To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

I’m mixed on this. I think the word anxiety is generally understood more than other mental health issues. Also more understood that there are various forms and reasons for and levels of it. I fully accept there are those who have debilitating anxiety which may or may not have been diagnosed, be treated and being medicated etc.
I do use the word for my own undiagnosed mental state after the death of both parents (one rather traumatic and one sudden and unexpected) dealing with awful insomnia and some inability to get some things done. Significant lack of motivation and sometimes just can’t face doing some things. Work unaffected annoyingly just personal stuff.
I should have had some counselling.
Im ok with saying ‘I think I have lingering anxiety after those bereavements’. I trust that doesn’t offend anyone who has been diagnosed etc.
Other conditions whose language is less in common usage would be more inappropriate to use in a loose undiagnosed way. Eg OCD (which is bandied about a lot. )

@covidaintacrime

It's normal to feel anxious is certain situations, but some people seem to find it so uncomfortable that they think they have a condition 🤷🏻‍♀️

If they find it that level of uncomfortable, they probably do have a condition?

I disagree.

I don't think people should be so eager to put a label on what is a range of emotional responses, all of which could be seen as perfectly normal, but on a scale.

Person X may feel their anxiousness is 10/10 in a given situation and Person Y may feel their is 1/10.

But that doesn't mean Person X has a 'condition' which needs treating. It's all just a range of human responses to something.

Seing it everywhere at the moment. One utter twat who told me they dont wear masks because they're 'dirty' now raging about being refused from shops and claiming theyre exempt due to 'anxiety'.

@Scarlettpixie

Anxiety is a normal emotion which most people have at some point. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying you have anxiety. It is the correct term for when you are feeling worried, tense or afraid.

Anxiety becomes a mental health problem when it affects your ability to live your life as you want - whether diagnosed or not.

Both uses of the word are correct.

Very well put.

Completely agree. I get anxious about lots of things, that’s normal and that’s life. The saying “my axnxiety is through the roof” also drives me mad.

Ocd is another one. My son has severe learning disabilities and diagnosed OCD. OCD is not cleaning a lot and wanting a tidy house, it’s a severe disabling condition that affects every single Aspect of your life. 90% of my teenage daughters friends seem to have anxiety or ocd 🙄

Im ok with saying ‘I think I have lingering anxiety after those bereavements.

But could you say you are 'still dealing with grief' rather than labelling it as 'anxiety'. Grief has many physical effects including insomnia.

I tend to think some people label any feelings of unhappiness or being out of their comfort zone as 'anxiety'.

Maybe society has got to a stage where we are all expected to be so happy and pain-free (emotionally) that we've lost our ability to cope with normal ups and downs that previous generations weathered in a better way.

Don't get me wrong- it's great that mental health is now recognised and treated and not brushed under the carpet, but I wonder if people's idea of normal emotions has become skewed at the same time?

@EdwardBear1920, don't go away. Your post was a very good read and very sensible.

I agree with you that everyone experiences anxiety in different ways and what works for one doesn't for another and that's where professionals are best to help, finding the best tools for the right person, but they cant do the work for that person.

Anxiety also comes in different manifestation. I would have always said that I wasn't an anxious person. Indeed, I have always been considered on the high sprectum of resilience.

Yet it hit me with a vengeance during the menopause but didn't recognise it as such because I didn't feel 'anxious' in my head, but boy did my body! The physical presentation was extreme, so much so that, like many in this situation, thought I was afflicted by some horrible diseases. I also didn't recognised what I now know we're panic attacks because again, I didn't feel unwell in my head, but they were so bad, I believed they were fits. They were so bad, I was absolutely convinced I was dying and so I tense that I ended up fainting after them.

So when I hear someone experiencing a bit of fear that makes them sweat a bit and breath a bit harder for a couple of minutes and say they have a panic attack, it does annoy me a bit.

We also associate anxiety with fear and worry, but in my case, it's anticipation that makes me anxious. I don't get worried or scared, but I will feel the constant need to evaluate, plan and control situations. It's it recently that I realised it affirm of anxiety but nothing really nothing like what I experienced going through the menopause.

