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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable?

88 replies

ennaycul · 12/01/2021 10:44

I have just realised that I have a slow puncture on my car tyre. I asked hubby to have a look at it. He confirmed it was a slow puncture and pumped it up for me using a foot pump. So I asked him what the best solution is to get this sorted, as I have to travel to work tomorrow using my car. He told me my options were to try to get it fixed somewhere today (was not really keen on that, as I'm super busy today working from home) or to drive to work with the dodgy tire tomorrow. I'm totally miffed, since he has a perfectly good car that he will not be using since working from home but has not offered for me to use it! Why would he send me to work driving a car that is not road worthy rather than offer to drive his? I am fully insured on his car and he is aware of that! If it was the other way round, I would have offered mine straight away! Feeling rather upset!!!

OP posts:
waxed · 12/01/2021 10:46

Why don't you ask him if you can use the car?

MangoBiscuit · 12/01/2021 10:46

Did you ask him if you can take his car?

waxed · 12/01/2021 10:48

Also - you asked him for solutions on how to get it sorted, not how you're going to get to work tomorrow.

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2021 10:48

That's mean of him. But do you have any mobile tyre repairers near you? There's places that will come and fix it on your drive which would at least mean it's done because you will have to get it done at some point.

tobedtoMNandfart · 12/01/2021 10:48

YABU for 'hubby'. MN will hand you your arse on a plate.
YABU for expecting him to solve your problem.
YABU you need it tomorrow but don't want to fix it today.
YABU Just ask him!
HTH

SameToo · 12/01/2021 10:49

As above. People aren’t mind readers. Just ask for it ffs. If he says no, then he’s a dick.

MustardMitt · 12/01/2021 10:50

Well, those are solutions for your car.

Why don’t you ask him to take your car to have the tyre patched (I’m assuming he’s not working hard from home?) and if he can’t then you’ll take his car and get yours done at the weekend?

YouBoughtMeAWall · 12/01/2021 10:51

Use your words?

SmellyPooHead · 12/01/2021 10:51

You asked him how you can sort it out, he told you
Don't make a mountain out of a molehill
Just ask him if you want to use his car

Imiss2019 · 12/01/2021 10:54

Getting your tyre fixed so you can drive safely is just one of life’s grown up jobs. Try and get it done today but if not use your words and say “can I borrow your car tomorrow”
You dont sound very independent why did you need to ask him the best solution? Or did you already know what solution you wanted but wouldn’t ask?

MereDintofPandiculation · 12/01/2021 10:55

Your options are:

  1. Pump it up well and drive it tomorrow. That depends on how slow the puncture is. If it hasn't lost appreciable pressure by the time you get home, then driving it won't have been a problem
  1. Re-arrange your priorities for this afternoon
  1. Ask your husband if he can sort it for you today because you don't have time
  1. Ask your husband if you can borrow his car

It makes sense to talk to him. It may not have occurred to him to offer his car. Or he may be feeling that he doesn't want to offer his car just because you can't be arsed to sort your own car. Maybe he doesn't know how busy you are today? Relationships where all communication is done by mind reading do not have a rosy future.

Candyfloss99 · 12/01/2021 10:56

If you didn't say, my car has a slow puncture and I don't have time to get it fixed so can I use yours tomorrow? Then yes YABU.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/01/2021 10:56

As PPs have said, you should have just asked to take his car.

My DH would have suggested that in the first place though.

PickAChew · 12/01/2021 10:57

Don't you have a tongue in your head? Ask him.

Womencanlift · 12/01/2021 11:00

Surely you didn’t need to ask him what you can do about it and just say ah well that’s a weekend job then, I will just take your car until it’s fixed

surfingwolf · 12/01/2021 11:00

I don't understand why you wouldn't just ask him? Maybe he thinks you don't want to drive his car because you haven't asked him.

81Byerley · 12/01/2021 11:04

My husband and I are equals. I'd just say "I think I will be safer taking the other car tomorrow". And he would say "OK, would you like me to get the tyre fixed, or do you want to do it?"

BigPlanes · 12/01/2021 11:10

Just tell him you are taking the other car, but also call somewhere and book to get your puncture sorted. If you drive you need to take responsibility, it’s not your husband’s issue!

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 11:12

"Thanks hubby, I'm a bit busy today but will get it sorted on Thursday, do you mind me using your car tomorrow, I'm not comfortable driving on a dodgy tyre when I don't need to."

If he says no, then you have bigger problems than a tyre.

I wouldn't wait for him to offer.

Elieza · 12/01/2021 11:13

I presume you don’t have a spare?

If he won’t loan you his car just drive it. I’ve driven cars with slow punctures for years. My neighbour had had one for a year! Pumps it up daily to go to work 20 miles away! I don’t know why he doesn’t fix it!

When I’ve driven like that I didn’t find it unsafe and never had any issues providing the puncture is indeed slow and takes longer than my journey time to deflate.

Just take a foot pump or compressor with you and pump it up at home time if you can’t get it repaired. If you don’t know how to do that get him to show you as it’s not difficult and it’s a skill you should have. As is changing a tyre.

Costs a tenner here to get it fixed. Unless it’s in the sidewall in which case it cannot safely be repaired.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2021 11:14

Just tell him you're taking his car tomorrow, arrange for a mobile tyre repairer to come some time while he's at home and let him know when they're coming in case he pops out for a walk or whatever.

I don't understand why this has to be such a drama. What would happen if you had a genuine problem to solve?

Calmandmeasured1 · 12/01/2021 11:14

A slow puncture does not make the car unroadworthy. Just drive to the nearest service station tomorrow and check the air pressure. Inflate if necessary. Then book an appointment for it to be fixed or replaced, as necessary. As long as it is a slow puncture and you are regularly checking and inflating more when needed, there is no problem with driving in it for a few days. You don't need to borrow your DH's car.

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2021 11:15

What do you mean “send you to work” and that he needs to offer?

Even teenage kids would ask snd not think they are being sent to work.

Why do you feel he sends you to work snd you can’t tell him you’ll use his car instead?

DecemberSun · 12/01/2021 11:15

Just tell him you're using his. Don't ask. Tell.

IAmcuriousyellow · 12/01/2021 11:15

Just tell him you’ll take his car and he can fix the tyre tomorrow! Are you a partnership or not? Gittish of him not to offer. An awful lot of men don’t want to be put out or inconvenienced and it’s sad because it doesn’t go well for them in the end Grin

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