Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset the cleaner has shrunk my children’s clothes... again

130 replies

Wobblywombat · 11/01/2021 20:14

I know many may think it’s unreasonable to have a cleaner in the first place, but since I work very long hours and have small children it’s a choice I made to have more time for family.

I don’t buy many expensive clothes, let alone for the children but every so often I will buy or be gifted nice woolens (like for Christmas) and hope they will last and be passed on from child to child and generation to generation (my mother kept all my nice outfits).

Our cleaner has managed to ruin every single nice piece in the last 3 years. I explained many times how woolens should be washed, then asked her not to wash them, then eventually asked her not to wash any delicates and stay away from them.

Yet she just ruined a lovely outfit that my family gifted our newborn.

Is it silly to feel so gutted about an outfit?

Our cleaner is really smart, amazing and has worked with us for many years. One of her few weaknesses is she is very proud and can never admit when she makes a mistake or apologise properly when she breaks / ruins things.

I would feel bad for taking her to task about this just after giving her a nice Christmas gift but I am so gutted that she ruined this and didn’t think to even mention it to me.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/01/2021 20:31

It's annoying. But just don't let her touch your washing. Cleaners don't usually do washing AFAIK.

BackwardsGoing · 11/01/2021 20:31

If I were to explain to her how upset I am she might offer to replace the item out of pride, but I feel that would be very harsh.
I wish she could acknowledge and say sorry properly, and take more care in future - but I’m out of ideas on how to do this without hurting her pride and getting into a passive agressive spiral.

She's an employee yet you are putting up with sub standard performance and unable to address it out of fear of her emotional reaction.

You can find someone who better fits your needs. If she's as good as you say she is then she'll find another position.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/01/2021 20:31

You need to put the delicate and woolens in a totally separate place. Laundry basket for her to work through then a basket stashed somewhere else where you put the stuff you don't want washed.

I don't own anything cashmere or dry clean only, but have had plenty of delicate or wool items and just bung them in the usual 30 wash and they don't come out ruined.

Original poster
Wobblywombat · 11/01/2021 20:32

I’m going to start hiding the delicates (I already kond of do with the separate basket but I guess this one must have fallen off a chair or been lying around in the baby room looking dirty)
It just feels really silly to have to go to such extents to keep a precious few things safe.
I would also say that it should be obvious to her these are not our standard every day clothes.

OP posts:
lockedupforever · 11/01/2021 20:32

I just put items I want my cleaner to wash in the laundry basket. Delicate things I put elsewhere and then do them myself.

curtaincalll · 11/01/2021 20:33

As you would like to keep your cleaner and seem against confronting her I would keep the special outfits well away from her so this can not happen again. Maybe a separate basket at the top of a wardrobe or somewhere she does not go. Then wash them yourself.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/01/2021 20:33

Babies aren't in anything for long, so if they have clothes you love then they should be their everyday clothes to get the benefit of it.

PaddingtonsSister · 11/01/2021 20:33

Just tell her not to do any washing

emilyfrost · 11/01/2021 20:35

I have asked her to not wash our woolens (please read the post - I asked her to stay away from all delicates when she kept ruining things afterwards)

I did read your post. My post still stands as relevant - it doesn’t matter that you’ve told her to stay away from them, you know she doesn’t and you know she keeps ruining them, so you need to take responsibility for that.

Either remove washing clothes as one of her tasks, get a new cleaner or put up with it. They’re your choices.

Paul72 · 11/01/2021 20:35

Not really relevant but I do feel your pain Wobblywombat
Shortly after our first child was born my wife was not well and so was staying in bed. I was a neurotic father worried about my son's wellbeing I changed totally once we had more children
I did a wash at 100 degrees as I wanted to kill all germs. Two things puzzled me.

  1. What was the small and thick square of some material that felt like cardboard
2.. Where was the beautiful hand made woollen shawl that I thought I'd washed. I've learned how to wash now and not ruined anything recently. It does seem to be a real shame that your cleaner has not also learned how to wash different things.
DimidDavilby · 11/01/2021 20:36

Replace it for yourself also so you aren't so hurt about it. Consider it a bonus to her that she doesn't know about!