*Maybe society has got to a stage where we are all expected to be so happy and pain-free (emotionally) that we've lost our ability to cope with normal ups and downs that previous generations weathered in a better way"
This is so true. We don't realise it but we are a very spoilt society in so many ways, so when we face not getting everything we want or losing what we have, we assume it's tragic and the fear triggers the anxious feelings.

The difference between
'I feel very anxious'
And
'I have anxiety' seems important to me

In the first you are owning that it is your own feeling and that opens up that you could find ways of dealing with it
In the second it expresses that this is something external that happens to you and implies you have no control. When dealing with anxiety that is a very unhelpful belief to have.

I haven't RTFT but I think the term is overused. I thought tis when we were seeing students locked in on campus, a lot were saying they 'had anxiety'. I think the vast majority had completely justifiable emotions - anger, fear, loneliness etc. - this isn't mental illness it's a totally normal reaction to their situation. I would be more worried about the students cowering in their rooms unable to speak to anyone than the ones shouting from their windows or posing on instagram. I think it does deflect from genuine mental health issues.

Also, why do young people 'have anxiety' when older people (often MiLs on MN) are just fuss-pots who worry too much?

I have generalised anxiety disorder. I fight it every day and have done since I was 7 years old. I am diagnosed, medicated and have completed many hours of counselling.
I completely disagree with you OP, who cares what others are calling themselves or how they define their symptoms? The problem is with a lack of empathy and compassion. Some people think that their experience of that condition is THE experience of that condition and any one outside that narrow band (worse or better) are somehow lacking and don't deserve kindness or help.
I know quite a lot about my own GAD but I would not assume that gives me any authority over someone else's condition. I think if we all treat each other with kindness and respect that everyone is struggling at something at some point we might all do a bit better.

@dontdisturbmenow

*Maybe society has got to a stage where we are all expected to be so happy and pain-free (emotionally) that we've lost our ability to cope with normal ups and downs that previous generations weathered in a better way" This is so true. We don't realise it but we are a very spoilt society in so many ways, so when we face not getting everything we want or losing what we have, we assume it's tragic and the fear triggers the anxious feelings.

My Gran was often asked if she was 'depressed'

she was widowed at 37, with 3 kids under 11, the NHS didn't exist then, she lost her home twice in the Blitz and there were no benefits system- she had 3 jobs to keep food on the table.

I was told that In response to if she was depressed she said 'No, if I feel down or sorry for myself I get on my knees and scrub the floor.'

You’re right OP. I occasionally “get anxious” about something but DS has been diagnosed with “anxiety”.

If I get anxious I may have trouble sleeping, get butterflies or have an IBS flare up. When DS gets anxious his heart rate shoots up, he shakes, he struggles to breath, is unable to get words out and sometimes will start hurting himself or starts vomiting.

Being anxious about something out of the ordinary is perfectly normal but is nothing like having anxiety.

I agree OP.
I have health Anxiety seems to be a thing now as welll.

I agree OP

Having real anxiety isn't getting upset after an argument or dreading a visit to the in laws

It's crippling and awful and something I would do anything to be rid of. I've thrown up almost every morning since I was about 15.

Managing it now fairly well with medication but but still sometimes gets the better of me.

I agree OP. A lot of people seem to confuse being anxious with having anxiety. They are 2 very different things. Everybody feels anxious from time to time, it's a normal human feeling. You can feel anxious before a job interview or about having a difficult conversation for example. Anxiety is when it prevents it you from living your usual life. Stops you from interacting with loved ones, or going out.

It's quite insulting when people use "anxiety" as an excuse not to do things. Those of us who have true anxiety will know, it's not an excuse to stop doing things you don't like. It's something you must learn to live with, and develop coping techniques to minimise the impact on your life.

For example, I was in a horrific car accident a few years ago and was diagnosed with PTSD as a result, which eventually became GAD. For a long time I wouldn't drive a car, and it it's worse I would have panic attacks even being a passenger. However, you cannot live tour life like this, it would have prevented me from working, shopping and socialising. A long course of CBT has proved the anxiety massively. It's still there, but I now have tools at my disposal to help calm myself down and allow my logical thinking to kick in.

