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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want a bigger holiday home?

109 replies

Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 09:18

Sorry for typos im typing on my phone while wrestling a baby.

Ok so big friends/family uk holiday planned for July with the hope things will be calmer then. (Hoping insurance will cover it if not)

7 adult couples plus 3 children. 2x3years and a 1year old, two of the children are mine. Things have just kicked off because I suggested we get a bigger house/another nearby house as im concerned about not having enough space.

As things stand the current house has 7 bedrooms plus an extra living room. The place was booked by someone else and I've just found out that the plan is to put all three children in the extra living room.

One three year old is a good sleeper but wets the bed (even through nappies) but has slept alone since 6 months. The 1 year old takes 3 or so attempts to be put down and is routinely waking loudly for the day at 4am. The other 3 year old sleeps ok but cries loudly for an hour or so before eventually going to sleep and wakes in the night sometimes.

We've been mulling it over and frankly dreading it. Everyone else seems to think it will be wonderful dreamy holiday and that things will just work themselves out.

We've said that we are going to book another house at our own expense up the road from the first house. We weren't contributing to the first house so no change to any costs.

So far everyone just seems desperate to be together but we have naps and early nights to contend with and fear the reality won't be as charming as they are imagining and we will be stuck there for two weeks as everything is now booking up. None of the others are the sort to offer practical help and i think they are unaware or forgotten what having small children are like.

So tell me aibu?

OP posts:
CaughtInTheCovid · 12/01/2021 13:08

Haven’t RTFT but YANBU OP. It sounds patronising but until people have kids they really have no idea. I remember a couple friend of ours invited us out for dinner when our DC was 18 months old. We couldn’t get a babysitter and the bloke genuinely couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just ‘park our DC up asleep in the pram in the corner of the restaurant’ Hmm. The same couple 2 years later are constantly late, changing plans and cancelling depending on their DCs nap schedule, temperament and bedtime (they are v good lovely friends so we forgive them!). I suppose if you get the second house you’ll miss every evening though and isn’t that kind of the point of group holidays?

salsmum · 12/01/2021 13:11

YADNBU I would get desperate accommodation deffo! as those of us with DCs know we always have our DCs safety in mind as far as hot drinks/sharps/electricals are concerned but being around so many adults who do not have DCs and being relaxed on holiday is not a good mix for this reason AND all the above mentioned. If you don't get regular sleep, it's hot, you can't relax/enjoy holiday as you'd like to there will be a LOT of resentment... we shared a family holiday with DB, SIL
and there 3 teenagers in Florida ( they live in USA) my DD was 20 but wheelchair bound with CP. Every morning their DCs got up late and by the time they'd showered, eaten breakfast etc... half the day was gone ☹️ so our first trip abroad was ruined and we ended up spending much of our 2 weeks doing separate stuff. The girls in their family are quite responsible and old enough and I thought would involve themselves in just going out fir short walks with my DC ( she has capacity and is very engaging) but instead they just generally seemed very unmotivated.... until the last day when the new Harry Potter ride opened in universal, it was the most excited I'd seen them all and that day they managed to get up at 5am!!! 😉 but left without so much as a goodbye 🤬. Never again!

Lavanderrose · 12/01/2021 14:25

There’s no way I’d leave my small children in an unfamiliar environment on their own. Also there’s not a chance in hell that this holiday will be allowed to go ahead in July. I can see things gradually opening but not seven different families mixing in one house!

Lavanderrose · 12/01/2021 14:27

Also I can’t see why the children can’t stay in their parents rooms? Surely that’s what happens when you go and stay in hotel rooms.

UpShutTheFuck · 12/01/2021 15:47

@Lavanderrose

Also I can’t see why the children can’t stay in their parents rooms? Surely that’s what happens when you go and stay in hotel rooms.
Hotel stays aren't usually 2 weeks though.
Tier10 · 12/01/2021 15:50

Yes they are.

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 15:53

YANBU. TBH the whole thing sounds like a nightmare Grin so defo book the separate home.

Original poster
Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 15:54

Annoyingly the other couple with a child are very much of the 'ah I'm sure it will be fine ' types so no back up there. The organiser is is my retired uncle who only has one child in their 30s so it's been quite a while since any child rearing. It's also rather different having two instead of one I say.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 15:55

Thank you everyone you be made me feel much better about our decision. Will get booking. X

OP posts:
HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 15:55

Just thinking about this... Two weeks, with all those adults cooped up together... It's going to be carnage. At least two couples will never speak to each other again after it.

