To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

What is bothering me with some of the responses is that some people seem to assume that forcing people to do/face things that they find painful or frightening is good for them in itself; that unless they have a proven medical excuse, they should be relentlessly pushed to do them; that anyone who has problems in coping with certain things is just a spoilt brat who has been 'pandered' to too much, etc.

Of course people shouldn't use medical conditions that they don't have as an excuse for avoiding things. And of course there are situations where one has to face something painful or frightening in order to avoid worse either for oneself or other people. But refusing to accommodate other people's vulnerabilities just for the sake of forcing them to be 'resilient' is likely to be counterproductive at best (certainly, in my own case, I am much more resilient about things which were never forced on me in my younger days than about things that were) and can be cruel at worst. In some ways, it goes back to the Victorian attitude that it's character-building to be beaten and subjected to hardships. Of course, we all have some hardships in life, but it's generally easier to cope with them if one sees them as truly inevitable, rather than the result of others punishing you or deliberately refusing to 'pander' to you.

i do agree about the annoyingness of all these 'I'm a bit ...OCD, autistic, etc.' remarks. My personal 'favourite' is 'She's a bit fluey', applied to someone who has a cold.

I was talking to one of the staff the other day and she produ ed a sunflower lanyard and stated she had anxiety. I said, me too and went on to say, I find it hard to breath wearing a mask and I haven't been anywhere other than this shop since boxing day. I made her feel guilty because the next time I saw her she had her mask on and no longer had a visible lanyard.
No doubt as a 19 year old, in the middle of a pandemic she was anxious, but I dont believe it was anxiety.
I will never tell someone they don't have anxiety because its not for me to judge.

@Scarlettpixie

Anxiety is a normal emotion which most people have at some point. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying you have anxiety. It is the correct term for when you are feeling worried, tense or afraid.

Anxiety becomes a mental health problem when it affects your ability to live your life as you want - whether diagnosed or not.

Both uses of the word are correct.

Agree with this.

I am medicated for anxiety.

For a lot of people, it seems like "I have anxiety (in general, not about a specific thing)" implies trait rather than state, i.e. it's a particular condition that you have all the time whether you're currently feeling anxious or not. Whereas "I am anxious" or "I get anxiety" or "I have anxiety about x" suggests that the person is either feeling that emotion either now or feels it in certain circumstances, without it necessarily being an underlying quality or condition they have. Like someone can have depression, which is why they take medication, but currently either feel depressed or not feel depressed, and another person can feel depressed without having depression. I have bipolar disorder, an ongoing condition, but I'm not currently feeling depressed or manic. My bipolar disorder doesn't disappear just because I'm currently well; it's something I have all the time which is why I have to take drugs to prevent mood episodes.

Other people are hearing "I have anxiety" to mean "I am anxious" — a simple emotional descriptor of the present moment, rather than a statement about a habitual state or condition.

I think a part of this whole disagreement may be based on different interpretations of grammatical tense…

@MacDuffsMuff I hear this all the time from DCs that are aware that friends know to use the 'Ive got anxiety Miss' as an excuse for not doing something at school.

I think the constant talks and focus about mental heath is too much and there should perhaps be more focus on other aspects of health and life - PE, fitness, nutrition etc.

I don't like the way anxiety is treated as something people "have". Most people I know who have had time off with anxiety, have very real reasons to be feeling anxious. Maybe a divorce or a family illness, often a number of things that have built up. That's not a medical condition, that's a perfectly normal response to a challenging situation. They may well need time away from work but they're feeling anxious, not suffering with anxiety.

You can be anxious but not have anxiety, which is a medical condition (which has various levels of severity).

[quote Eckhart]@User158340

Anxiety and depression are diseases

Anxiety disorders and clinical depression, you mean.

Anxiety and depression are descriptors of emotions that everybody has sometimes.

The Oxford dictionary probably knows the meaning of the word best, doesn't it? It says that the medical definition is a subset of the more general definition. Rather than that the medical definition is the only definition, as claimed by many wrong people on this thread.

www.lexico.com/definition/anxiety[/quote]
Yes, that's what I meant, clinical anxiety and depression.

The difference between feeling depressed and having depression, or feeling anxious and having anxiety (by the clinical definition).

But refusing to accommodate other people's vulnerabilities just for the sake of forcing them to be 'resilient' is likely to be counterproductive at best (certainly, in my own case, I am much more resilient about things which were never forced on me in my younger days than about things that were) and can be cruel at worst
It's not about others forcing the anxious person to face their fears, it's something they need to do for themselves.

Medication can certainly help but you still have to do it for yourself. Recovering from debilitating anxiety is very similar to losing weight. Professional can advise, direct, encourage, motivate, support but only the overweight person can make it happen.

Totally agree. So many say they have anxiety when actually they are nervous about perhaps doing something new, doing a presentation, sitting a test for example. All normal situations that do cause worry and nervousness but not full blown clinically diagnosed anxiety.

@Wrennie24

Totally agree. So many say they have anxiety when actually they are nervous about perhaps doing something new, doing a presentation, sitting a test for example. All normal situations that do cause worry and nervousness but not full blown clinically diagnosed anxiety.

But being nervous is being anxious and being anxious means having anxiety...

@JustDanceAddict

You can be anxious but not have anxiety, which is a medical condition (which has various levels of severity).

No you can't, this is basic grammar. You can be anxious/have anxiety without having an anxiety disorder.

Eckhart trouble is it's not such simple grammar; we have an issue here because standard English has no present-tense marker for the habitual aspect, and just uses the simple present. When somebody says "I have anxiety", many standard English speakers will hear an implied habitual aspect there.