But yeah, by all means people should keep posting they can't send a strongly worded text to their CF MIL because they "have anxiety"

Anxiety also seems to have become more socially acceptable and the definition expanded to cover almost any mental health symptom

The poster who was bereaved (sorry to pick on you) described insomnia and poor motivation and energy. These are barn door symptoms of depression and nothing to do with anxiety at all but she prefers to use the term anxiety. Other people on the thread have also applied it to things that sound a whole lot more like depression to me including having suicidal thoughts. Anxiety is often a symptom of depression in fact much more so than being a stand alone disorder.

I do dislike the misuse because I think it causes problems for people
with clinical disorders and because it actually seems to be making it less likely people will be correctly diagnosed and treated if the GP takes 'anxiety' at face value and doesn't probe the underlying diagnosis.

I agree 100% OP, I remember another thread on this a year or so ago which was also interesting, I'll try to find it.

I know two people with anxiety. With one of them, it affects her so badly she can barely leave the house sometimes, she's unable to work because of the panic attacks that she has and it's completely debilitating for her. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, her life is incredibly difficult because of it.

The other person has the kind of self-diagnosed 'anxiety' which only manifests when she doesn't want to do something to be honest. She gave a cheeky wink to our colleague recently and said that she wouldn't be taking part in the zoom meetings that day because of her 'wink wink' anxiety. There are so many example of similar events and it pisses me off no end because it can mean that people don't take others like my poor friend seriously.

Like it or not, and I'm not saying this is right because it's not, anxiety is becoming a bit of a joke because of people like her.

I have a personal rule never to judge the severity of someone else's mental health issues. Even the professionals struggle.
The fact is that you never can tell, and I hate seeing people vying for validation that their situation is particularly bad and they need more help and understanding than others.

I think while it has been great for younger people to learn about mental health in schools the delivery of the message might need looking at. DD was really alarmed and worried following many talks on mental health at school. So as an 11 year old who had never given a second thought to mental health she was bombarded with information about conditions like schizophrenia, psychosis and anxiety. She found this incredibly alarming and I really had to reassure her that these things were rare and how normal worries ups and downs do not mean that you have a mental illness. I am not sure the constant focus on mental health in schools in the way it is currently being delivered is helpful.

@CovoidOfAllHumanity

The difference between 'I feel very anxious' And 'I have anxiety' seems important to me

In the first you are owning that it is your own feeling and that opens up that you could find ways of dealing with it
In the second it expresses that this is something external that happens to you and implies you have no control. When dealing with anxiety that is a very unhelpful belief to have.

This

Brutal thread.

I fought generalised anxiety twenty five years ago. I lived abroad. The internet wasn’t really a thing like it is now. I was incredibly alone and felt utterly terrified as thought I was going mad.

Please never judge anyone’s anxiety - it’s their own personal hell.

I was too ashamed to ask for help until I broke and the GP gave me beta blockers and packed me off. They did nothing.

I am fully recovered now. Not because I “faced my fears”. I recovered through nutrition - I urge anyone in the same boat to look into this aspect

I look back at my very young self and weep for how hard it was. It has made me so compassionate to others suffering the same.

This thread is ghastly

*Having real anxiety isn't getting upset after an argument or dreading a visit to the in laws

It's crippling and awful and something I would do anything to be rid of. I've thrown up almost every morning since I was about 15.*

I have GAD. Sometimes it is very much that type of stupid thing that makes me unbelievably anxious. It is awful, and debilitating, and I do my best. I have medication and psychiatry sessions, and a crisis team for when it’s really bad.

I’ve never thrown up, though.

Maybe that just goes to show that medically diagnosed anxiety is different for everyone, and those things that don’t trigger it for you might for others?

I think that a lot of the descriptions of anxiety are really about other stuff that needs addressing.

Mind Over Mood is a great book which helps the reader analyse their emotions and deal with it, as does CBT for Dummies.

'Anxiety' often stems from

low self-esteem/ self worth

lack of confidence ( because of the above)

high and unrealistic expectations of oneself (perfectionist syndrome)

lack of control over certain situations

the inability to express feelings and be assertive (not aggressive) so the person feels they aren't in control of their lives in the face of others.

These respond to talking therapies like CBT, rather than medication and should be seen as normal responses, not an illness.

I am fully recovered now. Not because I “faced my fears”. I recovered through nutrition - I urge anyone in the same boat to look into this aspect

How was what you ate or didn't eat, cause the emotions you found hard to deal with?

Genuine question.

Were you advised to increase your Omega 3 intake for brain health?