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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to want a bigger holiday home?

109 replies

Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 09:18

Sorry for typos im typing on my phone while wrestling a baby.

Ok so big friends/family uk holiday planned for July with the hope things will be calmer then. (Hoping insurance will cover it if not)

7 adult couples plus 3 children. 2x3years and a 1year old, two of the children are mine. Things have just kicked off because I suggested we get a bigger house/another nearby house as im concerned about not having enough space.

As things stand the current house has 7 bedrooms plus an extra living room. The place was booked by someone else and I've just found out that the plan is to put all three children in the extra living room.

One three year old is a good sleeper but wets the bed (even through nappies) but has slept alone since 6 months. The 1 year old takes 3 or so attempts to be put down and is routinely waking loudly for the day at 4am. The other 3 year old sleeps ok but cries loudly for an hour or so before eventually going to sleep and wakes in the night sometimes.

We've been mulling it over and frankly dreading it. Everyone else seems to think it will be wonderful dreamy holiday and that things will just work themselves out.

We've said that we are going to book another house at our own expense up the road from the first house. We weren't contributing to the first house so no change to any costs.

So far everyone just seems desperate to be together but we have naps and early nights to contend with and fear the reality won't be as charming as they are imagining and we will be stuck there for two weeks as everything is now booking up. None of the others are the sort to offer practical help and i think they are unaware or forgotten what having small children are like.

So tell me aibu?

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 12/01/2021 09:21

YANBU. It might be wiser to book more smaller places anyway in case there's still a limit on indoor household mixing at that point anyway.

LadyHedgehog · 12/01/2021 09:22

Can't you have your children in with you? Is there a big room you could have with space for an air bed or similar?

Terracottasaur · 12/01/2021 09:23

I can see why the others want you all to be together - it won’t be the same with you in another house. And presumably choice it limited for so many of you and it’s too late to book somewhere new now? Were you consulted in advance of this property being chosen?

I also understand however that two weeks is a long time for children to be sleeping badly. Are there any compromises - could the baby sleep in a travel cot in your room, for example?

Ultimately I think it’s fine if you strongly feel you need to be in your own space but I would try to reassure the others that you still plan to spend time with them. You’ll just miss out on dinners / evening chats etc which is where a lot of the fun of group holidays comes from. People will be disappointed, so try and reassure them you’re still planning to participate.

CokeAndPepsi · 12/01/2021 09:24

There seem to be two camps: those who see a holiday as a chance to relax and be comfortable, sleep well and have life be just that bit easier than normal. Then there are those who are fine with squeezing in as many people as humanly possible into a holiday home and it will be fine bc we will all be together.

I’m firmly with OP in the former camp. YANBU at all.

AmandaHoldensLips · 12/01/2021 09:27

I would rather gnaw my own arm off than do another "let's all go on holiday together" trip.

muddledmidget · 12/01/2021 09:27

I would definitely book somewhere up the road, 2 weeks living in a shared house without my own space and my own bathroom is my idea of hell! I'd reassure them that you do still want to be part of the main group but with 2 children it's going to be difficult. With a separate house just up the road, even if one of you goes back to put the children to bed, one of you could stay with the main group on some evenings, but if you're all getting enough sleep it makes it much easier to participate, without sleep I'd probably just go home after 4 nights

AllegedlyChaos · 12/01/2021 09:29

I wouldn't have my kids alone in a room with loads of other people around and in an unfamiliar place.

TeenPlusTwenties · 12/01/2021 09:33

Somewhere up the road sounds fab.
You can join for activities/meals if you want, or not if you don't want.
Your children get a good nights sleep, the other child can have the spare bedroom in the big house.
If there are still restrictions in place you can still go in your own house.

DingDongDenny · 12/01/2021 09:34

I went on a similar holiday years ago - It was 5 couples and only one with kids. They had a very different holiday to us and it was a bit miserable fir them - they were up early, we slept in. They were tired in the evening, we were up late drinking

I'd go for the extra cottage if I were you

Original poster

Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 09:35

We were not consulted. We were told there would be enough space for everyone but no asked what we needed.

None of these children have shared a room with anyone before.

Sharing a room with youngest always results in terrible sleep for both of us. Where would oldest go?

I just don't know why everyone's feelings should be prioritised over our comfort and the children's comfort. This will impact the day too if the kids are cranky.

OP posts:

hammeringinmyhead · 12/01/2021 09:36

My DS (who will be knocking on for 3) needs a dark silent room and he'll do 13 hours. YANBU - that way the other kid can have the living room and you can sort your own out without waking people.

heydoggee · 12/01/2021 09:37

I wouldn't book anything right now.

I'm cautious tho.

alienspiderbee · 12/01/2021 09:37

I think you need to do more than 'hope' insurance covers it.

