To be upset the cleaner has shrunk my children’s clothes... again

[Wobblywombat]

I know many may think it’s unreasonable to have a cleaner in the first place, but since I work very long hours and have small children it’s a choice I made to have more time for family.

I don’t buy many expensive clothes, let alone for the children but every so often I will buy or be gifted nice woolens (like for Christmas) and hope they will last and be passed on from child to child and generation to generation (my mother kept all my nice outfits).

Our cleaner has managed to ruin every single nice piece in the last 3 years. I explained many times how woolens should be washed, then asked her not to wash them, then eventually asked her not to wash any delicates and stay away from them.

Yet she just ruined a lovely outfit that my family gifted our newborn.

Is it silly to feel so gutted about an outfit?

Our cleaner is really smart, amazing and has worked with us for many years. One of her few weaknesses is she is very proud and can never admit when she makes a mistake or apologise properly when she breaks / ruins things.

I would feel bad for taking her to task about this just after giving her a nice Christmas gift but I am so gutted that she ruined this and didn’t think to even mention it to me.
What would you do?

You a housekeeper?! Where do you live? Downtown Abbey?!

so she does it then acts ignorant and never apologies

thats not a nice person at all

@EmptyOrchestra

OP literally said this extra special item may have been discarded on the floor of the baby’s room looking dirty - how would the cleaner know not to pick this up and wash it with the rest of the clothes if it was just lying on the floor? I think it’s incredibly unfair to expect her to be psychic about which items she should pick up and wash and which she shouldn’t.

Have the other items she’s ruined actually been in a dedicated separate basket she’s been told not to touch, or similarly picked up from around your house? If there are things you know mustn’t be machine washed then they shouldn’t be lying around when someone is coming in specifically to clean your house and do the laundry. You were careless with it and knew that someone with a poor track record with delicates was coming in specifically to clean.

"OP literally said this extra special item may have been discarded on the floor of the baby’s room looking dirty - how would the cleaner know not to pick this up and wash it with the rest of the clothes if it was just lying on the floor? I think it’s incredibly unfair to expect her to be psychic about which items she should pick up and wash and which she shouldn’t."

People don't tell how to wash clothes without ruining them by being psychic. They read the label.

However, this does highlight the fact that hiding the delicates basket is unlikely to be of much use in preventing this happening again.

Something more along the lines of having her job include washing only what is in specific non-delicates basket(s) and putting any other dirty items on a pile on your bed so you can sort through them and they'll be in the right basket for next time she comes.

(Sorry about quoting and then c&p-ing as well)

This is such a weird post ?! Does she just stick them in a general wash then ? I'm so surprised kids will wear wool it's so itchy and I love being warm.

I’d be well pissed off, but she obviously doesn’t understand, so if you don’t want the borrowers sized clothes, don’t let her do any washing.
Simples.

My cleaner did laundry and ironing (and stocked up laundry/cleaning supplies). I don’t think it’s that unusual arrangement if that’s what works for you. Clearly it isn’t working for you!
I’m quite blunt so would ask her when, not how, the outfit got ruined. It’s the dishonesty that would bother me the most, rather than the cost.
Agree with a ‘general’ laundry basket that only contains items she can wash.

Wash your own clothes.
The cleaner can do everything else.

Some people just don't get it and won't admit it either, e.g. my DM. I'd either do laundry by myself or just buy different colour laundry bags for different things. Leave precious things for yourself to deal with.

This is a totally tone deaf post though OP.

I would feel bad for taking her to task about this just after giving her a nice Christmas gift

Maybe she didn't like the nice gift.

@apricotjamandbutter

This is such a weird post ?! Does she just stick them in a general wash then ? I'm so surprised kids will wear wool it's so itchy and I love being warm.

I agree. Most kids hate wool (unless it's a garden jumper which hangs by the back door)

Trust your instincts. They are telling you not to say anything. Don't create an atmosphere over an outfit, however nice.

@Wheresmykimchi

This is a totally tone deaf post though OP.

Oh piss off with your misogynistic idea that women are not allowed to pay someone to do housework. Would it be 'tone deaf' for a man to pay a mechanic, instead of servicing his own car, because car maintenance is 'men's work'?

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Ah yes because everything on MN must be misogynistic . No thread is complete without it.

I think it's tone deaf to be moaning about washing being shrunk when people are facing what they are I'd say that if a man was moaning about his tea not being made right

But that doesn't fit your agenda to shoehorn it into every bloody thread going.

I know it sounds entitled, etc etc. But I have had exactly the same problem with two separate, generally brilliant cleaners. The solution isn't to ask her not to do any laundry: where would you be then?! Just ask her not to wash any of the woollen things. I suggested that we have strange, slightly disgusting old-school habits of not believing in the washing of wool. So she just hangs all the sweaters up again and I wash them by hand. It's pretty difficult to shrink anything else expensive. But you could also ask her to use one of the eco friendly cycles and wash at a lower temperature...?

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Ah yes because everything on MN must be misogynistic . No thread is complete without it.

I think it's tone deaf to be moaning about washing being shrunk when people are facing what they are I'd say that if a man was moaning about his tea not being made right

But that doesn't fit your agenda to shoehorn it into every bloody thread going.[/quote]
Right, so no one's allowed to post about travel, or cars, or parking, or fashion, or reading, or movies? Because all those things are trivial, compared to Covid.

But, funnily enough, threads on those topics don't attract preachy twats, accusing the OP of being tone deaf. But god forbid a woman pay another woman to clean.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

How do you know OP isn't a man? How do you know if OP is a woman that she is paying for it?

How
.. misogynistic, of you.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Preachy twats says you.

Cleaners aren’t usually used for washing. There’s companies that take away your washing and bring it back ironed.

I’m sorry but if you knew this and continued to ask her to do it then it’s on you.

Why has she only started ruining your clothes recently?

You’ve had her for 8 years. She’s been ruining clothes for 3.

Bloody odd she’s just started doing it in the last couple of years after cleaning for you for so long...

Has it occurred to you the washing machine may be at fault? If she ruins every woollen and delicate then maybe the settings aren't sensitive enough.

Um - people posting that 'cleaners don't do washing' - there isn't a 'rule' ! It's hardly unreasonable to pays someone to clean your house and use that time to clean your clothes!

My cleaner mixes up washes. So I now put on the washing and she sorts the washing afterwards. She is so good in other ways and the kids love her.

@ClaireP20 I'm going to take a guess and say it's cashmere that they are wearing. Most woollen baby stuff is. There's loads of choice for kids/baby wool that isn't itchy.