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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want a bigger holiday home?

109 replies

Morningstar666 · 12/01/2021 09:18

Sorry for typos im typing on my phone while wrestling a baby.

Ok so big friends/family uk holiday planned for July with the hope things will be calmer then. (Hoping insurance will cover it if not)

7 adult couples plus 3 children. 2x3years and a 1year old, two of the children are mine. Things have just kicked off because I suggested we get a bigger house/another nearby house as im concerned about not having enough space.

As things stand the current house has 7 bedrooms plus an extra living room. The place was booked by someone else and I've just found out that the plan is to put all three children in the extra living room.

One three year old is a good sleeper but wets the bed (even through nappies) but has slept alone since 6 months. The 1 year old takes 3 or so attempts to be put down and is routinely waking loudly for the day at 4am. The other 3 year old sleeps ok but cries loudly for an hour or so before eventually going to sleep and wakes in the night sometimes.

We've been mulling it over and frankly dreading it. Everyone else seems to think it will be wonderful dreamy holiday and that things will just work themselves out.

We've said that we are going to book another house at our own expense up the road from the first house. We weren't contributing to the first house so no change to any costs.

So far everyone just seems desperate to be together but we have naps and early nights to contend with and fear the reality won't be as charming as they are imagining and we will be stuck there for two weeks as everything is now booking up. None of the others are the sort to offer practical help and i think they are unaware or forgotten what having small children are like.

So tell me aibu?

OP posts:
Nogoodusername · 12/01/2021 11:11

Not a chance in hell that would have worked for my DC when they were that age. All three children in a living room together? Terrible idea. Non-sleeping DC because of lack of appropriate sleeping spaces for them is a sure way to have a holiday ruined

Wnikat · 12/01/2021 11:14

Holidays like this with toddlers are really stressful, the kids all wake each other up at ungodly times, then you have to try to keep them quiet so they don't wait the other adults up. You will have a much better time with your own space.

PuddyMuddles4 · 12/01/2021 11:19

I voted YABU because I think anybody booking anything right now is nuts.

That said - the thought of sharing a house with 6 other households sounds like a nightmare - I'd much rather have my own space.

jamesfailedmarshmallows · 12/01/2021 11:29

As you aren't paying towards it I don't really think you can dictate what you want. You can however tell them it doesn't suit your needs so you are booking your own accommodation. I love my family dearly, but the thought of being with 7 other couples gives me shudders. That's before you add the dc into the mix!

peak2021 · 12/01/2021 11:30

You have thought of the other guests and how they might be impacted by your DC. How considerate.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/01/2021 11:35

Tell them you're not going and, if it happens, let the friendships fizzle out. They'll come to their senses if/when they have kids!

JillofTrades · 12/01/2021 11:39

I wouldn't go. The novelty of the cute children will wear off soon and they will make you feel awful if you can't do anything according to them. Your DC are very small and at that age its hard work, also naps and routine matters. The others will not understand that.
Also a noisy house when trying to get your kids to bed is hell. There is bound to be some fall out after this trip. Just don't put yourself through it.

Mumdiva99 · 12/01/2021 11:40

Book separate accommodation. If that's what you want. If it was one or two nights then you might cope but 2 weeks of not enough sleep is horrendous.

However, please be mindful the person booking and paying mamight be really offended with you - so you need to be very tactful as they were incredibly generous offering you a free 2 week holiday. You don't want to make it look like you are throwing it in their face.

Makingnumber2 · 12/01/2021 11:54

YANBU- don't go ahead with it. I still am traumatised from a large group holiday we went on when DC was 6 months old. We went with 5 adult couples and 3 children in total. The whole thing was horrendous from start to finish- adults waking up DCs, DCs waking up adults, DCs waking up other DCs- and the kids weren't sharing but all on same floor of house which was old and had no soundproofing at all. I didn't enjoy much of that holiday- if any tbh. Whole time was spent wincing during evenings as people got loud and drunk (rightly so it was their holiday too), then running up to settle DC, then being woken up by other DCs in night thinking it was my DC and then feeling stressed trying to keep DC quiet in morning so as not to wake up those having lie-ins/hangovers. Get a place like 2 cottages adjoining or similar.

MessAllOver · 12/01/2021 11:57

I'm normally very fussy about holiday accommodation (and a large group holiday sounds like my idea of hell), but I have to say it sounds like you have plenty of space for 7 adult couples and 3 children (7 bedrooms + 1 living room).

