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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bad way to spend £1000 community care grant

183 replies

milliec · 27/10/2007 20:48

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
ninedragons · 28/10/2007 11:08

You're not being unreasonable at all. She is feckless and milking the system.

Has she never heard the chestnut "beggars can't be choosers?" Guess what, darling, a house fire when you hadn't bothered to arrange insurance instantly makes you a beggar.

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 28/10/2007 12:28

Actually this could be set to be a big issue for the future- some insurance companies are saying they may not be able to provide insurance for those in flood areas, it's nto going to be possible for everyone in a flood area to just clear off and move out (for a start we'd be the only road left where we live apart from the estates up the hill, and entire towns are threatened of course). This ladies case is different of course, but should this become the situation- then huge strains will be aplced on the existing resources (which aren't always that cheap- we ahd a family rehoused after DV and a wardrobe from the community warehouse cost £75 plus £20 delivery..... £1000 to rehouse a family of 6 was n't going to go far, and they weren't allowed to make contact with family because they would contact XP)- perhaps some kind of provision in flood prone areas needs to become a priority for charitable trusts etc?

Millie, thanks for your comments about homeTsart- as a charity they do fabulous work, sadly several are in severe financial straits and it looks like some will go under as ours did because its hard to get the volunteers and without a high volunteer number few service level agreements get signed- which is such a shame.

Original poster
milliec · 28/10/2007 15:30

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
tiredemma · 28/10/2007 15:34

Homestart are FANTASTIC. I volunteered for a while before I started my nursing- I would like to think that I helped to keep the children of the family that I looked after out of the care system.

Their parents were not bad parents- just completely grief stricken and unable to cope following the death of one of their children.

Homestart is a lifesave for many.

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 28/10/2007 15:38

Most of our parents were absolutely normal (there were a few that were more severe and that I had to support as unsuitable for volunteers) parents dealing with PND, agoraphobia, disability, etc etc etc. I thjink a lot of kids are kept out of the care system- one family where both apents ahd low level Sn springs tomind and where homestart showed that with help with nutrition etc, they ahd excellent aprenting skills.We also ahd a few famillies facing temrinal illness in a parent as well.

It was woked out that every £1 spent on homestart saved £8 on social services, but social services were the first to pull thier funding. I just can't see how that makes financial sense?

ScummyMummy · 28/10/2007 16:01

I think you are being unreasonable, though I share your sense that her spending decisions are probably not what mine would be in her circumstances. Still, better than spending it on booze and/or drugs, neither of which are unheard of uses for Community Care Grants. However, I'm firmly of the opinion that it's up to her what she spends her money on and how she furnishes her home and dresses her kids, unless her children will be put at risk by her decisions- eg if she doesn't ensure they have somewhere comfortable to sleep it could be considered a child protection issue, for example. If she is entitled to another CCG she'll get one and if she isn't she won't. Usually they will only consider one application per year, especially if that was a significant award, as £1000 is. If she really wants to spend her award on one sofa she considers nice rather than of lots of furniture she considers horrible, that's up to her. I also don't think £100 per kid is a completely extortionate sum to spend on clothing if all their clothes got burned in the fire. She may change her mind on the freebies if there's no more money or choose to wait and save. Her choice.

derahCula · 28/10/2007 20:46

Goodness me, we furnished our whole house for £800 with second hand stuff and I would love to be able to buy a £600 sofa!! Tell her to piss off and try Freecycle if she needs more stuff. This is why I get so mad at the welfare system - it's too easy for people to take the piss.

bookofthedeadmum · 28/10/2007 20:58

Beds before sofas certainly but I've noticed lots of people who've scorned others for buying new furniture, often refuse to consider second-hand furniture themselves .

Are you sure that she's actually spent the £600 on the sofa - loads of places offer 0% finance deals or get now, pay later. She may be playing rob Peter to pay Paul in which case, maybe some lessons on handling finance might be of more use. Might be the reason she didn't have contents insurance in the first place.

newknifenewslainthreadslayer · 28/10/2007 21:00

I got £900 and still use my 2nd hand sofa cushions as a mattress

bubblepop · 28/10/2007 21:10

i would have spent far less on a sofa and got a 2nd hand one to be honest. she is greedy and knows the system

dd666 · 28/10/2007 21:13

i have only had second hand furniture even our bed and dd's cotbed we recently managed to save up for new bedroom furniture as our clothes were in banana boxes even dd's clothes have been given to us, now our fridge freezer and cooker dying and even though we receive benifits we will be told we cant be given the grant to replace these so angry she has cash like that to spend on one sofa and clothes she should have been taken a refurb place and told she has a grand for in there that way she also helping the community and putting something back!

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 28/10/2007 21:20

my first home was a mishmash of second hand stuff, seconds shops and charity shop bargains.

even now, i still scour charity shops/freecycle/seconds+rejects sectiosn for a bargain.

kids clothes are from next but thats mainly as i have an account with them and its made shopping a lot easier getting bits and pieces as needed rather than one big lot.

i wont buy second hand matresses, but will consider bed frames.

my fridge frweezer cost me £30 second hand 4 years ago, and is now on its way out, so am trying to decide whether or not to bu ya new one or see if the furniture scheme round the corner has one. its a place not many people will go to o0n principle. its all been checked by electrians, so i dont mind. would love a big amercian styule one but kitchen is too small lol.

she should consider it free second hand stuff, but some people just wont touchy second hand goods.

anchovies · 28/10/2007 21:29

I am not sure how the community care grant is allocated through out the country but my brother got it and they use the cheapest of everything in the argos catologue to decide how much to give you. He got just under a thousand and other than a couple of weird things like they didn't think he should get a chest of drawers AND a wardrobe he could get everything he needed for the amount they gave him (and brand new). So she could have managed all new (obv except clothes) if she'd tried.

onebadmother · 28/10/2007 21:32

Could we imagine that, if we'd never seen a grand before, and we knew we probably never would again, we might go a bit mental with it?

