To be upset the cleaner has shrunk my children’s clothes... again

[Wobblywombat]

I know many may think it’s unreasonable to have a cleaner in the first place, but since I work very long hours and have small children it’s a choice I made to have more time for family.

I don’t buy many expensive clothes, let alone for the children but every so often I will buy or be gifted nice woolens (like for Christmas) and hope they will last and be passed on from child to child and generation to generation (my mother kept all my nice outfits).

Our cleaner has managed to ruin every single nice piece in the last 3 years. I explained many times how woolens should be washed, then asked her not to wash them, then eventually asked her not to wash any delicates and stay away from them.

Yet she just ruined a lovely outfit that my family gifted our newborn.

Is it silly to feel so gutted about an outfit?

Our cleaner is really smart, amazing and has worked with us for many years. One of her few weaknesses is she is very proud and can never admit when she makes a mistake or apologise properly when she breaks / ruins things.

I would feel bad for taking her to task about this just after giving her a nice Christmas gift but I am so gutted that she ruined this and didn’t think to even mention it to me.
What would you do?

Just... wash your own clothes?

Sorry, once is an accident, twice is pushing it, but 3 years of it and you've specifically asked her not to wash delicates and she did it anyway? That would be deducted from her wage now.

To be honest if you’ve told her not to wash the delicates but yet she still does and yet she still ruins them they you absolutely must say something. I mean 1 or 2 times but every time .
I’d say hey cleaner remember when I said don’t wash my delicates but yet you keep ignoring my instructions. Please don’t wash my delicates I will do them and if you do it again and ruin another item of clothing I will be forced to deduct from your wages . It might sound arsey but she may re think the washing the delicates. You say she’s proud but have you told her she’s ruined the items? If yes then she’s not that proud and if no they you need to tell her because she obviously thinks she’s doing a good job .

My cleaner does our laundry.

We hide important stuff from her after some shrinking episodes.

Over all, it's not so important to us as 1) having to do our own washing 2) having to find a new cleaner

YANBU. That’s very annoying.

So she is really more of a housekeeper? Given she has ruined so many clothes, I would either be asking her to just do towels and bedding, and do the rest myself, or else make a point of carefully separating everything and not letting her near nice things. If she is still doing it, I would be making my annoyance very clear...if her pay gets docked by ££ she may be a bit more careful.

I think it's unusual for a cleaner to do laundry, ironing maybe, but not laundry. It is crap that she's ruining things. I think if you value her greatly, either have a frank conversation or do the laundry yourself and task her with something else.

[quote SimonJT]@pursuedbyablackdog I’m like a dog, I eat my clothes and poo them out 🤣[/quote]
😂 I needed a laugh tonight!

@emilyfrost

Why would you continue to let her wash your nice outfits after three years of her ruining them?

You should have stopped her washing them after the first two times it happened. Since you know this is an issue you have with her, YABU to expect her to suddenly wash them properly.

This.

If you've learnt she cannot be trusted why haven't you just put delicates into separate place for you to wash later. It's not that difficult.

I would use a separate dirty laundry bag for wool/delicates and tell her she is NOT to launder anything in this bag.

You are at fault OP. Just dont get her to do the washing. Simple.

@Wobblywombat

Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment!

I will start hiding our delicates better as many of you have suggested. And if she still manages to find them I may have to let her go because this is starting to feel silly.

I love the idea of replacing this outfit - I want to have something to pass on like my mother did!

And perhaps I will let her know, gently, that I am missing it. It’s important to me that she can find it in her to be kind about things like this!

Thanks again, it has been very helpful to calibrate against the different reactions of this group!

So long as you also sit down and discuss this with her (not a quick - by the way, you put x in the wash and shouldn't have) and point out that further issues will result in her losing her position this is very reasonable (personally I wouldn't be "hiding" the delicates but I don't think it's wrong).

If you intend to mainly fume about it without managing her properly and letting her know the potential consequences then it's really unfair to secretly be planning to fire her if she repeats something she's done several times.

We had a cleaner/housekeeper early last year who, on her first day, tried to iron a t shirt with a graphic print on- ruining the t shirt and iron, and chucked bleach in with a dark wash. She clearly had no idea what she was doing but still was adamant she did something wrong and said our iron was broken and accused me of setting her up by putting bleach in a softener bottle (Obviously untrue).

There is no reason for her to have ruined those items, be firm with her and say it's not acceptable and if she can't wash certain items properly, either leave them for you to wash or she can find a new job she can do better.

Lots of people seem to think you should be overly nice to your cleaner JUST because they're cleaning your home/clothes. I'll be nice to a cleaner because they're a human, I'm not going to let my belongings get trashed because they're unable to do their job.

@ZaraTheWonderDog

Just... wash your own clothes?

My first thought as well. Either way, YABU to have let it go on this long without consequence.

The thing is, you know what your special items are. She won't naturally. Unless she pores/pours (??) over every single label how can you tell what's wool/silk/knitted butterflies and what's acrylic, polyester etc. You need to be clear about it ie. This is the basket. Right next to the washing machine. Anything else? Don't touch them. Any rogue items around the house. Don't wash them. You can only wash what is in this basket only. I am telling you this after you did this and show her. And that's it. Clear. Clear. Clear.

If it was any other employee who repeatedly made costly mistakes, they'd be having warnings against them!

If, for example, she kept cleaning your carpets with bleach, or putting fine glassware in the dishwasher and it kept smashing, surely you'd tell her its below par and not what you expect? She needs to know that ruining clothes, repeatedly, is the same.

I dont know how disiplinary/warnings work in a home context. Could you have a serious discussion with her about it, and following up with a email, so its documented and dated? Just incase you need evidence that it was already discussed on X date, and yet, she has ruined something yet again in future?

If she is great in other ways, I would stop her putting washing into the machine, and do it myself, but let her handle the rest of the laundry - hanging up, ironing, putting away (the worst bit). You can't stop the cost of damages from her wages - that isn't lawful as she would effectively be working for free.. You either need to find a way round or find another cleaner.

Maybe she does not know how the washing machine works/ how to change settings.

I will start hiding our delicates better as many of you have suggested. And if she still manages to find them I may have to let her go because this is starting to feel silly.

I'm having visions now of the cleaner sniffing around your house, bloodhound-like, trying to ferret out those pesky delicates.

I’d sack her personally, she’s ruined multiple items now and you say she doesn’t even like admitting and apologising for it either.

@ZaraTheWonderDog

Just... wash your own clothes?

Good idea. And if the restaurant screws up a meal she should just cook her own food. If mechanic puts the wrong oil in her engine, she should just change her own oil. If the childminder fails to pick the kids up from school she can just pick her own kids up. If the taxi driver takes her to the wrong place she should just drive her own car. If the bank loses her money she should just store her own cash.

We should never hold anyone to account for doing the things we pay them to do. It's so entitled and lazy.

"Our cleaner has managed to ruin every single nice piece in the last 3 years."

Every single nice piece? EVERY? I don't think that can be anything but deliberate.

Stick to your plan of keeping delicates separate from the main laundry. It's all very well telling her not to wash delicates but it's easy to pick them up by accident if they are all in the basket together.

Sometimes you wash woollens and they shrink even though you put them on the right program. Hand washing is the only certainty.

You could employ someone specifically to do your laundry. Ask her to come the day before your cleaner comes?

I have has had 5 cleaners over 15 years. They were all really lovely. But mostly they never listened to a word I said. I have come to the conclusion if I want things done my way I'll have to do it myself. Which I don't want to do.