Remind her, tell her it's ruined and you are sad about it.

Then move on.

flossletsfloss · 11/01/2021 20:36

You are paying her to do a job and she's not doing it properly. You've explained it multiple times and she's still doing it. Now she's either doing it on purpose or she cannot do her job...in that instance why in gods name are you paying her? She's going specifically against your instructions. I would have fired her after the second time. Seriously, you have a house keeper to make your life easier! Make your life easier and get one that does the job properly.

ShandlersWig · 11/01/2021 20:36

My DH is the same so I hide anything woollen, delicate or stripey and do it myself.

theThreeofWeevils · 11/01/2021 20:36

YABU for not learning from experience (and for using 'gifted' rather than 'given', imo).

Love the idea of woollens cascading from generation to generation.

Gunpowder · 11/01/2021 20:38

My (amazing) cleaner does laundry for us sometimes if she has time. It’s not that weird.

She shrunk a couple of cashmere jumpers once (my fault. I didn’t tell her about them) so now I hide them from her or tell her to please leave the woollen things. She hasn’t done it since.

YANBU to be upset.

Maybe you should show her the ruined clothes? Not in a telling off way, just in a ‘look, this has happened and it’s a real shame, how can we ensure it never happens again?’ So there’s no confusion.

If she does again after that I think I’d get a new cleaner.

BathroomHeadache · 11/01/2021 20:38

I have a laundry bag with delicates printed on it, to avoid the same, DM looks after DS and tries to be helpful, I can live with hunting the kitchen for clean Tupperware but not destroying my favourite clothes. The bag lives in the wardrobe and I do a delicates wash once a week or so, my nice underwear goes in there too. I think I got it from Lakeland or similar

safariboot · 11/01/2021 20:39

YANBU.

Get. Rid.

Your "housekeeper" is failing to follow your clear instructions. Stop having her in your house.

If the damaged items are sufficiently valuable, consider pursuing the money from her.

BathroomHeadache · 11/01/2021 20:39

Sorry should've said it's the kind of bag you wash the clothes in, so it also protects them

pursuedbyablackdog · 11/01/2021 20:41

@SimonJT

Do your own laundry or have different laundry baskets.

I have some items that are dry clean only, I poo those in a seperate bag so my cleaner doesn’t have to sort things that can and cannot be machine washed. Usually if I want somethings washing I pop them in laundry bags so she can pop them straight in the machine without any sorting etc.

Loving the auto correct error in there!Grin
AwaAnBileYerHeid · 11/01/2021 20:42

If I were to explain to her how upset I am she might offer to replace the item out of pride, but I feel that would be very harsh.

Perhaps the money coming out of her own pocket is the only way she'll listen and learn seeing as you've told her repeatedly not to touch these things. I'd be having words.

Sportysporty · 11/01/2021 20:43

love the outrage at a cleaner doing laundry - personally my cleaner does what we discuss and we are both happy for her to do the same as I do in my own job.

Al1langdownthecleghole · 11/01/2021 20:45

Delicate clothes for small children? GrinGrinGrin

TBH my criteria for clothes for babies & toddlers was boil washable, can go in the tumble dryer and doesn't need ironing.

Original poster
Wobblywombat · 11/01/2021 20:47

Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment!

I will start hiding our delicates better as many of you have suggested. And if she still manages to find them I may have to let her go because this is starting to feel silly.

I love the idea of replacing this outfit - I want to have something to pass on like my mother did!

And perhaps I will let her know, gently, that I am missing it. It’s important to me that she can find it in her to be kind about things like this!

Thanks again, it has been very helpful to calibrate against the different reactions of this group!

OP posts:
CathyorClaire · 11/01/2021 20:47

YABU for thinking woollens are nice in the first place. Itchy, scratchy and they only survive getting the vapours at the sight of a washing machine to get scarfed by moths.

If you insist on using them, wash them yourself.

SimonJT · 11/01/2021 20:48

@pursuedbyablackdog I’m like a dog, I eat my clothes and poo them out 🤣