Sometimes self-esteem depends on really strange things - like having a fabby sofa.

For me, (can't believe I'm admitting this) having organic meat is the thing that makes everything else ok. I know most people would think that is absoluuuuutely insane, and it is!!! But .. it makes me feel like everything else is dealable with.

Obviously, if it was organic or kids hungry or not nutrified (new word!) I would.. ahem.. reconsider.
I think she will reconsider the second hand option if things get desperate.

Don;t mock the organic thing too heartlessly..

bookofthedeadmum · 28/10/2007 21:35

£1000 sounds quite reasonable to me to buy a couple of mattresses (new),second-hand bed frames and some basic furniture for the lounge. Maybe she'd rather have good stuff than none at all? She may be rationalizing that new stuff will last longer than second-hand.

nooka · 28/10/2007 21:47

Maybe she's both not very bright and traumatised? A house fire sounds horrible to me, and might make you do stupid things. Also people do have different ideas about second hand. I have a lot of furniture that isn't new, and has been handed down to me, as have my parents. Some of it is antique - I think that that might change the way I think about second hand. Also I think/hope/know that one day I will have enough money to have nicer stuff. If you feel very dead endish about life you might feel differently I guess. I'd still find it very difficult in milliec's situation though.

newknifenewslainthreadslayer · 28/10/2007 22:22

onebadmother that is a very valid point. I have noted your empathy.

Hallowedam · 28/10/2007 22:29

Well said, onebadmother. I wonder if she's very young? Only reminds me when I was first at university, my grant cheque (yes, I'm that old) was held up so badly it didn't arrive until half way through the year. God knows how I managed without it for two terms, but when it eventually turned up, I'm afraid I went a bit mad. Had never had so much money before and spent a lot of it partying rather than on books and sensible stuff. Or paying off the credit card I'd been using to buy food for the previous six months...

Skribble · 28/10/2007 22:33

I suppose that is true, nice new fancy sofa and all will be well in the world.

But I would not give her extra money, perhaps help her to get second hand stuff but pay the money fdirect to the seller so she can't blow it and that she has to learn.

anynamewilldo · 28/10/2007 22:52

The woman is probably thinking 'oh my god, we are alive' and is probably trying to 'make up' to her kids who may be scared going back into their home (perhaps not seeing it since it caught on fire). They lost everything

Although i believe that she needs to start thinking in terms of second hand furniture for her children to have a home again, who are we to judge what she spends her money on, would everyone be so judgmental if insurance had paid out and she just spent that money on a holiday???

Skribble · 28/10/2007 22:55

I agree that she might have splurged for many reasons, but she got £1000 to furnish her home, she should not come back and expect more.

Tortington · 28/10/2007 22:57

thre s a school of thought that goes - why should other people - poorer peole accept lesser than the rest of society - they are just as deserving.

that is all well and good - but if you want a new house full of furniture - MY fucking money shouldnt have to pay for it thank you very much.

help - yes - help accessing and signposting towards places that can offer this kind of help.

to be quite frank what ind of a fuckwit buys a 6oo quid sofa without FIRTST buying her kids beds?

eh?

she should be fucking shot - be made to sell sofa and get kids beds

in fact fuck that.

there should be a stipulation that firstly one must buy childrens beds and clothes - anything else - and quite frankly they should be looking at changing their life circumstances to better afford to provide for their family - life chances are hard - i know - but not fucking impossible - the help is there and sometimes there are just fuckheads who abuse the system

tell her to sell the fucking sofa greedy bitch and pay my fucking money back

nutcracker · 28/10/2007 22:59

I could kit a house out on £1000 honestly I could and tbh it would be a great challenge to do it.

You can get stuff so cheaply now, even new stuff, you just need to shop around. Although I am prepared to accept 2nd (and 3rd 4th and 5th) hand stuff so accept that it would be easier then.

I feel for the woman having had a fire and not having had contents insurance, I don't have any either for the record, but she could have got what she needed with that £1000 and so shouldn't get anymore.

newknife · 28/10/2007 23:02

Actually, while we're on the subject, CAN you get a second lot of money? I got beds for children and a sofa from Emmaus and stuff like saucepans, plates, bedding, and a bed frame for me off Ebay but my blow up airbed has deflated now and I neeeeeeeeed a mattress.

Anyone know?

Elizabetth · 28/10/2007 23:13

I'd love to know how much people here would need to spend if they had to replace everything they owned if they lost it in a fire. I bet it wouldn't be anywhere near £1k.

It's very unreasonable to use your job to judge the way people spend their money. Like someone said it's wasn't on a holiday or drugs, it was on a sofa and clothes for her and her kids. She's lost everything and you're still judging her.

I bet there are quite a few Mumsnetters have sofas that cost a good deal more than £599 too. Are we back to the days of the deserving and underserving poor again? If she's not entitled to any more then she won't get any more but I think you need to keep your judgements to yourself.