To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

@likeamillpond maybe because we’re in the middle of a global pandemic? Maybe because we’ve been told that 1 in 50 people are infected right now and it isn’t safe to leave our homes? Maybe because every time we look at our phones we are bombarded with doom and gloom on the news, social media and horror stories about young healthy people dying. I think it would be fair to say most of us are feeling a bit of anxiety about our health right now. As I said further up the thread, anxiety is an emotion, an anxiety disorder is an illness, people with anxiety disorders do not have exclusive use of the word ‘anxiety’ to describe how they are feeling.

Totally agree, OP.

@SilverGlitterBaubles

I think while it has been great for younger people to learn about mental health in schools the delivery of the message might need looking at. DD was really alarmed and worried following many talks on mental health at school. So as an 11 year old who had never given a second thought to mental health she was bombarded with information about conditions like schizophrenia, psychosis and anxiety. She found this incredibly alarming and I really had to reassure her that these things were rare and how normal worries ups and downs do not mean that you have a mental illness. I am not sure the constant focus on mental health in schools in the way it is currently being delivered is helpful.

I agree with this. Schools have gone overboard with this. Ive noticed that whenever a yoyng person is interviewed on tv these days, right down to age 4, they start every sentence with a robotic: When I saw it I felt happy I feltSAD It made me feel angry I felt upset. They're being brainwashed into constantly talking about their Feelings. Children should be having fun. Not over analysing everything.

I sort of agree with you, I have chronic diagnosed anxiety but can’t afford the treatment for it. When I tell people I can feel the eye roll and want to go “no really I have”.

who cares what others are calling themselves or how they define their symptoms

It matters when "anxiety" is thrown around as an excuse when people refuse to do things in a work situation, or use "anxiety" to shirk off responsibility socially. I've also had conversations with younger relatives who tell me they are e.g. "giving up work for mental health reasons" because they object to something that's happened that appears to me to be perfectly reasonable.

I think there's a lot of in what @SilverGlitterBaubles says

My Gran was often asked if she was 'depressed'
She likely experienced the same feelings than we would in her situation, but she didn't label it and accepted that it was for her to deal with rather than expecting others to make her feel better.

I agree that in a perfect world, we shouldn't be judging anyone, the problem is when.peoole perception of the severity of their feelings affect others.

This particularly at work when staff are faced with the same situations but one faces it with resilience and the other become incapacitated by their feelings. When this is at every occasion of change, when circumstances might be worse for the resilient person, it does become difficult to emphasise.

I've always had generalised anxiety and social anxiety but only got diagnosed medically last year, I've always had jt though and finally I'm medicated and having help for it.
But it doesn't mean before last year that I was using it as an excuse. It was still real and it was still debilitating. I just didn't know what help I could get and I was a little bit in denial.

[quote RhubarbAndRoses]@likeamillpond maybe because we’re in the middle of a global pandemic? Maybe because we’ve been told that 1 in 50 people are infected right now and it isn’t safe to leave our homes? Maybe because every time we look at our phones we are bombarded with doom and gloom on the news, social media and horror stories about young healthy people dying. I think it would be fair to say most of us are feeling a bit of anxiety about our health right now. As I said further up the thread, anxiety is an emotion, an anxiety disorder is an illness, people with anxiety disorders do not have exclusive use of the word ‘anxiety’ to describe how they are feeling.[/quote]
But what you describe are normal worries and emotions, not anxiety!

No, I'm not feeling 'anxiety', I'm feeling a bit worried that I might pick up the virus (as my DP is shielding) but it's not a mental disorder I have.

And we don't have to be glued to the media all day.

That's part of the problem IMO- whipping up emotions.

@truetuesdays

I agree OP

Having real anxiety isn't getting upset after an argument or dreading a visit to the in laws

It's crippling and awful and something I would do anything to be rid of. I've thrown up almost every morning since I was about 15.

Managing it now fairly well with medication but but still sometimes gets the better of me.

Personally deciding whether or not somebody's anxiety is 'real' or not isn't valid. You can't tell somebody what their emotions are.

A suitable qualified person deciding whether somebody's anxiety is clinically diagnosable is valid.

What sort of anxiety is it, d'you suppose, after an argument? The fictional kind? Lying? Obviously you don't think it's real. How would you define it?

If you have a feeling of anxiety, say you have anxiety, because it's true. If you have a clinically diagnosed anxiety disorder, say you have a clinically diagnosed anxiety disorder, because it's true.

If everybody says what is true, then nobody has to tell anybody else what they can and can't say.

I get anxious.
I do not have anxiety as a diagnosis

My anxious feelings come with normal things that would induce feelings of anxiousness like an impending interview, giving birth, getting married etc

So YANBU

This is an absolute epidemic among teenage girls BTW. Every single one I ask says they've 'got anxiety'. Now I dont doubt a few of them will have been diagnosed, but i bet the majority havnt.

Then theres absolutely any famous young woman who we're always informed 'conquered their anxiety issues'

anxiety is an emotion

It can be a physical manifestation too without the emotions.

This is what took me many months to realise when experiencing the menopause. I didn't feel anxious worried or depressed, yet my body reacted as if I was confronting a wild animal regularly.

