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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want a bigger holiday home?

109 replies

Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 09:18

Sorry for typos im typing on my phone while wrestling a baby.

Ok so big friends/family uk holiday planned for July with the hope things will be calmer then. (Hoping insurance will cover it if not)

7 adult couples plus 3 children. 2x3years and a 1year old, two of the children are mine. Things have just kicked off because I suggested we get a bigger house/another nearby house as im concerned about not having enough space.

As things stand the current house has 7 bedrooms plus an extra living room. The place was booked by someone else and I've just found out that the plan is to put all three children in the extra living room.

One three year old is a good sleeper but wets the bed (even through nappies) but has slept alone since 6 months. The 1 year old takes 3 or so attempts to be put down and is routinely waking loudly for the day at 4am. The other 3 year old sleeps ok but cries loudly for an hour or so before eventually going to sleep and wakes in the night sometimes.

We've been mulling it over and frankly dreading it. Everyone else seems to think it will be wonderful dreamy holiday and that things will just work themselves out.

We've said that we are going to book another house at our own expense up the road from the first house. We weren't contributing to the first house so no change to any costs.

So far everyone just seems desperate to be together but we have naps and early nights to contend with and fear the reality won't be as charming as they are imagining and we will be stuck there for two weeks as everything is now booking up. None of the others are the sort to offer practical help and i think they are unaware or forgotten what having small children are like.

So tell me aibu?

OP posts:
Subordinateclause · 12/01/2021 10:00

I don't think you're being totally U but July is a long time away and it's very likely sleeping habits will change in that time, especially the 1 year old.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 12/01/2021 10:03

That won't be a holiday. For two weeks?? nope I'd rather die.
Book a plece up the road and visit!

Divebar · 12/01/2021 10:04

I think it was optimistic to expect your children to each have their own rooms in a house that you’re not even contributing financially to. ( so you wanted them to pay for a 9 bed house not a 7? ). I think renting your own place is the best option although it will be a different version of the holiday.

Chickychickydodah · 12/01/2021 10:09

The thought of this amount of people for 2 weeks together breaks me out in a cold sweat.
Book another place for yourselves.

Laquila · 12/01/2021 10:10

With children that age there's no way on God's green earth I'd stay in a house with 6 childless couples without my own bathroom and sleeping arrangements that suited us. Definitely book another house if you can.

Babyboomtastic · 12/01/2021 10:11

If you stay in a separate cottage, it's going to be pretty lonely for you. Everyone else will be having dinner and drinks together, and you'll spend the only available slot for adult only time, sat in your own cottage like Billy no mates.

It's an extra lounge, not the main lounge, and is keep the 1 year old with you and the 3 year old can sleep in the extra lounge together. It would be an adventure for them, and you'd actually be able to join in with the fun.

You mention naps as well -if you are in the 'must nap in cot' group, then that would mean your wouldn't even be deemed to relax in they main house all day with them, wouldn't join them on day trips etc. It sounds thoroughly miserable, and totally unnecessary if you are just a bit more flexible about things (I also have 1 and 3 year olds, neither sleep well, but I'd go in a shot)

UpShutTheFuck · 12/01/2021 10:14

So I guess what I am saying is if the holiday isn't for you, and the other holidayers aren't going to help out/work around your DC, is it too late to back out entirely?

This, surely?
Just don't go.

LiverColouredBitchPointer · 12/01/2021 10:17

5 of the couples don't have (or aren't taking) children? Do not go- it will be awful, and you will end up resenting them all.
You'll be stuck sorting the children's food out when adults want to be free and easy about meals, sorting their baths out, sorting their sleep whilst loud chatter and hoots of laughter waft up the stairs and disturb your children, getting up at stupid o'clock when they wake...
And DH will probably say "well, there's no point in both of us missing out on fun, is there?"...

Porcupineintherough · 12/01/2021 10:22

YANBU but if you weren't planning on contributing to the cost of the first house you are being a bit cheeky asking for everyone to book something bigger.

Merryoldgoat · 12/01/2021 10:27

7 bedrooms isn’t enough for 17 people. YANBU

Merryoldgoat · 12/01/2021 10:28

Why would you go? It sounds hideous.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2021 10:32

That sounds like a nightmare. Just go on your own holiday.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 12/01/2021 10:35

5 adult couples without small children with 2 who do is likely to be problematic anyway. They will want to do all sorts, stay up late, you will either be excluded because if your kids’ needs, or be seen as limiting what happens.