I think you could come up with a perfectly workable solution. The best solution is not to have any of the children sharing a room so they can't disrupt each other's sleep. So you could have:

  • Child A (3 yo, good sleeper, wets the bed) - spare living room.
  • Child B (1 yo, poor sleeper, wakes early) - parents' room.
  • Child C (3 yo, ok sleeper, wakes sometimes) - parents' room.

If you are the unfortunate owner of both child B and child C (haven't RTWT sorry), then child A should sleep in their parents' room and you should get the spare living room for child C and the closest bedroom to that living-room to share with child B.

Tier10 · 12/01/2021 11:58

It sounds a really bad holiday, so many adults and just a few DC.

RB68 · 12/01/2021 12:02

To be honest even without kids I would look at sep accom as nice as family are they can be too much if 100% contact has to be maintained - coming together in the day or for one or two evening meals and events is fine. I like my space, my head space and time to chill on holiday without having to be permanently on "mrs social butterfly" mode. I am the eldest of 6 and we have a few holidays with family where I need to take time out from the utterselfishness that some have!!!

MessAllOver · 12/01/2021 12:08

14 days is too long as well - could you join for a shorter period and then do your own thing for a bit?

SmileyClare · 12/01/2021 12:10

It's optimistic to plan for 17 people all staying in one house from 7 different households, considering schools are not even confirmed as opening by the summer yet.

That aside, why are you not contributing towards the accommodation costs? Is this a "treat" planned by your parents or something?

If you are all close enough to holiday together, you should be able to put your views forward without it being uncomfortable, or people taking offence. It doesn't bode well for the holiday if you can't reach a compromise on this fairly uncontroversial issue.

KathleenTurnerOverdrive · 12/01/2021 12:22

The child free adults must be daft. My idea of a holiday doesn't involve being woken in the night by someone else child crying at an ungodly hour or waking up to the tang of a soiled bed.

gradualdecline · 12/01/2021 12:30

The thought of sharing a house with that many adults and people being noisy, while trying to get young children to sleep sounds like fucking torture. It'll be like pissing into the wind.
There's nothing holiday about it.

BlueSussex · 12/01/2021 12:33

YANBU

But I don't understand how people enjoy this type of holiday where you are living on top of loads of other people.
Not my idea of rest and relaxation.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 12/01/2021 12:39

@alienspiderbee

I think you need to do more than 'hope' insurance covers it.

I think it's likely holidays will be possible in some form in July. Holidays with multiple other households less likely.

I agree
KathleenTurnerOverdrive · 12/01/2021 12:40

As you aren't paying towards it I don't really think you can dictate what you want.

I am guessing it is one of those scenarios where parents book and pay for their adult children and their offspring. A holiday neith wants bar the grandparents themselves.

In this case you can do one of two things

  1. Say thanks, it's a lovely gesture, but no thanks.

  2. Go with good grace and accept that the arrangements are suboptimal.

I can understand why other people have got their backs up and the discussion has taken a nasty turn Either accept the holiday as it is or don't, to try and start dictating terms seems a bit crass.

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 12/01/2021 12:42

Id just have the kids in with me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Redlocks28 · 12/01/2021 12:44

I’d pull out. 2 weeks is a long time with no sleep.

Sexnotgender · 12/01/2021 12:44

A 2 week holiday with 6 other couples sounds absolutely hideous 😂 a long weekend might be nice!

Doilooklikeatourist · 12/01/2021 12:50

I'd book and pay for my own place , hopefully you'll be able to go on holiday this summer , but even without Covid I wouldn't want to share accommodation with so many people

( unless it was a 5 star all inclusive resort on the beach in the Caribbean.... )

UrAWizHarry · 12/01/2021 12:53

@jamesfailedmarshmallows

As you aren't paying towards it I don't really think you can dictate what you want. You can however tell them it doesn't suit your needs so you are booking your own accommodation. I love my family dearly, but the thought of being with 7 other couples gives me shudders. That's before you add the dc into the mix!
Of course you can. Say "thanks for the invite but we'd rather not go/we'd rather pay a bit more to have our own space". Easy.

That number of people in a shared home, especially with kids, will be an absolute nightmare.

Pumpkinpie1 · 12/01/2021 13:00

I don’t think anyone will be holidaying in July especially in groups. Hope the holiday insurance is good