Original poster
Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 16:00

@CaughtInTheCovid
Oh I have a whole other story with the same group when oldest was 11months. No one wanted to eat dinner an hour early so baby could be there then we were accused of emotional blackmail when we said we couldn't come. They wanted to eat at her bedtime.

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 12/01/2021 16:10

sounds like a nightmare - and disagreements and dreading it already.
I think you do need space to chill out/escape/de-escalate differences opinion (which would be heightened by squealy children and sleepless nights).

Is the first house booked totally unmoveable? (ie direct booking, unmoveable, cottage agency, likely to be able to switch to a different property).

I'd be looking for either a very large property, or one that is split into separate lets than can be combined, or several properties in the same location.

Many years ago I went away with a friend - when we arrived the owners said hope you don't mind, we needed to decorate the cottage so we've put you in the house next door - it slept about twenty people and we could never find things - but the space was lovely!

Oreservoir · 12/01/2021 16:24

How many does the house officially take?
The owners will be insured for a certain number including the dc. You can’t just use the living room as a bedroom if the numbers are exceeded.
I would check. And I would book a small cottage up the road. But don’t get persuaded to take the extra dc.

Tier10 · 12/01/2021 16:27

Could you just go for a bit of the stay and have the DC in with you for a few nights?

arethereanyleftatall · 12/01/2021 16:30

This is really generous of your uncle. I would be taking really careful steps to make sure he isn't offended, as what you're essentially telling him is that his 'present' isn't good enough for you.

Fwiw, I would have been fine with this.either kids in with parents or the spare room. Otherwise at least one parent will miss out on the evening every night, which is pretty mean towards the uncle who's paid for you all to be there.

drspouse · 12/01/2021 16:32

I would book a separate cottage but WITH insurance. We have just put in an insurance claim for a property booked when there were no restrictions. We shopped around for insurance and the provider we were with (Nationwide) would not pay out for any claims booked more recently. So you may not find an insurer.
You're better off booking something last minute - probably as soon as the schools re-open, as you have two preschoolers!

Confusedandshaken · 12/01/2021 16:33

It sounds like an excellent plan OP. Quite apart from being able to stick to the children's routine you can have the fun of being with your friends and also have the chance to escape when it all gets a bit much.

wintertime6 · 12/01/2021 16:33

7 adult couples and 3 kids in a holiday home sounds awful, I couldn't cope with that at all! We shared another holiday home with one other couple a few years ago when our kids were about the same age as yours. We had 2 bedrooms, eldest had her own room and youngest was in with us. The other couple had their baby in with them. It was fine, and nice to have another couple there so we could sit and have a glass of wine in the evening when the kids were in bed. But it did get a little stressful on occasions if things got a little bit noisier and woke my kids up. No was would I entertain your scenario for a holiday.

katy1213 · 12/01/2021 16:34

They must be crazy. You're volunteering to subtract two very small children from their evenings - and they're complaining?

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2021 16:36

The thing is the couple this impacts the most is you and your partner.

Everyone else either has no kids or just one.

I think it’s fine to want a bigger house, but you must pay the price differential, any loss of deposit etc.

Kottbullar · 12/01/2021 16:51

If I were you I wouldn't go at all. We've had group holidays where parents with small children are set in a routine which they are unwilling/unable to deviate from and everyone just gets pissed off with each other.

Original poster
Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 16:52

Yes us paying the difference was always the plan. As it is we are paying for a different 3 bed to ourselves. We offered to pay our way but my uncle insists as it's a post covid get together to make up for Christmas. I don't think a larger place exists in the area they want to go to. Certainly not now as availability is dropping.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/01/2021 16:53

@Kottbullar

If I were you I wouldn't go at all. We've had group holidays where parents with small children are set in a routine which they are unwilling/unable to deviate from and everyone just gets pissed off with each other.
Yup. It would be different if they all had kids, but as they are going away with folks who predominantly don’t, the op can’t expect her needs to come first, that’s not how groups work.

I’d not say don’t go, I’d say book someplace else and stay seperate. But don’t expect the others to pay any shortfall.

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2021 16:54

@Morningstar666

Yes us paying the difference was always the plan. As it is we are paying for a different 3 bed to ourselves. We offered to pay our way but my uncle insists as it's a post covid get together to make up for Christmas. I don't think a larger place exists in the area they want to go to. Certainly not now as availability is dropping.
Then fair enough. Good plan.
Original poster
Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 16:56

If the kicking off has been bad now. It will be explosive if we decided not to go :(. We don't actually mind going as it's a lovely part of the country just wish someone had spoken about what would work for us.

Thing is we are very much the planners in the family while everyone else is a bit gung ho, it'll be ok so that attitude is clashing too.

OP posts:
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