Have you done these big group holidays before?

UrAWizHarry · 12/01/2021 10:36

7 adult couples + kids all in one house sounds like an utter nightmare. The kids will be unsettled by it all, you'll be stressed dealing with sleeping problems and the other adults will resent you having to deal with the kids.

Just book a seperate house and you can meet up at times to suit you.

Also, don't assume insurance will cover costs if things get cancelled. You booked it knowing there is a pandemic and many insurance policies are excluding covid-relating cancellations. Make sure anywhere you book offers a refund policy if you need to cancel.

ciaobella88 · 12/01/2021 10:38

if you weren't contributing in the first place I don't see why this is an issue for them or you? Just book the other one?

LindyLou2020 · 12/01/2021 10:43

@AmandaHoldensLips

I would rather gnaw my own arm off than do another "let's all go on holiday together" trip.
AmandaHolden'sLips - "gnaw my own arm off"........ LOVE this! Hilarious! Grin
QuantumQuality · 12/01/2021 10:45

You should book separate accommodation, a) because the children don’t have adequate space in the current place (though it sounds like you want all 3 to have separate bedrooms? Did you think they’d booked a ten bed place?) And b) because the idea that 7 households will be able to share a holiday cottage by July is very optimistic indeed. With your own cottage you’re more likely to be able to go.

PeigiSu · 12/01/2021 10:45

Are these friends? And what is the situation that’s led to you not contributing? It’s had to predict how things will be come July in terms of sleep and the pandemic!

I would say though that if you go for a separate house then you’ll miss out on socialising in the evenings once the kids are in bed.

If you’re friends can’t you discuss this? When we’ve been away with friends and the accommodation was spread out one of the childless couples had the one that was a small walk away so they could stumble over the road at the end of the night and those with children could listen out for them upstairs and not have to be excluded. Also meant their morning lie in wasn’t disturbed!

81Byerley · 12/01/2021 10:47

I think it's highly unlikely this will be over by July, so you're worrying about nothing!

Andrea87 · 12/01/2021 10:49

2 weeks is a long time if this doesn’t work out.
Could you perhaps book the extra place to sleep in but also keep your original bedroom in the large house so you could settle the children there and still have a lovely time with your friends and then take them back to your other place later on- it could work if your children are good Sleepers and don’t mind being moved .
It would also be good for them to wake up in a place where they are allowed to be a bit noisy in the mornings when adults with no children want to have a bit more sleep.
Enjoy your holiday , something lovely to look froward to if you can take away any potential stress.

jackstini · 12/01/2021 10:55

How many bathrooms? If less than 1 per family, who is expected to be sharing?

Could you have the biggest room and put kids in there?

We did it once where en suite bathroom was huge so travel cot went in there

If kids are supposed to sleep in living room where do all the adults go in the evening?!

2 weeks is massively too long IMO Shock

I think you either need somewhere bigger or one of those places where there's a few separate smaller cottages that all share facilities

I wouldn't be happy with paying for anything I had not had a choice in booking...

movingonup20 · 12/01/2021 10:55

At that age I would suggest they had a cost and foldaway in your room. Mine didn't sleep alone in a holiday let until school age

ivfbeenbusy · 12/01/2021 10:56

I feel like you are making this out to be more of a drama than it actually is and that subconsciously you just don't want to go so finding excuses?

What beds will be in the extra living room for the kids to sleep on? Presuming the 3yr old and 1yr old are yours? Can't you get the kids to sleep separately then move them into their room once they are asleep?

What does the parents of the other 3 year old think?

Bluesheep8 · 12/01/2021 10:57

I think it's highly unlikely this will be over by July, so you're worrying about nothing!

This, quite simply.

Babyboomtastic · 12/01/2021 11:05

If kids are supposed to sleep in living room where do all the adults go in the evening?!

It's an extra lounge where the kids are supposed to sleep. Presumably either the sofas are sofabeds or there is room for a couple of blow up beds.

The way I read it, there would be somewhere set aside for the kids to sleep, it just isn't a proper bedroom.

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