I agree, I suffer severe diagnosed mental health conditions, including anxiety. Its all consuming and controls my life. I hate it when people use the "I have anxiety, mental health" incorrectly.

Ive seen it used so often as some kind of get out clause.

@Learningtobehappier

I agree, I suffer severe diagnosed mental health conditions, including anxiety. Its all consuming and controls my life. I hate it when people use the "I have anxiety, mental health" incorrectly.

Ive seen it used so often as some kind of get out clause.

How would you possibly know that someone is using it incorrectly? How can you possibly know how another being is feeling inside their own head? Amazing skill that is

@HeadphoneProliferation

Eckhart trouble is it's not such simple grammar; we have an issue here because standard English has no present-tense marker for the habitual aspect, and just uses the simple present. When somebody says "I have anxiety", many standard English speakers will hear an implied habitual aspect there.

Yes, exactly. So it means both. So everybody can use it, rather than one group incorrectly claiming it can only be used with regard to them.

This all seems very judgemental.
I've had depression and anxiety. I get that when someone says they're depressed and they're just v temporarily unhappy that that can be irritating if you're trying to claw your way out of a severe bout of mental illness. It feels disrespectful.

But having had both, I do think it's possible to experience proper, full-on anxiety with palpitations, panic attacks and dread for short periods, and without having a full-on anxiety disorder. Perhaps in the same way that grief can trigger feelings very similar to parts of depression - numbness, isolation, lack of interest in anything, nothingness etc - but not necessarily for as long a time.

If someone sees a house spider and gets terrified, it's meaningless to them to say that they shouldn't be terrified because you're dealing with tarantulas every day.

I think there's a lot of society that, maybe because of the past in looking at working classes as not entirely human, is just not built around humans or humanity. So we have to struggle to try to fit a family in around work, juggle childcare, spend long hours doing things that are anxiety-provoking, or depressing - and then the pandemic and everything else going on makes it worse. The fact that a lot of people are finding stuff hard actually sounds pretty reasonable right now, so they don't need judgement.

Interested op hasn't come back. Goady fucker.
But just to add my bit. It's not as simple as well yiu should get treatment. I've been taking citalopram for 7 plus had I've had 3 sets of counselling and 3 of cbt. Plus various other sled help methods. I still struggle at times and have dips where I can't do stuff

So yeah it's not about being an adult and fixing it.

"refusing to accommodate other people's vulnerabilities just for the sake of forcing them to be 'resilient' is likely to be counterproductive at best (certainly, in my own case, I am much more resilient about things which were never forced on me in my younger days than about things that were) and can be cruel at worst. In some ways, it goes back to the Victorian attitude that it's character-building to be beaten and subjected to hardships. Of course, we all have some hardships in life, but it's generally easier to cope with them if one sees them as truly inevitable, rather than the result of others punishing you or deliberately refusing to 'pander' to you."

Well said.

Just a thought that being forced into this lockdown lifestyle is being forced into a kind of low energy depressed life... So no wonder we are getting more depressed. Not necessarily sad, but motivation, lacking in energy, apathetic, withdrawn, forgetful, nihilistic. If someone who was depressed came to you and was living like this s part of behavioural activation you may suggest they gently try to do more, see more people, less isolated, a hobby, find some purpose. But currently we can't as we're "not allowed". Esp with the dark long nights.

[quote RhubarbAndRoses]@user1471565182 We can’t even begin to imagine the pressures our youth are facing. They live in a world of constant fear of rejection and judgement because of social media and technology. It must be unbearable. Not only that but they face fears around climate change and pressure for being the generation expected to fix it. Look at the world leaders they have as role models! It’s a massive shit show. Anxiety really IS a problem with our youth. Our primary school has had to incorporate daily mindfulness sessions to help primary aged children with coping strategies because we can see that even our youngest are suffering with anxiety. It is real and it is a problem. Maybe they aren’t reducing anyone else’s illness, maybe they really are actually experiencing it too.[/quote]
I have to say the mindfulness sessions at my DD's school made her worse. She was happy and bubbly and then had 'worry dolls' thrust at her and daily mindfulness sessions and started spending every night worrying about things. I told school I didn't want her doing them anymore and once they stopped she was her normal self again. Constantly asking someone about their worries is like constantly asking someone if they're hungry. Eventually it makes you think you are hungry all the time.

Yabvu how the fuck do you know what anyone else is dealing with? In all honesty I'm a life long anxiety sufferer, I was raised in an awful environment aged 5-10, developed terrible relationships with men and go through bouts of the most horrendous anxiety attacks..my most recent joy is the fear of fainting in embarrassing situations developed after I actually fainted following a colposcopy (great!)

If anything my issues and ongoing anxiety only makes me more sympathetic when someone says they are anxious about something who the hell cares if they have a diagnosis? Ensuring empathy towards people makes people talk about it more ensuring it's less of a taboo! What a goady and shitty post

So many people on here agreeing that other people shouldn't claim to be anxious (whereas they themselves are anxious and it's been diagnosed and so that's ok).

I agree. My doctor diagnosed me with depression and anxiety a few of years ago and I'm afraid to tell people because it just feels like a bullshit excuse for not being able to cope.

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

I agree. My doctor diagnosed me with depression and anxiety a few of years ago and I'm afraid to tell people because it just feels like a bullshit excuse for not being able to cope.

I think that expressing it as a clinical diagnosis makes a difference to how people view it. That's why it's important to do so, rather than using a generic term that could easily be understood as a definition of what mood you're in.