people don't go to the GP not least of which is stigma.

I think for those asking wheres ther magic line between being anxious and having anxiety, it’s the difference between a flower and a weed.

Most mental health problems are normal psychological responses that are out of place, out of control and in danger of damaging the habitat.

Take ptsd -essentially being stuck in fight or flight. If an axe man is chasing you, the brain release chemicals that put the body on high alert, you are hyperaroused, able to spot every small change around you, hear a pin drop because your senses are super sensitive sensitive to things it perceives as danger you become very focused there’s a release of adrenaline by your body your heart rate and respiration increase all to increase strength and speed. These reactions are great, even if they make you feel uncomfortable at the time they might save your life. No one would consider this reaction a mental illness.

Now you’re walking through a shopping centre and someone walks past wearing the same aftershave as the apeman. Suddenly the same fight of flight response hits, you’re body is ready to run you are suddenly back in the forest being chased by the axman feeling and experiencing exactly the same responses stood outside M&S. now it’s a mental illness because it’s misplaced.

The same with being anxious/anxiety. Anxiousness is good. It’s a response to something, you have an exam tomorrow, you feel anxious, you’re afraid of failure your body gets ready to fight, it becomes focused on the exam, it enables you to put all your energies into it, it frightens you into revising a bit more. The thing you are anxious about has passed all the thoughts and feelings you had before the threat (the exam) pass.

Now instead of going away when the threat subsides all those feeling of anxiousness persist. It might be in response to nothing or they might attach to something that doesn’t need the anxious response to achieve results. It’s a flower growing out of place.it persists and invades your thoughts like Japanese knot weed. That’s anxiety.

The trouble is we have become so conditioned that pain and suffering are something to be eliminated at all costs we always see it as something negative to be beaten whereas most of the time these thoughts need to be accepted and assimilated -like Carl jungs shadows. Pain can be protective but we are increasingly labelling all mental pain as destructive mental health issues. It’s dangerous for ourselves and society.

My issue with most of the posts I see about “anxiety” ridden people is, the only way for them to deal with a certain situation that affects their anxiety is to avoid it (i.e wearing a mask gives me anxiety and panic attacks so I don’t wear them). Anyone who has undergone any sort of intervention for anxiety knows avoidance only makes situational anxiety worse which can lead to full on clinical anxiety so the few situations that give you anxiety become more frequent to the point where you literally can’t do anything because you’re clinically anxious about life in general.

This casual way that people seem to wash their hands of their responsibility and have a “I can’t do that” attitude is worrying. It’s either because they’re not getting the correct help and not building the tools to deal with the anxiety, or it’s just an excuse to not do something they don’t really want to do. I had crippling anxiety for years, I didn’t leave the house for almost a year at one point, so I’ve been really low. But avoiding all my triggers ultimately wasn’t helping and I used it as an excuse because I knew going to the shop would be hard for me so if was easier to send my other half. I eventually realised I couldn’t expect the world to change to suit me so I had to have some really uncomfortable times to push myself through, work out what works and what doesn’t in terms of dealing with anxiety for each situation as leaving the house was different to going into work etc.

Neuroplasty of the brain is very interesting and helped me understand the process of repeated exposure more too.

@NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor

My issue with most of the posts I see about “anxiety” ridden people is, the only way for them to deal with a certain situation that affects their anxiety is to avoid it (i.e wearing a mask gives me anxiety and panic attacks so I don’t wear them). Anyone who has undergone any sort of intervention for anxiety knows avoidance only makes situational anxiety worse which can lead to full on clinical anxiety so the few situations that give you anxiety become more frequent to the point where you literally can’t do anything because you’re clinically anxious about life in general.

This casual way that people seem to wash their hands of their responsibility and have a “I can’t do that” attitude is worrying. It’s either because they’re not getting the correct help and not building the tools to deal with the anxiety, or it’s just an excuse to not do something they don’t really want to do. I had crippling anxiety for years, I didn’t leave the house for almost a year at one point, so I’ve been really low. But avoiding all my triggers ultimately wasn’t helping and I used it as an excuse because I knew going to the shop would be hard for me so if was easier to send my other half. I eventually realised I couldn’t expect the world to change to suit me so I had to have some really uncomfortable times to push myself through, work out what works and what doesn’t in terms of dealing with anxiety for each situation as leaving the house was different to going into work etc.

Neuroplasty of the brain is very interesting and helped me understand the process of repeated exposure more too.

Having done the tour of therapists I partly agree and party don’t. Exposure to situations is good if carefully managed. Many don’t have that luxury.

I also think it depends on the source of the anxiety, the amount of time that anxiety has exists, coexisting issues etc to how successful exposure Iain rewriting or reshaping the brain. For instance CBT might work for some not others? Why is this? I think neuroplasty is too simpler concept in many ways, we don’t understand the brain really very much and certainly don’t understand consciousness and thought to the level many assume.

I think it’s dangerous victim blaming to say you just aren’t working hard enough to mend it. I’ve undergone every type of therapy for ptsd/anxiety/depression-no amount of clinical exposure to restricted breathing will make it easy. It has got easier with things like yoga, but even 10 years of intense therapy means wearing a mask is very difficult for me although I do it because I can’t face the bullies. But Two years ago, despite years of unpacking I know I wouldn’t have been able to wear a mask, forced to I would have probably have taken my own life. For many with severe issues therapy is a life long journey not just a problem fixing 10 week course.