I think it's likely holidays will be possible in some form in July. Holidays with multiple other households less likely.

Original poster

Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 09:40

@DingDongDenny

That's it exactly. They have form for just expecting us to carry on like before we had children, that the kids don't really make any difference. I don't want to just shove them into a room together.

OP posts:

Arobase · 12/01/2021 09:40

YA definitely NBU. I still shudder at the memory of a holiday we took with friends, partly because of the stress caused by the fact that one of the other mothers simply couldn't understand why my children couldn't obediently go to bed at 6 and stay there. She really couldn't comprehend why they might need some settling, particularly given they were in a strange house, and there was an awful lot of sighing and tutting every time we went to see to DS in particular who kept waking up and crying. Then there was the time I came across the same mother interrogating my children on whether they'd cleaned their teeth, FFS. When we weren't wrangling that, there was war between a couple of other participants as to whether they were contributing enough to the shopping or the cooking and washing up.

When DH and I left we swore an almighty Never Again oath. But, thinking about it, it would probably have been quite a nice break if we'd just had our own house to escape to.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 12/01/2021 09:41

Going away with 2 small children and 7 couples sounds incredibly stressful... and it’s not a good sign that they seem unaware that it would be suitable for 3 under 3s to sleep in a living room.

Omg and I’ve just seen it’s for 2 weeks. Don’t do it!!

JemimaTiggywinkle · 12/01/2021 09:42

*wouldn’t be suitable

Bouncebacker · 12/01/2021 09:42

I think you would miss out - if you have to leave at 7pm or whenever to put the kids to sleep, and the other adults stay up and have adult dinners. (I say this as a veteran of group holidays and with the worst sleeping kids in the bunch) - spending all evening up and down to kids who won’t settle is grim, but adult company(even in 30 min stints in great) . I’d have both kids in with me, or settle 3 year old in your room first, and then move to living room when the other 3 year old is asleep

MatildaTheCat · 12/01/2021 09:42

Book the separate accommodation. Everyone will appreciate the sense of this when they’ve been with you for an hour or so.

thesugarbumfairy · 12/01/2021 09:47

Sounds like it was booked by someone without kids. There is no way I'd be sleeping separetely from my children at that age. There is no way the people who don't have children understand what its like and therefore have booked accordingly. Get your own accomodation, and make sure its cancellable.

sm40 · 12/01/2021 09:49

I bet when the people without children have children and then book holidays they'll be wanting extra rooms/dark rooms. I was the first to have kids and had to give a mile to keep my friendships going. Now they have kids they can't do this, they can't do that, the kids need xyz. They may tut now but they'll understand in a few years time! Sorry rant over!!

Valkadin · 12/01/2021 09:49

Honestly sounds like a holiday where bringing dc in to the mix is not a great idea at all as almost all adults and so few dc.

Have you all gone on holiday together before? I have only ever gone away with other couples very infrequently. Purely because the more people that are brought in to the mix the more consideration of what you actually do has to happen. We went away with friends once and our idea of what we wanted to do on holiday did not match up with theirs at all.

Plus unless your eating out a lot that many people in one kitchen unless your going to have some sort of rota sounds awful and then if you did one couple does the food each day cooking for 17 people is not fun.

Plus two weeks in a house with that many people sounds hard, how well do you know them?

BaronessBomburst · 12/01/2021 09:55

Definitely book separate smaller accommodation for your family. You can join in during the day with trips etc and escape in the evenings.
Will the other adults be drinking? Late rowdy nights and small children who wake early is a recipe for disaster. Everyone will be tired and cranky then .

SerenityFlowers · 12/01/2021 09:56

Yanbu. Doesn't sound like it's been booked yet, so explain that you need two rooms (adjacent) for your family - oh, and be clear that you're happy to pay the extra amount for this. If they don't want to do that, then yes just book your own place.

maxelly · 12/01/2021 09:59

Sounds a bit as though you don't really want a bigger/separate place, you want to not go at all? Which is perfectly fine, these big 'all the family together' holidays aren't for everyone after all, and doesn't sound as though you feel your needs/preferences are being taken into account. DH's family do very big whole family holidays (at one point a very serious search was being undertaken to find a place that would sleep 50+ for one holiday ) and to make it work requires quite a lot of flexibility on everyone's part, children are totally out of their normal routines feral , 'sleep where they drop', toddlers are taken to restaurants or bars asleep in buggies etc and parenting pretty much becomes a collective responsibility for the duration - a large % of MNetters would be completely horrified, it seems quite an un-British thing to do (DH's family not from here), whereas in some cultures its totally normal for DC to be taken off to be looked after by random family members and sleep in a big pile of cousins etc.

So I guess what I am saying is if the holiday isn't for you, and the other holidayers aren't going to help out/work around your DC, is it too late to back out entirely?

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