The physical manifestation were much much more painful than any anxious emotions I'd ever experienced until then.

If you haven’t been afraid to leave the house for days on end, or you haven’t had physically devastating panic attacks which have led to you dropping everything and going straight to the doctor/hospital...then you probably don’t have clinical anxiety, you just get nervous and anxious a lot. Unpleasant, but you’re no different to a billion other humans.

The two conditions are totally different things and I agree that the latter group has unfortunately dorwned out the former, which can be a serious MH condition.

@SilverGlitterBaubles

I think while it has been great for younger people to learn about mental health in schools the delivery of the message might need looking at. DD was really alarmed and worried following many talks on mental health at school. So as an 11 year old who had never given a second thought to mental health she was bombarded with information about conditions like schizophrenia, psychosis and anxiety. She found this incredibly alarming and I really had to reassure her that these things were rare and how normal worries ups and downs do not mean that you have a mental illness. I am not sure the constant focus on mental health in schools in the way it is currently being delivered is helpful.

@SilverGlitterBaubles I work in a school and you have hit the nail right on the head with this.

The suggestive tone in some of the resources we have is downright worrying and it's been highlighted several times in my own school. Explaining to children that it's normal to feel anxious about a test etc is vital because I hear 'I have anxiety' as a get out all the time. Some children really do have anxiety and that's not what I'm talking about at all.

Have you written the date and the title -
I can't because I have anxiety.

Can you stick your homework on my desk on your way out please -
No I haven't done it because I have anxiety.

These are only a couple of real examples. It goes on and on.

I don’t try to police the thoughts and feelings of others, so no, it doesn’t bother me.

lovely I’ll have a think about that and you may be right. I’ve thkight quite a bit about it and pretty sure it is anxiety. Eg fearful not to miss the phone ‘in case’. This affects my behaviour pretty fundamentally and is connected with having missed a call about the parent who died unexpectedly. Feels much more than grief. You may however be right and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone who has been diagnosed to feel undermined by my view of this. Support all.

Of course by “afraid to leave the house” I mean every during normal times, not these messed up times where probably the majority of us are not skipping out the door with glee.

Agree OP.
DH has a medically diagnosed anxiety/depressive-disorder, is medicated but still finds it completely debilitating at times and it has a huge impact on our lives.
My own teens constantly refer ( on social media) to their ‘anxiety disorders’ ‘I have anxiety’ ‘My anxiety is sooooo bad today’ I grit my teeth and smile through it.

So how do you know which is which down the internet?

How do you know when I say “I have anxiety” if I meet your personal, non-professional standard over the internet?

I get that having been medically diagnosed gives you the right to say you have certain conditions like anxiety etc and it's widely viewed that other people shouldn't do so. Though there are plenty of people who go undiagnosed and suffer a lot. Granted those people are usually quiet about it and aren't really the ones who talk about it. But if someone tells me they have anxiety I don't ask them if they've had it diagnosed in order to know if I should take them seriously or not. A lot of people suffer to varying degrees and it's hard to judge them as people can seem fine but aren't really.

@WalrusWife

I think the point is that the term gets misused so much by people who want a fancy term for getting a bit nervous/anxious that the people who DO suffer clinical anxiety (debilitating panic attacks, problems breathing, days of hiding in fear) , a serious MH condition, often get ignored.

I think people misrepresenting a MH disorder is as a result of a number of things.

For example, when I was 30 I had to have tests for MS. I just got married and had moved to the Far East where they were unable to help me out so I had to come back to the UK. When I went to the doctors I was in a bit of a distressed state. He told me I was depressed and gave me AD's. I took them for a week and then the Doc said to me that he had never seen anyone pull themselves out of something so quickly like I had and to finish the 3 month course, which I did. Everyone around me then went on to treat me like a flawed human who had to be tip toed around so as not to upset me. Other family members told me to my face that they were embarrassed that I had MH issues. That is the only time I have taken ADs and it has left me with a legacy that I am someone who needs to watch my MH like a hawk. I never needed ADs as a teenager when my mum died. I never needed them when my marriage broke up twice. I never needed them when I was told my baby wasn't going to make it (but luckily did). Right now I am anxious about being kept indoors all the time and catching Covid, but I don't need AD's. I've been able to deal with all my troubles so far with a self inflicted kick up the arse and nutrition and exercise. So, I don't think I suffer from anxiety and depression but other people, including a doctor, gave me the label as a result of one incident.

Secondly, I think our younger generation have not been given the tools to deal with everyday life and have not been taught resilience or experiences that build it. On the other side they are bombarded with information about MH and so I don't blame them when they bandy this term around.

Totally agree!

Using the term to describe an emotion that is just part of life really isnt helpful to those who's live is totally controlled by a mental health condition.

I also hate how the term meltdown is used to describe tantrums, or just a general feelings of temper! Totally underminds children and adults with neuro-disabilities!

@Doublefaced
You should tell them the difference between “anxious” / “nervous” healthy totally normal feelings and “anxiety” which is shorthand for clinical anxiety and is totally different. I wouldnt ignore it. You could do it as a discussion rather than a lecture.

Yabu just because you're diagnosed doesn't mean you outrank people with undiagnosed anxiety