I have debilitating anxiety. If I wasn’t taking medication for it I would not function. I can’t afford therapy.
However, I also cannot use it as an excuse not to do ‘life’. I have to work, I have children who depend on me, I have to clean my house, I have to pay bills etc etc etc. I have to push myself because I know that sitting around is not going to help me. It’s exhausting, but it’s necessary. I don’t have the choice to let it rule my life.
Mine stems from awful experiences in childhood and adulthood. I would love to have therapy but it simply isn’t affordable.

@Eckhart

I don't think that saying you have anxiety about something belittles anybody. The word was used before diagnosable anxiety was even recongnised, and doesn't belong to people with a diagnosis.

What are people without a diagnosis supposed to say when they feel anxiety about something? Why should they have to change it from 'I have anxiety about this'? Maybe people with a diagnosis should be clearer in saying they have a diagnosis?

Yes, anxiety is just a normal emotion, like happiness or fear.

Use 'anxiety disorder' for a medical condition.

@WorraLiberty

Also, people seem to be confusing the word 'confrontation' with 'communication' a lot.

Part of me wonders if 'anxiety' and 'confrontation' are being misused because people have got more and more used to communicating via text/email/social media.

It's as though real life communication is becoming a much bigger deal for some people.

100% this.

'I have anxiety and dislike confrontation' seen time and time again (often on MN!) as an excuse to not simply discuss something with someone like a grownup.

Are people becoming less resilient?

There are plenty of things which might make us anxious / we don't like doing / are a bit difficult, but we just have to get on with as it's part and parcel of life (and don't get me started on 'I can't wear a mask as I have anxiety'). A recognised and diagnosable mental health condition is something completely different.

@WorraLiberty

Also, people seem to be confusing the word 'confrontation' with 'communication' a lot.

Part of me wonders if 'anxiety' and 'confrontation' are being misused because people have got more and more used to communicating via text/email/social media.

It's as though real life communication is becoming a much bigger deal for some people.

And I think you're on to something with the social media thing a lot as well. I've seen quite a lot of so and so 'got trolled' when in fact it was just someone disagreed.

Which is double annoying as also diminishes the truly awful actual 'trolling' or rather abuse that many people particularly any woman in the public eye really do receive on social media.

Moving slightly away from actual medical diagnoses, can I please add people pleaser to the list of self-labels?

"Oh, I can't say anything because I am a people pleaser"

OK then - just leave things as they are and suck it up.

I have diagnosed severe anxiety and am medicated. I have seen a psychologist (or was he a psychiatrist- I still can't remember the difference).

Anyway, even if I hadn't seen him or the CBT counsellor I was referred to (not successful) where the diagnosis was reiterated, it makes what I am living with no less real. I don't have panic attacks as such, i am just always living on my nerves and am extremely easily stressed out. I don't think that just because I've been diagnosed makes me any more entitled to say I have anxiety. Had I found the symptoms online and self diagnosed I would still be avoiding conflict. So I think YABU

@HeadphoneProliferation

I dunno if people want to dismiss people's anxieties, as such. I think it's more that there are people with debilitating mental illnesses who are concerned that ambiguities over terminology, combined with the willingness of people experiencing ordinary emotions to try to take advantage of concessions originally intended for those with mental illness, will eventually lead to their mental illness not being taken as seriously as it needs to be.

Yes exactly. It dilutes the significance of significant psychiatric disorders if everyone uses it.

So for example- someone with PTSD really genuinely cannot face certain situations without severe flashbacks and basically reliving the traumatic experience.

Someone with severe OCD cannot face certain situations without days of compulsions consuming their lives for days afterwards.

Someone with Agoraphobia cannot walk to their local shop or into town without severe panic attacks.

These are legitimate reasons for being unable to do things. They may or may not respond to treatment but obviously treatment should be sought.

*I have anxiety and dislike confrontation' seen time and time again (often on MN!) as an excuse to not simply discuss something with someone like a grownup.

Are people becoming less resilient?*

I don't think people are becoming 'less resilient' (well, in the last 10 months, maybe; we've all been under exceptional stress, and stress generally reduces resilience). There have always been people who were scared to be open with other people - indeed, it is often seen, rightly or wrongly, as a characteristic of British culture. In the past we weren't so likely to know that someone disliked or was afraid of discussing things with others, because, well, they didn't discuss it!
Nowadays, with the advent of the Internet, there are people who are prepared to discuss their feelings online, especially anonymously, but not in person. This may be a good thing (any communication may be better than none) or a bad thing (can become a substitute for attempting personal communication; can lead to other problems like trolling) or just a neutral thing. But it doesn't mean that people are 'less resilient'; it just means that they are expressing themselves in a different way.

Are people becoming less resilient? I don't think so because a significant proportion of the women I grew up around used to 'suffer with their nerves'. I think we just changed the terminology.

@CaptainMyCaptain

That is true - anxiety, fear, sadness, anger etc are part of life. Not everything will run smoothly in life and we all have to feel these things and get over them and move on. In my, inexpert, opinion it is when people are unable to deal with these emotions that there is a mental health issue.

I'm not sure it's quite as simple as that though.

In the same way that Post Natal Depression is not just people being unable to cope with the 'baby blues'- it's qualitatively different- the intensity, severity of the thoughts etc. are different. People with disorders like PTSD, OCD etc. are suffering from more severe emotions and thoughts and not simply unable to cope with normal emotions.